You sent everyone else home for the New Year, and then cried all by yourself, didn't you?
When I was awakened by the chirping of birds outside the window, it wasn't fully light outside yet; a few rays of daylight peeked through a hazy, deep blue. I stretched, trying to loosen my stiff joints on the hard single bed for my caregiver.
"Awake?" I looked over and saw her lying on her side looking at me, as if she had been awake for a long time, with a slight smile on her face.
I got out of bed and sat down in front of her, reaching out to touch her forehead. "Why did you wake up so early?" Her fever had finally subsided.
"It's not that early, it just gets light late in winter." She lay there obediently, her curled eyelashes brushing against my palm, tickling me.
I helped her turn over so she was lying on her other side. I checked my watch; it was almost seven o'clock. Sister Zhang would be here soon. I was worried that she hadn't eaten or drunk anything since yesterday noon. "Are you hungry? Let me have breakfast with you before we go home."
Gu Wanlin gazed at me gently, his brows relaxing. "Hungry."
"Finally, I hear the word 'hungry' from you, Gu Wanlin. I thought you had already achieved great success in your cultivation. What do you want to eat? I'll go out and buy it." Looking at her like this, I would gladly pluck the stars and moon from the sky if she wanted them.
Gu Wanlin said she was fine with anything, and that I didn't need to go too far; a simple meal would suffice.
Waiting for the daily morning cramps to subside, I found the toiletries that Sister Zhang had packed and brought for her the night before, and helped her wash her face and brush her teeth while she lay down. Sister Zhang arrived just then, took Gu Wanlin from me, and began to passively move her arms and legs to maintain mobility and prevent joint contractures. This is a delicate task, requiring an hour each morning and evening.
Taking advantage of this time, I went out to buy breakfast. Thinking that the place Li You took me to for a late-night snack last night was pretty good, I decided to go there again. I brought back a whole bunch of soy milk, milk, steamed buns, egg pancakes, xiaolongbao, and wontons, and first delivered one to Li You.
Li You had been on duty all night and hadn't had a chance to sleep yet. She was starving, so she took a big bite of the hot, fresh meat bun and said with satisfaction, "Shen Qingyi, I love family members like you. I never get such a luxurious treatment after my shift. Don't worry, I'll take good care of your teacher, Gu."
I slapped her: "How many times have I bought you breakfast since you were little? Why are you talking like I came here specifically to bribe the doctor?"
I remembered Gu Wanlin telling Sister Zhang before I left that she was feeling much better, that there was nothing to worry about at the hospital, and that Sister Zhang could go home after work that night and not stay with her, so she could have a reunion dinner with her family. I know Gu Wanlin is always considerate of others; she wanted to give her caregiver a day off, so I didn't have anything to say.
Fortunately, Li You, that unlucky fellow, was on duty tonight, so she put on a fawning smile and said, "Just tell me what else you want to eat, and I'll buy it for you. It's just that our teacher Gu gave the caregiver a day off to go home for the New Year tonight, so I can't come over either. Could you please keep an eye on things for me and take care of her a few more times?"
Li You waved her hand and told me to get lost, saying that someone like Teacher Gu, who is good-looking, has a good temper, and is cooperative, was well taken care of by the doctors in our department when she was hospitalized last time. It was just part of their job.
Back in the ward, Gu Wanlin had already been tidied up. I just remembered Li You's instructions to avoid lying on her back or sitting for too long these next few days to prevent aggravating her mild pressure sores. I was a little hesitant and wanted to ask her if she could eat while lying on her side.
Gu Wanlin firmly refused, saying she didn't want to eat while lying on her side or stomach, as it looked awkward, and that sitting for a little while would be fine. Afraid she'd lose her appetite, I reluctantly agreed and slightly raised the headboard.
Gu Wanlin was lying low, making it difficult for her to eat by herself, and Sister Zhang didn't bring her any eating utensils. I sat down next to Gu Wanlin's bed and said to Sister Zhang, "Let me do it." Sister Zhang nodded, took her portion, and ate it next to her.
I have my own selfish reasons. Even though she's Gu Wanlin's caregiver, I don't like watching others feed her.
I laid out all sorts of breakfast items in front of her, things we used to eat often. I stuck a straw in a cup of sweet soy milk and held it to her lips. She looked at the milk I had left for herself, "Don't you not like milk?"
Gu Wanlin knows my food preferences, just as I know hers; it's a tacit understanding we've developed over time. Before, when I slept in and didn't want to get up, she would always buy me my favorite sweet soy milk when she went out to buy breakfast. Even the last time we met, we talked all night, and I drifted off to sleep at dawn, only to wake up to find her had already left me sweet soy milk and an egg pancake on the table.
"The milk is a bit cold, I'm worried it might upset your stomach, but the soy milk is still warm," I explained.
She sighed, "How can you be comfortable if I'm not feeling well? Let's get another cup and pour the soy milk out for us to drink together."
I did as she asked. At first, I was only focused on feeding her, but she refused and insisted that I eat too, so that I wouldn't end up eating something cold. So I took turns feeding her a bite and then ate a bite myself while she was chewing and swallowing. We worked together quite well and finished breakfast quickly.
After we finished eating, I helped her tidy up. Then I remembered the books I had brought in my bag that I had intended to give her yesterday afternoon. "If you're bored, you can flip through them to pass the time. Just tell me what you want to read."
She smiled and watched me leave the ward. "Okay, see you next year."
Hey. This has instantly filled me with anticipation for the coming year.
Actually, there's nothing special about going back to my parents' house for Chinese New Year. It's the same routine every year: cleaning the house inside and out, putting up couplets and "Fu" characters on the door, picking up my grandparents, and getting semi-processed dishes from the same restaurant to cook and serve at home.
My grandparents hadn't seen me for a while, but when they saw me this time, they looked me over and nodded with satisfaction. "Xiao Yi has finally gained some weight recently, and you look much healthier. Eat well and keep up the good work!"
My mom looked me up and down. "I see her every weekend, but it doesn't really show. Now that Grandpa and Grandma said that, it's true. Not bad."
I thought to myself that this was all thanks to Gu Wanlin; her cooking had nourished me, but unfortunately, it hadn't benefited her.
It's a rare treat for the whole family to get together, and the warm time always passes quickly. We don't usually watch the Spring Festival Gala, which is dominated by northern dialects, here. My grandparents are too old to stay up late either. After finishing our New Year's Eve dinner with dessert, we sat and chatted for a while before going back to our rooms to rest.
I returned to my room clutching the two red envelopes from my parents and grandparents. That's how it is here; children are always children. Even though I've been working for several years, my elders still follow the tradition of "suppressing evil spirits" for me, warding off evil and ensuring my safety. The money isn't the point; it's the auspicious meaning that matters. I understand their good intentions and accepted them without hesitation.
I pulled out a box from under the bed, filled with items that I couldn't bear to throw away and that held great sentimental value for me from childhood to adulthood. I was going to put the two red envelopes inside.
Besides that, there's something else I want to see in there.
After opening and placing the red envelopes, I scooped up another box sealed with tape from the bottom and placed it on the floor. I took a deep breath and used a utility knife to cut open the seal.
Those were all things Gu Wanlin had written for me. After we broke up, I sealed them away and buried them at the bottom of a box, too afraid to look at them again.
Back when we were still in a flirtatious relationship, even when Gu Wanlin sent me something, I would use a craft knife to cut out the express delivery slip that she had filled out herself and put it inside.
I love her handwriting. She has a cool and beautiful appearance, and her handwriting reflects her personality. It is elegant and refined, with sharp strokes yet flowing lines, creating a unique balance of strength and gentleness.
The benefits of dating Gu Wanlin are something I only discovered after I started dating him; they're truly amazing, even though it sounds like a truism.
Gu Wanlin is indeed very emotionally expressive when she's in love. In this era where people often forget how to write, she wrote me many love letters, regardless of the occasion or time. She said that whenever she felt like writing something to me, she would just pick up her pen and write it down, since there were some things she couldn't say aloud.
So, aside from writing neatly on white paper or letter paper, there were times when I would laugh and cry as I received a piece of paper from her with random calculus written all over the back. In her words, it was written when she was studying for an exam all night in the library, and suddenly felt that she loved me very much, but I was already asleep, so she wrote it down, wanting to leave that moment of love for me to see.
Or perhaps after we got home from a date, she would unexpectedly pull out a tissue or a shopping receipt from her bag with a love poem written in Chinese or a foreign language. According to her, she wrote it down because she was bored while waiting in the bathroom.
She added, "If you don't want it, you can throw it away. I have no objection."
I don't know whether she or I studied literature, but of course I kept them all carefully.
There was also a bag of dried flower petals, which she gave me on our first date after we became a couple. That day, she was carrying a delicate round cardboard box the whole time, and she only handed it to me before she left. I thought it was something else, but when I opened the lid when I got home, a box of fresh flowers decorated with green grass beads appeared in front of me, which really gave me a big surprise.
After the breakup, every time I see these things, the sadness and regret welling up from the bottom of my heart feel like cold seawater washing over my mouth and nose, making me feel suffocated: when Gu Wanlin put so much thought and effort into me, she must have had similar expectations of me, but at that time I always felt that I was far less sensitive and delicate than her, not good at these little romantic thoughts, and I did so little for her, owing her too much.
Seeing this now, my heart aches even more: I'm afraid her hands will never be able to write like this again.
I was laughing and crying at the same time. When I picked up my phone, I found that she had replied to my message. Earlier, during dinner, I had sent her a picture of my family's New Year's Eve dinner and asked her what she wanted to eat so I could bring it to her later. She also showed me her dinner, which was rather simple and plain, but still quite nutritious.
After I finished reading, I put the box away again under the bed. It was almost midnight. I opened the bedroom door and saw that the living room lights were off; my parents and grandparents were all fast asleep.
I returned to my room, and a bold idea popped into my head: I wanted to see her.
I want her to be the first person she sees when she wakes up tomorrow morning, so that it's the New Year.
The more I thought about it, the more excited I became. Li You was on duty again tonight. If it were a weekday, I definitely wouldn't be able to get into the ward after visiting hours. Isn't this just fate's arrangement, that I should accompany Gu Wanlin to say goodbye to the old year and welcome the new year?
Before I quietly left with my car keys, I went out to find some materials and gave Gu Wanlin a red envelope as a New Year's gift. She had to have what everyone else had, so I couldn't let the Nian beast snatch her away.
She has had so many hardships in the past year. As we enter the new year, I hope she will have good fortune and everything will go smoothly.
When Li You came to pick me up at the hospital entrance, she was cursing and saying that it was the middle of the night and she had to work during the New Year holiday. She said that she wanted to witness the love between the two of them, but she only started to grumble and say that she had a conscience after I handed her a plate of eight-treasure rice that I had specially heated up at home.
She added, "Your teacher, Ms. Gu, had a slight fever last night, but she's taken medication and is asleep. It's nothing serious, so don't worry. Don't disturb her sleep when you go in."
I held my breath and pushed open the door. Gu Wanlin was lying on her side facing the door, her breathing very soft. I tiptoed off my coat and hung it up, intending to put the New Year's red envelope under her pillow, turn her over, and go to sleep.
Entering the ward, it was completely dark, and I could only make out vague outlines. I groped my way to her bedside, touched her pillow, and felt a slight pang in my heart: the pillow was wet and still warm to the touch. As my eyes slowly adjusted to the darkness, I saw that Gu Wanlin's eyelashes were still trembling slightly.
I sighed. How could I not see through her feigned sleep? I reached for the bedside lamp to turn it on. "Gu Wanlin, you sent everyone else home for the New Year while you secretly cried all by yourself, didn't you?"
"Don't turn on the light," she said, her voice trembling.
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