Fox said and entered
The morning sunlight, white with a touch of gold, stretched out beyond the city walls, beside the official road. A young girl dressed in pale pink and green sat casually on a chair, quietly watching the scene unfold before her.
It may be the hustle and bustle of people coming and going, or it may be quiet, with vast fields of wild grass swaying in the wind in the distance, and the faint glow of white clouds in the sky.
Occasionally, a dog would follow a person and, upon seeing her, would stop wagging its tail instantly. It would tentatively approach her, timidly yet curiously, then quickly back away, nearly falling. Then, it would stretch its neck, nose trembling, and approach her again...
The girl had a childish face and an indifferent expression. She sat motionless on the chair.
What a weird person... Passersby scolded their dogs, but couldn't help but glance at her.
The girl was neatly dressed and had no strange behavior that affected them, so they didn't call her crazy. They just thought... what a weird person.
Whose family is this girl from? Why would her family just leave her alone in this wilderness?
People who were walking by, riding horses, and lifting the curtains in the carriage, saw this scene, withdrew their gazes in confusion, and then looked intently at the direction ahead.
Jiang Jingyuan looked at them, but not really at them, she was just looking at the scene in front of her.
People, dogs, horses and carriages, white clouds in the sky and weeds were no longer people, dogs, horses and carriages, white clouds in the sky and weeds, but they were truly just people, dogs, horses and carriages, white clouds in the sky and weeds.
She seemed to be in a daze, but not in a daze——
When one is in a daze, his mind is full of thoughts. But at this moment, she had the feeling of being in a daze but without the distracting thoughts, and she was clearer and more lucid.
Peace and relaxation circulated through his limbs and bones. Jiang Jingyuan felt lazy and relaxed, without any fear or distractions.
She looked at everything in front of her with great clarity and lucidity, and just looked.
Suddenly, someone came hurriedly, bent down and whispered. Jiang Jingyuan was so relaxed and dazed that he didn't understand what the person was saying at all. He was lazy and naturally didn't stand up.
"Watch me!" A ethereal, childish voice suddenly rang out, and a red-haired fox pounced on her and yelled in her ear, "Go home for dinner!"
Jiang Jingyuan was so frightened that her body trembled, but only the part in front of her trembled, while the part behind her remained calm.
The little fox raised an eyebrow and said "Hey", then grabbed her shoulders with his two paws and shook her madly, "Go home for dinner, go home for dinner!"
Jiang Jingyuan frowned and grabbed its claws fiercely. At the same time, her mind drifted to the ground, and her consciousness grew hazy. "Stop yelling," she said, feeling a headache. She stood up and walked back with them.
As she walked, Jiang Jingyuan took her time to observe the world. Every passing dog brought her new insights. As a child, she was too stubborn, always sticking to something without question. Later, as long as she proved it was feasible after using it herself, she would immediately improve or overturn the previous one without hesitation.
Everything is changing at every moment. Uninhibited behavior leads to real progress, while stubbornness only brings false progress.
No matter how unpleasant or unbelievable the truth is, as long as it is the truth.
"I've embarked on this path to immortality, seeking truth and freedom."
Jiang Jingyuan lowered his eyes and thought to himself.
…………
Another half month passed, and the weather grew colder, with occasional drizzles of snow. In the morning, Jiang Jingyuan walked into the warm and ventilated room, glanced sideways at the red-haired fox on the recliner, and asked, "Aren't we going back yet?"
Sheng Liang was hugging a blanket, eating snacks, and reading a storybook. He replied nonchalantly, "Why are you in such a hurry? Wait a little longer."
"......?" Jiang Jingyuan's mouth twitched, "That's what you said half a month ago."
"Wait a little longer, wait a little longer." Sheng Liang didn't take his eyes off the script and continued to speak nonchalantly.
Jiang Jingyuan frowned, stepped forward, pulled its ear and said, "Don't look at it for now, pack up and go up the mountain."
"No!" Sheng Liang raised his head instantly, his pupils suddenly contracted, and he screamed miserably, "I won't go!" He suddenly threw away the storybook, and the whole fox quickly hid in the depths of the recliner, "I won't go, I won't go--"
Jiang Jingyuan made a "tsk" sound, frowning. He reached out and grabbed its two front paws, dragging it out fiercely, gritting his teeth and saying, "We must go! How can you be so blinded by appearances!"
"No—" The little fox struggled and kicked his feet, shaking his head frantically, tears welling up in his eyes. "If you want to go up the mountain, go by yourself. You've already fed my chickens, ducks, cows, and sheep. Don't pull me—!"
It kicked Jiang Jingyuan's hand away, turned over in panic, and ran inside quickly.
Jiang Jingyuan was quick-witted and quick-handed, and suddenly grabbed one of its hind legs.
The little fox gritted its teeth, its two front paws digging into the recliner cushions as it struggled to crawl forward. No matter how Jiang Jingyuan pulled or hugged it, it held on tightly to the recliner cushions and refused to let go.
Jiang Jingyuan was so tired that her grip loosened, and the fox paw slipped out of her hand instantly. Sheng Liang scrambled up the wall on the recliner, clinging to it with all four legs, howling, "I won't go, I won't go!"
Jiang Jingyuan was carried forward by the force, his hands suddenly propping himself up on the recliner. He looked up with a grim expression and said, "You're the one who keeps saying 'being obsessed with appearances' and 'not being obsessed with appearances' all the time, and in the end, you've been blinded by appearances yourself? You still have this skill?"
"That's just how I am!" The little fox clung to the wall, muttering discontentedly, "Does it mean that if I can't be attached to things once, I can never be attached to things again? What are you thinking? It's normal to be attached to things. It's better to break them in time."
Jiang Jingyuan chuckled and said, "Then show me how to be calm now."
Sheng Liang shut up instantly.
Jiang Jingyuan looked at the fox's back on the wall.
The little fox was sweating profusely under her stare. After a long silence, he suddenly stammered, "It's not that I absolutely cannot be obsessed with things. I, I, I will just be obsessed with things for a while to experience it. What, what's wrong?!"
As it spoke, it became more and more confident: "Too much pursuit of absolute non-attachment is also a kind of obsession, okay!"
Sheng Liang rambled on and on: "Think about it, when we have all the emotions and desires, we pursue peace and joy. But if peace and joy are all we have left, that would be too boring!"
As soon as he finished speaking, there was silence behind him.
After a long while, Sheng Liang didn't hear any response from behind him. He was stunned for a moment, then he quickly jumped up a long way and turned his head to look.
Behind him, a girl dressed in light pink and light green slowly straightened up, her expression calm. Upon closer inspection, one could see a slight daze between her eyebrows.
Sheng Liang blinked blankly, opened his mouth to ask, then swallowed his words and closed his mouth.
"I understand." Jiang Jingyuan said slowly and dazedly, "I'm afraid that I will only be left with peace and joy..."
She muttered to herself, "When I have emotions, I reject them, but when I think about losing them, I feel... not so good. Then, I realize that joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness are also very interesting and wonderful."
"Have you experienced that kind of peace and joy? Have you lost your emotions?" He asked.
Jiang Jingyuan was silent for a moment and said, "No."
It was a hazy feeling of happiness. She was still clearly touched by the outside world, but not deeply or to the extreme. All the emotions could only be described as being diluted by peace.
Is it good? Very good.
Is it not good? The emotions are not deep and perfect, and I always feel that something is missing in my heart.
"But Shengliang said that it's okay to be obsessed with something," Jiang Jingyuan said, "So can I be obsessed with something when I want to experience those emotions, and leave when I don't want to?"
He said, "To cultivate immortality is to constantly enter and leave the world, to enter and leave the world, without fear or guilt." He also said, "To only leave the world and fear to enter it is to avoid the world. Avoiding the world is also a kind of fear, and fear must be overcome."
Jiang Jingyuan nodded inwardly.
After another moment of silence, Jiang Jingyuan slowly said, "I'm still afraid..." She paused and continued, "I never thought I had so many fears."
She continued, "Perceptions can change and be overturned, but what about 'I'?"
"I suddenly realized that I thought I was betraying myself. I didn't want to betray myself, and I couldn't bear to do that to myself."
Jiang Jingyuan said, "I don't care whether others care about my pain or not. But, can I forget my pain? Can I not care about my pain? Then what does my past mean? Was my suffering in vain? Was my blood and tears in vain? What do my past joys, sorrows, anger and happiness mean?"
"I want to let go of Jiang Yunshu's past. I know I should let go of the past with unwavering determination."
"Time and again, I decided to let go of the past, to make it disappear completely and cleanly, but soon... I couldn't bear it anymore."
"I want to abandon 'me', I want to forget 'me', I want to betray 'me'."
“…How can I bear it?”
Jiang Jingyuan said: "The memory is too torturous, so I am trapped here, I am stuck."
"I've been stuck for a long time." He nodded gently. "This is your biggest problem. Congratulations, you found it."
He said: "Suffering is a form, happiness is a form. Pain, despair, and hopelessness, but not numbness or habit, are what urge people to embark on this path of seeking immortality."
"What should I do?" Jiang Jingyuan raised his hand and gently placed it on his chest. He lowered his head and thought to himself, "It hurts, it hurts so much. My heart feels more like resentment than pain, but the pain in my body, the pain of suffocation... I'm so frightened in my dreams that I can't move."
He whispered, "The body is already in so much pain, why should the heart suffer as well?"
"Let go again and again, more and more firmly, and one day you will completely let go of the past," He said. "This is inevitable. You are very close to perfection, very close. You only need to quietly wait for the moment when fate will come."
Jiang Jingyuan lowered her head, slightly opened her mouth, and breathed in and out lightly and heavily. After a long while, she softly said "hmm".
She said silently, I will quietly wait for the opportunity that belongs to me to come to me.
At some point, the red-haired fox that was clinging to the wall slowly landed on the recliner and moved closer to her carefully and quietly.
"I'll also give you an opportunity."
In my mind, He said.
Jiang Jingyuan was stunned.
He said, "From this moment on, your next decision is to stop cultivating immortality."
Why? Jiang Jingyuan opened his mouth subconsciously.
Yet He says, "Do you believe in Me? Will you believe in Me just once?"
Jiang Jingyuan slowly pursed his lips and did not answer, feeling conflicted and unwilling to answer.
"Trust me wholeheartedly just once," He said. "From this moment on, you will no longer cultivate immortality, read those books, or ask those questions, and don't even think about them anymore. Just think of it as completely giving up on cultivating immortality. Do whatever you want, live your life freely, and don't think about cultivating immortality at all."
Jiang Jingyuan pursed her lips and did not respond.
"Go freely and do what you truly want to do, and be happy." He said, "The opportunity I give you will come at the most appropriate time."
After a long while, Jiang Jingyuan said in a low and gloomy voice:
"good……"
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