Su Yan looked at Shen Muzhi and smiled bitterly: "She took sleeping pills and cut her wrists in the bathtub. At the time, my father blocked the news and only said that she died of illness. Actually, I saw that scene when I was a child. The bathtub was full of blood."
"So that's why you're so afraid of water and don't dare to swim?" Shen Muzhi's heart trembled slightly when he heard Su Yan say this.
"You still remember that I'm afraid of water?" Su Yan smiled faintly.
Shen Muzhi nodded. Of course he remembered. He and Xu Tingchuan had both jumped into the water to save her. He was the one who saved her first, but she always thought that the person was Xu Tingchuan. That's how they missed each other. From that moment on, they were wrong.
He had heard Xu Tingchuan talk about these things before the New Year, including the matter of the astronomical book. Everything was a mistaken identity due to a series of coincidences.
“After Dad told me all these things, I felt resentful and bitter. I didn’t understand why God was so unfair. Her father killed my mother, I was disfigured, and I got leukemia, but she can be happy.” Su Yan said all the words she had kept hidden in her heart. She sniffed and continued, “So I wanted to test you, to know your heart. I even thought about whether I could win you back. But when you cried and said sorry at my bedside that day, I knew it was too late, impossible. Eleven years. I lost everything I should have lost, and everything I shouldn’t have lost.”
She was sleeping at the time, and was woken up by the dampness in her palms. She heard him say that he couldn't save her, that he couldn't make that request of his wife, and that he asked her to forgive him.
"I'm sorry. If I hadn't told Zikai about my illness, you and Xiang Zhilan wouldn't have known, you wouldn't have suffered so much, and Xiang Zhilan wouldn't have left because she was heartbroken." Su Yan's tears rolled down her cheeks. She had thought about not telling anyone and quietly finding a place to die, but she was so unwilling to accept it. Even before she died, she wondered if he still had feelings for her.
Shen Muzhi handed over a tissue, shook his head slightly, and said calmly, "You did nothing wrong. Even if we had to do it all over again, I would still want to know that you are still alive and that you can receive good treatment. You were just telling the truth about your situation; there was no deception involved."
Even if there was an element of testing involved, it wasn't her fault. She had already suffered too much in the past eleven years, and then suddenly learned the truth about her mother's death. To be able to remain this magnanimous was already quite remarkable.
"No, it's my fault that you're separated from your wife and children." Su Yan blamed herself and sobbed softly, "If I had left back then, at least you would be happy now. It's Xiang Zhilan's father's fault. I shouldn't have blamed her. She's innocent too. She's never even met her father. She's never even met her mother. She was just abandoned like that."
"It really has nothing to do with you. It's always been my fault. She's by my side every day, but I didn't notice any changes in her mood. It was my negligence, and I'm the one who hurt her." Shen Muzhi lowered his eyes, turned on his phone screen, and stared at the mother and her two children on the screen. His eyes were slightly red. "There's more than one thing I've done to wrong her. This situation has been building up over time. She wasn't really willing to be with me in the first place."
Seeing Shen Muzhi's sorrowful expression, Su Yan couldn't help but lean over and hug him, comforting him, "You will find them, you will definitely find them, and you will be reunited as a family."
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