Chapter 49 Confession No one can replace the eighteen-year-old Jin Yunyan, now...
They were the ones standing still, but for a moment she felt as if she were still swaying and dizzy. It took a long moment for her to regain her balance. Her long eyelashes trembled slightly as she raised her quiet eyes, as if signaling him to let go.
But no matter what, the line of fate on their palms is still touching.
Until the music stopped, Bo Xia still didn't feel any signs of waking up from the dream.
Jin Yunyan stood at the entrance to the banquet hall, his back awash in splendor. He had originally said he wanted to walk her back, but someone tripped him. From afar, she watched him chatting cheerfully with another woman, and it seemed as if she suddenly understood that even though she was no different from anyone else in such places, she and Jin Yunyan were not from the same world.
Just as Cinderella's gorgeous clothes and luxurious carriage will disappear after midnight, this dream will also end.
If this banquet was a grand farewell ceremony between them, it would be a perfect ending.
She stood on the other side, the caller ID chiming on her phone.
It was Meng Xubai who called. He originally asked her if she was free tonight, but when he found out she was here, he said he happened to be nearby, so he called and said he could take her home.
Bo Xia was about to refuse, but remembering what his colleagues had said before, he decided to talk it out with Meng Xubai, so he agreed.
Jin Yunyan approached. As the driver pulled up, Bo Xia said someone would pick her up later. His expression remained unchanged, but the smile on his lips faded slightly.
She said she would take the clothes to the dry cleaners another day, sort them out, and return them to him.
Jin Yunyan had never seen such a girl before. He looked down at her and asked who he should give the washed clothes to.
Bo Xia finally let it go.
He saw her get into another man's car from a distance. They talked about something before getting in the car. Bo Xia got in with a smile.
Jin Yunyan suddenly felt a little bored. He slowly lit a cigarette and let the smoke and the night fill his eyes, obscuring everything.
Car lights passed by on the long street, leaving behind a few blurry trails of light to embellish the thick night.
Bo Xia was silent for a while, not knowing where to start. Some things between adults would inevitably become awkward if they were too explicit. It was best for both parties to step back and stay where they were.
In the end, it was Meng Xubai who spoke first during the red light: "Does Mr. Jin like you?"
"It's just some fate..." She could have used Jin Yunyan as a cover, but she felt it was not appropriate. Although Meng Xubai and Jin Yunyan did not have much in common, they were in the same circle after all, and it was inevitable that they would be exposed in the future.
"I've always been curious, what kind of person could catch your eye?"
When the two looked at each other, the hidden feelings between them seemed to be just a thin layer of paper away from being broken.
Bo Xia's lips curled up when she heard this. In a trance, the person who used to feel so inferior that she thought she was chosen seemed to be very far away from her. "I don't know, but if I met that person, I would definitely not be willing to be friends with him."
She lied because she couldn't think of a better way to hint to Meng Xubai.
But Meng Xubai was a smart man after all, and he understood what she meant almost instantly.
They both understood each other tacitly, one clearly refused, the other tactfully backed off. Meng Xubai admitted that he did have feelings for Bo Xia, but he knew Bo Xia's character too well, knowing that she was as gentle as she was cruel, and because he couldn't bear to be friends with such a person, he ended up returning to the position of friends.
How could she know that some people really like someone and are willing to be friends with her.
Meng Xubai sensed the pity in her eyes for him and knew she couldn't bear to hurt anyone, so he pretended to be clueless. He saw the red light turn green, and while stepping on the accelerator, he joked, "Really? You don't look like the proactive type. Dating someone like you would be like breaking into a house and robbing it, right?"
The sad atmosphere just now dissipated instantly. Bo Xia was so angry that she almost laughed: "Why do I need someone to break into my house and rob me to find a boyfriend?"
"Okay, tell me about it."
…
After returning home, Bo Xia finally let go of the worry in his heart.
Although she did not return the clothes to Jin Yunyan after a while, she delivered the necklace intact to Wansheng and gave him a gift as well.
Jin Yunyan opened the gift box and saw an exquisite retro collar pin inside. He really didn't want to owe him anything.
But sometimes this is more like severing all ties between them.
Both of them are not interested in romance.
So for a long time, they didn't have much interaction and only met once or twice occasionally.
Once, without Bo Xia's knowledge, she came to Wansheng to meet with the real estate department, and a dispute arose during the meeting. He happened to be passing by and saw her sitting alone outside the meeting room in silence for a long time after the meeting.
Through a glass, Jin Yunyan clearly caught a glimpse of her depressed profile, but when she came out, she was still bright and beautiful, as if what he had just seen was an illusion.
He took a look at the specific plan after the meeting. It was even more complete than before, clearly showing more thought went into it. He looked at the data and saw the words "unyielding defeat."
Another time, Bo Xia wanted to communicate with him face to face about work. He was opening documents at the time and his finger was accidentally cut by the sharp edge of the paper.
Jin Yunyan didn't take such a minor injury seriously, but the person in front of him took out a band-aid from his bag and placed it in front of him.
It is not a unique plot in the script of life.
But after the people left, he took the Band-Aid with the Doraemon pattern and felt that he had received such a gift a long time ago.
At that moment, the familiar warmth in my heart surged up again.
Gradually, winter came to Beijing, and even the remaining vitality withered away completely. The whole city became cold and transparent, but it was precisely this bleakness, combined with the red walls or the sunset, that brought people a magnificent beauty.
Bo Xia was still not used to the dryness in the north. She suddenly remembered whether Jin Yunyan was also not used to the ubiquitous humidity during the return of the south wind and the plum rain season when he was in Nan'an.
She was busy late into the night when she received a message from a few high school classmates and alumni who were developing in Beijing. They said they were planning a small gathering. Bo Xia was not one for crowds, but when she heard that Meng Roujin and a few familiar friends would be there, she agreed.
It’s a pity that Wen Xin is not here. She had clearly sent a message saying that she was back, but I don’t know what stopped her.
She was dressed much more gently that day than usual. It wasn't cold in the house, so after taking off her outer clothes, she was left with only a thin purple sweater.
Everyone was surprised by each other's changes when they met. Although their appearance had not changed much over the years, their temperament had changed a lot. From children to independent adults, they had all come a long way to get here.
Bo Xia sat in a corner. Since this wasn't a work setting, she felt much more relaxed and no longer felt like socializing. Fortunately, it wasn't easy to get bored with classmates, and soon Meng Roujin was chatting with her in high spirits.
"I wouldn't even recognize you on the street if you were like this..."
Bo Xia did seem much more intellectual. She was somewhat helpless: "Please stop using exaggerated rhetoric."
Meng Roujin went to the bathroom midway through the meeting. When she came back, she answered a phone call. She seemed to be talking to a classmate who was attending the party. "Just turn right after you come in. Do you need me to find someone to pick you up?"
The second half of the sentence was originally meant to be a teasing one, but Meng Roujin immediately had an idea when she saw Bo Xia: "Hey, why don't you go pick up your classmates?"
Bo Xia looked at her with some confusion, as if asking her why she didn't go.
"My stomach feels uncomfortable. Go and answer it. It's right at the door."
After saying that, she made an excuse and left without even waiting for Bo Xia to ask her name.
Bo Xia, somewhat bewildered, picked up her coat and walked out of the box. The wind was quite strong outside, and as soon as she came out, she felt as if her neck had been cut by a knife. The wind blew her hair so hard that she couldn't see the face of the person in front of her for a moment.
When she raised her hand to tidy her hair and was about to ask him if he was here for the party, she looked up at the corner of his camel-colored windbreaker and saw a familiar face. Suddenly, all the words were stuck between her lips and teeth.
"Jin..."
Bo Xia didn't expect to meet him in such an occasion. For a moment, he didn't know how to address him or how to talk to him about the past.
Will he think of her when he sees her, or will he be surprised?
A cool breeze passed through the space between them, stretching the time infinitely. Jin Yunyan walked up to her, lowered his eyes to look at her, and the first thing he said was: "Are you cold?"
He showed no surprise and did not mention anything from the past.
Bo Xia looked up at him in some surprise, her long eyelashes trembling in the cold wind.
When she entered, she found his windbreaker on her shoulders, stained with his faint woody scent, which made her wonder if his embrace smelled the same way.
Bo Xia was distracted, not knowing what to ask him. Seeing that he hadn't mentioned anything about high school, she simply played dumb, thinking that he had forgotten. In fact, it was actually a good thing that he didn't remember that she liked him in the past; at least it wouldn't be awkward for them to get along.
When the door of the box was opened, the people inside looked at the two of them, and the air suddenly became filled with a bit of gossip.
"I didn't expect to see the Word God again? I thought you were so forgetful that you didn't even remember that we were classmates."
"No," he said calmly, "I remember everything."
In reality, he had long lost contact with his high school friends. He only found out about today's gathering when he bumped into Meng Roujin two years ago and added her contact information. Furthermore, he had never been to any of the previous gatherings.
But he hasn't changed after all these years.
He still spoke those nice words as fluently as before.
Bo Xia pretended to be calm and picked up the glass in front of her to drink water. She didn't want to hear anyone mention what happened that year. Whether Jin Yunyan remembered it or not, she hoped that they could pretend not to know and hide it completely.
But as expected, one person with a good memory brought up something from the past: "Hey, did you two rekindle your past relationship? I remember that you and Jin Yunyan were together back then, Bo Xia. Unfortunately, I heard that you broke up because Jin Yunyan went abroad."
“…”
She looked at Jin Yunyan somewhat awkwardly, but saw no surprise in his eyes.
The classmate continued, "What a pity! Lu Yu still liked you at the time. When he heard that you and Jin Yunyan were in a relationship, his heart was broken."
Meng Roujin pricked up her ears. She really didn't know this gossip.
Bo Xia looked at the other person in surprise: "I seemed very quiet at that time, and didn't have much presence."
"That's what you think. In the eyes of others, you have good grades and are always hardworking and dazzling. It's normal for them to like you," the other party continued to joke, "But even if Jin Yunyan didn't exist, don't you still have Zhou Suiye by your side? So, my brother is destined to have no chance..."
This topic is getting more and more off topic...
"Back then, Zhou Suiye had someone write you a love letter to comfort you. The words on it were quite bitter..."
Bo Xia was stunned. She could no longer remember many details of the love letter, but she could still remember the line of words on it -
"You're not like anyone else."
He was telling her that you are also your own unique moon.
Even though I suspected it was Zhou Suiye's work at the time, I still feel deeply moved when I hear it with my own ears now.
In her own world, her youth is dark and damp.
But even so, someone still lifted her up and wanted her to see herself clearly.
Without them.
How could she feel that her damp youth was also shining and brilliant?
Jin Yunyan noticed her emotions and looked at her for a long time with his eyes downcast. Someone was urging them to talk about the details of their secret love affair. It seemed no one had noticed how close they were on the surface. Bo Xia took a sip of water and said, "Actually, back then..."
Before she could even finish her explanation, Jin Yunyan again spoke up for her: "The Dean of Studies was very strict at that time, so we only had contact outside of school."
"Oh, that's quite exciting?" A vague voice came from the surroundings, "Did you guys at that time..."
"I'm sure they did."
The boisterous words made everyone's ears hot. They wanted to say more, but Jin Yunyan calmly changed the subject. Bo Xia was sitting next to him. She looked at his bony hands and thought, clearly, she had never even held his hand before.
After dinner, someone felt bored and suggested playing the King game.
Others echoed.
The game is simple: several players draw numbers from playing cards. The player who draws the joker becomes the King, and can designate the other two players to do anything they want. However, a numbered card is left on the table as the King's hidden card. The King cannot see his own number, so when he tries to trick others, he can easily backfire.
For example, when Meng Roujin drew the King in the first hand, she went all out and assigned numbers 3 and 4 to kiss, but who knew it was herself who was number 3? Bo Xia glanced at her number and pretended to drink.
Meng Roujin saw that she was "4" first, and didn't mind: "Come on, give her a kiss."
Bo Xia: “…”
Meng Roujin was still saying something like it was just a kiss on the cheek, nothing serious.
Is it really nothing? She smiled and said, what if she turned gay?
Bo Xia stepped back. She was so focused on avoiding Meng Roujin that she forgot about Jin Yunyan who was sitting next to her. She was caught off guard by a warm touch on her back.
Jin Yunyan raised his gentlemanly hand and supported her back calmly. She felt a little uncomfortable, as they were too close. When she reached out to take the wine, it was Jin Yunyan who drank it for her. When their fingertips touched, she turned her head to look at him. He said lightly, "Isn't it that you can't drink much?"
Suddenly there was a burst of booing.
Meng Roujin always felt that the wine she drank was a bit sour. After playing two rounds, she drew the king again. This time she didn't dare to be reckless, so she asked No. 6 and No. 7 to look at each other for ten seconds.
Bo Xia turned over the hidden card, which happened to be number 6.
And card number 7 sat next to her.
She always felt that tonight was a little too ambiguous, but the instruction was not too excessive, and she didn't want to fool around by drinking.
Just looking at each other.
Bo Xia turned sideways. She had always known that Jin Yunyan had a pair of passionate eyes, and everyone he looked at seemed to be shrouded in a layer of hazy spring mist.
In those short yet long ten seconds, all the sounds around them disappeared completely, and each other's images were clearly imprinted in their pupils.
The air became scorching hot, and anyone could feel that something was heating up secretly.
I heard that if a man and a woman look at each other for more than eight seconds, they will fall in love.
For a moment, Bo Xia had the illusion that he would drop his eyes and kiss her in the next second. Amidst the turmoil, they finally ended this game, but even so, the burning temperature still lingered on her eyelids.
This party was an indescribable torture for Bo Xia.
When saying goodbye to her classmates and reaching the door, Meng Roujin gave them a look.
She remembered that the moon was very bright that night. She stood under the dark night sky with a slender figure and graceful posture, unlike many years ago when she didn't dare to even glance at him.
They looked at each other as if they had a lot to say.
In the end, it was Jin Yunyan who spoke first: "So, how long have you been planning to pretend not to know me?"
Bo Xia raised his eyes, and his usually gentle gaze was filled with a hint of pouting: "It's obviously you who don't remember me, so why am I pretending not to know you?"
"Yes," he couldn't help but smile at her expression, "my fault."
“It’s a little bit uncomfortable now.”
"Really?" Jin Yunyan lowered his eyes to look at her and suddenly said, "Do you think I just remembered you?"
She was stunned on the spot. She didn't expect that he had already remembered her and what happened that year. However, neither of them mentioned it and they tacitly pretended to be strangers.
For a moment, she didn't know whether to feel aggrieved or amused, and her face had a complicated expression.
Jin Yunyan thought of the unfamiliar way she always addressed him, and the corners of his lips twitched as he joked, "Now you call me without an accent."
“…”With so many things, why did he only remember this one?
The cold wind blew her hair up.
Bo Xia raised her eyes and looked at him during this brief moment of silence, as if she had truly reunited with him.
The past flashed before her eyes, filled with bitterness, sweetness, and obsession, too many emotions. Jin Yunyan was not only Jin Yunyan, but also her entire youth.
No one spoke, Jin Yunyan just lowered his eyes and looked at her gently.
He did remember her after meeting her twice. At first, he was just curious and curious. He was curious about why she brought the umbrella to Nan'an to return it to him, curious about the story hidden in her eyes, and curious about how she got to where she is today.
Later on, I felt a little distressed and wondered how she had spent those silent days.
It was just that those complicated emotions surging in his heart only shook him a little.
Originally, after parting at that banquet, they returned to their respective worlds, and the story should have ended there.
But Jin Yunyan happened to see Bo Xia that day.
All their interactions before this were natural. This was the first time he had intentionally interacted with her. He had participated in this somewhat inexplicable class reunion for the first time, and he didn't even know why he came before he came.
He just vaguely felt that if they stopped there, he would definitely regret it.
If there really is such a thing as fate in this world, he thought that the hand that pushed him from behind that day was driven by fate.
When he saw those familiar eyes, he felt as if a gap in his life had suddenly been filled.
Bo Xia felt somewhat calm for a moment. She faced the person she once loved calmly, and at the same time, she seemed to face calmly the past self who had been worried and anxious because of him.
She finally told him everything she hadn't said in the past: "I don't think I've ever officially told you, Jin Yunyan, that I like you."
The person in front of her obviously didn't expect to receive her sincere confession, and for a moment he even wondered whether to accept it. But she continued, "This is what the eighteen-year-old me wants to tell you. I've never said thank you before. Thank you for appearing in my world and making me a better person. You also helped me grow in this self-touching secret love. Looking back now, I never regretted ever liking you."
She smiled appropriately: "But I'm not an eighteen-year-old girl anymore. I've begun to understand the difference between a crush and love. I also know that part of my liking for you is a projection of my own inner self. That's not the real you."
The light from the moon she looked up to also came partly from herself. So no one could replace the eighteen-year-old Jin Yunyan, not even the current one.
At one point, Jin Yunyan did see the light emanating from her, and he was actually a little disappointed, disappointed that she was describing the fact that her love in her youth did not count.
Bo Xia smiled gently, as if she had his shadow on her. She said, "So don't worry, I've let it go and won't cause you any trouble in the future."
She had drawn the line between them so clearly, without even a hint of reluctance. But the one who felt unwilling to give up was Jin Yunyan, who didn't seem to really want to draw such a clear line with her.
The man raised his thin fingertips to straighten her collar, and a faint smile was revealed in his voice: "What do you think is reassuring about this matter?"
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