restart
In Leng Yue's room.
"Lengyue, your situation yesterday was too dangerous. Do you really want to continue?" Mingri asked.
Leng Yue nodded and said, "Mingri, yesterday you said something that woke me up and made me see something deeper."
"Which sentence? Something deeper?" Mingri was puzzled.
"You asked me yesterday why I had to dwell on past mistakes and make myself feel regretful and guilty," Leng Yue said.
"So you already have the answer in your mind?" Mingri asked.
Leng Yue nodded.
"What's your answer?"
"There are two reasons. The first reason is my mother," Leng Yue said.
"Your mother?" Mingri said.
Leng Yue nodded and said, "My mother has always told me that the most important thing for a woman is her reputation. Women who destroy their reputation will be despised no matter how outstanding the man they meet. I... I feel sorry for her teachings for more than twenty years."
"I understand," Mingri said, "but all this is in the past."
"Mingri, do you really not mind?" Leng Yue placed her hand on Mingri's chest. "Really don't mind? Not at all? Are you sure?"
Mingri held Leng Yue's hand and said, "It's not that I don't mind at all, but no one is perfect, and it's useless to dwell on what has already happened. What's more, you are not a casual person. I believe there must be hidden reasons behind these things."
"This is the second reason, which is what I said yesterday, the darkest side of my heart." Leng Yue said.
"The darkest side of your heart?" Asuri was puzzled.
"Do you know why I continue to be with Xiaoyan despite all the grievances I suffer?" Leng Yue asked.
I will shake my head and say I don’t know tomorrow.
"Because I felt that once I left Xiaoyan, no man would want me anymore," Leng Yue said. "And the saddest thing is, I wasn't with him because I loved him in the first place. I was afraid: afraid of loneliness, afraid of loss, afraid of not having love. Although Xiaoyan was willful and naive, he was the only one who stayed by my side. At first, I disagreed, and he argued with me every day. I wanted to break up, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was afraid of being bullied and alone. Even though Xiaoyan didn't help me much and often made me feel miserable, I just felt that having him around made me feel more at ease. So, in the end, I agreed, just to satisfy him, not because of feelings or love. I was like a beggar, begging for his care and companionship. So when we parted, I would rather remain unmarried than live like that again. You say I'm not a casual person, but I feel like I'm too casual. What right do a woman like me have to hope for true love?"
"No one blames you, it's you who refuses to forgive yourself." Mingri said.
"Heh," Leng Yue laughed at herself, "Don't you think I'm cheap? Can you forgive my absurdity?"
Mingri shook his head and said, "It's not that you're mean, but you had no other choice under the circumstances at that time."
"So what! No one forced me with a knife. I ruined my reputation and it's all my own fault." Leng Yue said.
Mingri's face suddenly darkened, and he whispered, "You blame yourself too much. That's all for today, you can rest now."
After saying this, Mingri stood up and walked out of the room, closing the door. Leng Yue smiled bitterly and shook her head.
"Haha...you still say you don't mind? I mind it very much myself, how can you not mind? Forget it, you and I have no future anyway, so we might as well end it here. You don't have to think about me anymore, and I...ha...haha..." Leng Yue bit her lower lip and closed her eyes tightly.
Tears welled up uncontrollably.
I will sit in front of the window tomorrow, feeling confused and upset.
"In the past, I was deeply in love with Miss Shangguan, and her every frown and smile was all in my eyes and heart; now, Leng Yue and I have feelings for each other, but it has led to so many troubles. Is love really so difficult? How wonderful it would be if she and I were as innocent as when we first met." Mingri murmured.
"Really?" Nong Yue had been standing outside the window, fanning herself and looking at him with a smile.
"Mr. Nong Yue, Mingri is very confused." Mingri said.
"Since ancient times, chivalrous women have emerged from the world of prostitution," Nong Yue said, fanning herself gracefully. "If a prostitute is loyal and righteous, she's still respected. And Leng Yue isn't a prostitute. Sai Hua Tuo, are your feelings for her really so fragile?"
"I..." Mingri paused, then lowered his head and said, "So it's you."
Nong Yue smiled and continued, "Yes, it's me. Nong Yue has never seen anyone dare to analyze the deepest thoughts so frankly. It is more difficult for a person to admit that he has done something wrong than to admit that he has committed suicide. The reason why Leng Yue is in this situation today is because she cares too much about other people's feelings. If she didn't care about that person's feelings back then, I believe no one could take her away; and now, if she didn't care about your feelings, how could she say these heartfelt words to you?"
Mingri nodded thoughtfully.
"Don't you have the darkest side of your heart? Don't I have it too? Sai Huatuo, I don't care what you think. In Nong Yue's heart, Leng Yue is pure and innocent, and her heart is even more dazzling. If you still have any grudges, you might as well give up on her. Nong Yue takes his leave."
Nong Yue walked away, fanning herself with a fan. Mingri stroked a strand of long hair by her ear and fell into deep thought.
Leng Yue looked at herself in the mirror with tears in her eyes. Ming Ru's departure was like a bucket of cold water poured over her head, making her feel more sober than ever before.
Leng Yue finally admitted that she was simply begging for love, afraid of losing, trading her self-respect for attention. Xiaoyan and Mingri were merely mirrors, reflecting her inner deprivation with such clarity. For that illusory sense of security, she humbled herself to the limit, compromising, testing the waters, and worrying about gains and losses. She hadn't yet moved on from past hurts, nor was she ready for new relationships. Given this, what right did she have to expect others to accept what she herself couldn't?
"Forget it, forget it, everything is just self-deception. Leng Yue, Leng Yue, just take care of yourself, and let everything else take its course."
Although she said this, the grievance in her heart still overwhelmed her vision.
There was a knock on the door.
Leng Yue adjusted her mood and said softly, "Please come in."
Mingri pushed the door open and walked in. Leng Yue smiled unnaturally and said, "I'm fine, don't worry."
"Yue'er..." Mingri said.
"Call me Lengyue." Lengyue turned around and said.
Mingri walked to Lengyue and took Lengyue's little hand. Lengyue trembled and wanted to pull it back, but Mingri held it tightly.
"You...?" Leng Yue looked at Mingri in panic.
"Lengyue, I'm sorry," Mingri said, "you have suffered."
"This is my business and has nothing to do with you." Leng Yue said with his head down.
"I just want to ask you a few questions and then I'll leave." Mingri said.
"What's the problem?" Leng Yue said.
"If a person makes a mistake, can he never start over?" asked Mingri.
"Of course not. It's a great help to admit your mistakes and improve upon them." Leng Yue replied.
"What if he committed a terrible crime? For example, killing someone?" Mingri asked.
"Put down the butcher knife and become a Buddha right away." Leng Yue replied.
"What if she made the mistake out of helplessness?" Mingri asked.
"Then forgive the helpless self back then and start over." Leng Yue replied.
"What if she is a prostitute?" Mingri asked.
"A prostitute is also a human being. If she truly repents, she can still start over." Leng Yue replied.
"Since a prostitute can start over, why can't you start over?" Mingri asked.
"...You want to go around me?..." Leng Yue lowered her head with some resistance.
"Lengyue, look at me," Mingri said.
Leng Yue raised her head unnaturally and looked into Mingri's eyes.
Mingri continued, "There was indeed a moment when I found it difficult to accept your past. However, no matter what happened, you are Leng Yue, and this will never change. Even if you were confused for a moment, so what? Even if you and Xiaoyan really loved each other, so what? If you were confused for a moment, you are now strong and wise, and you are no longer the Leng Yue you used to be. You will definitely not make the same mistake again. If you loved Xiaoyan, then everything you gave was for love, and you were loyal to your feelings. What's wrong with that?"
"I……"
"Leng Yue, you actually understand everything, but now that it's happened to you, you can't let it go. Didn't you say that what happened is just what happened, and your view on it is another matter?"
Mingri's eyes are persuasive, gentle and reassuring.
"You're right," Leng Yue said, "It has nothing to do with you or anyone else. It's me who can't forgive myself."
"Take your time," Mingri patted Lengyue's little hand and said, "I will accompany you."
Leng Yue's stiff body trembled, she turned her face to the side and bit her lips tightly.
Mingri smiled and placed Lengyue's hand on his chest. Lengyue felt Mingri's pounding heart, which was so strong and firm.
Leng Yue's tense body gradually softened and tears slowly flowed down.
"Thank you," she said.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
