No. 38 Melon
Lin Cha, the instigator, blinked.
[Huh?]
Why has Teacher Liu suddenly become so listless? Like a wilted cabbage?
[Ah! He must be worried about that hemorrhoid on his anus!]
Poor Teacher Liu!
Other guests:)
It’s obviously because of you!
A woman without self-awareness!
After a set of Tai Chi, everyone stood upright, put their arms together, and gathered their energy into their Dantian.
Seeing that Liu Mingqian still looked distraught, Lu Yanyan consoled him, "Teacher Liu... nine out of ten people have hemorrhoids. I don't think Sister Situ cares..."
Liu Mingqian roared: "But I care!"
He has experienced the butcher's knife of one hundred and eighty years, felt the beer belly of a middle-aged man, and everyone knows that he is his sister's puppy... Now everyone also knows that he has hemorrhoids!
I spent the entire night taking photos with my phone last night!
Destroy it...
The world is not worth it!
A new section of Tai Chi began, and Liu Mingqian started cutting the watermelon like a machine, pushing the watermelon, pushing it to you, pushing it to him...
Lin Cha's eyes were round and she was very worried about Liu Mingqian's condition.
[Teacher Liu must be worried about his hemorrhoids! That's why he took photos and went to the hospital last night!]
[Should I send him a private message and tell him that Hai City Anorectal Hospital is very good at treating hemorrhoids and can cure them immediately?]
I hope Teacher Liu won't be so sad after finding out!
Liu Mingqian: “…”
As long as you don't look at my melons, I won't be sad!
I thank you!
Lin Cha picked at Liu Mingqian's melon twice again, and suddenly heard Jiang Mingkai yawning next to her.
Jiang Mingkai had heavy dark circles under his eyes today, and he looked listless. He yawned from time to time, and his clothes were still in tatters, which was completely different from his handsome image in the past.
[Brother Kai...stayed up late last night too, right?]
[I wonder what he did last night when he stayed up late~~]
The rising tone at the end of Lin Cha's song aroused the infinite curiosity of the guests present.
Jiang Mingkai shuddered and his pupils trembled.
Is it my turn to be in trouble too?!
Fuck (a plant)!
Liu Mingqian also shuddered.
Is this overwhelming melon finally going to go away?!
Damn it!!!
Speak up! Speak up!
What on earth did Jiang Mingkai do last night?
Liu Mingqian must not be the only one to be embarrassed in this variety show!
[Brother Kai actually played on his phone until late last night?]
Lin Cha flipped through the Chigua system and scratched the back of his head speechlessly. "Sure enough, mobile phones are the electronic addiction of today's young people. They wear away our will and steal our time!"
[But what on earth could it be that could make Brother Kai so obsessed with it that he couldn't sleep all night? ]
【Let me come and see~~】
Jiang Mingkai:!!!
Jiang Mingkai covered his face in despair.
He knew that he couldn’t escape, he could never escape this joke again!!!
Soon, he heard Lin Cha's voice, which was rising and falling, and becoming more and more excited.
【《Only 30 seconds, let you last 30 minutes! 》】
【《Eat these foods and you will become the most tough-talking man in the world!》】
One Hundred and Eighty Tips on How to Please a Woman in Bed! Once you learn these tips, you'll definitely make her want you more!
【Wow wow wow wow! 】
Lin Cha's little face was full of shock.
What the hell is this? This is what Kai saw last night!! It's so exciting!
The guests were also shocked.
Especially Lu Yanyan, she glanced at Jiang Mingkai playfully and smiled slyly, "Hey boy, it's just a little short, it's okay. We're famous, and our fans don't mind!"
Jiang Mingkai roared to the sky: "But I mind!"
I just want to improve! I obviously have quite a bit of time!!!
Help! When will this rumor ever end? And why did he get so carried away last night that he searched Baidu for these articles!!!
Afterwards, Lin Cha looked at the reasons why the other guests stayed up late last night one by one -
Zhou Zexu stayed up late last night arguing with a hater. The hater said Zhou Zexu was bald and lost at least 300 hairs a day. Zhou Zexu disagreed, saying, "I only lost 271 hairs a day. What right do you have to slander me?"
【Zhou Zexu is so boring?】
[Teacher Chen stayed up late to read the literature "Analysis of the causes of high incidence of endometritis in sows in summer and effective prevention and control methods", "Four major health care measures for sows after delivery in large-scale pig farms", and "Investigation and analysis of the causes of no estrus and repeated infertility in rural free-range sows and their prevention and treatment" [Note 1]
[Is Teacher Chen interested in a sow in our village? Why is he so concerned about the sow?]
The guests all looked at Chen Xianzhi.
What?
Did you get a sow pregnant? Otherwise, why would you read so much literature on postpartum sows?
Chen Xianzhi's face, though a little wrinkled but still fair, flushed red. He was extremely speechless. He chopped the "watermelon" in front of him with a knife and growled softly, "Can you guys think normally!!!"
"Isn't there a possibility that the sow in our yard is pregnant? So I read these documents in advance to avoid being too flustered when delivering the baby?"
Lu Yanyan's gloating expression suddenly turned into a look of extreme fear. "The sow in the yard is pregnant? Then we won't have the task of delivering piglets next!"
Building a house for pigs is tiring enough, but if you also have to deliver their babies...is that unfair?
Was this pig sent to them for food or for them to enjoy?
Lu Yanyan's exclamation inevitably caught Lin Cha's attention. Lin Cha's thoughts were always like this, drifting here and there, always easily attracted by new things.
As soon as she heard Lu Yanyan's voice, she immediately paid attention to Lu Yanyan's problem.
【Miss, you're worrying too much! 】
[Sows usually give birth after two months of pregnancy, so it's not like we can deliver piglets so soon~]
"I'm more curious than that... Isn't this the young lady who cares most about skincare? Staying up late is so damaging to the skin. What could possibly have caused this young lady to even give up sleep?"
Her bright deer eyes gleamed: [This must be something very interesting!!!]
Lu Yanyan:!!!
This opening line...is it her turn now?
Lu Yanyan felt like a thorn in her back for a moment. Even though Lin Cha hadn't said anything yet, she already wished she could dig a hole in the ground and crawl into it.
As expected, if you don’t eat the melon yourself, you will never understand the pain of having someone else eat the melon!
It’s over! It’s over!
Covering your mouth is useless, you can't cover up your inner voice at all; yelling is useless, the bug-like ability of the melon-eating system can make time go back directly!
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
I'm so annoyed! How can I get Lin Cha to shut up and stop looking?
But the other guests were gloating.
Take turns, one by one!
No one can escape!
Lin Cha didn't notice the intrigues in the courtyard; she was concentrating on eating melon.
——The world’s disputes have nothing to do with me.
[The eldest lady actually stayed up until three or four last night! ]
[Are you actually staying up late to read novels? ]
[I didn't realize she's actually a long-time Green River reader! Every time she sees an article she likes, she tips tens of thousands!]
[The novel she's reading lately is... SpongeBob SquarePants? Isn't this a cartoon? Is there a novel about it?]
[“SpongeBob gently kneaded the pink tender part of Chubby Star, and Chubby Star became engorged and swollen in his palm…”]
"SpongeBob rushed in impatiently! Waves surged up from Bikini Bottom... One by one, they reached the other side of happiness..."
Lin Cha: ???
Wait, this "Sponge Bag" seems to be different from what she understood?
Lu Yanyan's face flushed.
As red as a monkey's butt.
This is the only little hobby she has!
Compared to Liu Mingqian's hemorrhoids, Jiang Mingkai's length, Zhou Zexu's bald head, Chen Xianzhi's sow... I don't know how many times better it is!!!
But she doesn't want others to know!
Woo woo woo woo!
Lin Cha is so annoying!
Lin Cha frowned and silently closed the melon-eating system.
[The eldest lady really was...]
Lu Yanyan: What are you doing?! What's wrong with liking to read porn?! I'm just secretly reading, how can I compare to you, a big mouth who spreads it everywhere——
Excellent!!!
Lu Yanyan: ???
[Really?! Erotica is such a good thing! How could she eat it all by herself?!?!]
[I really want to download all of Missy's book lists! Damn, some of these books require a VPN! Wow, this system is rubbish. Why isn't there a download function? I can't even share Missy's book lists!]
——But the articles that Jiang Mingkai and Chen Xianzhi read can be downloaded, but the young lady’s pornographic novels cannot.
[But who wants to see how men last or how sows give birth? Erotic stories are still more fun!]
[Ahhhh, the system only has excerpts! I want to see it! I really want to see it!]
At the scene, the ladies were more excited than each other.
Originally, this was indeed something that made Lu Yanyan very socially frustrated, but when the eldest lady heard that Lin Cha also liked to watch it, she suddenly thought: Socially frustrated!!!
What’s wrong with liking to read pornographic stories!
The pornographic articles are so good!!!
The men who were originally laughing at the joke suddenly looked embarrassed.
Lin Cha and Lu Yanyan were so frank that they felt a little embarrassed. Their smiles just now turned obscene, and now they were blushing more than each other.
[The young lady is just reading pornographic stories! ]
【Teacher Liu is looking at his hemorrhoids! 】
【Jiang Mingkai is studying his penis! 】
【Zhou Zexu is arguing with anti-fans! 】
[Chen Xianzhi is watching a sow give birth!!!]
[No matter how you look at it, being a young lady is the most normal thing!!]
Lu Yanyan nodded repeatedly.
Yes! Of course she is the most normal!
Other guests: “…” What the hell?
Lin Cha was still digging deep into Lu Yanyan's melon, but Lu Yanyan was fearless.
She even thought that she could share the book list with Lin Cha!
Good sisters should share pornographic stories together!
At this moment, a white and slender hand like a jade lotus root suddenly rested on Lu Yanyan's shoulder.
The woman was wearing a white long dress with floral patterns and a wide-brimmed beach hat. She was half leaning against and half hugging Lu Yanyan.
"What's the point of reading porn? I'll take you to a real fight! Do the boys like it? Or do you want the temptation of uniforms? You can have them cosplay as anthropomorphic Spongebob SquarePants and Jackrabbit~~"
Lu Yanyan turned her head and looked at the woman beside her, her eyes slowly widening.
"Sister Ning!"
Wen Wanning. The last permanent guest of "Leisure Life" is finally here!
Wen Wanning smiled casually, shifted her gaze, and glanced at the guests who were still practicing Tai Chi in front of her.
In particular, she noticed Lin Cha, who was hiding behind the guests as a background board.
——Before participating in the show, Wen Wanning received many WeChat messages from Lu Yanyan and Liu Ling'er, constantly talking about Lin Cha's melon-eating system.
The first thing she saw upon arriving at the variety show was Lin Cha's system reminder: [Favorability towards Wen Wanning: 36]
Wen Wanning glanced up and down at Lin Cha.
Lin Cha has a pure face and a well-proportioned figure, which is in line with the current aesthetic of pure desire on the Internet.
Seeing Wen Wanning appear, Lin Cha's heart exploded——
Wow wow wow wow!
[There's a new guest! It's a beautiful sister! ]
[Wow, sister, you're so beautiful! How can there be such a beautiful person in this world!]
[Great! I originally thought this show was only for Mr. Liu and those stinky men, but it turns out there are so many beautiful women!]
[Woohoo! Smells good! I love you, sister!]
A few stinky men headed by Liu Mingqian: "..."
Wen Wanning likes to hear compliments and smiles happily when she hears them.
Lu Yanyan is right, this show is really interesting~
With Wen Wanning's appearance, the boring melon-cutting activity finally came to an end, and the guests became extremely energetic and even excited.
Facing the camera, Wen Wanning introduced herself with ease.
Wen Wanning, female, 32 years old.
She made her debut at the age of 29 and entered the film industry with her beautiful and elegant face. In less than three years, she won the title of Best Actress.
Some people in the entertainment industry commented that Wen Wanning's only shortcoming was that she debuted too late. With her looks, if she had debuted five years earlier, she would have been very popular in the entertainment industry.
However, even though Wen Wanning is already 32 years old, it is difficult to conceal her charming beauty.
In addition to Wen Wanning, there were three other special guests present today. While Wen Wanning was chatting with the other guests, the remaining three guests also arrived.
The regulars looked at each other, then remembered that they had not invited any guests for this episode.
After the first episode of the variety show was broadcast, the show became very popular and many celebrities wanted to take advantage of the popularity and appear on the show as guests.
But after the second episode ended, although the popularity was higher, people were afraid to come.
What are you here for?
Are you rushing to cause the house to collapse?
This variety show is very popular, but it is also very dangerous!
Or, the popularity skyrocketed. For example, Director Zhao Jinnan's "Angel's Tears" was broadcast on both the Internet and TV channels, and its ratings exploded to number one!
Or, the house collapses and you end up in jail. For details, please refer to Zhao Kuan, M.D Men's Group, Wei Xinyi, Fan Jingyu...
Therefore, variety shows are risky and you need to be careful when recording!
If no one comes to the show, how can we invite the regulars?
Director Yu, sitting behind the monitor, noticed everyone's confusion and explained, "You didn't invite him, nor did we invite him. He came to us on his own initiative."
This time, because the flying guests took the initiative to find the program team, the three of them have no relationship and their identities are relatively mixed.
Guest No. 1, Han Ziqi, 37 years old, is a well-known singer who has held dozens of concerts, released more than a dozen albums, and has many popular and hit songs.
Guest No. 2, Kevin Chen, 35 years old, is a fashion designer who has organized fashion shows and created red carpet looks for many celebrities in the circle.
Flying guest No. 3, Mo Xingyi, is a 20-year-old e-sports player. His club won the LPL Summer Championship this year, and Mo Xingyi also won the season MVP title.
The domestic entertainment industry is a small circle. As long as an artist has been in the industry for a while, or has gained some fame, they will have met each other more or less on various variety shows, red carpets, or TV galas.
So when Han Ziqi appeared on the stage, he was very outgoing and friendly, and mingled with Liu Mingqian, Chen Xianzhi and others. He even relied on his age to get the last seat.
Chen Kaiwen is a fashion designer and has a good relationship with young people like Jiang Mingkai and Zhou Zexu.
Only Mo Xingyi, an e-sports player, had little to do with the domestic entertainment industry and didn't know anyone, so he felt a little lost.
Liu Mingqian and the others didn't know much about e-sports, they just thought that the champion was awesome. Only Jiang Mingkai and Zhou Zexu knew a little bit, and they exchanged pleasantries with each other, which was considered as taking care of the guests.
The audience in the live broadcast room saw some embarrassing situations and complained:
[The show's guests for this episode were really bad! Han Ziqi and Chen Kaiwen are out of the question, but I really don't even know Mo Xingyi!]
[Yeah, the previous guests worked together a lot and could chat about anything, but now it seems like they're just awkwardly chatting.]
[Hahaha, I heard through the grapevine that because so many celebrities have had their reputations ruined, no one dares to come!]
[Xingyi is very easy to get along with. I believe that if we can just eat some melons together, we'll get to know each other quickly!]
[The key is whose melon to eat? Mo Xingyi's? Not impossible~~dog head.jpg]
[Don't be so wicked, above! Mo Xingyi is just a kid!!! And he doesn't know anyone, is there any gossip?]
Mo Xingyi really didn't know anyone.
He only knew Wen Wanning and always wanted to get close to her.
——He finally got his agent to contact Tianyao Entertainment and got the opportunity to be a flying guest, just to get to know Wen Wanning better.
But from the start of the live broadcast, Wen Wanning acted as if she didn't know him, and talked and laughed with Lin Cha and Lu Yanyan.
Mo Xingyi was almost dying of anxiety.
After the greetings, it’s time for the variety show task.
Yesterday, Lu Yanyan, based on Lin Cha's suggestion, organized a large-scale collaboration of domestic products and received support from the program team. The program team contacted many domestic brands that night and replaced all the products in the variety show with domestic products.
This collaboration will not charge endorsement fees, but instead profit from a commission. The program team released links to various products during the live broadcast, and anyone who orders domestic products from the links will be required to pay the program team a certain commission.
The program team did not receive much share of the profits, and focused on winning by volume. They also opened up a separate purchase link, without changing the price or affecting the original sales channels of domestic products, so all domestic brands agreed.
As for today’s variety show task, it is to let the guests “live broadcast and sell goods”!
Director Yu: "Today's live streaming content is different from yesterday's. Today we're using a competitive mode. We'll divide into three groups and simultaneously conduct live streaming sales. The group with the highest live streaming sales will be the champion. The winning group has the right to punish the other two losing groups!"
"Is any punishment acceptable?" Wen Wanning asked.
Director Yu raised his arms, "Yes, anything is possible!"
"Wow!" Wen Wanning was eager to try.
Lu Yanyan frowned, feeling a little worried. God knows what kind of punishment Wen Wanning would impose if he succeeded?
So she asked Director Yu, "Can't we just live stream like we did yesterday? I think yesterday's live stream was really good!"
Director Yu rolled his eyes. "How dare you say yesterday's live broadcast was good?"
"Do you remember what you said during yesterday's livestream? Chen Xianzhi was introducing the products, and you were saying this one had a comparable alternative, and that one was too expensive and had a better value for money... It's a good thing Fan Jingyu is dead, otherwise he would have definitely crawled out of detention and beaten you to death!"
Lu Yanyan stuck out her tongue: "..."
She has a good character of telling the truth, and it is obvious that she does this because the prime of life is too expensive!
"So today, we must achieve sales as our performance!" Director Yu clenched his fists. "After everyone is divided into groups, you can find any way to canvass votes for your group. Our production team will also provide distractions to make selling more fun. Our only goal is to make money! Make money! Make money!"
To ensure fairness, the program team used lotteries to divide the participants into groups. Ten people took turns to go on stage to draw lots. In the end:
Group A: Wen Wanning, Chen Xianzhi, Chen Kaiwen, Mo Xingyi
Group B: Liu Mingqian, Jiang Mingkai, Han Ziqi
Group C: Lin Cha, Lu Yanyan, Zhou Zexu
The grouping was posted on the live broadcast interface, and netizens started spreading rumors:
[Looking at it this way, Teacher Chen's team definitely won! Teacher Chen was so good at the introduction yesterday. The older girl was ruining the show, and it was Teacher Chen who saved the day!]
[Teacher Liu's group is also good. He's an old fox, and he can talk! Besides, his group also has Jiang Mingkai and Han Ziqi, two handsome guys, one old and one young!]
[The Missy group really isn't competitive! Lin Cha and Xu Xu, the two youngsters, are usually just background characters. While the Missy has a strong presence, she's always causing trouble!]
[That's not necessarily the case. Missy was always helping everyone find replacements, so she clearly knows a lot about the product! It was just that In the Mood for Love was too expensive back then, so she fell into that trap. Missy is the CEO of Tianyao Entertainment, after all, so there's no need to underestimate her!]
[I'm curious and want to see how the guests sell their products!]
Three live broadcast rooms were set up in the leisure courtyard, with three cameras facing each other, and a wide variety of domestic products placed behind them.
Thoughtful guests, such as dedicated anchor Chen Xianzhi, have already picked up the product list and started recording the features and functions of each product.
After all, this is a compulsory course for anchors.
How can you sell products if you can’t introduce them?
Chen Xianzhi was the host and was the fastest at memorizing. While preparing for the live broadcast, he had already memorized the introductions of most of the main products.
At the beginning of the live broadcast, other anchors were still scrambling and couldn't even find the name and brand of the product. Chen Xianzhi had already put on the little bee and introduced it fluently:
"This Fengfeng conditioner is a long-established Chinese brand. It's rich in wheat protein, which nourishes and repairs hair, moisturizing it and leaving it smoother and shinier. A full bottle of conditioner contains a full liter, but it's only 28 yuan! It includes free shipping, so it's a real bargain!"
Chen Xianzhi finished speaking in one breath without any lag, and the audience in the live broadcast room almost popped their eyes out.
Is this a human?!
[Hahaha, this is the ability of a top host, it's a dimensionality reduction attack!]
[Really, whoever wins this competition, Teacher Chen, wins!]
[I’ve already placed an order in Teacher Chen’s livestream. The other two livestreams don’t even have all the products. It’s horrible!]
[As soon as the show started, I watched the end!]
When the competition started, Chen Xianzhi won at the starting line.
Wen Wanning, Chen Kaiwen and Mo Xingyi didn't even do anything. They just stood aside and held the products as models.
Looking at the overwhelming sales in Group A’s live broadcast room, Groups BC were completely panicked.
Liu Mingqian looked at Jiang Mingkai and Han Ziqi, gritted his teeth, and asked, "Do you want to win?"
"Of course!" they said in unison.
"At any cost?"
Jiang Mingkai and Han Ziqi were stunned for a moment, then nodded, "At any cost!"
"Okay! Then listen to me!"
Liu Mingqian closed the live broadcast room.
Ten minutes later, the live broadcast room opened again~
Because they had just closed the live broadcast room for ten minutes, netizens became curious and flocked to Group B's live broadcast room.
[What trump card did Teacher Liu come up with? I'm curious!]
[But I feel like without Teacher Chen's abilities, even with my trump card it would be hard to win!]
[You have to have faith in Director Liu. After all, he's the one who's won so many awards... Holy shit, holy shit! What did I see?!]
[Ahhhhhhhh! How can you do this!!! Teacher Liu, you are breaking the rules!!!]
[Teacher Liu, I love you! I'm ordering ten bottles of conditioner right now! Woohoo, I love your solicitation tactics! Hahahahaha!]
[For my Kaikai! I have to rush! But before I rush, I want you to lick it!!!]
[Let's just keep it going all afternoon! We fans can keep watching all day! Wow wow wow, this is awesome!]
[Shashashas!]
There are barriers between the three live broadcast rooms, so the situation of each other cannot be seen clearly, but Director Yu specially made a sales comparison chart between different groups so that everyone can see the sales situation of the other two groups.
Group A, which was originally far ahead, is now being easily overtaken by Group B.
Damn it, how could they possibly surpass Teacher Chen!
The members of Group A were puzzled.
That doesn't make sense. Chen Xianzhi's anchors are all at their peak. It's impossible for Group B to bring in a real anchor, right? Otherwise, how could they possibly win?
But at this moment, Wen Wanning and Chen Xianzhi from Group A both heard Lin Cha's extremely clear voice coming from next door.
[Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!]
[Teacher Liu actually fucked up sales like this? ]
[Is this really not a foul?!]
What on earth is it!
Wen Wanning and Chen Xianzhi pricked up their ears.
Lin Cha, hurry up and tell me!
Lin Cha's voice became more and more excited, even a little... shy.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Teacher Liu actually… he actually…
[He actually made Jiang Mingkai take off all his clothes! ]
[He even showed off his abs during the livestream! He even splashed water on Jiang Mingkai's muscles and asked him to do push-ups!]
[Teacher Liu is breaking the rules! ! ! !]
Wen Wanning & Chen Xianzhi:!!!
There is actually such a method?
Then, Lin Cha's shy voice came from next door, "But what should I do? I kind of want to see it!"
Wen Wanning & Chen Xianzhi:!!!
Not only do you want to see it, we want to see it too!!!
Lin Cha was amazed at Liu Mingqian's clever (and mean) behavior, but that was all he was amazed at.
They are still at the bottom of Group C and have no advantage in overtaking.
But at this moment, Lu Yanyan heard Lin Cha's inner voice. She turned to Zhou Zexu beside her without hesitation, her eyes burning.
Isn't it just men? Isn't it just abs? We have them too!
Zhou Zexu noticed Lu Yanyan staring at him. He was puzzled at first, then slowly widened his eyes.
"You don't mean to..."
"Do you want to lose to Wen Wanning? Do you want to lose to Wen Wanning and be forced to do a striptease by her?!"
"Uh... I don't want to..."
"Then take it off! Don't make me do it!"
Zhou Zexu: ???
Help! Why is it always me who gets hurt?!
Note 1: Source: some papers under the keyword "sow postpartum" in CNKI
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