Appendix VI to Chapter 47
Qi Liang looked at the payment slip in his hand.
The list was wrinkled due to repeated folding and sweat, but the numbers on it were still clear.
When he received it, his instinct was to tear it into pieces and run out of the hospital, leaving behind his debts, his dying life, and his father in a wheelchair.
In the dark corners of his heart, he had imagined such a scene countless times, but in the end, he put the list in his pocket, pushed his wheelchair, and returned home.
He sat at a paint-chipped table with his head in his hands. The mottled walls surrounded him, and it seemed as if even the air was gray.
"Don't treat it anymore." said the person on the bed.
These words pierced into his mind and caused a huge wave, perhaps because they hit the nail on the head.
"Let me die." the person on the bed said again.
Qi Liang took a deep breath: "The doctor said there is still hope."
"I spent so much money, but it only means I have to suffer for a few more years." His hair made a rustling sound on the pillow. "I still want to die. It would be better to really die than to live half-dead like this."
Qi Liang stopped listening to his self-destructive words, stood up, opened all the drawers and searched through them. Then he pulled out all the boxes on top of the cupboard and under the bed and searched one by one.
He knew it was a futile effort. Anything worth money would have been sold long ago. How could it have been kept until today?
But he still held on to a glimmer of hope, hoping that a miracle would happen and he would find in some corner the forgotten passbook or the jewelry that his mother did not take with her when they divorced.
No, nothing. He even dug out all the elementary school stationery, and the most valuable thing was a tattered children's watch.
He looked at the watch. There was a circle of star stickers on the strap. It was rotten and old, but it had not fallen off.
He didn't even remember owning a watch. Does he also have time to leisurely decorate himself? It seemed like a dream.
"Don't bother," said the man on the bed. "There's no money for that."
This sentence was like a heavy hammer, knocking him back into reality.
"I'll go borrow it." Qi Liang put down his watch and stood up. His legs were so numb that he had lost all feeling.
"Borrow? Relatives or friends, who is willing to answer our phone calls?" The person on the bed knocked on the edge of the bed with his hands again and again. When he wanted to call someone at night, he often used such a knocking sound to wake Qi Liang from one nightmare to another.
Qi Liang also knew that he was telling the truth, so he gritted his teeth and said, "Go and ask for it, and look for it. There will always be something."
"Okay, stop doing this useless work," the person on the bed murmured, "If I die, you will be free."
"Don't say such things."
"I am just a burden. My wife ran away and my only son is suffocating under my pressure." The pillow made a rustling sound. "No one cares about me. Everyone wants me to die soon."
"Don't overthink it, I can find a way."
"It's better to die, so that everyone can feel relieved."
Qi Liang turned around angrily: "Stop talking! I'm not in the mood to comfort you now!"
The person on the bed seemed to be frightened. He coughed lightly and sighed weakly, proving that what he had just said was confirmed.
Qi Liang closed his eyes.
He shouldn't have lost his temper with the patient. He should comfort him and give him confidence.
But he didn't have the energy for it. He is really too tired.
He opened his cell phone and added together the balances from several places, but it was still a drop in the bucket.
He made a few more calls, and as expected, the moment he heard his voice, the phone was hung up.
The tighter my hands clenched, the thinner the air became.
Finally, his arms dropped down and he fell into the corner. Silence returned to the house.
It was hopeless, just like the bright future he expected in school, hopeless.
He is a poor man and all the people he knows are poor. Who can afford to pay that much money?
Suddenly, a thought flashed through my mind.
Where is Meng Jining? Is Meng Jining rich?
He couldn't believe that he would have such an idea, but...
That string of numbers kept flashing through his mind, numbers he remembered the first time he heard them.
The sky gradually darkened. His legs were stiff and sore, and his lower back was numb.
As the last ray of light disappeared, he finally made up his mind and made the call.
A familiar voice came out: "Hello? Who is this?"
Qi Liang was stunned for a moment, and then realized that this was the first time he had called him. "It's me."
Meng Jining was silent for a moment, very surprised: "Aren't we going to meet at the bar later? Why are you calling now?"
The joy in these words struck him like an arrow. He knew he should explain his purpose, but when he opened his mouth, no words came out.
Meng Jining was puzzled by his silence: "What's the matter?"
"You..." He swallowed, "What song are you going to sing tonight?"
"Oh," Meng Jining said, "I wrote a few more songs for the song you helped me record for the competition, so that I can put them together into an album to give to my brother. Alas, although it is impossible for me to release an album..."
As he said this, Qi Liang thought of how he looked on the stage.
He is different from himself. One day, he will leave this forgotten street, leave the cramped and moldy rental house, leave the road that turns into a quagmire when it rains, leave the fate of constantly climbing up and falling, constantly struggling but only sinking deeper and deeper. He will leave these things, and these things also include Qi Liang himself.
It's a farewell anyway, so at least don't be so embarrassed.
Meng Jining finished introducing his plan, and seeing that he had no reaction, he paused for a while and asked again: "What's wrong with you?"
He shook his head. "Nothing," he said. "See you tonight."
Qi Liang started to take orders frantically. He drove on the road almost endlessly during the day, mechanically repeating the three actions of accelerator, clutch and brake. Only the mad rush could make him forget the reality.
At noon that weekend, there was a pileup at a three-way intersection, which was a bit far from where he was parked, but he went anyway.
As he approached, he could see in the distance several cars parked in the middle of the road, one of which had a deflated trunk. The traffic is like water, separating and merging around them.
Before he stepped on the clutch, the phone rang.
The number was unfamiliar, and work took priority, so he simply hung up. Unexpectedly, two seconds later, the second call came.
He picked up the phone irritably: "I don't have any money."
What on earth are these sales calls thinking? Is asking him if he wants to buy a house or a car a mockery of him?
There was silence for a moment, and then the other party said, "This is the People's Hospital."
He was stunned, the shadow of the damaged hood swaying in front of his eyes: "What happened?"
"Your father just committed suicide by cutting his wrists, and was taken to the emergency room by a neighbor," the other party continued. "The wound is not deep, and he has been rescued. Please come as soon as possible."
The phone was hung up, and the beeping sound formed a whistle in his mind, and the sound waves came over him violently, as if to crush him into powder.
Qi Liang turned the car around, stepped on the accelerator, and made a brief call to the company to tell him that his father had an emergency. He hung up the phone before the other party's surprised sound ended.
When he rushed into the emergency room, he was met by his neighbor's mother-in-law.
"Hey, why did you come just now?" she said, "Your father just... oh, what a sin..."
The old man was in a panic and his speech was incoherent. Qi Liang was almost going crazy before he heard the whole story.
"I was at home and heard a thud next door. I thought your house was usually quiet, so I went to check," the old man shook his head. "When I looked through the window, I saw your father lying on the ground with a knife in his hand. Blood was dripping from his hand... I didn't know how he crawled to the kitchen. I was so anxious that I ran to the street to call for help. Fortunately, a young man ran out, broke the window, called a taxi, and carried the man down..."
Qi Liang said "thank you" and then turned around and saw Meng Jining.
There were spots of blood on his body, probably left by the patient, which was shocking to see.
He stared at Qi Liang for a long time, as if Qi Liang was completely transparent.
Qi Liang opened his mouth, but didn't know what to say. The other person's eyes seemed to understand everything.
After looking at each other for a while, Meng Jining nodded at him and left. Qi Liang looked at his back, feeling a sense of sadness that everything had settled.
He finally scared him away. It was normal that anyone who knew the truth about his life would eventually turn around and leave.
He felt comforted that Meng Jining was able to leave. Because the other party stays mostly out of pity and sympathy.
He had too much debt and didn't want to take on another moral debt.
He lowered his head and went to find a doctor. His cell phone in his pocket vibrated, but he turned it off.
"The wound isn't deep, but you still need to be careful in the next few days. Don't get wet or eat spicy food," the doctor paused, then said, "There's a paralyzed patient at home, so it's better to leave someone to look after him during the day."
Qi Liang's eyes dropped down: "Yes."
The doctor sighed and could only advise the family members this much: "You should always pay attention to the patient's mood."
Qi Liang thanked the doctor and went into the ward to see his father. After not seeing the sun for several years, his originally dark skin turned pale, and his body was just a pile of bones. As soon as he lay down, he disappeared under the quilt.
As if hearing a noise, my father opened his eyes and looked at his irises which were covered with red bloodshot.
For a long time, the two just looked at each other in silence.
Finally, it was the father who murmured, "It is better to die."
Qi Liang has heard this sentence countless times in the past few days: "Don't keep talking about death."
"I don't want you to hate me," his father turned his head and avoided his gaze, "You already hate me enough."
"I don't hate you," Qi Liang said, "You can't do stupid things like today again. If you really die like this, can I live comfortably?"
My father was silent for a moment, and tears flowed from his wrinkled face like a flood breaking through a dam, unstoppable.
"I don't understand..." The father looked at his wrist wrapped in gauze, "Why did it become like this... Why..."
Qi Liang touched the corner of his eyes and was surprised to find that they were wet. He thought that all the tears in his life had been shed the moment he gave up his studies.
"I'll find a way." Qi Liang said.
He grabbed his father's good hand, and his father shook it weakly, but they both knew in their hearts that there was nothing they could do.
This silent peace did not last long. The nurse came in with a list: "Family member of bed 205, please pay the fee."
The warmth in Qi Liang's hands dissipated.
He let go of his father, stood up, and took the bill. Rescue, anesthesia, medication, blood transfusion, each cost hit him like a bullet.
"Okay," he said.
He wanted to leave the ward and the person on the bed immediately. He couldn't look at him anymore, or he would go crazy.
He walked to the first floor in a daze, paid the fee in a daze, and sat on the metal chair in the lobby.
He should have gone back to the ward to look after the patient, but he couldn't move. The huge rock on his chest was getting heavier and heavier, and he couldn't breathe.
After an unknown amount of time, he lost awareness of his surroundings and just stood there in a daze.
Then the phone rang again.
The ringing sound brought him back to reality, a reality he didn't want to enter again.
After glancing at the display, he gritted his teeth and picked up the phone.
What greeted me was a roar: "What's wrong with you? You took the order and then ran away? Do you know how long the customer has been waiting? Do you know how much trouble you have caused the company?"
Qi Liang closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. He was about to explode and bleed. "I'm sorry."
The man on the other side sighed deeply: "As you know, the company's performance has not been very good in the past two years. In your current situation, you can't work with peace of mind..."
Qi Liang clenched his cell phone tightly, feeling extremely panicked. The hammer of fate hit him head on, but he could only watch helplessly, unable to withstand it or dodge it: "No, no, no, I can continue to do it. This kind of thing will not happen again..."
"You should take care of your family first," the other person said, "The company understands your situation and will give you more severance pay."
"Please think about it again," Qi Liang said, "I really need..."
The phone has been hung up.
Qi Liang looked ahead. The figures coming and going in front of him became blurred and the noise around him disappeared.
He didn't know how long he maintained this position, and when he finally put the phone down, his arms screamed in pain.
An elderly couple walked over tremblingly, as if waiting for their number to be called. He gave up his seat and walked towards the ward.
My father was still in the same posture as when he left, leaning on the pillow, staring blankly out the window. He had not wiped away his tears, leaving a few white tear stains on his face.
They all seemed to know why he had been out for so long and why they had less and less time to communicate. So my father didn't ask anything, he just lowered his head and looked at his wrist.
Qi Liang was silent for a moment, then said, "I've asked for a few days off, and I'll be at home with you during the day."
His father turned and looked at him in surprise.
"My birthday is coming soon," Qi Liang said, "Can you help me celebrate my birthday properly?"
My father's cheek twitched, and after a moment of silence, he said, "Then we need to buy a cake."
"Um."
"It's a pity that I can't cook anymore," he said. "If it were in the past, I would have braised the chicken wings for you in advance."
"I can also braise meat now," Qi Liang said, "I will prepare the dishes I like. You just...stay here peacefully until then, okay?"
"good."
On his birthday, Qi Liang got up in the morning and cleaned the house first. I'm usually too busy, so the cabinets under the bed are covered with dust. He wiped every countertop and put things in order. Clothes are folded and placed according to season; daily necessities are put into the cabinet; small medicine jars are arranged neatly by size.
Then he started cooking, braised pork, spicy chicken, pork intestines with green peppers, broccoli with garlic, tomato and egg soup, both meat and vegetables.
He carried his father into the wheelchair, secured his waist with a belt, and pushed him to the dining table. Seeing so many dishes, my father was surprised: "Can the two of us finish them all?"
"Eat slowly," Qi Liang handed him the chopsticks, "and there's wine."
He took out a bottle of white wine, poured it into two glasses, and pushed one to his father. My father took a sip and squinted his eyes comfortably.
"Well," he said, "this is what life is all about."
Qi Liang picked up a piece of meat for his father. Just as they were about to start eating, there was a knock on the door.
Qi Liang frowned. He couldn't imagine who would come.
He opened the door with suspicion, and after seeing Meng Jining, his suspicion deepened.
"Happy birthday," Meng Jining raised the paper box in his hand, "I heard about this from my boss."
Qi Liang looked at him for a long time without moving. The father asked from behind: "Who is it?"
Qi Liang was still hesitating about what to say, when Meng Jining said, "I am his lover."
Qi Liang was stunned by these words. Before he could react, Meng Jining had already walked in, walked over with a smile on his face and held his father's hand.
"Hello, uncle," he said, "My name is Meng Jining."
The father shook hands with him in confusion, looked at him, then looked at his son at the door: "Oh, is A-Lulu dating someone?"
"We're not just dating," Meng Jining said, "We've already got our marriage certificate."
Qi Liang was stunned in shock again, watching him take out a realistic marriage certificate and hand it to Qi Liang's father.
Qi Liang stood behind him, looking over his shoulder at the little red book. From the moment Meng Jining appeared, everything seemed to have entered a magical parallel world. He couldn't understand how this fake certificate came about.
"This..." Qi Zhengguo stared at the photo above, "He didn't tell me..."
"We made the decision two days ago. There were too many things to do, and he might not have had time to mention it," Meng Jining winked at Qi Liang. "Originally, we were discussing when to tell you. Wouldn't it be fine if I told you on your birthday? So I took the liberty of coming to your house. Didn't I scare you?"
"Ah... no," said the father. "Oh, why is this guy so stupid? If you had told me earlier, I could have prepared some gifts for him..."
"Why bother?" Meng Jining sat down at the table. "Isn't there a big dinner?"
Qi Liang looked at the scene in the house, still not understanding what was going on.
In this situation, Meng Jining seemed like the owner of this house. "What are you doing standing there?" He waved at Qi Liang, "Come and sit down."
Qi Liang hesitated for a moment, then walked over and sat next to him.
Meng Jining first praised the cleanliness of the house, and said that the dishes were well cooked, with good color, aroma and taste. Then he raised his glass with a smile and said that he would toast to his uncle first and then to the birthday boy.
After a few drinks, the atmosphere at the table became heated. He asked about his uncle Qi Liang's childhood, and while echoing the sighs, he poked Qi Liang with his elbow and was very affectionate with him, as if they were already an old couple and had adopted two children.
This was the first time in several years that my father looked so relaxed. He looked at Qi Liang with amazement - "You are really capable, boy" - at the same time he blamed him for not telling him earlier and for hiding his girlfriend like a treasure.
The air in the house was cheerful and pleasant, but of course, there was a thorn in the cheerfulness, a fatal thorn.
After talking for a long time, Qi Zhengguo finally spoke with regret: "Child, I don't know if Qi Liang told you that my illness..."
Before he could even say the most difficult part, he was interrupted by Meng Jining. "Uncle, I know, I know everything," he held the other's hand, avoiding the scar on it without leaving a trace, "I work in finance, and I earn quite a lot. Don't worry, treat the disease when it's time to treat it, and spend money when it's time to spend it. We are all family, are you reluctant to take this little money?"
His father looked at him, stunned.
"We plan to have a lively wedding," he said. "I have a strong sense of ceremony and high standards. It will probably take a year or so to prepare. You must take good care of yourself and come to our wedding."
Meng Jining's tone was so sincere and eager that the other party looked at him and a little light returned to his eyes. "Okay, okay," he said, "How can a father be absent from his son's wedding?"
Meng Jining's dimples rippled and her eyes moved from the old man to the dishes. "Oh, we've been talking for so long and we haven't eaten yet," he said. "These chicken wings look delicious."
He stretched out his chopsticks and was about to pick up a piece when Qi Liang suddenly stood up and held his hand.
He raised his head.
"This is the first one to be cooked. It's cold now," Qi Liang said. "I'll heat it up."
He stood up, took the plate, walked into the kitchen and closed the door.
There were faint voices coming from outside. He leaned against the stove and slowly squatted down.
Suddenly, the kitchen door opened. Before he could even look up, a hand reached out, snatched the plate, and dumped all the food into the trash can.
"You don't have to die today." Meng Jining said.
Qi Liang raised his head and looked at the person in front of him. Normally, at this time, the lights in the living room should be off, and there should be two bodies lying next to the dining table.
It’s all over, cleanly and thoroughly.
But this man came, with his smile and his perjury, and messed up everything.
"Why did you save me?" Qi Liang asked.
Meng Jining squatted down and looked into his eyes: "Why did you save a drunk man on the side of the road?"
The tone sounded as if what happened today was a revenge.
"I was lying on the side of the road, why did you stop and take me to the hospital?" he said. "Since I didn't die, you can't die either."
Qi Liang's gaze remained on his face for a long time. For a long time, the only sound in the air was the chirping of cicadas coming from outside the window.
"Meng Jining," he finally said, "Don't do this."
"how?"
"Don't give me hope," he said forcefully, "don't give me hope, because..."
He didn't finish his words because Meng Jining suddenly hugged him. He hugged back tightly, as if to strangle him to the bone.
He didn't make any sound, but Meng Jining heard it. In the silent air, there was a heart-wrenching, long-suppressed howl.
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