Chapter 28 Heart-to-heart
After his self-destructive confession, Shen Zijie expected to see shock, disappointment, and even disgust. No matter what the outcome, he would accept it.
However, what he saw was the tremendous anger that suddenly surged in Wen Youqing's eyes, a flame that burned even more fiercely.
"Chen Zijie!" Wen Youqing's voice suddenly rose, filled with unprecedented anger and heartache. Everything made sense now. He had helped so many poor women, his almost stubborn integrity, and his experience as an old man. She rushed to him and looked up at him. "You coward!"
Although she just stood there quietly, she still vented her anger: "Who do you think you are? Why do you make decisions for me? Why do you use the mistakes of your past life to punish us in this life? Yes! We come from the same place! But so what? Is that a reason for me to rely on you?"
She pointed out the window, her voice clear as a bell: "Look outside! Look at Xunyang City! Look at the fields that have come alive! Look at the people who survived because you defended the city! Shen Zijie, look at who you are now! You are the governor of Xunyang! The patron saint of this land! The hope of survival for countless people! You guard this city, this territory, but can't you hold on to your own resolve?"
"You say you're covered in blood? In this chaotic world, whose hands are clean? You killed enemies, jackals! You say you have bad natures? It was you in your last life, and you can't deny the evil you've done. Who in this world doesn't have some dark corners in their hearts? What matters is what kind of person you choose to be!"
Wen Youqing's tears continued to fall, but her eyes were surprisingly bright, like burning stars. "Yes, I do rely on you! In this strange, cannibalistic world, you are my support! But that was just the beginning! Without you, I would have died at the hands of my parents, died in the rumors and that heavy snow! Chen Zijie, I rely on you because you give me a sense of security that I have never had before! I trust you because you have proven your trustworthiness time and time again with your actions!"
"I'm not stupid. You're a rotten person, and you've traveled through time like me. I just feel disgusted and want to kill you to prevent you from using this secret to plot against me! But I... I like you because you're a good person! You're the Shen Zijie who fought bloody battles on the city walls and refused to retreat a single step! You're the Shen Zijie who got up in the morning and walked quietly so as not to disturb me!"
Wen Youqing took a step forward and tightly grasped the front of his shirt, as if to pass on her faith and strength to him: "The things in the past life are lessons, not shackles! You dig it up and torture yourself over and over again. Do you want to live two lives in the shadow? Shen Zijie, look at me! Look at me! I, Zhang Zihan, am not the women you knew in the past life! I chose you, not because I have no choice! But because, you are what I want! All I want is you! Good, bad, past, present! As long as it is you!"
"You said you're afraid I'll regret it? Fine! Then I'll tell you!" Wen Youqing said firmly, each word ringing loudly. "I, Wen Youqing, am here today to tell you plainly! I choose you, with no regrets! Even if you die on the battlefield tomorrow, even if you really do fall back into your old bad habits one day in the future! That's the path I, Wen Youqing, chose! I'll bear the consequences myself! The worst that can happen is I'll kill you! There's no need for you to feel sorry for me or that I'm wronged!"
The anger in her eyes gradually subsided, transforming into a deep, gentle and firm expression with a watery glow: "Chen Zijie, you pushed me away not because you were afraid that I would regret it, but because you were afraid! You were afraid that you couldn't bear this love, that you weren't worthy of this kindness! You were afraid of repeating the same mistakes, so you'd rather shrink into your shell! This is true cowardice!"
Shen Zijie froze in place, as if struck by lightning. Wen Youqing's words, like the sharpest sword, cleaved through the layers of inferiority and pretense he'd been wrapped in, piercing his deepest, most hidden fear—the fear that he wouldn't be able to reciprocate this pure and profound feeling, that he would ultimately let her down. He thought pushing her away was a form of protection, but he didn't realize it was actually the greatest harm.
He looked at the woman in front of him with tears streaming down her face but eyes as stubborn as stars, and saw the undisguised love and trust in her eyes that was as hot as magma. The wall of his heart that he had built for himself collapsed under the gaze of those eyes.
What debts from past lives, what self-determination, what fear of her regrets... at this moment, all seemed so pale and ridiculous. She was not afraid, she dared to gamble her own future. He was a man of integrity, a general guarding a region, didn't he even have the courage to accept this sincerity and fight for it with all his strength?
A scalding heat suddenly rushed to the top of Shen Zijie's head, instantly drowning all hesitation, inferiority, and fear. He suddenly reached out and hugged Wen Youqing tightly and forcefully! The force was so strong that it seemed as if he wanted to rub her into his bones and blood.
"I'm sorry..." He buried his head in the crook of her fragrant neck, his voice hoarse and choked with endless regret and relief, "I'm sorry... I'm a bastard... I'm a coward..." He hugged her so tightly, as if to embed her into his body, "You're right... I'm afraid... I'm scared to death... I'm afraid that I'm not worthy of your kindness..."
Wen Youqing was held tightly in his embrace, feeling the violent rise and fall of his chest and the force that threatened to strangle her. Listening to his choked confession, the grievance and anger in her heart gradually gave way to a surge of bitterness and immense heartache. She stretched out her arms and hugged his broad, strong back with equal force, as if to pass on strength to him.
"I'm not afraid anymore..." She whispered softly in his ear, with a tearful tone, but very gentle and firm, "Chen Zijie, let's be together... In this life, we will live a good life... Let's make up for what we owed in the last life..."
Shen Zijie's body trembled, and he hugged her even tighter, as if a drowning man had finally grasped a piece of driftwood. He raised his head and held her face, which was slightly tear-stained but still beautiful. In the candlelight, her eyes were like stars washed by water.
He no longer hesitated or retreated. He lowered his head and kissed her deeply with an almost pious and desperate determination.
This kiss, at first clumsy and eager, carried salty tears and belated apologies, but soon turned into a raging fire, carrying the long-suppressed emotions and the ecstasy of regaining them, sweeping over all of their senses.
All the memories of past lives are like faded scrolls thrown into the fire, burning up. In this life, only the person before me is real, my salvation, and my destination.
Outside, the wind and snow seemed to intensify, lashing against the window frames. Inside, the crackling charcoal fire illuminated the figures of a couple embracing, lips intertwined. Their heavy breathing mingled, the air becoming scorching and sticky.
Shen Zijie's hands, thinly calloused and trembling slightly, yet with unwavering determination, he caressed Wen Youqing's slender waist, feeling her equally warm skin through her clothes. The touch ignited his long-suppressed desire and dispelled the last trace of his gloom.
In silent agreement, their clothes slipped off one by one, like the shedding of armor. The flickering candlelight cast a lingering, undulating silhouette on the wall. Roughness and tenderness, hardness and warmth, the chill of the border and the burning heat of the heart—in this moment, they blended perfectly.
"Fish bubble." Wen Youqing suddenly reminded him, with the arrow on the string, and said angrily: "Do you really think I like having children?"
"The world is so unstable these days, we really shouldn't take any more lives." Shen Zijie agreed. As he spoke, his movements carried the strength of a border guard, yet there was also an almost clumsy tenderness, as if he were treating a rare treasure. Every exploration, every time he went deeper, was accompanied by his low, suppressed breathing and the almost whispered words in her ear: "Wife... Wife..."
Wen Youqing clung to him, enduring the raging impact he brought her. Tiny sobs and broken moans spilled out from between her lips and teeth, but were blocked by his deeper kiss.
Her long nails left shallow red marks on his broad, solid back, like a brand, declaring everything they had. Pain and extreme pleasure intertwined, and her soul trembled in the surging waves, finally breaking through the clouds.
When everything calmed down, leaving only the pounding heartbeats and the intertwined scent of sweat, Chen Zijie still held Wen Youqing's soft body tightly in his arms, his chin resting on her sweaty forehead, unwilling to let go for a long time.
Wen Youqing snuggled up to his chest, listening to his steady and powerful heartbeat, feeling the scorching heat from his skin, and closed her eyes tiredly and contentedly, "It's not tongue-rolling, is it?"
"You'll really ruin the atmosphere."
"It's okay, I don't roll my tongue either. Let's practice slowly."
The red candle on the table burned to the end, the candle wax accumulated, and the last flame jumped a few times before suddenly going out.
The room fell into a gentle darkness. Only the embers in the charcoal brazier emitted a hazy, warm red light, illuminating the couple sleeping in each other's arms on the bed, like tired birds finally finding their way home after a snowstorm.
The snow outside the window continued to blow, but within the mansion, spring had quietly arrived. The haze of the past life was dispelled, and the ties of this life were finally settled in the fusion of spirit and flesh.
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