After listening, the man nodded. "What you said is indeed true. I have always blamed others for all my mistakes and never blamed myself. In fact, I have made many mistakes, but I never realized it. All the problems I am facing now are ultimately caused by my carelessness."
I used to be careless, or rather, I felt that many things didn't need to be done so well, and that I could just muddle through. But in reality, if I didn't do these things properly, the results would be bad. I never understood this until I actually lost everything I wanted.
I finally understood that it was all because I hadn't tried hard enough, or rather, because I blamed everything. In the end, everything became a problem I didn't know how to solve, and then it all came crashing down on me.
I don't know what bad things I did to cause the situation I ended up in, but your parents undoubtedly caused me a lot of harm. They could have cooperated with me, but they refused, and instead argued with me and competed with me.
They said they wanted me to submit to them, but I'm a very proud person, and I've had enough of the harm caused by the rumors and gossip in their company. I didn't want to go through that again, so to resolve these issues, I had to accept my situation. I didn't intentionally want to oppose them at that time.
I just want to be someone who isn't called useless by others. Actually, I'm quite ridiculous. The more people say bad things about me, the more I want to improve myself and prove to others that I'm a useful person. But in reality, my actions haven't brought me anything, or rather, they've only brought me temporary gains.
In the end, I still regret it. Because... I've found that even when I gain others' approval, I become very unhappy and even uncomfortable once their attitude towards me changes. Hopefully, all of this is simply because I didn't try hard enough, or because I wasn't good enough.
After doing all these things, I still don't know how to try to solve them. When I encounter situations that I'm particularly afraid of, I just immerse myself in a very painful experience. Many people can't tell me how to solve problems; they just blame me and say I'm useless.
I'm so cowardly and incompetent. All my problems are self-inflicted. Whenever I encounter something like this, I feel like I'm going to break down. But I always feel that these things shouldn't happen to me. I keep thinking about how to fight back, but in reality, I can't fight back against anything.
I'm just becoming more and more impatient. When a person is impatient, no matter what they do, the final result won't be good because they never do it well. As the saying goes, do your best and leave the rest to fate.
But when a person can't even do what they're supposed to do, they can't get the results they want. And all of this will eventually turn into an unwanted consequence for them to bear. I know that my hatred for your parents seems completely unnecessary to you.
Moreover, you've handled things quite well these past few days. You didn't make things as chaotic as I imagined. You just tried to resolve them without telling me that you dislike or hate me. Your calm demeanor is admirable, even when faced with inexplicable harm from others.
Whether it's Mao Hai in someone else's plan or not, you won't be unhappy at all, but will remain very calm. You don't treat me as your enemy, so you can talk to me here calmly and even hope to persuade me.
If it were anyone else, they would have exploded by now. After all, what I did was so heinous in other people's eyes, but it seems like it's not a big deal in your eyes. I really want to know, don't you hate me? Don't you think it's foolish of me to vent all my hatred on you, or that it hurts you a lot?
Why are you willing to endure this instead of becoming like me, someone who retaliates in kind, or have you become so accustomed to it that you don't think it can hurt you, and you find it amusing?
Song Yuwei took a deep breath. "First of all, I don't find this kind of thing interesting. I just feel that there are many misunderstandings that haven't been clarified. If one day I can clarify them, things won't be in this awkward situation now. Perhaps there will always be some unspoken conflicts between people."
Or there may be some misunderstandings that are hard to understand, but in the end, I think all misunderstandings will be resolved, and they are only temporary and cannot represent the long-term future, including what you are saying now.
You just haven't thought it through. As you said, you've realized that you've blamed all the mistakes on others and made them bear all the responsibility. In that situation, it's normal for you to be unhappy. No one can find happiness in that situation.
The reason you've ended up this way isn't because you're so wicked. I've never thought what you did was particularly hateful. It's just that you've fallen into a mental trap, and under that trap, you can't become a truly human being.
You are a truly thoughtful person, so you imagine me as your enemy and do things that are hateful to retaliate against me. But in reality, your revenge will not cause me any real harm; it will only deplete your own resources.
If one day you realize this, you won't do these things anymore. The reason you do them is because you're not aware of it. I just hope that after you've done these things, you'll truly understand.
What kind of person are you? Or, after you've gained all this and enjoyed the thrill of revenge, can you now return to your true self? If you can have this awareness, you will naturally stop doing things that hurt others. If you always blame others, it's because you're running away from yourself, not accepting yourself. In this state, you truly cannot be happy.
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