Simple and easy, she laughed as she spoke, reminiscing with a smile.
"That's right. After my grandfather finished laughing, he taught him that people should have different levels of closeness and distance. He's not married yet, but he's still family with his brothers and sisters. There's nothing wrong with saying that, and no one can find fault with what he's doing."
Of course, your family won't ask you to do that. If you do give it, it's because you love your niece and it's your way of showing your affection as her uncle.
But once you grow up and get married, you need to understand that your primary responsibility no longer lies with us.
Our identities also need to change, from family members to relatives.
Your greater responsibility lies with yourself, your loved one, and your family.
We also need to step back from your life, stepping back to the position of relatives, instead of still acting like masters, pointing fingers and giving advice, but not making decisions.
There must be a sense of proportion and a sense of scale.
Similarly, you can love your niece, but you must do so in moderation, distinguish between primary and secondary responsibilities, and especially manage the relationship with your own small family.
My grandfather said at the time, "They are all my children, and of course I hope that you can always love each other and support one another."
But I also know that you are not each other's responsibility. Just because you are the older one, Yuanbao, doesn't mean you have to unconditionally give in to the younger one. That's not fair to you.
You are all independent individuals, and only then do you have other additional identities.
You are yourself first, and then my son, Shan Shan's uncle.
The same will continue in the future.
You are first and foremost yourself, then someone's husband, someone's father, then my son, and only after that, my uncle.
It's not about forgetting the kindness of those who raised you, or about becoming indifferent to family ties. Rather, it's about understanding that your task as a child is to study, and your task as an adult is to build a career and earn money to support your family.
He said that a person's identity and responsibilities are different at different stages. It is very important to figure out what my most important identity and my greatest responsibility are at this stage, and other relationships will naturally take a backseat.
Once you've done the most important thing, then you can consider the secondary things; you can't reverse the order of importance.
When you were little, I raised you; it is our responsibility as parents to care for you.
When we get old, it will be your responsibility as our children.
However, you must understand that neither your parents nor your siblings are the people who can accompany you for your entire life, and the weight of this responsibility is naturally not static.
This is very important. Whether you can balance the relationship between your family of origin and your new family will also affect your family atmosphere and family relationships.
In more serious cases, it can also affect the relationship between husband and wife and the growth of children.
You are about the same age, so perhaps you can spend more time together and grow up together.
However, you will all form your own new families in the future. At that time, you can interact as relatives. But if you continue to act like this then, it will be a lack of boundaries.
Similarly, ending a relationship means learning to let go of many things. To put it bluntly, it means not meddling in things that shouldn't be meddled in, and not worrying about things that shouldn't be worried about.
Parents should interfere less when their children have grown up and started their own families.
Even among siblings, it's important to maintain boundaries; the line between showing concern and crossing those lines is often very thin.
"...The old man is truly wise."
After listening quietly for a long time, Mingzhu finally uttered this sentence.
"Now I understand why you're so resistant to marriage. You always talk about a small family and a life for two people. It turns out someone already sorted out these relationships for you."
"That's true, I admit that."
but,"
Even someone who has lived a modern life all their life finds these views to be truly wise.
"It's easy to say, but not very realistic in practice."
Many mothers have suffered at the hands of their mothers-in-law when they were young. When they become mothers-in-law themselves, what they want to vent their anger about most is probably to let their daughters-in-law suffer the same pain they did.
Moreover, it's probably impossible to ignore it; these days, isn't it the prevailing belief that families don't separate while parents are still alive?
I see that in many families, the father-in-law and mother-in-law manage the money.
They probably wish they could control everything in the family, right?
I think these kinds of words are more likely to be heard from people our age, or newlywed couples, but most of them don't have the courage to stand up for them.
They talk about being enlightened, about gender equality, and about freedom of marriage, but when the label of "unfilial piety" is placed on someone, even the most domineering and unreasonable elder won't necessarily be called a feudalist, will they?
After thinking about it briefly, I realized I was puzzled myself.
"Actually, I hadn't thought about these things before. It was only after I met my uncle today that those memories suddenly popped into my mind."
"Seriously, you know, my grandpa, he lived alone for so many years, and there weren't many people in his family, how did he manage to understand interpersonal relationships in life so clearly?"
"As the saying goes, having an elder in the family is like having a treasure."
"With such wise elders, you must have had a very happy childhood, right?"
Mingzhu's eyes were practically overflowing with envy.
Put yourself in others' shoes.
At home, her grandparents doted on her, but her unreliable mother never did anything with any sense of propriety. She couldn't even keep up with cleaning up her messes, let alone anything else.
Her dad?
It's better not to say anything; he's just a bookworm who's always buried in his research.
Shaking her head, Mingzhu said self-deprecatingly.
"Really, even though you didn't grow up with your parents, you must be much happier than I was."
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