【despair】
How should I write it? I'll write about the rising and falling of the sun.
The dazzling sun melted the glacier, and I finally had the strength to embrace it, but it quickly departed. My world plunged back into endless darkness and cold; I was not saved. Newborn flesh rotted in despair.
Thus, the official pairing, which could be considered a "tool," was born—Fu Guang, Chen Fu Guang. They are the sun.
Xiao Shen's initial concept was simple: a caring and gentle, fatherly, domineering CEO, the standard for redemption. But I later rejected that idea.
He can be a domineering CEO, a father figure, meticulous, and gentle, but he cannot be limited to these qualities.
If he were truly just a tool, it would be difficult for him to develop such a complex, tender, and unforgettable bond with Lele—a bond strong enough to destroy a person. Therefore, I tried to flesh out this character's personality.
He couldn't be an ordinary man, nor could he leave his mark on Lele's life in an ordinary way—when they met, Lele had already been abandoned twice, fallen into the mud, covered in thorns, full of hatred, and her soul wandering.
This is a soul on the verge of breaking, struggling to stay afloat.
Before he could go in, he had better understand this feeling of fragmentation—and that's where the uncrowned king of the chaotic land, the illegitimate son of a noble family, and the background of a laboratory come in.
At that moment, I saw a phrase—"the samadhi within," and thus he acquired his true name—"Sinking Samadhi."
In Lele's situation, which was on the verge of collapse, a gentle, gradual approach couldn't keep up with the rate at which her life was being consumed. It would be better to use a more cruel method to catalyze the desires in her heart and release her most longed-for obsessions—survival and value.
The value of survival, the value of being utilized without being discarded.
Thus, the Samadhi of Submersion was born.
But his initial concept was that of a dark sun—behind their encounter and relationship was Shen Sanmei becoming Lele's entire life in a forceful, harsh, but perfectly effective way.
For a long time, Lele was living in a state of deep meditation.
However, this part was revised during the writing process. The past from over three hundred years ago allowed them to build an even deeper bond with pure warmth.
A black sun might be more exciting, but it's not as unforgettable as a real sun at the moment of death.
But after the pessimistic start mentioned above, I must say that this is not a work of positive energy, but it is by no means a work that leads people into the abyss.
Because Lele has been trying her best to survive.
Roses bloom again and again on the rotting flesh, a sight both tragic and admirable.
I don't want to simply make Lele a tool in a tragic story, someone who is tortured and makes people cry (although she is definitely a tearjerker, a source of angst, and a tragedy). What makes her live on the brink of death is not just her resilient nature, but also the light.
Beyond the sunlight, there is the moonlight that makes the leaves weep, and other specks of starlight.
Including Jiu Fang Gui Qi Qi, Gou Bu Li, Yin Tong, Hua An Ning, Hua Xiange, and others, they made Lele understand
—【The world isn't devoid of light, it just hasn't shown me its favor.】
—【I was once favored, I was once happy】
Lele is kind; her brokenness did not allow her to be consumed by hatred and destructive desires.
She is undergoing self-destruction and rebirth; she is a lonely, blooming and withering golden rose.
I don't want to kill off Lele completely.
She was different from Ayu. If Ayu could die without regrets with lofty ideals and be admired by thousands of people in later generations, Lele could not. Her death was like a butterfly hit by fireworks, a fleeting moment, nothing more.
That's not enough, and it shouldn't be.
But I don't want an angel to suddenly descend, an angel who is proficient in human nature, knows 36 kinds of skills, is invincible, and redeems the heroine... that would completely violate the original intention of this work.
So, maybe we should let Lele walk around more...
Take a walk, keep walking...
Who knows?
Maybe...
(Suddenly, I lost the will to continue. Let's leave it at that.)
II. Roles
I recall someone saying the author is like a loving mother to me, but in my opinion, at least in this book, I don't think so.
I want to say:
"I pour my deepest emotions and colors into creating the soul of the characters, but then I must rationally and with restraint push them into your world."
When they come to you, they will be given a richer meaning.
From that moment on, I was no longer the biological mother, no longer the controller; I became an ordinary spectator.
That's about all I wanted to say~ Anyway, there's another book coming up~
Goodbye~
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com