Xie Mingzhu originally didn't want to say it.
Those were truly difficult days; sometimes, even with her eyes closed, she could still recall that suffering.
Now that her hardships have finally come to an end, she can disregard everything else, but there is one thing she simply cannot forget.
Looking into Shu Ying's concerned eyes, she felt as if the softest part of her heart had been touched.
Xie Mingzhu looked down at her hands, and once emotions welled up, she didn't know where to begin.
Shu Ying knew she really had something to say, so she gently patted her back and said, "Don't worry, no matter what difficulties you have, as long as we are a family together, we will get through it."
Xie Mingzhu sighed deeply. Even before she could speak, she felt her throat tighten. In the end, she couldn't hold back her tears, which streamed down her face.
"Actually, I have no regrets. At my age, I should be happy to be able to go back to my biological parents. But every time I see Yueyue and Yangyang, I think of my poor child."
Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. In her dreams, the child always called her "Mother." He was so small and thin, yet he became the object of her deepest longing.
“Yingying, I am not a qualified mother. I can’t even protect my own child. When I found out I was pregnant, I thought that even if I had to risk my life, I would let my child step on my shoulders to get out of the mountains. I want him to open his eyes and see a more wonderful world, and let him know what the city outside the mountains is like.”
But in the end, all of this was just her own delusion.
She accomplished nothing.
“The moment that child was born, our bond as mother and son was severed. He didn’t have a chance to open his eyes and see the world, and I didn’t have a chance to give him even a sliver of maternal love. I often think, if that child had been able to grow up safely, what would he be like now?”
She risked her life to give birth to that child, which damaged her health and rendered her unable to have children again. She lost the right to be a mother for the rest of her life, so she often felt envious when she saw other people with both sons and daughters.
Shu Ying knew a little about Xie Mingzhu having a child, but those were her past wounds, and she didn't bring them up herself, nor did others feel comfortable asking.
The loss of a child leaves a mother with a lifetime of sorrow. She herself is a mother of two and has truly lost a child before, so she can empathize with Xie Mingzhu's heart-wrenching grief at this moment.
"Sister, you are a very good mother. However, the fate between people is not something we can decide. I believe that the child in your body shares a heart with you and must have willingly chosen you as his mother. If the child cannot grow up safely, you will be the one who is most heartbroken. There is no doubt about that. We cannot do everything we can to give our child the best, but we also cannot have everything go as we wish."
Therefore, in many things, we can only do our best and leave the rest to fate.
Shu Ying also felt heartache for the baby who was still in swaddling clothes, but most people are powerless when faced with life and death.
Xie Mingzhu's face was covered in tears. Every time she thought of that child, it felt like many needles were pricking her heart.
So she could only numb herself.
“Actually, I knew Zhou Dawei wanted a child, but at that time I was pregnant and the village doctor said I could no longer have children. He gave my adoptive mother a dowry, but he felt that he had married a hen that couldn't lay eggs, so he was angry and took all his anger out on me.”
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