Chapter 61 Miscarriage: You Killed My Child
When He Lianqing arrived, upon seeing the scene, his heart skipped a beat, and he guessed about 70-80% of what was going on.
He hurriedly ordered the maid to bring hot water and invited Pei Xiaoyun out.
As dawn broke, hurried footsteps echoed both inside and outside the house.
Mingying bit her lip until it bled, her head was covered in sweat, and her hair was dripping and sticking to her face. Finally, she couldn't bear the pain anymore and let out a series of soft moans.
She was awakened by pain just before dawn.
In her sleep, a sudden feeling of heaviness rose in her lower abdomen, as if something was writhing inside, or as if someone was cutting her with scissors.
She was familiar with this feeling and guessed that it was probably the Five Elements Herb she had eaten that was working.
She was both excited and terrified, hoping that the pain she had endured wouldn't have been in vain.
Pei Xiaoyun had never been so nervous. Hearing her shrill screams, his lips tightened, his face darkened, and his profile resembled a thin blade.
My heart felt as if it had been stabbed, and with her voice, a sharp pain shot through me. What I saw in my eyes was still the crimson stain on the bedsheets.
how so?
He didn't understand; everything was fine last night.
He was still taking her measurements, planning to make her a wedding dress.
"I'm afraid the baby can't be saved," He Lianqing said anxiously as she came out.
Pei Xiaoyun's eyelids twitched, unaware that her lips were trembling. A rough sand seemed to be stuck in her throat, and she said quickly and heavily, "Just make sure she's safe."
He paused slightly, the wind blew the curtains, and several large, blood-red peonies under the eaves pierced his eyes. His fingertips suddenly trembled violently, and he threw back the curtains and rushed in, his shoulder bumping into the landscape screen, causing it to shift and sway.
Just then, the maids brought out several basins of bloody water, changed Mingying into clean clothes, and shrank back out.
Mingying's face was as thin as paper, pale and terrifying, her eyes were empty and lifeless, and there were two bloody teeth marks on her lips.
Pei Xiaoyun remained silent for a while, then looked away from her and turned to He Lianqing, "How is she?"
He Lianqing's face darkened, and he shook his head: "The adult is fine, but the fetus is gone."
The ringing in Mingying's ears from the pain subsided, and the spasmodic pain in her lower body slowly dissipated. Upon hearing that the fetus was gone, a blurry, watery image appeared before her eyes.
Immediately afterwards, a slight tremor escaped his chest—a suppressed sneer.
She had said long ago that she would not have any more of his children.
Now, it can be said that what one seeks has been obtained, and one's wish has been fulfilled.
Upon hearing the definite answer, Pei Xiaoyun calmed herself for a long while before her eyes reddened and she finally spoke: "How could this be?"
She enjoys the most meticulous care every day, and her diet and daily life are strictly controlled. How could something suddenly go wrong?
He Lianqing said, "I told you before, she used to take a lot of cold and harmful medicines. You were desperate and tried everything, making her take nourishing medicines. The fetus is already unstable in the first three months, and the yin and yang are in conflict. It's not surprising that she couldn't keep the baby."
Pei Xiaoyun felt a fog in his mind, as if he were floating in the clouds, his steps trembling and his mind and body unsteady.
This feeling—emptiness, fear, and helplessness—was something he had never experienced even when he was desperate, wounded, and on the verge of death.
He couldn't believe that their child was gone just like that.
He didn't know when He Lianqing left.
As dusk fell, darkness crept into the room.
Only Mingying's eyes remained, staring straight at him, still holding a glimmer of light, but containing a deep sorrow.
He wondered if she had experienced the same pain when she drank that medicine and went into labor alone.
He walked slowly over, took her cold hand, and comforted her, "Does it still hurt? It's alright now. Focus on getting better, and we won't worry about the future—"
"Don't touch me!" Mingying suddenly screamed, shaking off his hand, a tear trailing from the corner of her eye. "Three years ago, I got pregnant. You said it would affect your career and that you had to give up the child. You personally brought me a bowl of medicine and made me drink it. Is this pregnancy going to hinder your future again? Do you still think that someone as lowly as me is unworthy to give birth to your child? That's why you keep forcing me to drink some kind of pregnancy-preserving medicine."
Pei Xiaoyun was still in shock, unable to pull himself out of it, when she questioned him, word by word, "Was it a pregnancy-stabilizing medicine, or something else? Tell me!"
“I won’t harm you, it’s naturally a medicine to prevent miscarriage.” Pei Xiaoyun took her hand back, feeling the cold fingertips struggling in her palm, and then squeezed her hand tightly again and again.
But it was indeed him who caused her to lose her child.
He made her drink contraceptive soup for three years, forced her to drink abortifacients, she fell into the water, was exposed to wind, and he even used a poison on her, which made her weak and sickly, unable to keep the child.
She said it was his fault, and how could he refute that?
It was his fault.
He had assumed that she didn't like the child and didn't want to give birth to it.
But how could someone as kind-hearted and compassionate as her refuse? She gradually accepted it, and everything was slowly getting better. It's just a pity that fate played a cruel trick on her...
Mingying slowly pulled her fingers out of his palm. She had just miscarried and couldn't muster a strong expression, but her hoarse voice was more piercing than a knife: "If you despise me, you can let me go. You could even kill me in prison that day. Why did you have to scheme and plot to harm an innocent child? Is this what you mean by punishing me?"
Her words were like boulders crashing down on Pei Xiaoyun, making him fall lower and lower with each blow.
Pei Xiaoyun did not resist and let the stones hit her head.
On the small table beside the bed, there was a pair of flower shears that had not yet been put away and were used to trim flower stems. The silver-white shears gleamed with a sharp luster.
Mingying's eyes lit up, and taking advantage of his unpreparedness, she suddenly sat up and grabbed the flower shears.
"What are you doing!" Pei Xiaoyun was shocked and immediately tried to pry her palm open. "Let go!"
Mingying grasped his hand in return, guiding him to point the scissors at her own heart: "I know you hate me, kill me now, the child is gone, I don't want to live anymore, kill me now..."
The force she unleashed made it difficult for Pei Xiaoyun to control.
During their argument, Pei Xiaoyun, fearing he might hurt her, gripped the scissors tightly, the sharp blade piercing his palm, and drops of blood seeped onto the freshly changed, clean bedding.
"Kill me, what are you waiting for?!"
"Ah Ying!" Pei Xiaoyun called out her name in a loud voice.
Mingying's shoulders trembled, her dim eyes fixed, and the pressure on her hands loosened slightly.
"I'm sorry." In the endless, raging darkness, Pei Xiaoyun gripped her wrist and uttered these words in a deep voice.
Every word was tainted by the rising stench of blood, appearing somber and pitiful.
Mingying was still in pain, and she kept laughing coldly and panting.
Her body felt as if it had been flooded and torn apart by a wild beast, her jaw clenched so tightly that she lost all feeling.
For a moment, everything went dark, and the pain numbed me.
She forgot what she had done, forgot where she was, and forgot what year it was.
It all started with nothing more than a tragic fate!
Their entanglement continues, and who knows how much more will be needed to fill that gap.
Pei Xiaoyun restrained her wrist, reached for the handle of the scissors, and threw them to the ground with a "clatter".
He suddenly hugged her tightly, his grip as tight as his guilt, his chest heaving, his chin resting on the top of her head. "Don't be like this, and don't overthink things. Nobody looks down on you, and I don't want you to die. Losing the baby was indeed my fault, it was my fault, and I will make it up to you."
Mingying was extremely weak and unable to push him away. Listening to his words, she felt contempt.
She killed the child with her own hands.
With the child no longer in her womb, she felt both relieved and lonely.
Pei Xiaoyun didn't leave until she fell asleep.
"Sir, should we apply some medicine? If we don't treat it, you might get tetanus."
Pei Xiaoyun stared blankly at the wound on his palm. The flesh was turned inside out and still bleeding, but he felt no pain. He waved his hand and went to the study.
His mind was in turmoil, and the sound of her painful groans still echoed in his ears.
The change seems to happen overnight.
A sharp, throbbing pain shot through his forehead. He didn't know what it was, but it felt like countless tiny insects crawling all over his body, biting him in return.
He found the medicine bottle, poured out two pills, and swallowed them whole.
—
In the following days, Pei Xiaoyun stayed at home with Mingying, almost never leaving her side.
After the miscarriage, she spent her days leaning on the couch, and if it weren't for the fact that her eyes could still move, she would be no different from a mindless puppet.
They were all devastated by the loss of their child.
At first, he noticed that she would silently shed tears, but after a few days, her tears seemed to have dried up, and she stopped crying, just sitting there blankly.
He thought she had figured things out and let go, which was good; life had to move on.
Although the wedding date was still on the agenda, he felt guilty towards her and, thinking of her previous unwilling attitude, he no longer mentioned marriage to her openly.
Things will get better in a while.
"Mother, my nails have turned white again. When will you dye them for me again?"
“Mother, I have written the characters you taught me to recognize five times.”
Pei Yu'an took off his shoes, climbed onto the couch, and sat down next to Mingying.
She heard from her sister Luxue that her mother was sick and too weak to visit her until today. She wanted to talk to her mother more.
Mingying couldn't muster any energy. Only when Pei Yu'an spoke to her did she manage to pull herself together a little. She touched his soft hair, forced a smile, and said nothing.
Pei Xiaoyun took the medicine from the maid and came in. She saw the mother and daughter sitting together talking. Mingying was obviously not interested and forced a smile.
He put down the medicine bowl, picked up Pei Yu'an, and said gently to her, "Mother is ill, don't disturb her. Go to your room and write."
Pei Yu'an looked dejected, nodded, and left with the servants.
After Pei Yu'an left, he picked up the bowl of medicine again, stirred it with the spoon to let the heat dissipate, sat down next to Mingying, and personally fed her the medicine.
Mingying lowered her eyes, and when the medicine was brought to her lips, she opened her mouth and drank it half-heartedly.
"All the flowers you planted have bloomed. You can go for a walk in the yard now. Don't just lie around all day."
Seeing her wallowing in pain all day long, he feared she would develop a mental illness from bottling it up, and ultimately couldn't bear it.
Seeing the brownish-yellow medicine stains on the corner of her mouth, he brought her a handkerchief and held it to her lips, intending to wipe them away for her.
But she snatched it away, and the force of her grip caused the medicine in the bowl to tremble.
Seeing her like this, he was not only afraid that she would become depressed, but also afraid that she would be angry with him for the rest of her life.
For so many days, he dared not think about the unborn child who was destined to be with them but never would.
“Tomorrow, let’s go to the White Horse Temple and light a lamp.” His throat felt dry, and guilt spread through his chest.
Mingying remained unmoved, so he put his arm around her shoulder and said, "This child is not meant for us; perhaps it is fate. We still have our daughter, and we can still live a good life together in the future."
He Lianqing said that her two pregnancies had damaged her health, making it difficult for her to conceive again. But that didn't matter, as he was afraid of seeing her in such agony again.
Mingying suddenly spoke blankly, "Daughter, you didn't want her either. She almost died back then."
Pei Xiaoyun's heart clenched, and her breathing became heavy.
Not knowing what to say, I could only weakly reply, "It's all ancient history, why bring it up again?"
Unbeknownst to either of them, a small figure at the doorway turned and left at that moment.
"Old stories?" Mingying looked at him, a few tears falling. "So, in a few years, will you forget that child who's gone? Will you be able to sleep at night? Will you occasionally dream of his face, whether it was a boy or a girl?"
These words were even more ruthless than a blow to the heart.
Pei Xiaoyun was speechless for a moment. His usually proud and upright shoulders hunched down a bit, and the sharp angles of his face seemed to be dulled, blending into the dim light and shadow.
He couldn't sleep; how could he possibly sleep? He also felt deeply guilty.
"It's my fault." But all he could say after racking his brains was these few words. He took a handkerchief and wiped away her tears.
"Rest for a few more days until you're fully recovered. Once summer arrives, I'll take you back to Yangzhou to relax. Haven't you been back to your hometown in a long time?"
He wanted to instruct people in advance to renovate the small courtyard where they used to live in Yangzhou, and plant a yard full of flowers she liked, so they could live in the place they used to live.
He was waiting for her answer, to start over with her, and to try his best to make it up to her.
Mingying glanced at him with a mocking look in her eyes, then turned her head away.
"Get out, I don't want to see you."
-----------------------
Author's Note: This isn't the real pursuit of my wife yet; it's just an appetizer first. [doge emoji]
Please help! [crying emoji] [crying emoji] [crying emoji]
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
