Chapter 16 Stalemate: We'll Have More Children in the Future
His words struck Mingying like a heavy club, leaving her dizzy and disoriented.
She lived in constant fear, struggling to keep it a secret for over a month, thinking that things would be alright once he returned. But what she received was his cold, indifferent statement: "This child cannot be kept."
His murky, low breath transformed into an all-encompassing net.
Mingying felt a tightness in her chest as he held her close, her feet trembling as if they were walking on cotton, and she touched his clothes with a fluttering gait: "Can't... do I want it?"
Tears streamed down her face. She thought she was dreaming. She still couldn't believe he could be so heartless. "But didn't you say you would like children?"
She hoped he would change his mind and that what he said earlier wasn't true.
"As I said, that's in the future, not now."
Although Pei Xiaoyun's expression softened somewhat, his attitude remained firm. He held her in his arms and comforted her, "There are some things you don't understand. With this child, everything I've done has been in vain. We spent three years in Yangzhou living that kind of life. Isn't this good enough? Do you still want to go back to that time?"
For him, it wasn't just those three years, but also the two dark and hopeless years at Zhaozui Temple. Unwilling to spend his entire life subservient to others, this was a viable path.
But the child in her womb was a stumbling block that suddenly appeared on this path, catching him off guard.
As Mingying listened to his confident words, a bitter feeling filled her mouth.
What kind of career path is so crucial that success or failure must be attributed to an unborn child?
It's so small, lying innocently in her belly, what kind of threat could it possibly pose?
She didn't understand, but she knew that this was her child, a vibrant life.
Seeing her stubborn expression, Pei Xiaoyun realized she hadn't listened, so she reminded her again, "Besides, who are you? Don't forget your place. The mistress hasn't even entered the household yet, what do you expect her to do?"
Mingying's heart trembled, and she let out a cold sigh, pressing her body against his chest. The chill emanating from the man seeped into her bones.
How can you control a child's future? If he wants to protect it, you can do anything to protect it.
Ultimately, he was thinking about his future wife.
Yes, for a mere maidservant to give birth before the mistress of the house, isn't that a slap in the face to the county princess?
That's why he said he didn't want children.
And then what? Force-feed her abortifacient, making her look like a jade bell?
The crimson hue of the small Buddhist shrine is still vivid in my mind. Yu Zhong's words came true; on his deathbed, he cried out that everyone in the mansion was heartless.
At that time, she still held a sliver of hope. Others were other people, but Pei Xiaoyun was Pei Xiaoyun; he was different from everyone else.
Looking back now, nothing seems different.
Perhaps from the day she discovered she was pregnant, she was already on a dead end.
A chill ran down her spine, and she stammered, desperately trying to sway his mind: "How about this, young master, you send me to the estate to give birth to the child. If that's inconvenient, I'll live there with the child and teach him to read and write, as long as you come to visit us often—"
Before she could speak, Pei Xiaoyun interrupted her: "You're going to teach him? How many books have you read? How many words can you write?"
He mocked her for being too foolish; no matter how discreet she was, it was impossible for the Prince Yi's residence not to notice.
He was reminding her not to be presumptuous and act on her own initiative.
“Then when this servant gives birth to the child…” Mingying clutched the hem of her clothes, her voice almost hoarse as she spoke, “Young master, please find a family with a wealth of knowledge and literature for the child to be fostered outside temporarily.”
She would be willing to keep the child, even if she never saw him.
“No.” Pei Xiaoyun uttered two words in a deep voice, rejecting her naivety.
With each word he spoke, Mingying grew colder and colder, like a mayfly trying to shake a tree, or a mantis trying to stop a chariot. There was a mountain blocking her way, and her weak strength couldn't budge it an inch.
She understood that his mind was made up. He was just afraid that the child would make his future mistress lose face, so he didn't even agree to send the child to the estate, fearing that if word got out, the county princess would be mistreated.
She was of lowly birth, and dared not inquire about whom he loved or whom he chose to marry. She only wished to live a peaceful life huddled in a corner, but even that was no longer possible.
What did those vows from that night even mean? They were all lies.
He lied to her when he said he wanted to have a child with her, and he would never want to have children with her in the future.
She no longer had the strength to deceive herself.
Through his clothes, she couldn't feel his heart beating; it was so cold, as hard as a rock.
“This servant can take the child and leave now. I will not return to the Duke’s mansion, I will not tell anyone, I will not damage your reputation, and I will not embarrass the county princess.”
It took all her courage to say those words.
He kept her around just to play with her like a pet; it would have been better if she had left on her own, at least she wouldn't have died such a tragic death.
A faint fire ignited in Pei Xiaoyun's eyes. He pressed her head down and whispered in her ear, each word distinct and clear: "Do you know what you're saying?"
She actually dared to mention leaving him.
Everything else can be salvaged, except this one.
“You can’t leave, child, you can’t stay.” He said firmly, not giving her a chance to argue.
Mingying's heart was shattered into ashes, which scattered with the wind.
He blocked all her paths, pushing her step by step toward a dead end.
A familiar discomfort rose in her abdomen, perhaps the child was reminding her that a living life was inside her, and after so long, she had grown accustomed to its presence.
She had once looked forward to it with such anticipation and joy.
“Young master, but this is also my child.”
He arbitrarily deprived her of her right to be a mother. Did he think everyone was as cold-blooded and heartless as him?
"Alright." Pei Xiaoyun listened to her crying, his gaze falling on her flat stomach. His eyes were inexplicably stung, and his voice was hoarse. "I know, but it's come at the worst possible time. We can have another child later."
"I might not have it." Mingying stared at him blankly.
The female doctor had told her that she suffered from uterine coldness and had been taking contraceptive soup for several years. Her pregnancy was a blessing from heaven and was hard-won.
He casually uttered a single sentence, simply to avoid upsetting others, and lightly let a life slip by.
"When the time is right, I will ask a renowned gynecologist to treat you..."
His lips opened and closed, but Mingying no longer wanted to listen, nor could she hear clearly anymore.
After days of fear and the pain he had caused her, she suddenly fainted in his arms.
Pei Xiaoyun's heart sank, and he frowned as he called out to her, "Mian'er?!"
—
A sudden downpour occurred, and raindrops fell from the branches with a soft patter.
The maids in the courtyard whispered among themselves, "What's going on? As soon as Master came back, Miss Ming fell ill? I heard that Master invited a doctor from outside and won't let anyone near her."
"She's probably faking it, trying to curry favor with the old man now that he's back. Isn't she always like this? So spoiled."
...
When Mingying woke up, the doctor had already left.
As soon as she opened her eyes, she saw Pei Xiaoyun's face; he was unusually staying by her bedside.
Pei Xiaoyun watched as those eyes blinked slightly until they were fully open, then touched her pale face: "The doctor said you were too tired and fainted because of insufficient blood and qi. What kind of work did you do while I was away? Did someone take the opportunity to mistreat you?"
Mingying did not answer him first. She touched her lower abdomen through the brocade quilt and felt that strange sensation. Only then did her tense mind relax a little, and she slowly opened her mouth.
“This servant did not do any heavy work, young master. Have you forgotten that I have been in poor health since I was a child? Ever since that year when I delivered a letter to you and spent the night in the lake, I have become even weaker and sicker.”
Her bright eyes stared straight at him.
She hoped he would think of her for once; she didn't want to end up like Yu Zhong, dying along with her unborn child.
Pei Xiaoyun gazed intently at her; her eyes held a pool of clear water, ready to overflow at any moment.
Deliver letters.
That was three years ago, the year she had just started dating him.
He had a secret letter that he needed to deliver to the Yangzhou garrison commander without the old emperor's notice, but he was surrounded by spies and secret agents, and Kong Qing was unable to shake them off.
At that time, he had just redeemed Mingying from her servitude and had not yet allowed her to serve him personally. He only thought she played the pipa well and would call her in to play a piece to relieve his boredom in his spare time.
With no one else available, he thought of her after much deliberation. He gave her a letter, asking her to distract the others so that Kong Qing could deliver the message.
She agreed with great conviction, but he had no hope for her; if she were caught, it would be her fate.
Unexpectedly, in order to protect the letter, she jumped into the lake in the dead of winter, and indeed delivered the letter back the next morning.
After that, he lowered his guard and asked her to come into the room to serve him.
As his thoughts returned, he saw Mingying take his hand, a few tears falling onto the pillow.
She looks exactly the same as she did three years ago, with no change in her appearance.
He leaned closer and said, "You don't need to work anymore, just get some rest."
He realized he had been pushing her too hard. The child was hard-won, and she must be reluctant and scared. He should give her some time.
Mingying's heart pounded. She tried her best to convince herself that what she had just seen in his eyes was emotion. She tightened her grip on his hand: "Young Master, that child..."
Will he agree to let the child stay?
They spent those years together, went through so much together, how could he not love their child?
The charcoal in the stove glowed red-hot, then suddenly sparks flew out, casting orange-red light and shadows on the walls, filling the room with tranquility.
Pei Xiaoyun's expression clouded for a moment, but finally hardened into a resolute one: "It's still early. Take some tonics for a while and get your body in better shape before we talk about it."
He has already taken care of the doctor and won't let a word of it slip out.
He had asked the doctor about the miscarriage before she woke up. The doctor was an expert in gynecology and said that she was weak and that everything else should wait until she recovered.
Upon hearing his words, Mingying deflated like a punctured balloon, her hands hanging limply as she stared blankly at the canopy above her head.
Pei Xiaoyun had no official business for several days in a row, so he would come to see her every day and personally supervise the maid to feed her medicine.
These were all top-quality tonics, and she drank all the bitter medicine, not leaving a single drop.
Are you feeling better?
He personally went to Qianweilou and bought several of her favorite pastries, deliberately avoiding the meat-filled and greasy ones and choosing some vegetarian ones instead.
"I'm feeling much better, thank you for your concern, young master."
Mingying ate a few bites of the pastry, but it tasted like cardboard. His attentiveness and concern made her shudder.
She had also seen women who were pregnant, with their husbands always by their side, eagerly anticipating the birth of their children.
He came to see her take her medicine only because he was afraid that if she didn't take it, she wouldn't recover properly and wouldn't be able to get rid of the child.
With each bowl of medicine she drank, her fear grew stronger.
These past few days, I've been having frequent dreams about Yu Zhong, and also about the time I was in Mian Yue Lou, where women who had become pregnant unintentionally were forced to drink a bowl of abortifacient. Those who were weak were dragged away, barely alive, with blood everywhere.
As she ate, her cheeks bulged out, and her eyes reddened again.
Seeing her face scrunched up, Pei Xiaoyun couldn't help but reach out and rub her chin. "If you can't eat, then don't. We'll have dinner later. I've asked the kitchen to make some ginseng and pigeon soup. Drink a few more bowls."
After touching her chin, he touched the tip of her ear. For the first time, Mingying realized with particular clarity that she was his pet, whom he could pamper, scold, beat, or kill as he pleased.
"Does the young master not have any official business to attend to these days?"
Is this matter so irreconcilable that he can worry about her day and night and keep an eye on her all the time?
Considering she was ill, Pei Xiaoyun was tolerant and even smiled, "What do you mean? I'm keeping you company, but you're not happy about it?"
A note from the author:
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