Upon hearing such a term for the first time, Hongli looked surprised and asked, "What is 'white moonlight'?"
At that moment, Su Yushan suddenly remembered that she had asked him if he had someone he liked. Hongli's expression was very unnatural, as if he was thinking about something. He probably thought of Lan Rong.
It turns out everything was traceable. With a wry smile, Su Yushan explained calmly, "It's the purest and most beautiful existence in your heart, the first person you liked and can't forget."
Did he like Lan Rong? Hongli had never thought about this question. "At that time, she was my palace maid, serving me every day. I felt sorry for her background, so I would give her more rewards during festivals."
Later, she was suddenly attacked. She bravely shielded me with her body, and a vibrant life vanished before my eyes. It was the first time I had witnessed someone's death, and this person died because of me. I felt guilty and remorseful, and I was in unbearable pain.
If it weren't for her saving me back then, I might not have escaped that calamity and wouldn't be alive today. So for a long time after she left, I would dream of her from time to time. Sometimes I dreamed that she was smiling, and sometimes I dreamed that she was covered in blood..."
Su Yushan had always thought that Hongli was heartless. Perhaps he had other women, but no one could enter his heart. Only today did she realize that someone had already entered his heart before her, and she was completely unaware of it, thinking that she was the only one who had moved his heart.
Sure enough! Some things are better left unknown. Once you know them, they can cause upheaval and disturb your peace of mind.
Suppressing her heart attack, Su Yushan shifted her gaze to the wall inside the tent, her eyelashes fluttering slightly as she softly said:
"She saved your life, and that is truly unforgettable. That's what a 'white moonlight' is all about."
Realizing she seemed to have misunderstood something, Hongli immediately clarified, "It's this incident that shocked me so much that it's etched in my memory, not her as a person! Didn't you say that the first person you like is the one you consider your 'white moonlight'? I just felt sorry for her background; I never liked her."
However, some attraction is unknowing. "When a man feels that a woman is pitiful, that is the beginning of his attraction."
"It's not as complicated as you think, Yushan..." Hongli wanted to say more, but she was too heartbroken to listen any longer.
"Maybe I'm just overthinking it. Oh well, it's your private matter, and I shouldn't interfere."
This sounded awkward no matter how you looked at it, so Hongli immediately explained, "I have never had any private matters to discuss with you, and I have always been very honest with you."
Su Yushan is still troubled because he just said he would dream about her. He said it was because of self-blame and fear of death, but who knows what else might be in his dreams?
In storybooks, it's easy for palace maids and princes who grew up together to develop feelings for each other. Lan Rong once risked her life to save him. Such a woman who is willing to be like a moth drawn to a flame is especially touching, isn't she?
But fate had other plans, and Lan Rong became his concubine. Such a coincidence must be what they call destiny.
Su Yushan suddenly felt like she had become an observer. Their story was deeply imprinted in his mind, while she was just a passerby who had comforted him for a time. Now that Lan Rong had returned to his side, she should quietly retreat.
No matter what he said, she wouldn't respond, keeping her eyes closed and silent, as if she were asleep. Hongli, helpless, had no choice but to give up.
"Since you're tired, you should go to sleep first, and we can talk another day."
She couldn't sleep, but she didn't want to say anything.
She had always thought she knew Hongli well, but at this moment, she was shocked to realize that she knew nothing about his past.
Although such a realization is painful, after experiencing too much heart-wrenching love and hate, Su Yushan has become strong and will no longer easily wallow in melancholy.
Should she hold a grudge? It seems she shouldn't, but there's still a tugging pain in her heart that she can clearly feel. But she won't cry, she won't let herself wallow in grief, because she chose this path herself. She won't allow herself to be saddened by love anymore. She will only forcefully suppress it in a corner of her heart, letting time crush it and gradually turn it into dust.
Hongli tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Yushan didn't make a sound, but he could tell from her breathing that she wasn't truly asleep.
He was afraid that if he didn't tell her, she would misunderstand later; but if he did tell her, she still misunderstood. Hongli didn't know what the right thing to do was.
With a deep sigh, he fell asleep with his worries weighing on his mind, hoping that Yu Shan could come to her senses soon and stop overthinking.
The next morning, Hongli woke up early, but he did not get up. Li Yu called him twice from outside, but he did not respond, wanting to see how Su Yushan would react.
She would usually wake up around this time and call out to him, but this morning she didn't make a sound and remained with her back to him.
He knew Su Yushan was a light sleeper, and she must have heard him at this moment, but she didn't want to wake him, probably still angry with him about what happened last night.
Unfortunately, he was in a hurry to enter the palace and could only coax her after he returned.
After he changed his clothes, washed up, and left, Su Yushan turned around and opened her eyes.
The candlelight on the table was still burning. She had loved passionately back then, yearning for love in her heart. Her love burned so intensely, but later she suffered a severe blow, leaving her deeply wounded.
Now she has been comforted by his persistence and has chosen to believe in love again, but there is only a small flame left in her heart that needs to be carefully protected. Once it is blown out by an unexpected storm, it will be completely extinguished and difficult to rekindle.
Su Yushan didn't know if she could withstand the wind, or if the flame would burn brightly or be extinguished.
She didn't want to be bothered by other people's affairs, so she simply turned over, closed her eyes, and continued to sleep, hoping that she wouldn't think about anything else once she fell asleep.
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