Chapter 143 IF - Pei Line (17): I'm loving you so much...
Taking advantage of Pei Yanxi's break, Yun Zhan took some time to go to the hospital's rooftop. The wind there was always strong, just like when she went to the hospital to see Su Jue. The smell of disinfectant mixed with the evening breeze, yet it brought a moment of peace to her chaotic thoughts.
Yun Zhan leaned against the cold railing, took out a cigarette from his pocket, skillfully shook out a cigarette, and lit it.
The scarlet flame flickered in the dim light; she hadn't smoked in a long time.
The first puff of smoke made her cough violently, and tears welled up in her eyes.
Pei Yanxi's tearful eyes and her humble question, "Can you... teach me?" echoed repeatedly in Yun Zhan's mind like a curse.
Yun Zhan sighed; she admitted that she was wavering.
Pity, reluctance, and a flutter of the heart... all sorts of unfamiliar emotions arose from her, wildly entangling her and almost drowning her in them.
But she didn't dare.
What she feared was not giving up on going home, but that she would regret it.
"The last place we went before we traveled through time was the cemetery, back then... to see Su Jue."
Amidst the swirling smoke, a delicate and gentle face unexpectedly entered Yun Zhan's memory.
Su Jue.
This is the deepest thorn in Yun Zhan's heart; every touch, every recollection, brings excruciating pain.
Su Jue used to make all sorts of excuses to live with her, secretly bought a lot of matching items and hid them at home, quietly prepared breakfast for himself every morning, and would look at her quietly and attentively with his clean and clear eyes when she was working.
And what about her?
She took Su Jue's kindness for granted as friendship, never realizing the subtle affection he harbored, until... until they were separated by death.
Until Su Jue was terminally ill, he held her hand in the hospital room and told her he loved her. The lines of his will were filled with Yun Zhan's name... nailing Yun Zhan's obtuseness and selfishness to the pillar of shame.
"Yeah, so you're going to let another girl down. Miss Pei loves you just as much as Su Jue does." 21 couldn't help but retort to Yun Zhan.
"You owe Su Jue an 'I'm sorry,' and you owe her a response that you should have given. This heavy guilt makes you incredibly timid when it comes to relationships."
"Now, Pei Yanxi has appeared. You're scared again."
Pei Yanxi presented her bleeding heart to Yun Zhan in an even more fervent, obsessive, and reckless manner.
Yun Zhan lowered her head, afraid that history would repeat itself.
She was afraid that she couldn't give Pei Yanxi the love she wanted, and that her momentary softness and wavering would eventually turn into even more cruel harm.
She feared that once the novelty and pity faded, they would grow tired of each other like normal couples, and that she would distance herself from her because she had given up her obsession with going home, and that her partner would push her away.
"Dating is really uncertain. We're not family, and she comes from such a good family. We might not even be able to be together openly..."
Yun Zhan took a deep drag on her cigarette. It wasn't that she had no feelings for Pei Yanxi at all; she just didn't believe in love.
She didn't dare to gamble.
Because the stakes are two people's entire lives, and she can no longer afford to lose or hurt anyone else.
"Su Jue..." Yun Zhan murmured softly, his voice broken by the wind: "Tell me, if I make the wrong choice again... will she... look down on me even more?"
No, because she loves you.
21. Answer her.
The night was as dark as ink, so thick it was impossible to see through.
After Pei Yanxi finished treating her wounds, they took a car back. Only a dim night light was left on in the apartment, casting long, gently overlapping shadows of the two of them on the wall.
Yun Zhan lay on the bed, his back to Pei Yanxi.
Her eyes were tightly closed, but her brows remained furrowed. Her even breathing was exceptionally clear in the quiet bedroom, as if she had fallen into a deep sleep.
Yun Zhan still carried the cold wind from the balcony and a faint smell of tobacco, a scent that made Pei Yanxi's heart clench, yet she was inexplicably captivated by it.
Did you sneak a smoke?
What was Yun Zhan thinking? Pei Yanxi suddenly felt uneasy. She couldn't guess what Yun Zhan was thinking, and this made her very anxious...
Pei Yanxi lay on her side, not asleep. Her clear, peach-blossom eyes gazed silently at Yun Zhan's back in the darkness. Her gaze was no longer that of pitiful woman during the day, but rather a kind of possessiveness bordering on greed.
"consider"……
"time"……
Pei Yanxi took a deep breath. She had given Yun Zhan time and space, but the feeling of handing over control was tormenting her every second.
Trust? Patience?
Those are the excuses of the weak. A true hunter never places his hopes on the prey's self-awareness.
After an unknown amount of time, and confirming that Yun Zhan was completely asleep, Pei Yanxi slowly and quietly sat up.
Moonlight streamed through the gauze curtains, flowing across her silk nightgown and outlining her perfect curves.
On the bedside table, Yun Zhan's phone was quietly charging.
Pei Yanxi's gaze fell on the phone screen, and her eyes instantly became dark and unfathomable.
She wanted to know what Yun Zhan was thinking while he was "considering"... She wanted to know who Yun Zhan contacted, what he said, and which side her wavering heart would ultimately lean towards.
Pei Yanxi could no longer tolerate any possibility of things getting out of control.
She reached out her slender fingers and picked up the data cable next to her phone. The other end was connected to her own tablet. She quickly plugged the data cable into her tablet, and the screen lit up slightly, illuminating Pei Yanxi's expressionless face.
A string of complex code scrolled rapidly across the screen; she knew Yun Zhan's phone model and operating system version inside and out. Cracking the password was a piece of cake for her.
A soft "beep" sounded, almost inaudible in the silence.
Yun Zhan's phone was unlocked.
Pei Yan didn't bother to look at the chat logs or call details. She manipulated the computer and silently transferred a program disguised as a system update file to Yun Zhan's phone via data cable. The whole process was smooth and took no more than thirty seconds.
From then on, every call Yun Zhan made, every message he sent, and even every sound from the surrounding environment would be transmitted to her ears without reservation.
She will become Yun Zhan's shadow... monitoring her every move.
After doing all this, Pei Yanxi unplugged the data cable and put the phone back in its original place, as if nothing had happened.
She lay down again and turned to look at Yun Zhan once more.
This time, her gaze was no longer anxious, but rather held a hint of satisfaction and peace of mind that came from having everything under control.
She reached out and traced Yun Zhan's features with her fingertips through the air, from his forehead to the bridge of his nose... and then to his tightly pursed lips.
“Yun Zhan…”
She called out that name in the gentlest voice in her heart.
"Tell me, how can I learn to love?"
"Instead of spending a lot of time trying to be a normal person, I'd rather... right now, in my own way, love you properly."
Her love wove a net that stretched to the heavens and earth, constructing an impenetrable cage.
What she wanted was never Yun Zhan's "consideration," but her everything.
The following day, the oppressive atmosphere of the night left Yun Zhan feeling somewhat suffocated.
She needs fresh air.
"Senior, may I go out for a walk?" Yun Zhan asked Pei Yanxi after he finished dressing.
Pei Yanxi frowned subconsciously, but quickly relaxed: "Yeah...come back soon."
"I want you to think it over carefully, and I won't interfere with your decision..."
Pei Yanxi walked in front of her, took off her scarf, and put it around Yun Zhan's neck: "It's cold outside, wear this."
Yun Zhan felt a little guilty, pursed his lips, but ultimately said nothing...
Yun Zhan walked down the street, without a specific destination, simply strolling slowly along the sidewalk. A cool breeze brushed against her cheek, calming her chaotic thoughts slightly.
Meanwhile, in the top-floor office of the Pei Group, huge floor-to-ceiling windows offer a panoramic view of the city's prosperity.
Pei Yanxi sat upright behind her desk, her fingertips lightly tapping on the keyboard.
On her computer screen, instead of tedious reports or emails, there was a real-time monitoring screen divided into several windows.
"Miss Pei, Miss Yun is currently in Zone A."
"Okay, I can see it."
Pei Yanxi took a sip of coffee, zoomed in on the screen with her fingertips, and took a close look at Yun Zhan's face.
One second she said she wouldn't interfere with Yun Zhan's decision, the next she was monitoring Yun Zhan.
But so what? She's never been a reasonable person.
In the scene, Yun Zhan is walking alone on the street with her head down. Her figure appears somewhat frail amidst the bustling crowd, carrying a hint of imperceptible loneliness.
Pei Yanxi's gaze softened, and her fingertips unconsciously traced the cold tabletop, as if she were tracing Yun Zhan's outline from afar.
She watched quietly, enjoying the secret pleasure of "I know everything about you, and you know nothing about me".
This made her feel like an omnipotent god, and Yun Zhan was her only believer.
Yun Zhan in the picture seems a little tired and walks into an elegantly decorated dessert shop.
Pei Yanxi's lips curled up almost imperceptibly.
She knew this shop; Yun Zhan really liked their tiramisu.
Everything is still under her control.
She even brewed herself another cup of black tea with great interest, preparing to leisurely "accompany" Yun Zhan through this afternoon tea time.
However, the scene that appeared on the screen the next second froze the faint smile on Pei Yanxi's face.
A tall woman in a suit and uniform, with a stunningly beautiful back view, walked out from behind the bar.
She walked straight toward Yun Zhan's seat, her steps carrying an uncontrollable urgency.
The woman raised her head, revealing a pure and familiar face... In that instant, Pei Yanxi's hand gripping the mouse tightened suddenly, her knuckles turning white from the force.
The moon shines brightly.
The moment Shi Mingyue saw Yun Zhan, her pupils contracted sharply. Her usually gentle eyes instantly welled up with an intense love and reluctance that almost overflowed... and deeper still, there was a trace of anxiety that she was desperately suppressing.
As if gripped by some immense emotion, she almost disregarded all decorum and pretense, rushing forward in three strides and grabbing Yun Zhan's hand on the table amidst his astonished gaze.
That hand was trembling slightly, and Shi Mingyue's voice had lost its usual composure, becoming broken and hoarse:
“Yun…Yun Zhan…”
Shi Mingyue gripped Yun Zhan's hand tightly, her lips stiffening and then trembling slightly uncontrollably.
Immediately afterwards, the light and shadow of the entire world in her pupils collapsed inward, leaving only Yun Zhan's clear figure.
Shi Mingyue's eyes visibly reddened, and moisture quickly filled the air, blurring her vision. Yet, this only made her more desperate and greedy in her pursuit of Yun Zhan's features.
"Don't go... I... I need to talk to you... Yun Zhan, you can't leave..."
Shi Mingyue had been suppressing her feelings for too long. Her eyes were filled with love that bordered on despair, the ecstasy of something lost and then regained, and a deep-seated fear that what she was seeing was an illusion.
"Bang--"
In the office, the cup of freshly brewed black tea in front of Pei Yanxi was violently swept to the floor. The scalding tea soaked the expensive carpet, releasing a bitter aroma.
Pei Yanxi stared intently at the screen, the morbid tenderness and satisfaction in her eyes vanished without a trace, replaced by an undisguised jealousy and anger.
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