Chapter 58. Those people and events are no longer relevant to her.
Does she love him?
Yuezhi couldn't give herself a definitive answer, but when he roughly tore open her clothes, pressed his burning chest against her cold shoulder, and impatiently expressed his love for her with his body, a tiny bit of warmth rose in her heart.
His kisses could warm even the coldest body, which was as soft as wood soaked in water; and he could melt even the saddest tears into sweetness.
Yuezhi felt somewhat unrecognizable to herself. Since when had she become a plaything in his hands? Even the blushing in her breasts, which she herself was ashamed to talk about, was easily soothed by him. It seemed that Pei Heng knew her body better than she did...
This feeling of being out of control terrified her.
What I thought was genuine care and affection that grew over time turned out to be the emperor's calculated maneuvering.
He could charge into battle and shed blood for the throne, or he could tell a colossal lie for a woman.
Anyway, she was powerless to resist. She was weak and blind, and she was pregnant with his child. She couldn't even protect her own body. Even if she knew everything, she could only belong to him.
Sinking into the soft bedding, I could hear his whispers over and over again, tinged with intense desire.
"Yuezhi, I know you like me too."
"Only I can make you happy, only me."
“Look how well-behaved our child is. He even said he was moving in the womb at night. You should let me stay with you so the child knows that his father is there and he won’t fuss.”
Yuezhi simply turned her head away, unable to escape his kisses and passion. Her neck was covered in his saliva, and she clenched her teeth, refusing to respond to even a soft moan.
But gradually, she came to understand.
She was powerless to resist everything he gave her. She couldn't continue like this. What could she gain from going against Pei Heng in these trivial matters, other than making him watch her more closely and deepen his obsession with her?
All the tension in her mind relaxed, and what came out was a sweet, cloying moan.
As if resigned to her fate, as if disregarding everything, Yuezhi opened her arms and hugged his back tightly, interlocking her fingers, leaving his favorite pain on it as usual.
"Aheng...Aheng..." She started laughing, then cried. Not knowing what to say, she could only call his name.
"Yuezhi, it's me, I'm right here."
He used her favorite things to please her, to see her happy, to see her cry, to make her forget her anger and doubt, and to bring her back to the sweetness of loving him.
They were in love.
The child and her trembling body as she tightly embraces him are proof of this.
What could be more real or happier than this?
The embarrassing sounds lasted for more than an hour. When the sounds subsided, there was still no news of the master inside ordering breakfast, so the palace servants could only wait outside.
Hua Chun stood guard outside the door, listening to the interrogation and quarrel inside turn into deep affection between husband and wife. She was still trembling with fear, afraid that the emperor would punish her for taking the initiative to search, and even more afraid that the princess would no longer want her and would drive her away.
What master in the world could be better than a princess? She has a good temper, is not picky, and is generous and considerate to those around her. If you were to be driven away, how could you possibly be lucky enough to meet someone as good as a princess?
Everyone has their own thoughts.
Yuezhi then closed her eyes wearily, concealing the emotions hidden in her eyes and heart.
A body pressed against hers from behind, lingeringly kissing her shoulder, whispering pleadingly, "Royal sister, are you still angry with me? Was it because I didn't serve you well?"
Yuezhi turned to her side and hugged the blanket tightly, her voice weak.
"No, I'm not angry with you anymore. I just don't understand, what do you like about me? My face? My kindness to you? Or my body...?"
Pei Heng smiled and hugged her tightly from behind. "I like everything, but I like it even more when you're by my side. As long as you're here and I can see you happy, I feel especially at ease."
"So this is what love is like..."
"Yes, that's what love is like."
Pei Heng was pleased that she had finally come to her senses, but little did he know that behind Yue Zhi's sigh lay a deep sorrow.
She really didn't love him.
The so-called "love and happiness" is nothing more than an illusion created when their bodies intertwine. It is only because he was by her side when she was most lonely and helpless that she depends on him, misses him, and longs for him.
“Those things… if you can’t stand seeing them left here, then have someone take them away. In the end, all I want is for you to be with me. With you, what more could I ask for?” The young man’s voice was gentle and considerate, showing no trace of his previous stubbornness.
Yuezhi gave a muffled "hmm," her voice as usual, "Let's put them away. The person is already gone, what's the point of keeping these things? It'll only make me sad."
"Okay, okay, I'll do whatever you say." Pei Heng hugged her and the blankets tightly, "As long as you have me in your heart, I'll do whatever you want."
Yuezhi chuckled softly, "Silly boy."
The lighthearted teasing made Pei Heng feel much more at ease. He nuzzled her nape, where her hair was disheveled, and kissed her repeatedly.
The important minister he was to meet today was already waiting at the Winter Warm Pavilion. Pei Heng was so engrossed in his intimacy with her on the bed that he didn't even have time for breakfast before rushing off to handle state affairs.
After everyone left, the bedchamber returned to tranquility.
Yuezhi did not call anyone in to serve her. She slowly sat up from the dragon bed. Thinking of what had just happened, a strong feeling of nausea rushed from her stomach to her throat.
"Ugh..." She covered her mouth tightly, her whole body trembling violently. She gagged a few times, her stomach churning with acid, but she couldn't vomit anything.
How disgusting, how disgusting, how disgusting!
Outside the window, the summer sun shone brightly, but she was like a lone leaf hanging from a branch, toyed with by the fierce wind, teetering on the brink of collapse, enduring the bone-chilling cold that spread from her heart to every part of her body.
She could have married the prince consort and lived a warm and ordinary life together, but because of Pei Heng's selfish desires, the Liang family lost a son, and she lost all hope for the rest of her life. Like countless other women trapped in the harem, she was imprisoned here by him.
If there is love, she will go without hesitation.
But it was all a deception. He arrogantly ruined her, taking her from the mountains to a greenhouse, and from the greenhouse to a vase. Her space shrank more and more, and sooner or later she would wither and fade away like a concubine from a previous dynasty.
How could such a fine young man have turned out like this?
Or perhaps she never truly understood Pei Heng, unable to comprehend the price he paid for everything he gained, and whether she herself would be that price...
Yuezhi sat there for a long time, overwhelmed by shock, nausea, and despair that burned through her very being.
She could no longer cry or scream; she just sat there, her body ice-cold, her fingertips digging deep into her palms, using the pain to remind herself that she still had to live.
Yes, she can't fall down, she has to do something, even if it's just for the sake of the unborn child in her womb.
She fumbled to put on her inner skirt, then called Huachun over. She didn't mention anything about what had just happened, only instructing her to put away the items on the table and take them back to Jinghezhai.
Stepping outside, the scorching sun beats down, warming the body.
A gentle breeze blew as she slowly descended the steps, her steps unwavering.
*
That night, Pei Heng wisely refrained from disturbing her, giving her enough space to recover her composure.
After confirming that she was fast asleep, he quietly called Huachun to his side and asked, "Has the princess shown any unusual behavior recently?"
Hua Chun pondered for a moment and replied, "Your Majesty, apart from the fact that the princess spoke alone with Physician Su that day, there was nothing unusual."
"So what did she do with those old things?"
"As soon as the items were brought back to Jinghezhai, the princess took them to the small kitchen and burned them one by one." Huachun lowered her eyes and flattered, "In fact, the princess had locked up all the things related to the consort a long time ago and had never looked at them again. Today, she burned them, which means that the princess has let go of the past and is willing to live a good life for the young prince and the emperor."
Hearing this, Pei Heng felt much better and nodded. "You're very clever. You know what to say and what not to say. If the princess is unwell again in the future, you must advise her in time. You must not let her act recklessly like you did today."
"Yes, Your Majesty, this servant will obey your decree." Hua Chun left the Taiji Palace without any serious incident.
With the storm over, Pei Heng was just waiting for the aftershocks to pass before getting closer to Yue Zhi a few more times, and then they could finally get married.
The next day, a palace servant from Jinghezhai came to deliver a message, saying that Su Jingyun had begged the princess while serving medicine, hoping to return to his hometown to visit his relatives, and asking the princess to plead with the emperor to allow him to leave the palace.
The princess actually agreed.
Pei Heng was overjoyed. If it weren't for Yue Zhi's old friendship with Su Jingyun, he would never have kept someone who knew the truth by Yue Zhi's side. Now that Su Jingyun had asked to leave, he must have figured out the limits and finally understood his own limitations.
Therefore, when Yuezhi came to ask for his help, he readily agreed and immediately had Su Jingyun's imperial physician's certificate taken away and sent out of the capital.
When an old friend leaves, it is a time when Yuezhi is easily saddened. He takes the initiative to go to her side, puts his arm around her slightly trembling shoulder, and gently accompanies her, like a cold and venomous snake, finally trapping her in his own nest.
“Everyone has their own place to go. His heart is not in the palace. What’s the use of forcing him to stay? There are plenty of imperial physicians in the palace. I will choose the best one for you. They will surely take good care of you and the child.”
Yuezhi nestled in his arms, burying her face in his chest, her voice muffled, filled with grievance and sadness: "They've all left, will you leave too?"
Pei Heng held her tightly and comforted her gently, "I want to stay with you for the rest of my life, how could I bear to leave you?"
Yuezhi looked up, her eyes welling up with tears. She released her grip on his clothes, reached down, and took his hands in her own.
Pei Heng cupped her hands in his palms and asked, "What's wrong?"
"Aheng..." she softened her voice, with a hint of longing and pleading, "I want to go back to the princess's residence for two days."
Pei Heng's affectionate eyes immediately became alert.
Yuezhi lowered her head sadly, "I feel uneasy. All the familiar people around me have left. Zhiyan is also quite far along in her pregnancy, so it's not convenient to invite her over all the time. The palace is so isolated, and the Imperial Garden is only so big. I just wander around and there's nothing new... I miss home..."
“In the spring, I scattered the lotus seeds that my sworn brother gave me into the lake. Five months have passed, and the lotus leaves in the lake must be growing very well. They may have even started to bloom. There are also fruit trees, bamboo groves, and my flower garden in the mansion. I am not here, and I don’t know if the servants in the mansion have taken good care of them.”
Her soft, slow voice revealed her anxiety and unease at losing familiar people and surroundings.
Even though she felt uncomfortable, she didn't argue with him. She just explained the reason in a gentle voice, hoping that he would allow it.
She paused at the right moment, her voice carrying a hint of barely perceptible firmness, and said coquettishly, "Originally, I didn't need to tell you; I would have taken people back by myself. But you are, after all, the father of the child. I was afraid you would worry if you couldn't find me when you came back from court, so I came to tell you."
Pei Heng's unfounded suspicions were dispelled by her gentle attitude.
Yuezhi was a soft-hearted person, so how could she harbor resentment towards him because of a few words of argument that day? On the contrary, he was guilty of hiding something and made wild guesses about her.
She has already accepted the fact that he is the father of her child, so what else does he have to worry about?
After a moment of silence, he smiled and rubbed her hand: "Then go back and stay for three to five days, take a look at your precious lotus flowers, and come back to the palace when you feel better."
Yuezhi smiled gently, "When I come back, I'll pick the most beautiful lotus flower for you."
"Alright, I'll be waiting for you."
They spent another tender night together, and the next morning, Pei Heng put her in a carriage and instructed his attendants to take good care of her.
The moment the curtain fell, Yue Zhi's gentle gaze vanished without a trace. Her hands clasped tightly in front of her, and her unfocused eyes held only a stagnant coldness and resolute determination.
As the carriage left the palace, Duan Yunting, who was guarding the palace gate, greeted her carriage as usual, but this time, Yuezhi ignored him.
The carriage did not stop and headed straight out of the palace.
*
It was summer, and the princess's residence was lush and green. Lotus flowers bloomed all over the lake, filling the air with fragrance. A gentle breeze swept across the lake, causing the flowers and leaves to tremble and carrying the fragrance throughout the entire residence.
This time, she only came back for a few days, and she did not bring back the luggage and clothes she brought into the palace. Yuezhi sent people to tidy up the main courtyard, and she called Huachun, and the two of them rowed a small boat to the lake to see the lotus flowers.
"Princess, can you smell it? The lotus flowers smell so good."
The small boat floated in the middle of the lake. Huachun pulled down a lotus flower to try and cheer Yuezhi up, but she saw that Yuezhi's face was getting more and more gloomy.
No one will come near here, and no one else will be able to hear them talking.
Yuezhi sighed and slowly said, "There's no one else here, so let's talk about something else today."
Hua Chun asked in confusion, "What is the princess saying?"
"Do you think that just because I'm blind, I'm a fool who can be easily manipulated? You're the one who serves me closely, and you know better than I how my information and the love poems I gave to the prince consort ended up with the emperor."
Hua Chun's face turned pale instantly, and she hurriedly explained, "Princess, I had no choice. His Majesty was worried about you, and he was only doing it for your own good!"
"You don't need to explain," Yuezhi interrupted her. The sound of the lake water being stirred by the wind and the sound of the wind rustling the lotus leaves brought her a rare calm, and the depression and gloom of the past few days were relieved.
“I may be blind, but I am not blind. I will not hold it against you because you are just a pitiful person who obeys orders. Even I cannot escape the emperor’s control, so how can I expect you to risk your life to disobey his orders?”
Huachun slowly released the lotus branch in her hand and lowered her head in remorse before her.
“I know that the princess treats me well, but the emperor is the ruler of the country, and I dare not disobey him.”
Yuezhi exhaled slowly, her voice lowered, "Back then, I didn't dare either, because I had no choice... But now, I can give you two paths to choose from."
"Either you continue to be the emperor's spy, and in a couple of days I will find an opportunity to transfer you away from my side. As for where you can go, since you have chosen to be the emperor's servant, you can only follow his orders."
Hua Chun bit her lip in grievance.
Where else could she go? She could only continue to be a servant, serving a master who didn't know her temper, or leave the palace to be married off. But she had been sold into slavery by her family and had no confidence. How could she establish herself in her husband's family? Did she expect the emperor to carefully select a good family for her?
Aside from politics and the princess, what else has the emperor ever cared about? He even left his own mother in a Buddhist temple and didn't care about her. With such coldness and indifference, how can we expect him to care about a maid?
Without listening to her rebuttal, Yuezhi continued, "Either you sincerely follow me, and I will treat you like my own sister. In the future, I will free you from your slave status, prepare your dowry, and find you a good family so that we can live happily together and no longer get involved in these palace secrets."
Hua Chun looked up at her, somewhat bewildered.
Yuezhi leaned slightly toward the direction of her voice, her voice becoming softer.
"Perhaps I can't give you the great benefits the emperor promised, but you also need to think carefully about whether you can bear and hold onto what he offers. You only have a few chances to change your fate in your life. If you can't seize them, you'll just be living a muddled life. Are you willing to accept that?"
Hua Chun's eyes were slightly moist.
Yes, although the Emperor was generous with his rewards, his eyes were always cold, and he could turn ruthless at any time; but the princess treated her as a person and was willing to speak frankly with her, which was extremely rare.
The gentle breeze still ripples across the lake, lotus leaves sway, and the fragrance of lotus lingers—everything is understood without words.
The next day, Pei Heng was thinking of going to the princess's residence to see Yuezhi after finishing his official duties. Before he could even move, box after box of gold, silver, jewelry, antiques, and calligraphy and paintings were carried into the Qin Zheng Hall.
Jinbao walked in with a smile and relayed the message from the princess's residence to the emperor.
"The princess said that she and His Majesty will become a family sooner or later. It is a pity that so many good things are left to gather dust in the princess's storeroom. It would be better to send them to the palace as soon as possible, whether to be used as His Majesty's private treasury or to be added to the national treasury. It is all her way of showing her goodwill. Please accept it, Your Majesty."
Pei Heng walked out of the Hall of Diligent Governance and saw that the opened box contained dazzling treasures that shone brightly in the sunlight.
He was overjoyed: Yuezhi loved money and knew how to manage it. In the past, she would hide even a little gold and pearls tightly, but now she had sent over almost all the treasures of the princess's mansion. This was a clear indication that she had come to her senses and was willing to enter the palace and become his woman legitimately.
It must have been Su Jingyun's departure that made her realize that they were all just passersby in her life, and that the only one who could stay by her side and truly protect her was him.
Therefore, she willingly gave everything to him.
Pei Heng smiled happily and ordered his men to record these treasures separately and put them in his study for the time being, to be decided upon after Yue Zhi returned to the palace.
Jinbao added, "The princess said that there are two boxes of her personal belongings that are not convenient to show to others and are not valuable, so she asked someone to carry them into Jinghezhai first, and then have them packed up when the princess returns to the palace."
"Okay, we'll do as she says, we'll carry it over."
Pei Heng didn't think much of it; he was already planning in his mind what rank to give her, what auspicious day to choose, and what kind of ceremony to use to confer upon her the title of imperial concubine.
At dusk that day, just before it got dark, flames suddenly shot into the sky from the princess's residence.
"Fire! Fire!"
The tranquility of the princess's mansion was instantly shattered by screams, running, the clatter of copper basins, and the splashing of water. The servants in the mansion were in chaos, frantically fetching water to put out the fire, with no time to spare for anything else.
In the midst of the chaos, a side door was gently pushed open, and Hua Chun nervously looked around before quickly emerging, supporting a person draped in a black cloak.
They walked along the secluded and deserted courtyards, where all the guards and servants were busy putting out the fire and no one paid them any attention.
Behind them, flames soared into the sky. The two emerged from a side gate and boarded a carriage.
The carriage set off immediately, leaving the city before the city gates closed. The "woman" sitting in the carriage was dressed simply, with her hair in the simplest bun, wearing no gold or jade, and carrying only a bundle on her shoulder.
Amidst the clatter of galloping hooves, she drew back the curtains and took one last look at the dark imperial city behind her.
So vast, so empty, like an insatiable beast, it easily swallowed up even a fire in the princess's palace, without a sound.
Those people and events are no longer relevant to her.
Yuezhi breathed a sigh of relief, drew the curtains, cradled her pregnant belly in her hands, and smiled easily.
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