Chapter 64 I really want to go into her house.
The women's banquet was held in the flower hall in the backyard of the Marquis's mansion, where the air was filled with the aroma of wine and food, as well as the elegant fragrance of incense from the women's clothes.
Yuezhi was led to the seat of honor and seated next to the Lady of the Marquis. As soon as she sat down, countless eyes were cast upon her from all around. Some were curious, some were inquisitive, and naturally, there were also those who, like Zhao Meier, showed no restraint in their jealousy.
Lady Hou had a full head of silver hair, which was neatly combed and adorned with an expensive gold hairpin. Her eyes and brows were kind and gentle.
She took Yuezhi's hand and patted it affectionately, "Good child, the pastries you make are among the best in Qingzhou City, especially the milk osmanthus cake, which is soft, sweet and fragrant. It's just right for my old teeth. It's rare to find someone with such a delicate mind."
"It is Yuezhi's blessing that Madam likes it." Yuezhi lowered her head slightly, her tone respectful and gentle.
"It's more than just liking," Lady Hou said with a smile. "The old Marquis has heard the Prefect mention you several times, praising your steady actions and quick wit. Meeting you today, I can see that you are indeed extraordinary. Although the Prefect was unable to attend today, it's quite a coincidence that even Young Master Zhang from the capital knows you. It's also my fault for the lack of manners of my servants, who neglected you. I hope you won't take it to heart."
The old man's words were profound. The Marquis's Mansion frankly admitted its mistake and informed everyone of Yuezhi's extraordinary identity, so as to show that being able to invite such a distinguished guest enhanced the Marquis's reputation and raised Yuezhi's status.
Yuezhi understood her good intentions. If that young master Zhang was truly just a kind-hearted imperial envoy, she would have lent him the prestige. But he was no ordinary person; he was…
Her heart skipped a beat, but her face remained calm. "Yuezhi was able to enter the Marquis's mansion because the Madam values her. I don't feel that the mansion has neglected me. Young Master Zhang is also kind-hearted. He happened to be passing by and couldn't bear to see Yuezhi in such a predicament, so he helped her out."
"It's not easy for a woman to make a living in this world. You've managed the shop so well and gained the favor of many important people. That's your skill, it's truly remarkable," Lady Hou said with kind praise.
The crowd responded politely or smiled without saying a word. At that moment, a soft laugh, tinged with a sticky, teasing tone, came from the last seat at the table. It was Zhao Meier.
She held a handkerchief to her lips, not making a loud noise, but controlling her voice so that everyone at the table could hear her.
"Madam Yue is very capable. Not only is she good at making pastries, but her ability to befriend important people is also unmatched. The prefect often visits her shop to take care of her, and even the young noblemen from the capital look at her differently. Women who have given birth are different; they are especially attractive to men."
The room fell silent, and the expressions on the faces of the women at the table became somewhat subtle.
Yuezhi's fingertips trembled slightly as anger surged in her heart, but considering her own and the Marquis's family's dignity, she did not lose her composure and retort. However, she heard the Marquis's wife at the head of the table sigh softly.
"What Madam Yu said..." Madam Hou's tone was calm, with the tolerance of an elder looking at a younger person's mischief. "The Prefect loves the people like his own children and appreciates Lady Yue. This is his way of fulfilling his duties as an official and cherishing talent."
She paused, her gaze falling on Zhao Meier, causing Zhao Meier to involuntarily shrink back.
"As for Young Master Zhang, he comes from a prominent family in the capital and values etiquette and rules above all else. His willingness to speak up for ordinary people shows that his family is upright and cannot tolerate injustice. These are all virtuous gentlemen doing good deeds, so how come they sound so different in your mouth?"
I suspect that I rose to power through despicable means, and that's why I'm so jealous of others' success.
Lady Hou didn't say anything explicitly. The women at the banquet didn't know the extent of Yuezhi's relationship with the two officials, but they knew clearly that Zhao Meier's mourning period for her deceased husband hadn't ended yet, but she had already moved into the house next to the Yu family's, entered their home, and squeezed out the original wife, which was why she had the airs she had now.
The crowd's gazes slowly shifted to Zhao Meier, mostly filled with disdain and a desire to see her make a fool of herself, wondering how she would smooth things over now.
Feeling uncomfortable under the gazes of everyone, Zhao Meier gave an awkward smile, unsure of how to respond.
Madam Hou shook her head gently, picked up the teacup beside her and took a sip. "This old woman is getting old. I just love to see young people being upright and striving for success. Those crooked and wicked thoughts are exhausting to watch and are not respectable."
Being called out again, Zhao Meier's face flushed red and then turned pale. Her fingers, which were gripping the handkerchief, twisted tightly together, and she dared not utter another word.
The atmosphere at the table gradually warmed up, and the ladies echoed, "The old lady is right, Madam Yue is indeed capable."
Yuezhi felt grateful and gave the old lady a grateful glance. The old lady just smiled at her and then started talking about other things.
Despite this minor incident, Yuezhi seamlessly blended into the lively banquet. As everyone responded with agreement, a polite smile played on her lips. Occasionally, she engaged in quiet conversation with the Lady Hou beside her, listening to others recount interesting tales of Qingzhou City.
The banquet was halfway over, and the sun was gradually setting in the west.
As the light in the flower hall gradually dimmed, the servants of the Marquis's mansion opened the windows, and a warm spring breeze, mixed with the fragrance of newly opened magnolias in the courtyard, blew in.
Yuezhi casually turned her head and saw a golden sunset outside the window, spreading obliquely across the courtyard, dyeing the blue brick ground and tender green flowers and trees with a hazy beauty, the light flowing.
Two years ago, in spring, the sunset was just like this, like gentle honey brushing against her skin.
She thought Pei Heng was the "imperial son-in-law," and nestled happily in his arms, stroking the newly formed flower buds in her hands, imagining what their child would look like after birth.
The scent of pine needles lingered from his sleeves, his warm, large hand resting on her waist… The young man’s deep, magnetic voice rang in her ear, tinged with laughter, and even the breeze blowing against her ear felt warm and sweet.
The scene I had never seen before was now clearly outlined in the setting sun, and it suddenly struck my heart.
The noise at the table faded into the distance, indistinct through a layer of mist. Yuezhi gripped her chopsticks tightly, her knuckles turning slightly white.
She thought she had already let go of it.
The child is over a year old now. Two years is enough time to wash away many things. Even if I occasionally think of him and the past, my mind is at peace.
But the panic she felt when she looked up just now hasn't subsided.
He was so calm, as if he didn't know her. His eyes held only the aloofness and politeness one would show to a stranger, without a trace of surprise, anger, or hatred... He didn't even glance at her. After defusing the situation, he politely withdrew without a trace of lingering affection.
Yuezhi thanked him for pretending not to know her, which protected her peaceful and ordinary life, but she didn't know why the ripples on the still water were starting.
As the banquet began to disperse, some guests started to get up and exchange pleasantries. Yuezhi immediately followed suit, hastily bidding farewell to the women at the same table before leaving.
She walked quickly along the corridor, deliberately keeping her head down to avoid any possible gazes directed at her, her heart pounding rapidly.
The spring breeze brushed against her feverish cheeks, but she only felt alternating chills and fever.
Hua Chun followed behind, but she couldn't see "Young Master Zhang's" true face. She asked in confusion, "Why are you walking so fast, madam? Be careful not to fall."
Yuezhi didn't know how to explain, so she just said, "It's getting late, I have to go back and keep Yunxi and Yanqing company."
Seeing that she had no interest in the banquet, Huachun said dejectedly, "It's all the fault of the prefect. He promised you, but he didn't come at the last minute. If it weren't for the help of a benefactor, we would have lost face today."
Yuezhi pondered for a moment before saying, "He's really busy."
“Knowing you’re busy, you shouldn’t make promises lightly.” Hua Chun naturally knew Liang Zhang’s true identity and had seen it clearly over the past few months. “Lord Zhang is impeccable as a minister and an official. He has the emperor and the people in his heart. As a commoner, I admire him as a good official, but he will not be a good husband or a good father.”
Seeing that Yuezhi did not refute, she continued, "No one in the world is perfect. Since Lord Zhang has chosen to be a subject and a local official, he must not have much time for his wife and children... Madam, do you think what I said is right?"
Yuezhi's mind was in complete turmoil.
She knew all of this, but what she cared about more was why Lord Zhang and "Young Master Zhang" both had the surname Zhang? It made her vaguely think that the two were connected in some way.
"Huachun, I know what I'm doing." She replied casually, her figure walking across the corridor, surrounded by lanterns that were gradually lighting up.
The warm yellow light cast long and short shadows on his slender figure. She deliberately walked along quieter, less crowded paths, only nodding politely to one or two unfamiliar customers before hurrying on.
Stepping into the front yard, I was immediately enveloped by a cacophony of voices.
Bright lights shone in the courtyard ahead, and the setting sun sank behind the courtyard wall. The prominent and powerful gentlemen of Qingzhou were surrounding a handsome and dignified young man, chatting and laughing in a lively atmosphere.
The young man, dressed in sky-blue silk, stood out like a refreshing breeze amidst the darker and more dignified attire around him.
The light and shadows under the eaves fell on his face, outlining a clear and sharp jawline, a high nose bridge, and the brows that had lost the obedient and carefree manner of his youth, settled into a restrained, aloof composure and coldness.
As her gaze swept across his face, Yuezhi abruptly stopped in her tracks, her breath catching in her throat.
Despite the crowd and distance, she could see him clearly.
The delicate contours of her eyebrows and eyes that I once traced with my fingertips, the lips that lingered and chuckled against her neck, her eyes that were once brimming with intense light at eighteen, but now only a desolate silence remains...
He had grown much taller, with broad shoulders and long legs. Standing among a group of officials and wealthy businessmen, he was composed and stood out from the crowd.
The young man listened attentively to the elderly Marquis of Yongding speaking beside him, a faint smile playing on his lips. He was neither overly enthusiastic nor impolite, but possessed an air of composure that subtly distanced him from the flattery and merriment around him—he was no longer the impatient and stubborn youth he once was.
Yuezhi felt as if her heart had been violently struck, a mixture of soreness and swelling, with a dense, tingling pain spreading outwards.
So this is what Pei Heng was like at twenty-one.
It felt so unfamiliar that it made her uneasy, yet so familiar that it brought tears to her eyes.
She lowered her eyes, instinctively wanting to quicken her pace to escape her inability to face the past, but the moment she moved, she couldn't help but be pulled by some invisible emotion, quickly raising her eyelashes to secretly look at him again.
The moment her gaze fell upon him again, Pei Heng, who was surrounded by the crowd, looked up from his conversation without warning.
It was as if they were telepathically connected.
His indifferent gaze pierced through the throng of people, through the flickering lights, and across the two years of time and distance between them, precisely capturing her.
Their eyes met, and the air seemed to freeze.
His eyes were as deep as a bottomless, icy pool. He gazed at her intently from half a courtyard away. In that instant when their eyes met, Yuezhi froze on the spot.
She didn't run away, and she saw the young man's dark eyebrows slowly relax, his fine eyelashes shimmering in the light. A thousand words and a jumble of emotions turned into a faint smile at the corner of his mouth, flowing into her heart like snow melting in spring.
Yuezhi stood rooted to the spot, her heart pounding uncontrollably, making her eardrums buzz.
She felt like crying, though she couldn't explain why.
She seemed to be lamenting the changes in things and the loss of people. If it weren't for that absurd and tragic relationship, she might have given him a comforting smile in return.
But at this moment, she could only hold back her tears, turn her face away in a panic, and walk hurriedly toward the gate with unsteady steps. Her embroidered shoes made a soft and rapid clattering sound on the stone slabs, as if she were fleeing in panic.
The young man's eyes reflected a startled butterfly fleeing; his fingertips gripped the wine cup, his knuckles turning slightly white.
His gaze followed her graceful figure as she disappeared into the distance. A surge of emotions almost welled up in his heart, but he didn't step out, nor did he feel like talking to anyone. After finishing his drink, he made an excuse to leave.
Upon hearing the news reported by the guard beside him, he remained silent, like a cold, lurking snake.
*
Yuezhi was in a state of turmoil the whole way home, and only when she got home did she dare to breathe heavily.
The alley outside the house was unusually quiet, and everything inside the mansion was as before. He did not chase after her, so there was no danger or spying. Yuezhi finally regained her sense of security.
While changing clothes, I slowly closed my eyes, recalling that ambiguous smile that followed our accidental eye contact.
It seems that after all the trials and tribulations, there are no more attachments.
She took a deep breath and pulled herself out of the struggle—it was for the best, neither of them was clinging to the past, and the love and hate entanglements of the past had finally been let go.
Su Jingyun returned from the pharmacy, ate a simple meal, and went back to her courtyard. Cui Xianglan, who had been going through accounts all day, brought her some hangover tea and listened to her recount who she had met at the banquet and what interesting things she had experienced.
After realizing that Zhao Meier's intentional revenge had backfired and brought shame upon herself, the two laughed together.
Amidst the laughter, Yuezhi forgot the turmoil that had just stirred in her heart.
As night deepened, she tiptoed back into the room. The two children were already asleep, and only a small candle was left in the outer room, casting a warm, dim light.
The two little ones slept side by side in the crib, their breathing even and deep, their cheeks rosy, sleeping soundly. Yunxi, being lively by nature, lay sprawled out in her sleep, her little hands unconsciously clutching her brother's clothes. Yanqing, on the other hand, pouted slightly, her hands and feet neatly tucked in, looking adorably innocent.
Looking at them, she felt safe and at peace. No matter what storms raged outside, she had the courage to support her family, raise them, and accompany them as they grew up.
Yuezhi gently pulled Yunxi's little hand back under the covers, bent down, kissed the two children's smooth foreheads, and tucked them in.
Just as she straightened up, the maid on night duty quietly entered, saying hesitantly, "Madam, we have a guest visiting."
"A guest?" Yuezhi's heart skipped a beat.
It's already this late, who could it be? Could it be... him? Pei Heng has come looking for me? An indescribable tension and fear filled my entire body, and my hands and feet felt cold.
Seeing her pale face, the maid hesitated before adding, "It's the Prefect who's here."
“…So it’s Lord Zhang.” Upon hearing this, Yuezhi’s tense body instantly relaxed, and she let out a long sigh of relief, only to find that a thin layer of sweat had seeped out on her forehead.
She straightened her slightly disheveled clothes and hair, composed herself, and said, "I'll go right now."
Upon arriving at the front hall, Liang Zhang stood with his hands behind his back, looking at a landscape painting hanging on the wall. Hearing the sound, he turned around, his face bearing the usual gentle smile, tinged with a hint of apology.
"I'm sorry to disturb your rest."
"You flatter me, sir. May I ask what brings you here so late at night?" Yuezhi invited him to sit down and had a maid serve tea.
Liang Zhang sighed: "I promised to go with you to the Marquis's birthday banquet today, but I broke my promise. I have come to apologize. It was not that I broke my promise on purpose. It was just that I was stopped by a guest in the mansion when I was about to leave and could not get away."
Yuezhi was slightly taken aback: "A guest?"
“She is the daughter of the Sixth Prince of Lizhou.” Liang Zhang said helplessly, “This county princess is very willful and difficult to deal with. I don’t know how she found her way to my residence. She brought her luggage and people and moved into my residence. She insisted that I accompany her to go sightseeing. I really couldn’t refuse, which delayed the time and made you go to the banquet alone. It was my fault.”
His words were sincere, and his gaze fell on Yuezhi's face, but he did not see any expression of kindness or understanding on her face.
Yuezhi lowered her eyes, pondered for a moment, and said, "My lord is busy with official duties and has distinguished guests at home, so naturally important matters are at hand. You need not worry about today's matter."
"However, since you are so busy, sir, you could have just sent a servant to inform us of such a trivial matter. Why did you have to come in person and disturb your rest for no reason?"
She was reserved and aloof, which made Liang Zhang feel very guilty. He also felt that he always had free time to hang around her without explaining his intentions. It was as if he was using her as a haven to escape from his busy schedule, and then returning to officialdom after finding comfort there. He felt very irresponsible towards her.
Taking advantage of the darkness to calm himself down, he tentatively asked, "Actually... I really regret not being able to go with you today. The banquet at the Marquis's mansion was good, but it would have been more interesting to chat and drink tea with you by my side."
Yuezhi's heart trembled slightly.
The prefect was gentle and polite, of upright character, and treated her with care. Under normal circumstances, his subtle gestures of affection would indeed stir ripples in her long-dormant heart, giving rise to a touch of shyness and excitement.
However, Hua Chun's earlier assessment of the pros and cons was also her own thought... Moreover, she had already met Pei Heng.
The young man who had once set her life ablaze with passion, making her experience both intense love and heart-wrenching pain, appeared without warning, making her worry that her hard-won stable life might crumble because of his arrival.
Looking at the gentle, tentative man before her, another face uncontrollably surfaced in her mind—young, handsome, passionate, affectionate, clingy, and possessive, belonging to the eighteen-year-old Pei Heng.
She felt a profound weariness and confusion.
Time has passed, and she is no longer the woman whose heart would flutter at the slightest bit of warmth.
Having experienced the sweet and enduring love with her "prince consort," and also the fiery passion of the emperor that ultimately scorched them both: her heart had been through both fire and water, and gradually grew cold, dulled, and fearful.
She even suspected that she was merely being swept up in so-called marriage and love, and that she was incapable of truly loving someone.
Yuezhi lowered her eyelashes, avoiding Liang Zhang's expectant gaze, and said softly, "You flatter me, sir. You are busy with official business, how could I dare to disturb your peace?"
"You need not take today's matter to heart, sir... In the future, if there is no urgent matter, please do not go to the trouble of visiting me. After all, I have two children with me, and it is late at night now. I am afraid that outsiders will misunderstand and it will not be good for your reputation."
The tone was polite and considerate, clearly drawing a line.
How could Liang Zhang not understand the rejection in her words? A hint of panic and disappointment flashed in his eyes, and he persisted, asking again, "But what about my feelings for you..."
“My lord is devoted to the people. There are countless people in Qingzhou who need your care. I am just a small merchant and cannot live up to your expectations. I am sorry to disappoint you.”
Liang Zhang paused, and in her hesitant rejection, he suddenly realized that he hadn't done anything special for her.
Even when it's just brewing a cup of tea or picking a flower, all his care is based on the premise that he is the prefect and she is a commoner who needs protection. So he would choose a house for her and drive away the spies outside the shop, but he couldn't refuse his official duties and the county magistrate's demand to keep his appointment with her.
He felt that she was gentle and kind, with a clear mind, and wouldn't care about such trivial matters. He also simply didn't have the time or energy to do these things for her.
But life isn't just about grand, dramatic events; it's mostly about ordinary, everyday moments... He didn't have the ability to make those moments spectacular; he just kept barging into her life, stealing a moment of peace from her.
His affection was merely a self-pitying admiration; it didn't improve her mood but instead burdened her.
“You haven’t wronged me, it’s me who has wronged you.” Liang Zhang lowered his head guiltily. “I came to Qingzhou to be a good official and to share the burdens of the Emperor and the court.”
It wasn't for her in the first place.
The chance encounter may be fate, but the initial purpose did not change because of her appearance.
He envisioned that under his rule, Qingzhou would gradually prosper, and his feelings for Yuezhi would grow stronger. When both officials and the people were well-off, that would be the day he and Yuezhi were reunited.
But why would she wait for him to achieve success and then propose to her? And how could she fall in love with someone who couldn't even keep his promises?
He thought she was the ever-gentle moon, but he forgot that she was also someone who needed genuine care and affection.
Liang Zhang stood up with a guilty expression. “I’m really sorry for bothering you these days. You’ve been understanding of my hard work and considerate of my feelings, but I didn’t realize how hard you’ve been working and have put you in such a difficult position.”
Yuezhi slowly shook her head, offering neither explanation nor rebuttal.
Without even drinking any tea, Liang Zhang took his leave, feeling guilty. Yue Zhi saw him to the door and watched his tall figure disappear into the night, feeling a mix of emotions she couldn't quite describe.
He was a good person, but she didn't want to bear this somewhat heavy affection. Whether it was the slowness of his steward or his late-night explanations, they all crossed the line of friendship, leaving her feeling exhausted.
Now that I've rejected him, I feel a slight sense of loss, but more than that, I feel a sense of relief and peace.
She turned around and closed the door.
Unbeknownst to them, in the dark shadows of the alley corner where the moonlight couldn't reach, a tall and slender figure almost blended into the night.
She thought he had given up looking for her.
Pei Heng also thought he could let go of his resentment and become a wise ruler who cared for the world and sacrificed himself, just like the sages wrote. But those lonely nights, the vulnerability and pain that were not understood, really existed and would not disappear because of his bravado.
On a snowy day in January, when Liang Zhang and Pei Yao arrived at that farmhouse, the accompanying guards also saw the people in the main room. Within half a month, the news reached the palace.
She's still alive!
They had twins!
Pei Heng was overjoyed. He no longer needed to take his medicine and felt much better, but he did not rush over immediately.
The longing he had felt for over six hundred days made him realize that he could no longer recklessly plunder and demand. He had to make amends for his mistakes, and do so slowly, like approaching a butterfly with broken wings and gently scooping up the melting snow.
She was his fragile treasure, destroyed by his mistake. He must be careful and show sincerity and genuine affection in order to pick her up piece by piece and put her back in his palm.
The evening breeze in Qingzhou carried the dampness of the sea, brushing against the emperor's robes embroidered with dark patterns.
He watched from afar as Yuezhi saw someone off, her gentle gaze falling on a strange man.
He didn't care; he didn't even notice the man.
He merely spied on her from a distance, briefly and despicably, greedily capturing her every smile and frown. The moment she stepped back over the threshold and closed the door, his feigned calm crumbled instantly.
His eyes welled up with an uncontrollable redness.
She was inside that door, along with her children.
He longed to walk into her house, to engulf her completely with his arms, his body heat, and the agonizing longing and fear of the past two years. He wanted to smell the flowers in her hair, hold her hands, and embrace her and their two children tightly, never letting go again.
But he couldn't.
The thought of meeting her that afternoon, how he suppressed his impulse to show her affection, only to have her run away from him without looking back, filled him with a deeper fear.
That longing to embrace her turned into the sharpest thorn, piercing his heart and making his eyes burn.
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
