Chapter 46 I know you don't.
Li Pan couldn't understand why Lou Xueying didn't dare to tell him the truth.
If the person who humiliated her really was the emperor, she felt that telling the Lou family would be useless. Now that he was standing in front of her defying the imperial decree, what else could she not say?
"I..." Lou Xueying didn't know how much Li Pan had guessed, so she could only say cautiously, "How could I not believe the Marquis? But... I really don't remember what I dreamed about that night, and I really don't know what this has to do with His Majesty."
Li Pan rubbed his face, paced around in front of her twice, and then stopped and asked her, "Then answer me truthfully. On the day I left, the Empress summoned you to the palace in the morning. What exactly did you do in the palace that required you to stay until evening before returning to your residence?"
Lou Xueying began to painstakingly recount her experiences from her past life: "The Empress spoke to me intimately, played a few games of chess with me, and even took me for a stroll in the Imperial Garden..."
"Did you go to see His Majesty?"
Li Pan interrupted her without any hesitation.
Lou Xueying felt a sudden numbness in her mind, her lips trembled involuntarily, and her nails dug into her palms, causing a dull ache.
“You saw me, so why couldn’t you tell me? Was being summoned by His Majesty something shameful?” Li Pan’s tone hardened as he stared straight at her, his eyes shining brightly in the darkness.
"I didn't!" Lou Xueying denied almost instinctively. "What is the Marquis thinking? Why would His Majesty summon me? What... what do I have that makes His Majesty want to see me alone?"
“I never said you were summoned by His Majesty alone,” Li Pan said quietly. “With the Empress present, why would His Majesty summon a subject’s wife alone?”
Lou Xueying was stunned.
"Susu." Li Pan reached out, his palm resting on her chin, his index and middle fingers gently stroking behind her ear, as if to soothe her, yet also as if to question her, "On our wedding night, you said you hadn't made a mistake in choosing me, you said marrying me was the greatest blessing of your life—Susu, was that what you truly meant?"
Lou Xueying was speechless.
"If you weren't sincere, why would you say such things to deceive me? If you were sincere, why would you hide things from me? Have you changed your mind now, realizing you misjudged me, or are you regretting marrying me?" After a pause, Li Pan continued, "I don't know what exactly happened to you, but until now, I haven't blamed you for a single word, have I? Even so, you still won't tell me?"
All was silent; not even a single insect chirped.
Li Pan waited for a long time, but she remained silent, not even daring to look him in the eye. He finally felt disappointed, withdrew his hand, and said, "If you are so wary of me, then why did you marry me in the first place? Didn't you marry me because you needed something from me?"
Lou Xueying suddenly raised her head.
Li Pan: "What, did I hit the nail on the head? Susu, I'm giving you one last chance. I don't have much time left in the capital. If you really need my help, just tell me and I'll find a way to help you. But if you don't tell me, once I get to the Northwest, it will be too late to help you in your immediate crisis."
Lou Xueying found it hard to believe.
How did he even guess? Did he really deduce that she had an unusual relationship with the emperor just because of one nightmare and the fact that she spent a little more time in the palace? Even if he suspected her relationship with the emperor, how did he know that she married him not out of love, but because she needed something from him?
What is he really thinking about her now? He says he doesn't blame her and that he'll find a way to help her, but is he just trying to get information out of her, or does he really mean it? If she really confesses her past relationship with the emperor, will he immediately discard her like trash?
To reiterate, he is her husband, and his tolerance of her is predicated on her being a wife who is completely loyal to him.
But now, in Li Pan's heart, her loyalty is questionable. If she continues to be stubborn, even if they remain husband and wife in the future, they may never be able to return to the intimate atmosphere they once had.
But how could she dare to trust his promise? Perhaps as a general, he could only establish his authority by keeping his word, but as a man, he didn't need to fulfill any promises to still be her husband.
Human emotions are the most difficult thing to control, even unpredictable. Perhaps Li Pan is willing to tolerate her at this moment, but who knows if, over time, this small thorn will grow bigger and bigger in his heart? Conflicts are inevitable between husband and wife, and because of her premarital "infidelity," she will forever be inferior to him. If she can only avoid him holding grudges by being cautious and pleasing in every way, can that still be considered "protection" for her?
Tears welled up in Lou Xueying's eyes again.
She began to resent why fate had put her in such a predicament. If Emperor Jinghui hadn't also been reborn, Li Pan and she wouldn't be in this situation of mutual suspicion and distrust!
Why is she always the one being questioned? Why is she always the one being chosen? Why does she always have to act like a resentful woman, waiting for these men to judge her fate?
Li Pan: "..."
Upon hearing that her breathing sounded off, Li Pan immediately felt a headache coming on.
"Why are you crying again?!" He reached out to touch her, and sure enough, his hand was covered in water.
He dared not light a lamp to find a handkerchief, so he could only use his own sleeve to wipe her tears. Halfway through wiping, he remembered that he hadn't changed his clothes for several days and they were covered in dirt, so he silently withdrew his hand.
Aside from her slightly labored breathing, Lou Xueying cried quietly, yet her sobs were still intense. Li Pan didn't know how to stop her, so he patted her back and cautiously asked, "What...what did His Majesty do to you? Don't be afraid, just tell me..."
Seeing that Lou Xueying ignored him, he scratched his face in distress, thought for a long time, and then said with difficulty, "If he really hurt you this badly... apart from regicide... everything else is negotiable..."
Lou Xueying immediately stopped and looked at him in astonishment.
Li Pan: "..."
Li Pan: "You don't really want me to kill the emperor, do you? Isn't that... a little... a little..."
That's a bit too much of a disregard for life and death.
"I didn't!" Lou Xueying exclaimed urgently, "Are you crazy! How can you say such things!"
Li Pan breathed a sigh of relief, then asked anxiously, "Then why are you crying? If you've suffered a great injustice, why can't you tell me?"
Lou Xueying sniffed heavily: "What you just said, Lord Marquis, that everything else is negotiable except for that matter, is that really true?"
Li Pan hesitated for a moment and said, "It's best not to break the law... but if your father knows someone in the Ministry of Justice..."
It's not that we can't give it a try.
Lou Xueying asked blankly, "Isn't Your Excellency afraid that I might really make you do some bad things?"
Li Pan: "Then can you tell me first, who did something bad to you?"
Realizing his words were inappropriate, he glanced at Lou Xueying's expression, but couldn't see it clearly. He could only vaguely sense that she wasn't angry, but seemed to be still hesitating.
Li Pan didn't urge her, but waited patiently.
After a long while, Lou Xueying finally moved.
She got out of bed, wearing only her nightgown and pants, and knelt down directly at his feet.
Li Pan was shocked: "What are you doing?"
He tried to help her up, but she refused to get up, only choking back tears as she said, "I have no other request for you, my lord, except for one thing: I beg you to forgive me after you have heard what I have to say."
Li Pan was a little confused. Wasn't she the one who was humiliated? What did he have to forgive her for?
He had no choice but to sigh for what seemed like the hundredth time. He knelt down opposite her and said, "Go ahead and tell me."
Lou Xueying lay prostrate on the ground, her voice trembling: "This matter...this matter dates back to two years ago."
She told Li Pan that two years ago, she met a fellow qin player named "Qiyun Jushi" through a qin workshop. Although they never met in person, they exchanged letters several times, revised scores, discussed musical scales, and shared music theory. They felt they had known each other for a long time and thus became close friends.
Hearing this, Li Pan felt a pang of sadness.
She even has a fellow musician she considers a close friend? No wonder she was so angry with him for not knowing anything about music before.
Li Pan: "Male or female?"
Lou Xueying whispered, "It's His Majesty."
Li Pan almost fell headfirst onto her.
He steadied himself by grabbing the floor, and exclaimed in shock, "What did you say?"
Lou Xueying began to sob again: "My lord, please see the truth. I had no idea he was His Majesty before. I thought he was just an ordinary person. I only corresponded with him, and we only talked about music, not about reality. There was nothing intimate or inappropriate between us..."
Now that things have come to this, she has no other choice. Li Pan is willing to defy the imperial decree to get an explanation from her; if she cannot provide a reasonable explanation, this marriage will truly be over.
She knew very well that she couldn't concoct a perfect lie, so she could only give Li Pan a half-truth. But even if it was only half-truth, Lou Xueying didn't know what Li Pan would think after hearing it. She only knew that Li Pan was most afraid of women crying, so she could only try her best to appear weak and remorseful in order to win his understanding and pity.
Li Pan frowned: "And then? How did you know he was His Majesty?"
“I…I found out by accident.” Lou Xueying wiped away her tears. “At the end of last year, my maternal grandmother passed away, and I didn’t go to the Qin Workshop for a long time. Several months later, one day I passed by and happened to see a familiar-looking eunuch carrying a qin (a seven-stringed zither) inside. But he wasn’t wearing eunuch’s robes; he was dressed in ordinary clothes like a commoner. Because of my father’s official position, some eunuchs would occasionally come to our house to deliver imperial decrees, so I couldn’t possibly mistake him. I found it strange, and after the eunuch left, I wanted to ask the Qin Workshop what he was doing there. But as soon as I entered, I heard the workshop owner instructing his servants, saying that the qin was left by ‘Qiyun Jushi’ for Miss ‘Sujun’, and that it was extremely valuable, and that they should keep it safe. I was shocked. How could ‘Qiyun Jushi’ still be able to order around palace eunuchs? I hurriedly left, and the more I thought about it after I got home, the more something seemed wrong…”
Lou Xueying couldn't possibly tell Li Pan about her past life, so she came up with this excuse on the spot. It wasn't absurd; the emperor had sent someone to deliver the zither to the zither shop, and she was simply describing something she hadn't witnessed herself, so it wasn't entirely fabricated.
Li Pan rubbed his temples: "So, you actually have no evidence, you're just guessing that 'Qiyun Hermit' is His Majesty?"
“How could there be any evidence for such a thing? There are only a few masters in the palace, and His Majesty is the most fond of the zither. Considering the writing style and manner of the letters, could there be anyone else?” Lou Xueying choked up. “I was terrified when I found out, and I never had any contact with him again…”
Li Pan: "If what you say is true, and His Majesty has only a gentlemanly relationship with you, then why are you afraid?"
“This, this…that’s His Majesty!” Lou Xueying said. “How could I dare to have a private relationship with His Majesty…” She bit her lip and continued, “Besides, His Majesty gifted me such a precious zither, which has already broken our tacit agreement not to talk about reality. I, I…”
"Are you afraid that His Majesty will take you as a concubine?" Li Pan asked bluntly.
"My lord!" Lou Xueying knelt on his knees, weeping bitterly. "You must believe me! His Majesty and I have no affair! If I had an affair with His Majesty, why would he have arranged this marriage for us? Besides, you should know that when I married you, I... I was a virgin..."
Li Pan looked at her quietly.
Of course he knew she was a virgin when she married him, but was that the point? In her description, His Majesty didn't seem like a vicious and ruthless man, and he hadn't even shown any intention of taking her as a concubine. How could she be so afraid?
"So, you didn't want to marry His Majesty, so you hastily chose me and married yourself off?" Li Pan said. "Your family and your maids all thought you didn't like warriors, but you still lied to everyone and said you had long since given your heart to me? You were afraid they wouldn't agree, so you were willing to ruin your reputation to marry me? You were afraid I would suspect you, so you deliberately flattered me from beginning to end, pretending to be deeply in love with me?"
Lou Xueying froze: "I, I..."
He was so clever that he easily figured out the key to it.
He simply dislikes pedantic language; it doesn't mean he lacks intelligence. A mere brute with brute force cannot attain the position of Marquis of Wu'an.
Li Pan asked softly, "Then, when did His Majesty learn of your identity?"
Lou Xueying stammered, "It was just recently... that day when I returned to my parents' home, I felt that His Majesty's gaze towards me was strange. I think he probably felt that he couldn't contact me for a long time, and finally couldn't help but investigate my identity... but I didn't dare to tell the Marquis..."
"So after returning to your parents' home, you told me you wouldn't play the piano anymore. It wasn't that I angered you; you were just using it as an excuse to avoid causing trouble because of the piano, right?"
"right……"
"And on the day I left the capital, His Majesty actually summoned you alone, didn't he?"
“Yes…” Lou Xueying cried, “His Majesty revealed his identity to me, but fortunately I had anticipated it. I said that I only admired ‘Qiyun Jushi’ and had nothing else in mind. Now that I have married the Marquis, my heart belongs only to the Marquis… I also asked His Majesty to transfer the Marquis back. Although His Majesty did not agree on the spot, he did not continue to pester me and instead let me return to my residence…”
Li Pan stared at her: "Didn't he do anything to hurt you?"
"My lord!" Lou Xueying cried out hoarsely, "Please, my lord, you must believe me. His Majesty has never laid a finger on me, and I have never betrayed you. I am innocent, I am truly innocent..."
Li Pan took a deep breath.
"My lord, I know I was wrong..." Tears streamed down her face as she reached for his hand. "Please forgive me, please forgive me... I was young and ignorant, and I got involved with someone I shouldn't have. I used you, my lord, but I truly wanted to spend my life with you. I swear to heaven, I have no other intentions towards you. My body and soul belong only to you..."
Li Pan didn't move, letting her hold his hand, press her face against the back of his hand, and gently rub it.
An indescribable sense of disappointment welled up inside him.
Why is she still facing him in this manner even at this moment?
Why is it that even now she still refuses to tell the truth?
From her description, aside from the unkind act of arbitrarily transferring Li Pan out of the capital, the emperor didn't seem to have done anything truly humiliating to her. The two had never even met before, so it was impossible for the emperor to appear at her bedside in the middle of the night.
As for her words that night, such as "If you really hate me that much" and "Give me a quick death," they are utter nonsense when applied to the emperor.
Or perhaps he was overthinking things, and she was genuinely out of her mind that night, saying whatever came to mind and misleading him.
Or perhaps she has something more important to tell him.
But the fact that the emperor was communicating with her under an assumed name was shocking enough to Li Pan. What other person or thing could frighten her more than this, making her willing to risk "losing her virginity" to keep it a secret from him?
Li Pan was a little tired and didn't want to press her any further.
He simply pulled his hand away from hers and said in a deep voice, "Lou Xueying, get up."
Lou Xueying trembled, still trying to defend herself: "My lord, I really didn't..."
“I know you didn’t,” Li Pan said. “It’s such a trivial matter. You just wrote a few letters to someone else before the wedding. I asked you on our wedding night if you had any ex-lovers and told you to tell me the truth, and I wouldn’t be angry—did you not listen at all?”
Lou Xueying paled: "I have no lover! I have no love for His Majesty—"
“Since you’re not even my lover, why are you kneeling in front of me crying like this?” Li Pan said. “It’s His Majesty who has taken a liking to you, not the other way around. If it’s the former, I can handle it. But if it’s the latter, then I really don’t know what to do.”
Lou Xueying paused, then raised her tear-streaked face and murmured, "My lord... don't you think I'm unfaithful? If I hadn't acted so recklessly, giving others the opportunity to misunderstand, things wouldn't have turned out this way..."
"What does this have to do with you?" Li Pan said. "You people in the capital are so troublesome. Writing a letter is considered immoral, and falling into the water is considered a marriage proposal. I've already had a wedding ceremony with a spy from the Quanrong. Am I supposed to go to the Quanrong for a political marriage?"
Lou Xueying: "..."
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