Li Bai felt a long-lost vibration.
As she had said to Yang Jia, her emotions rarely fluctuated. So sometimes, she truly felt like she wasn't a person at all, but merely inhabiting a human shell, or, as some had said, a humanoid weapon.
She was always isolated from everyone, and this feeling made her lonely.
Loneliness is a very subtle state, distinct from solitude. Loneliness is a reflection of the outside world, while solitude is an internal examination. Therefore, lonely people need companionship and desire change, but lonely people do not. Those experiencing solitude often enjoy it; what they need is not companionship but a confidant.
Yang Jia is such a confidant.
This summary completely resonated with Li Bai's heart, making her subconsciously wary. But because it was Yang Jia who said it, it seemed natural.
Others didn't understand, but Yang Jia certainly did, because the two of them were in such similar predicaments. At that moment, Li Bai even felt a sense of joy at having "found a kindred spirit," though it was a subtle one, but it was there.
"But," Yang Jia said at this moment, "I don't think you are completely incapable of feeling emotions, are you?"
Seeing that Li Bai didn't object, she immediately perked up. "Have you ever been around children? Probably not. As infants, these children don't actually have any emotions like joy, anger, sorrow, or happiness. They only have instincts. They eat, sleep, sleep, eat, and cry when they're hungry. All other 'human' traits are actually learned little by little through contact and interaction with others. For them, initially, it's just a form of simulation and imitation."
Li Bai turned and looked at Yang Jia.
She felt that she had guessed what Yang Jia was going to say, but she was not so sure.
"Don't look at me like that." Yang Jia laughed. "You grew up differently than others. You haven't learned anything about this before, so your reactions are naturally weak. In other words, although you look like an adult, you're still in your infancy in this regard. As long as you keep learning, you'll be like a normal person soon."
After she finished speaking, she looked at Li Bai sincerely. Li Bai also looked at her, with no expression on his face.
"You are angry." Yang Jia said after a moment.
Li Bai frowned slightly, a little confused. Is this feeling the same as being angry?
She simply found Yang Jia's statement inconceivable, because to Li Bai, everyone around her seemed to be born with these abilities. ——Of course, all the people she came into contact with were healthy adults, so it would be strange if they didn't know them.
In Li Bai's mind, children were small, soft, weak, and without any fighting power. Therefore, it was difficult for her to accept Yang Jia comparing herself to them.
Seeing Li Bai like this, Yang Jia smiled again. Her attitude towards Li Bai had changed slightly. Previously, because of Li Bai's strength, she had looked up to him somewhat. But now, realizing that he was a complete blank slate in some respects, she felt more at ease, able to calmly answer Li Bai's questions with the attitude of someone who had experienced it before.
Of course, it is obviously impossible to ask Li Bai to study like a child.
Her upbringing made her calm, indifferent, and taciturn. It was impossible for her to have the same emotional changes as a child, nor to show any emotion on her face. That kind of deliberate imitation was not suitable for Li Bai.
"Relax," she said to Li Bai, "Human emotions are far less complicated than you think. To put it bluntly, it's nothing more than wanting or not wanting."
"Do you want to or don't want to?"
"Yes, what we want is love and happiness, and what we don't want is disgust and anger." Yang Jia said, "Humans are selfish creatures in the final analysis. Everything is centered around ourselves. If you have yourself, how can you not have emotions?"
Li Bai thought for a moment and asked, "What about feelings? What is love?"
Yang Jia was slightly pleased to discover that she was still dwelling on her feelings. This topic had all started with her own confession, and even though she had drifted away from her original intention, Li Bai hadn't forgotten. She'd always… wanted an answer. Even though she claimed she didn't understand anything, the fact that she still clung to it was telling.
"What is love? Even humans cannot answer this question clearly, right? Many people are searching for the answer. I can only give you my thoughts for reference. In my opinion, love is when a person is completely self-centered and includes others in the scope of 'himself'. Within this scope, they are selfless and can risk everything for themselves, or they can regard others as the center. But in the final analysis, the real center is still himself, because he does so because 'he is willing'." Yang Jia said.
"But how do you know this person is included in your scope?"
"No, sometimes we don't know, we just do it naturally." Yang Jia said, "But when you want to know, ask your heart. It will give you the answer."
"Heart?" Li Bai was a little confused.
Yang Jia turned to face her, stretched out a hand and placed it on her chest, and whispered, "Yes, your heart... Look, your heartbeat is getting faster."
Li Bai held her hand.
She carefully held the hand in her palm, and then slowly said under Yang Jia's puzzled gaze, "Yang Jia, I think..."
"Hmm?" Yang Jia looked at her encouragingly. Perhaps Li Bai couldn't show her emotions to others for the time being, but she could give it a try and practice with herself. So she said to Li Bai, "Whatever you think, you can tell me."
But Li Bai didn't know how to describe her feelings at the moment. She wanted to get closer to Yang Jia, but she didn't know how to do it. She just subconsciously felt that this issue could not be discussed with Yang Jia.
Want to and don’t want to.
She let go of Yang Jia's hand and said, "I think I understand a little bit."
Seeing that she didn't say anything, Yang Jia didn't mean to urge her. He smiled and said, "Don't worry, there's no need to rush this kind of thing. We'll take our time."
Li Bai nodded, but he was wondering where to find the answer to his question.
Yang Jia was completely unaware of this. She glanced at the time and said in surprise, "It's already so late. Go get some rest. You'll be busy tomorrow. It will be bad if your energy doesn't fully recover."
But despite saying so, she didn't move. Li Bai didn't move either.
After a moment, Yang Jia said, "You go back first."
Li Bai shook his head, staring at Yang Jia for a while, and then whispered, "I don't want to leave now."
When she said the last word, she paused. Yang Jia inexplicably felt that there might be something else behind it, but she just didn't say it.
And the object is actually easy to guess.
I don't want to leave you now.
It’s a pity that Li Bai didn’t say it out loud, otherwise Yang Jia felt that this might be the most beautiful love words in the world.
Of course, they weren't a couple yet. Perhaps Li Bai would finally say it. —For some reason, after tonight's conversation, even though it was a subtle rejection, Yang Jia suddenly felt full of confidence in their future.
If she had confessed her feelings with a desperate mentality, without anticipating any outcome, now Yang Jia felt more relaxed, a sense of ease that things were getting better. The future remained uncertain, but she no longer felt the same urgency and anxiety as before. She knew she wasn't facing this alone. She had companions on her journey.
She tilted her head and smiled, "Okay, let's talk about something else. Li Bai, do you have any plans for the future? How are you going to deal with the Li family's affairs?"
Li Bai thought about it seriously and replied, "I don't want to be like before."
Yang Jia nodded in understanding. No one living in this kind of environment would want to continue like this, right? Resistance was inevitable; the key was to what extent. She said, "I don't quite understand the situation outside, but the Li family must be very powerful, right? It would be difficult to escape from them."
Li Bai pursed her lips upon hearing this. At that moment, she regained her usual sharp composure, no longer as ignorant as when she was discussing human emotions with Yang Jia just now. "The Li family is the largest force in the Chinese region."
No annotation is needed, this sentence alone is enough to explain everything.
But after hearing this, Yang Jia wasn't completely shocked. Firstly, she had already guessed it, and secondly, the situation she was facing was already so bad, she probably wouldn't face anything more difficult than this, even if the Li family was indeed very powerful.
Compared to himself, Li Bai's dilemma is at least still within the scope of "humanity" and can be solved.
Although it's difficult.
However, the most difficult thing was not leaving the Li family, because there was always a way to do it. But Li Bai herself was a sitting duck. After leaving the Li family, she would become the target of public criticism and no one would protect her anymore.
Yang Jia thought for a moment and said, "You must have your own power."
In fact, Li Bai's current situation is very similar to Yang Jia's. To find a way to survive, he must control a certain force, so that he can have the bargaining chips to deal with other forces and break a path.
Thinking of this, Yang Jia suddenly had an inspiration. "Although you already have quite a few people around you, most of them are related to the Li family, right? Moreover, you are a soldier with a limited range of activities, and it would be difficult to develop your power in reality. Didn't you say before that this game would also have an impact on reality? Perhaps we can consider this approach."
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