Chapter 61 Dissonance "I want...your heart."...
When Shi Wan woke up the next day, she felt dizzy. Her health, which had just started to improve over the past few days, was about to give out again. She quickly drank her medicine and ate two sour apricots to suppress the bitterness in her mouth. Suddenly, she saw a familiar figure appear outside the door.
Jiang Xu strode over, stepping into the morning breeze. The two had parted on bad terms yesterday, and now this person was tirelessly coming up to her again. Shi Wan's gradually calming mood became a little gloomy again.
"What are you doing here in such a big yard?" she asked in a bad tone. She stopped mid-sentence, realizing that Jiang Xu was in a bad mood.
This man, who usually wore a forced smile, had lost even that pretense now, looking quite intimidating, with a worried expression on his face, seemingly lost in thought.
Seeing that the other party didn't seem to care, she opened her mouth, but the next moment, she saw Jiang Xu looking over with a gloomy expression.
No, that's not quite right. Saying it's gloomy doesn't seem quite accurate either. Shi Wan felt as if she had been licked inside and out by that gaze, and subconsciously pulled the blankets around her tighter.
Jiang Xu seemed to be pondering something, and only when Shi Wan was starting to feel overwhelmed did he finally bring up the matter and ask, "You seem to have made quite a few 'friends' while you've been away alone these past few days?"
Shi Wan was slightly taken aback. These words sounded too much like the prelude to some kind of accusation, but the key point was... Jiang Xu had absolutely no right to accuse her.
Moreover... "friends," it seems Zhang Yiwen must have discovered something amiss and done something to let Jiang Xu know? Will Caiyue and her daughter also... sooner or later...?
Her heart tightened. Not wanting to implicate others, she simply said, "We've only met twice by chance; we're not exactly acquaintances."
Not even close acquaintances? Now that things have come to this, she's still afraid of implicating this guy...?
Jiang Xu sneered, "If he really isn't acquainted with me, then why was he so aggressive and followed me here so furtively?"
Ignoring the anger in his tone, Shi Wan calmly said, "Since you've already investigated and made your own judgment, why ask me?"
She knew all too well what it felt like to be watched so closely, so it was quite strange that after doing this, they would brazenly mock her.
She sighed inwardly, mustered her spirits to face the potential argument, and listlessly repeated, "Whether you believe it or not, I only met him a few times, and we weren't close."
"Alright, alright." Jiang Xu's tone softened, with a slight pant as he approached step by step. He stopped a short distance from Shi Wan, refusing to move forward any further. Looking at her, his fingertips turned white, clearly the result of his extreme restraint. "With me, it was a forced and helpless act, but with that Zhang family boy, we hit it off immediately, and I feel extremely at ease."
"Who told you that he and I hit it off immediately?" Shi Wan became angrier as she listened. This person had come to cause her trouble first thing in the morning, and she hadn't even said anything yet.
"Shi Wan." Jiang Xu only looked at her. "I don't believe you don't know what this person is planning to do with you."
"In terms of age, he is already twenty years old and has accomplished nothing, while I was already leading troops to fight enemies and repelling foreign tribes several times when I was a teenager; in terms of appearance, he is at most seven feet five inches tall, and even if he is somewhat pleasing to the eye, he is far inferior to me; in terms of power and background, his family is not top-notch, but only benefited from the influence of his ancestors. By his father's generation, the family had already started to decline."
He went on and on, his tone growing increasingly hateful, mixed with a certain hidden sense of superiority, "Does someone like that even deserve your attention?"
Shi Wan pursed her lips and remained silent.
However, Jiang Xu looked at her with a chilling and terrifying gaze. "What, do you think that by escaping from my side, you want to become a concubine for this Zhang family brat?"
"What's wrong with you now!" Shi Wan's brows furrowed more and more as she listened, until finally her tone turned extremely cold. She barely managed to force each word out through clenched teeth, "Even though I'm not a concubine, I roughly know what he's thinking. If you've come here today to argue with me and want to lecture me, then... I can give you an answer too."
Her voice was very low, "Being with him, at least..."
"I don't need to be afraid."
Although Zhang Yiwen's purpose was not entirely pure, Shi Wan also harbored ulterior motives and was not much more noble.
Now that the matter was out in the open, Shi Wan bluntly stated, "When I'm with him, I don't have to worry about getting into trouble and being punished, I don't have to be cautious and tense all the time, and no one will die because of me..." But she had only uttered a few superficial remarks when she noticed that Jiang Xu had moved closer again, and she stopped speaking halfway through her sentence.
It's useless to talk to him about these things; it's like casting pearls before swine.
How could Jiang Xu possibly understand?
She shut her mouth.
A few steps away, Jiang Xu naturally sensed the other party's sudden shift in communication desire. A myriad of complex emotions welled up in his heart, and he couldn't help but say, "Now you can do the same to me." There's no need to bring up those old, stale things anymore.
"Heh." Shi Wan suddenly chuckled, her amber eyes fixed on him, and she asked, word by word, "Really?"
Her tone seemed to carry an indescribable pity, whether directed at him or herself, it was unclear. "After nearly a year, I thought I knew you quite well. Now, do you really believe what you're saying?"
“…Never mind, Jiang Xu.” After saying that, she turned around, determined not to look at him anymore, and curled up in the quilt as if she had fallen asleep.
Shi Wan's acting was terrible. At least from Jiang Xu's perspective, he knew that she just didn't want to talk to him.
But she would pay attention to anyone other than him.
Amid the faint crackling of the charcoal fire, Jiang Xu felt a chill once more. He took a few steps forward and forcefully turned the person around, saying, "Look at me."
The man's tone was calm, but his grip was surprisingly strong. Shi Wan's heart skipped a beat, and then she realized something was wrong. "You..."
Why are this person's fingertips trembling?
But right now, she didn't have time for such kindness. Jiang Xu's dark eyes were fixed on her, her shoulders were being gripped tightly, and every inch of her skin felt like it was on fire, enveloping her through her clothes.
This unease and pain stretched the moment into infinity, and as if by some strange impulse, she softened her tone and asked, puzzled, "What exactly do you want?"
"What exactly... do you want from me?" Without any veiled barbs or sharp edges, this version of Shi Wan was extremely comforting to him. Jiang Xu gazed at her for a while, and his tone unconsciously softened considerably. The boundaries of their relationship had long since become blurred in the change of address.
His tone was so soft it was almost a whisper, almost a plea, "I want you to love me." To Shi Wan, it even felt somewhat absurd, "I want... your heart."
"Beside me, they belong entirely to me."
Shi Wan felt as if struck by lightning; for a moment, she thought she was hallucinating.
But the pain in her shoulder clearly told her that everything was real, and that Jiang Xu was probably proposing to her at this moment...?
She asked, puzzled, "You're acting a bit strange today."
Jiang Xu had given him this feeling before, but it was even stronger today.
"If you're not feeling well, take a rest." Seeing the deep look in his eyes, Shi Wan didn't say it outright, but rather hinted, "And... if you're bothered by my relationship with Zhang Yiwen, then you can rest assured that I won't contact him again."
Upon hearing this, Jiang Xu's heart was still touched, but the second half of the sentence instantly plunged him into despair.
Zhang Yiwen, Zhang Yiwen! It's him again!
The other person was right in front of her, but she was thinking about completely unrelated things.
“Your heart… belongs to him,” Jiang Xu suddenly said, his tone much gentler, as if he were jokingly sighing.
Shi Wan paused for a moment, then followed his words: "My heart is with myself, no one else, not me." But an absurd thought uncontrollably popped into her mind.
It was as if something extremely terrifying would happen if she nodded...
Jiang Xu was asking for her heart, but the feeling he gave her was as if he were digging out his own heart to give her.
It is human nature to seek advantage and avoid harm. Shi Wan was silent for a few moments, then her attitude suddenly softened. "Jiang Xu, you... you're hurting me." Her tone was listless, but it was one of the few moments of gentleness after the two had been at odds for so long. It immediately brought Jiang Xu's fragile rationality back to normal.
She was still worried about his health... Thinking of this, Jiang Xu almost subconsciously said, "I'm sorry." But his two large hands, one on each side, remained firmly attached to Shi Wan.
The next moment, the woman's soft, white hand covered my face, and in a fleeting instant, she gently patted me, indicating, "It hurts."
Jiang Xu paused for a long time this time, as if waking from a dream. He moved his hand away very slowly, and in an instant, his expression was normal, and there was no trace of his previous loss of composure. "I used too much force."
"You get some rest, I still have some things to take care of."
Seeing that he had returned to normal, Shi Wan breathed a sigh of relief. She was naturally eager for him to leave, but she was afraid that Jiang Xu would notice, so she restrained herself, pursed her lips, and nodded in response.
Once the door closed and everything returned to calm, she lifted her eyelids and looked at the spot where Jiang Xu had been clutching. Through her plain inner garment, several red marks were clearly visible on her shoulder.
......
Outside, Jiang Xu stopped under the eaves, gazing quietly in the direction of Shi Wan. The area was well hidden by the eaves.
The winter sun offered him no warmth whatsoever; the man's shadow stretched out, extending across the wall before abruptly ending.
But that deep gaze bypassed the obstacle, silently seeping into the bedroom and relentlessly pursuing the person on the bed.
......
*
Outside the study, Xiao Chijie waited for a while before Jiang Xu arrived. The two entered the study one after the other. As soon as they stood still, he immediately said, "Your Majesty, in Luoyang, it seems that the Empress Dowager and the Imperial Uncle have developed a rift."
Jiang Xu remained noncommittal. “Although the Empress Dowager has been acting recklessly for some time, she should still be aware of the importance of the Imperial Uncle.” Privately, the two are from the same clan and are siblings. Publicly, His Majesty’s current status is special, and he needs the Imperial Uncle as a support. No matter how you look at it, he doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would make such a foolish mistake.
He pondered for a moment and said, "Pei Sheng's handiwork?"
Xiao Chijie was secretly alarmed and said, "That's right. When the news of the internal strife among the various forces on the grasslands reached Luoyang, the ministers seemed to be putting their energy back into the court."
"A small plot of land is only coveted by those pedantic scholars."
When the country is destroyed and the family is destroyed, who will care who sits on the dragon throne of the Southern Yuan?
"What was the reaction from the Imperial Brother-in-law?" Given his series of actions, a smart man like Ning Hong could surely guess most of his plans.
Xiao Chijie said, "Our people have been lying in wait for a long time, and it seems that this matter has not affected His Majesty. Lord Ning still keeps him by his side."
Jiang Xu nodded, then suddenly seemed to remember something, "Tell those spies from the Directorate of Ceremonial Affairs to be careful and not to send out any more messages in the near future."
Nan Yuan must have become suspicious. In this matter... it would be better to go with the flow. If any clues appear, we can withdraw in time.
"At most by April, the Turks will inevitably invade again." The court is corrupt, and in the north... Youzhou is relentlessly pursuing him. Such a good opportunity is rare.
Jiang Xu made the final decision: "We will set off to return to the border early tomorrow morning, the sixth day of the first lunar month."
......
*
On the sixth day of the Lunar New Year, the festive atmosphere fades, and the streets and alleys return to their usual busy and lively scenes.
Since Jiang Xu left yesterday, Shi Wan has been in a daze, her mind filled with intermittent sobs and the sound of someone dragging her along. Jiang Xu's image keeps recurring, like a persistent ghost, and despite drinking her medicine for the past two days, her complexion has only worsened.
Early in the morning, Jiang Xu carried her onto the horse and held her in his arms as they rode at breakneck speed. In her hazy state, her consciousness would occasionally clear. By the time Shi Wan was fully awake, the group had already been sailing on Yunhu Lake for quite some time.
The boat was not large, but it was fully equipped and had more than enough room to carry many people; it was extremely spacious.
Seeing that she had woken up, Jiang Xu subconsciously softened his tone and immediately asked, "How are you feeling?" while reaching out to feel the temperature of her forehead.
Shi Wan glanced at him but didn't answer. A moment later, she heard Jiang Xu call her name. The two simple words seemed to nibble at her lips and teeth, then trickled into her ears, making her shiver involuntarily.
"She seems to be a little better, but she doesn't seem to be in much spirits." She ignored him, but Jiang Xu made his own judgment and ordered his guards to bring up some warm porridge and side dishes.
After speaking, he raised his hand to touch her cheek. Unlike yesterday, his palm was extremely warm at this moment. The familiar heat seeped into her skin, and Shi Wan reluctantly raised her head. What she saw was Jiang Xu's bright, dark eyes.
He remained silent, his eyes reflecting her somewhat bewildered and uneasy expression. However, Jiang Xu himself seemed completely oblivious, his gaze stubbornly fixed on her face.
A short while later, Shi Wan felt a little uneasy and subconsciously said, "I wasn't thinking about anything."
He didn't say whether he believed her or not. Upon hearing this, he loosely grasped her hand, and the lingering warmth from where he had just placed it drew her attention back.
Looking up, she saw Jiang Xu slightly narrowing his eyes, a slight smile playing on his lips, as if teasing her, and saying, "Were you thinking about yesterday?" He gently stroked Shi Wan's fingertip, "Or..."
Thinking about someone else?
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