Chapter 62 Shi Wan ignored his feelings. ...
Shi Wan lowered her eyes, not looking at him. "I wasn't thinking about anything." Just then, a bowl of white porridge and several side dishes were brought over. The warm porridge was sprinkled with minced tender fish. One bite was soft, fresh, and delicious, without any fishy or greasy taste. Paired with some flavorful side dishes, it was the perfect appetizer.
She reluctantly ate a few bites. Across from her, Jiang Xu, seeing her listless state, also put aside his thoughts and asked, "If it's not to your liking, would you like something else?"
"I'm not eating anymore." Shi Wan scooped up two more spoonfuls, making sure she had eaten a little bit of the porridge, before looking up at Jiang Xu. "I want to go for a walk outside."
The man's gaze lingered on the bowl of porridge for a moment before he advised, "You're still quite groggy this morning. Getting on the road is the priority, so... we should prioritize what's urgent."
This was meant as an explanation, but Shi Wan simply nodded, seemingly unconcerned. Her tone softened as she repeated, "Can I go for a walk?"
She had been cooped up in her room for the past two days, and had been harassed by Jiang Xu several times. Now that she had a chance, she naturally wanted to get some fresh air. After all, the two of them were now tied together, and wherever Jiang Xu went, she could only go.
“It’s cold in winter and the wind is strong on the boat. You’re not fully recovered yet, and it will be bad if you get exposed to the wind again.” Jiang Xu glanced at her face. “If you get sick again, you won’t be able to go out when you reach the border.”
"Will you let me out?" Shi Wan asked him.
The uncomfortable gaze vanished in the blink of an eye. Now, Jiang Xu was still in the same familiar posture as she knew him, his gaze deep and unfathomable, his eyes filled with her image.
But now, when she meets that gaze, she always feels awkward, both physically and mentally.
Jiang Xu was silent for a few moments, then said, "If you don't run around, I will naturally be willing to let you out."
As Shi Wan listened, she felt bored. "The border is all your territory. Even if I go out, I can't go anywhere." Even if she wanted to do something, she had to get Jiang Xu's permission. She couldn't do anything. Even buying a steamed bun required money given to her by him.
"Your subordinates treat me with utmost deference because of you." Shi Wan felt a lump in her throat as she thought of the guards calling her "Madam" repeatedly. "I heard from them that there will be a war in the spring."
After speaking, seeing Jiang Xu nod, she continued, "Since there's going to be a war, can I not go back?" There are so many river stations along the way; any one of them could let her off the boat.
Most importantly, she didn't want to be forced to stay by Jiang Xu's side all the time, being watched by him closely. Only by getting rid of him could she have another chance to escape in the future.
Shi Wan's face was pale, and she looked like Xi Shi clutching her heart. When Jiang Xu saw this, he unconsciously took her hand again. The warmth from a moment ago had disappeared, and the woman's soft hand was once again enveloped, without leaving a single gap. Jiang Xu stroked her hand and felt that her palm was very small. Her fair and smooth knuckles moved restlessly, conveying a few traces of coolness.
“With me here, you can rest assured even if there is war.” Jiang Xu gazed intently at her. “Just focus on taking good care of yourself and have another child for him.”
"Oh," Shi Wan replied, "You're implying that I'm not allowed to run around."
Jiang Xu stared at her for a moment, his heart itching with her repeated displays of girlish behavior. He chuckled and teased, "You don't mean you're harboring some inappropriate thoughts, do you?"
"Let me tell you, it's not worth it."
The two had just argued yesterday, and Jiang Xu didn't want to push her too hard at the moment. Seeing her eyes brimming with tears, he comforted her, "If you behave well, you'll have everything. I'm willing to let go of everything."
Shi Wan glanced at her, "I've been very good this time, haven't I?"
Jiang Xu didn't ask about the Zhang family or mention Caiyue and the others. She didn't want to hear about it, and mentioning it too much would only drag others down. Thinking that Zhang Yiwen hadn't been implicated the first time, she felt a little more at ease.
Jiang Xu is a man with some merits.
Unexpectedly, the other person seemed to know her inside and out, instantly understanding the meaning behind her glance. He sneered, "I'm afraid that after this, you'll have to add some more words to my notebook, pointing out a few more flaws."
Shi Wan was taken aback. Seeing that he was changing the subject again, she felt even more annoyed. "Bringing up the past is so pointless." He hadn't always spoken like this before. She felt a little uncomfortable again, so she simply said, "I won't go out in the wind. As you said, be good."
She suddenly lowered her head, and Jiang Xu's words were stuck in the middle, neither here nor there. Since she had already taken a step back, he would not insist.
As long as she's willing to stay put, that's fine.
With each of them harboring their own thoughts, the few days of their return journey were strangely harmonious, until the thirteenth day of the first lunar month when the group finally returned to the border.
After drifting on the ship for six or seven days, Shi Wan felt refreshed upon returning to land. Sitting in the carriage, she listlessly looked at the familiar scenery outside.
In mid-February, new swallows had already returned to their nests among the roof beams.
The morning mist was just beginning to dissipate when the group arrived at the courtyard around 7:00 AM. Lin Feiran stood in front of the gate, and in the distance, the sound of horses' hooves grew louder. The people waiting under the eaves had different expressions, but she remained unaffected. When she saw Jiang Xu dismount and stride over, she greeted him with a smile, "Your Majesty has had a hard journey. Now that you have returned safely, everyone can rest assured."
After speaking, he glanced at the carriage beside Jiang Xu, and then his gaze suddenly fixed on another person not far away.
Xuanmin noticed her gaze and unconsciously lowered his head further. With the veil covering his face, Lin Feiran could hardly see the other person's specific appearance, but at first glance, he felt that she looked familiar.
It looks familiar.
Across from him, Jiang Xu saw that Shi Wan was still in the car, so he simply waved his hand and said, "No need to stand on ceremony. In the future, there's no need to wait outside for such trivial matters. Go back now."
Upon hearing this, everyone hurriedly responded and scattered, bustling about. By the time they were all settled, it was already time for dinner.
Inside, the charcoal fire still burned, keeping the room warm.
Having saved herself the trouble of small talk, Shi Wan quickly washed up and felt most of her fatigue dissipate.
Jiang Xu was probably busy with other matters in the army, so she was happy to have some peace and quiet. Although the maids who served her had all been replaced, this time, there was no major reaction.
This rotation is similar to the previous one that monitored her, but it's only more excessive. It's better to think more positively, focus on recovering her health first, because it's unwise to fight a losing battle.
Jiang Xu always said that she was pragmatic, but deep down, Shi Wan always felt that she also had a kind of tenacity. In the past, due to circumstances, she could not read so many books or learn so many miscellaneous skills. She could only be confined to a corner of the world. Now that she has read books and seen different scenery, a little bit of unknown "competitive spirit" has unconsciously grown in her heart.
The more Jiang Xu tried to control her, the less she could wallow in self-pity. She had to slowly find a way and endure it until he lost interest or she was able to escape completely.
This guy is six or seven years older than her, so by any measure, she has more experience and more opportunities.
The maids brought over the evening's food. Shi Wan came to her senses and saw that it was a pot of braised pigeon with angelica root. The pigeon meat was tender and fell off the bone, and the soup was the color of amber. She stirred it with a spoon and could see snow-white and delicate fish balls lying at the bottom of the soup, garnished with red goji berries. It was a feast for the eyes, nose and palate.
With Jiang Xu not watching over her, Shi Wan was in a great mood and ate more than a bowl of food. She no longer looked as sickly as she had on the way back.
Just then, a gentle, soft female voice came from outside the door. Shi Wan paused for a moment and called out, "Who is outside? Come in."
Before long, a woman entered in response to the call. She wore a jade-colored half-sleeved top with a Shu brocade cover, covered with a green embroidered shirt, and a beige pomegranate skirt. She looked to be about the same age as her, with almond-shaped eyes that were slightly drooping at the corners, and fair skin.
After the ceremony, the maids around him hurriedly retreated, as if... fleeing in panic?
Just as I was wondering, I heard someone say from the other side, "My surname is Lin, my given name is Feiran, and I wish you well, Madam." The closer I got, the more I felt that gentle and tender feeling.
Shi Wan had seen too many women become hysterical because of a promise made by their husbands or lovers. Now that she was in that position, she suddenly seemed to lose her voice, her lips trembling as she managed to utter only, "I hope you are well too."
Upon seeing this, Lin Feiran suddenly chuckled, and in an instant, her tone rose, "May I sit here?"
Seeing the soft stool opposite her, Shi Wan nodded, a faint blush rising to her cheeks for some reason. "Please sit down." After a moment, she said, "Miss Lin, is there something you need at this hour?"
"If you don't mind, Madam, you can call me Feiran." The person opposite smiled. "I'm here to explain."
Explanation? Shi Wan didn't have time to think further before she heard the other person say it.
"Your Majesty must have heard about what happened between us, but in reality, Your Majesty took me in out of gratitude, nothing more."
She was stunned for a few moments before Lin Feiran's words caught her off guard. "No, no." Could it be that Lin Feiran had heard some rumors and was explaining things to her?
"Don't call me Madam, just call me 'Wan'er'." After saying that, she said seriously, "I don't care about these things." These matters concerning Jiang Xu are none of her concern.
However, Lin Feiran only glanced at her and nodded with a smile.
Shi Wan: "......"
"Oh, right, there's something else I'd like to ask Wan'er for clarification." Lin Feiran blinked slightly, seemingly a little shy to speak, "I wonder if Wan'er knows anything about the eminent monk Xuanmin?"
“I have heard that he has been keeping a low profile ever since the King kept him under the pretext of ‘hospitality’ last summer.”
When this was mentioned, Shi Wan suddenly thought of that distant glimpse on that rainy night. Coming back to her senses, she shook her head and said, "I know very little about it either. I only met it once."
"I see." Lin Feiran smiled and said casually, "To be honest, I also felt that the person at the gate today looked very familiar, as if I had known him before. I wanted to go and pay him a visit, but I was turned away and didn't see him. That's why I thought of asking you."
"Perhaps... I'm just overthinking it."
Shi Wan's expression remained unchanged. Seeing that the other party seemed extremely concerned, she suddenly said, "If I have the time and opportunity in the future, I can help you test the waters a bit, how about it?"
"Give a peach and receive a jade in return." Although the other party misunderstood, it was not easy to give such an explanation, especially when facing her, the so-called "madam."
"That would be wonderful! Fei Ran is extremely grateful!" Coming back to her senses, she saw Lin Fei Ran looking over with a beaming smile, her smile even more sincere, which inexplicably made Shi Wan's heart skip a beat.
Lin Feiran: "Indeed, Wan'er and I are extremely compatible!"
Shi Wan: "...Mm."
......
*
As night falls, a gentle breeze occasionally blows, and the snow accumulated on the branches falls softly into the stone lamp.
Inside the window, a small cluster of candlelight flickered, illuminating the small world on the couch.
Shi Wan was lying down when she unconsciously drifted into a daze. Her gaze inadvertently swept over the gifts on the table, and her breath hitched slightly.
The lacquered gold openwork hand warmer and the glass cup could be considered as expressions of apology, but what about... the double-sided embroidered peacock handkerchief?
She had just seen it herself; the handkerchief was embroidered with gold thread, one side depicting a blue phoenix holding a lingzhi mushroom, and the other a peacock perched on a plum blossom. Although the embroidery was exquisite, it was definitely not the work of a professional craftsman; it seemed more like it was embroidered by Lin Feiran herself. Thinking of what Lin Feiran had said earlier that day, she couldn't help but feel a little strange.
Whether Jiang Xu took her in out of "gratitude" or "love," why should he tell Shi Wan about it?
To outsiders, to put it nicely, she was nothing more than a concubine. Even if she was addressed as "Madam" out of respect for Jiang Xu, it was still far from warranting a special explanation.
Unless... someone instructed them to do so?
Thinking of this, Shi Wan paused, and an impossible answer suddenly appeared in her mind. She was so engrossed in thinking that she did not even notice the footsteps coming from outside.
Only when the light before her eyes was completely filled with a large patch of shadow did she slowly raise her eyes to look. Jiang Xu had been standing by the bed for who knows how long. She was startled. "Why have you been acting so strangely lately? You haven't said a word." Her relaxed mind was still a bit hazy at this moment. She paused and slowly turned to the side. After a moment, she felt a familiar warmth beside her. "What were you thinking about just now...?"
In the stillness, Shi Wan suddenly felt that the other person was holding her hand. She was not sure, so she tried to pull away but couldn't.
Instead of answering, she asked, "Have you been a little tired lately?"
"Are you concerned about me?" Jiang Xu's voice was so close, yet in the darkness, it was like a block of ice about to melt outside, blurry and indistinct, making it impossible to see or feel anything.
She said calmly in a low voice, "I'm afraid that if you die, I'll have to go through all the trouble of finding someone else."
"Really?" This time, Jiang Xu's voice carried a hint of amusement, and upon closer listening, there was also a faint trace of joy after confirmation. "I am indeed a little tired."
Shi Wan: "...Hmm." She had only asked a question, and this person took it so easily, leaving her in a difficult position.
After a moment, he said dryly, "Go to sleep."
Almost simultaneously, Jiang Xu's voice rang out, "Weren't you going to comfort me?"
Comfort? This guy has completely ruined her good mood these past few days. Comfort? What a pipe dream!
Shi Wan lay down for a while, feeling sleepy, and casually said, "Okay, then what will you give in exchange?" A clear price tag seemed to be the usual rule for their relationship.
This time, however, the other party's attitude carried a hint of overt indulgence: "What do you want?"
Shi Wan was taken aback, then scoffed, "What I want, you won't give me anyway."
Both of them knew what was going on. Seeing that he didn't answer, she mocked, "You just made a promise, and now you're already backing down. It's clear that most of what you said was a lie, isn't it?" After saying that, she turned her back and ignored him.
Jiang Xu was speechless for a moment, even though he knew she had found an excuse to get out of the conversation.
"Your temperament... is getting more and more unruly."
After a while, when Shi Wan didn't respond, they realized that she had fallen asleep in a daze.
"Really..."
He didn't know what to say.
The window lattice was not completely closed, and through the gaps, a chilling wind blew in, sweeping over half of Jiang Xu's body, while Shi Wan was completely enveloped by him, blocking out the cold.
One heart, half still in the cold wind, the other half as if placed on a fire grill to be roasted.
The almost imperceptible moonlight spilled into the room, softening the eerie aura surrounding him. After a while, once he was sure that Shi Wan was completely asleep, Jiang Xu opened his eyes to look at her, carefully and meticulously tracing her features with his gaze.
A sense of relief, resentment, and a hint of hatred.
The thread of profit entangles the heart, a state of extremes, a constant pull and a tightening.
"His face must look hideous and grotesque now," Jiang Xu thought, unconsciously curving his lips into a smile. At this moment, he even somewhat hoped that Shi Wan would wake up.
If she could see him looking like that now.
I don't know...
How will they react?
Well, she wouldn't even tell him what she was thinking just now.
As my thoughts returned, those enchanting, indescribable feelings all transformed into a sticky, viscous sensation, an overwhelming desire, before finally returning to silence after half an hour.
Across from her, Shi Wan kept her eyelashes tightly closed, her breathing even, completely unaware, even... lifeless.
Jiang Xu stared for a while, then subconsciously moved closer. The distance between them was compressed without limit. The man's burning body temperature gradually dissipated, and his somewhat cold lips pressed tightly against Shi Wan's.
His movements were light and slow, as if he were savoring a precious gift. He couldn't bear to close his eyes, which were filled with a rich, almost morbid, infatuation and longing, mixed with surging emotions and desires.
He just wanted her to look at him, and only at him.
Making concessions and compromises in every way.
How could she...?
Why won't you open your eyes?
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Author's Note: I'm here! Happy Friday, everyone! [Sprinkling flowers]
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