Undercurrent
When Dawa was three years old, the grassland welcomed a heavy snowfall that had not been seen in a century.
Snowflakes fluttered like goose feathers, painting the entire grassland a pure white. Qi Diao Yanfei sat by the window, holding Dawa, and taught him to identify snowflake shapes. Tashi Phuntsok brewed herbs by the stove, and the hut was filled with a warm atmosphere.
"Mom, will the snow keep falling?" Dawa asked with his big innocent eyes.
Qi Diao Yanfei gently stroked her son's hair: "No, no matter how heavy the snow is, it will stop eventually. Just like there is always dawn after the night."
As soon as she finished speaking, the medicine jar in Tashi Phuntsok's hand suddenly fell, and the brown medicine liquid spilled all over the floor. He stared at his hand in a daze, and a strange light flashed in his eyes.
"Pingcuo?" Qi Diao Yanfei looked at him with concern.
He snapped back to reality and forced a smile: "It's okay, my hand just slipped."
But in the days that followed, Qi Diao Yanfei noticed that Tashi Phuntsok was becoming increasingly strange. He would often stare blankly into space, and sometimes suddenly sit up in the middle of the night, mumbling something. Even more unsettling was that he would occasionally look at her with a completely unfamiliar gaze, as if he were looking at a stranger.
One evening, Qi Diao Yanfei came back from outside and heard Tashi Phuntsok speaking to Dawa in an ancient language that she had never heard before, yet it sounded strangely familiar.
"What are you teaching Dawa?" she couldn't help asking.
Tashi Phuntsok turned around, his eyes cold and distant at that moment: "Just some old nursery rhymes."
That night, Qi Diao Yanfei had a nightmare. In it, Tashi Phuntsok stood before the Mirror of Balance. Instead of his own reflection, it reflected the Primordial Light. In the dream, Tashi Phuntsok said to her, "The experiment isn't over yet. I need more data."
She woke with a start to find Tashi Phuntsok gone. She threw on her clothes and found him standing alone outside under a redwood tree, gazing up at the starry sky. Snowflakes fell on his shoulders, but he was oblivious.
"Phuntsok," she called softly, "Come back, it's cold outside."
He slowly turned around, his eyes filled with complex emotions she had never seen before: "Yan Fei, if...if I am not the Tashi Phuntsok you know, will you still love me?"
Her heart sank. “What do you mean?”
He lowered his head, his voice barely audible: "Nothing, just... a nightmare."
However, the seeds of doubt had been planted.
The next day, while sorting through Tashi Phuntsok's medical books, Qi Diao Yanfei discovered an ancient tome she had never seen before. Its yellowed pages contained a forbidden spell called "Consciousness Override"—a technique that allows a powerful mind to temporarily overtake another, reading its memories and experiencing its emotions.
On the last page of the book, there was a new note, written in a handwriting completely different from Tashi Phuntsok’s: “Experiment Phase 2: Emotional Depth Test.”
Qi Diao Yanfei's hands began to tremble. She thought of what Origin of Light had said, of those strange dreams, of Tashi Phuntsok's recent abnormality...
Could it be that the Primordial Light hadn't truly given up on the experiment? Could it be that Tashi Phuntsok was now being overtaken by the Primordial Light's consciousness?
When she confronted Tashi Phuntsok with the book, his reaction broke her heart.
He was shocked at first, then became unusually calm: "You found it."
"What did you discover?" Her voice trembled. "You discovered that you are no longer Tashi Phuntsok? That our love was just an experiment?"
A flash of pain flashed in his eyes, but was quickly replaced by a detached calm: "I am still Tashi Phuntsok, just... more complete. The original light has indeed merged with my consciousness, but it is not a covering, but a fusion. I still love you, Aidawa, but now I can understand this love from a higher dimension."
Qi Diao Yanfei took a step back, tears blurring her vision. "So, all these years of happiness are still just an experiment?"
"No!" He stepped forward eagerly, wanting to hold her hand, but she avoided him. "This happiness is real! Precisely because it's so real, the Origin of Light wants to understand it more deeply. Yanfei, our love is helping a cosmic being understand the mystery of emotion. Isn't that a great thing?"
She shook her head, tears finally falling. "Love isn't meant to be understood, it's meant to be felt! You're not feeling, you're analyzing and recording! Our hugs, our kisses, even our moments of love, you're secretly recording data, aren't you?"
Tashi Phuntsok—or rather, the merged being—fell silent. This silence was more hurtful than any acknowledgment.
That night, Qi Diao Yanfei slept in the small room next door, holding Dawa. She listened to the sounds of tossing and turning in the main room, and her heart ached.
The next morning, she found Tashi Phuntsok preparing breakfast in the kitchen. His movements were still skillful, but his eyes no longer had the warmth of the past.
"I made your favorite butter tea." He said cautiously.
She looked at the bowl of tea and suddenly felt nauseous. "What's in this? An emotional catalyst? A memory enhancer? Or some other experimental prop?"
His shoulders slumped. "Yan Fei, please don't be like this. I admit that it was experimental at first, but during the process, I truly felt love. The part of the Primordial Light's consciousness that was moved by your love decided to continue this fusion."
"Moved by 'your' love?" She grasped the subtlety of the word. "So you still regard us as objects of observation?"
The quarrel ended with Dawa crying. The child seemed to sense the tension between his parents and cried heartbreakingly.
Qi Diao Yanfei picked up her son and looked at Tashi Phuntsok coldly: "Until you figure out whether you are the Origin Light or Tashi Phuntsok, please don't come near us."
She took Dawa out of the hut and moved into the old tent she had used when she was a sky burial master. The cold wind on the grassland was biting, but it was nothing compared to the chill in her heart.
On a lonely night, she took out the Mirror of Balance pendant and tried to contact the Origin of Light, but there was no response. It was as if the being was deliberately avoiding her questions.
A week later, late at night, the tent curtain was gently lifted. Tashi Phuntsok stood outside, snowflakes falling on his shoulders, his eyes bloodshot.
"Can I come in?" His voice was hoarse.
Qi Diao Yanfei hugged the sleeping Dawa tightly and did not answer.
He walked into the tent on his own and knelt before her. "This week, I have experienced torture more painful than the collapse of time and space. The consciousness of the First Light wants to understand human emotions, but it does not know that true emotions cannot be 'understood' but can only be experienced."
He raised his head, his eyes filled with the deep affection she was familiar with. "That fusion did happen, but you're right. I've been analyzing and recording, trying to turn our love into experimental data. It wasn't until you left, until I felt this tearing pain, that I truly understood..."
His voice choked. "I finally understood what love is. Love isn't data that can be analyzed, nor is it a phenomenon that can be understood. Love is preferring pain to hurting the other person. It's the determination to protect the other person even if they're misunderstood."
Qi Diao Yanfei looked at him quietly, and cracks began to appear in the iceberg in her heart.
“This week, I made a decision,” he continued. “I severed most of my connection to the First Light. It’s still present in my consciousness, but it’s no longer dominant. I choose to continue loving you as Tashi Phuntsok.”
He took out the ancient book containing forbidden spells and threw it into the fire in front of her: "No more experiments, no more observations. Only Tashi Phuntsok's purest love for Qidiao Yanfei."
The firelight illuminated his sincere face, and Qi Diao Yanfei's defenses finally collapsed. She threw herself into his arms, her tears soaking his clothes.
"I'm afraid," she choked out, "that our love is just an elaborate experiment, that when you look at me, you're actually collecting data."
He hugged her tightly and said, "No, never again. From now on, it's just Tashi Phuntsok who loves Qidiao Yanfei, that's all."
That night, they took Dawa back to the cabin under the redwood trees, but something had changed, like a broken and then glued vase with the cracks still visible.
In the days that followed, Zhaxi Ping did his best to demonstrate his transformation. He no longer lost his composure, spoke strangely, and his eyes regained their former warmth. But Qi Diao Yanfei would occasionally catch a glimpse of detachment in his eyes, as if another consciousness were watching her from the depths.
One full-moon night, she was awakened by a nightmare and found that Tashi Phuntsok was not around. When she walked out of the cabin, she saw him standing under a redwood tree, talking to a shadow - a projection of the original light.
"...Enough data collection," she heard the Primordial Light say. "Your experience far exceeded expectations. It's time to return."
Tashi Phuntsok shook his head: "I promised not to use her as a test subject again."
"This is not an experiment," the voice of the First Light was filled with compassion. "This is evolution. Through your experience, I have come to understand the true meaning of love. Now, I want to give this understanding back to you."
Qi Diao Yanfei stepped forward and asked: "What kind of feedback?"
The Origin of Light turned to her and said, "I can completely separate Tashi Phuntsok's consciousness and restore him to his pre-fusion state. However, in doing so, he will lose all memory of the truth about time and space and become just an ordinary grassland doctor again."
Tashi Phuntsok immediately refused: "No! Those memories are part of our shared experience, and I don't want to forget them!"
The Origin of Light continued, "Or, I can withdraw completely and let the merged consciousness exist independently. This way, he will retain all his memories, but will no longer be affected by me."
Qi Diao Yanfei looked at Tashi Phuntsok and asked, "Which choice do you want?"
His eyes flickered in the moonlight. "I want... my whole self. That includes the expanded consciousness that comes from merging with the Primordial Light, the memories of all time and space, and the understanding of the truth of the universe. But I also want to love you with all my heart, not as an experiment, but as a partner."
The Origin of Light seemed to smile: "Then I understand."
Light and Shadow reached out a hand and touched Tashi Phuntsok's forehead: "I grant you complete autonomy. My consciousness will sleep deep within you, no longer interfering with your choices and emotions. You will be Tashi Phuntsok, an ordinary man who has experienced the miracles of time and space, understood the mysteries of the universe, but chooses to experience love as a mortal."
When the light and shadow faded, Tashi Phuntsok's eyes became extremely clear. He looked at Qi Diao Yanfei with only pure love in his eyes.
“Now,” he said, smiling, “it’s just Tashi Phuntsok looking at the lacquer sculpture Yanfei.”
They embraced each other in the moonlight, the shadow of the redwood tree gently wrapping them.
The next morning, Qi Diao Yanfei found a newly written note in Tashi Phuntsok's medical book:
"Final report of the experiment: Love cannot be understood, it can only be experienced; it cannot be analyzed, it can only be felt. The greatest wisdom is to know when to stop exploring and start living. - Origin of Light, signed: Tashi Phuntsok"
She put the note away with a smile, knowing that this time, they had truly found their balance.
When Dawa ran into the room and threw himself into his father's arms, Qi Diao Yanfei saw the unconditional fatherly love in Tashi Phuntsok's eyes. At that moment, she was finally convinced that the long experiment was really over.
Love, after going through trials, does not become more perfect, but more real. Just like the Gesang flowers on the grassland, they do not seek to bloom forever, but only show their most beautiful posture in a limited season.
Finally, she could rest assured in loving this man who was both Tashi Phuntsok and more than Tashi Phuntsok, because true love embraces everything, including the other person's past and secrets.
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