Chapter 86: You and I are drifting apart
Xue Yingyue was sleeping soundly, as if she had sunk into a warm bath.
The deep sleep temporarily dispelled everything from the daytime, allowing her to catch her breath.
She had a dream.
The dream was hazy and soft, as if it were seen through a layer of honey water.
The light was a warm, orange-yellow, carrying the lazy feel of afternoon sunshine.
A woman with a blurred figure sat in the light and shadow, her posture gentle.
Her soft hair fell over her chest, her head was slightly lowered, one hand gently and lovingly caressed her swollen belly, while the other hand embraced a tender little boy.
The woman's face was obscured, but she was enveloped in a warm, spring-like aura.
A thought arose with crystal clarity in Xue Yingyue's mind, a call from the depths of her bloodline...
This woman is her biological mother.
The well-behaved little boy in her arms was her older brother.
Could it be... Cui Yuerong and Xue Haoting?
This realization made Xue Yingyue's heart tremble slightly in her dream, and a feeling mixed with bitterness and longing silently spread.
Then she heard a woman's voice, like the softest feather brushing against her heart, full of laughter and doting affection.
"Do you want your mother to give you a little brother or a little sister?"
Her gaze fell tenderly on the little boy's face in her arms.
The little boy babbled in a childish voice, his words still somewhat unclear, with the endearing clumsiness typical of his age.
"Little...little sister."
He stretched out his chubby little hand, seemingly wanting to imitate his mother and touch her round belly, but he was also a little timid, afraid of hurting his mother.
Looking at the little boy's innocent and adorable appearance, Xue Yingyue felt a sense of doubt in her dream.
If this really is Xue Haoting... he is more than three years older than me. According to the timeline, when Cui Yuerong was pregnant with me, he should have been at least three years old, already able to run and jump, and speaking much more clearly. He should not be the babbling, toddling child I see before me.
This child looks to be only one or two years old, the age when he is most innocent and naive.
So, is he Xue Haoting?
Or was Xue Haoting mentally disabled as a child?
Something seems off...
This vague question, like a pebble thrown into a calm lake, created a barely perceptible ripple in Xue Yingyue's tranquil dream.
...
night
The twilight, like congealed blood, pressed heavily upon the majestic eaves of Chang'an.
During the day, rumors about Empress Xue Yingyue plotting to poison the emperor and then commit suicide spread like wildfire through the streets and alleys, and by nightfall, they had finally materialized into real flames and weapons.
In the direction of the imperial city, the first spark ignited and then spread rapidly like wildfire.
Soon, the towering flames tore a scarlet gash through the night.
The city of Chang'an was awakened from its slumber, and countless terrified eyes turned to the palace that symbolized supreme power.
There, at this very moment, a feast of blood and fire is unfolding.
Xue Haoting, clad in gleaming armor, sat on his horse, his long sword reflecting the towering flames, his eyes filled with a desperate madness.
Behind him were the assassins whom the Xue family had raised for many years, as well as the imperial guards who were Fang Wenzhou's trusted confidants.
The crowd was enraged, and the weapons reflected an ominous red light.
Fang Wenzhou stood silently in the shadow of the palace gate, clutching a ring tightly in his hand.
That was the sapphire gold ring he gave to Xue Yingyue, but after Pei Xuanlin discovered his affair with Xue Yingyue, Pei Xuanlin sent someone to return it to him.
Because you couldn't stand your woman having affairs, you killed her, right, Pei Xuanlin?
That's just like you, cold-blooded and ruthless. I thought you'd pretend to be a good person in front of her forever, Pei Xuanlin. You're nothing special to her.
Thinking of this, a cold glint flashed in Fang Wenzhou's eyes, and he ordered his trusted aides: "Open the palace gates!"
The heavy palace gates groaned as they were opened with a loud crash, as if receiving a response from within.
The rebel army, like a flood bursting its banks, roared into the heart of Chang'an.
The carnage erupted instantly.
Arrows rained down like locusts, swords clashed and clanged, and flesh and blood were utterly vulnerable before the cold metal.
The magnificent palace was greedily licked by flames, beams and pillars collapsed, curtains turned to ashes, and precious books and artifacts were trampled and looted in the chaos.
Thick smoke, carrying the stench of blood, shot straight into the sky, completely obscuring the stars and moon.
The terrified cries of the palace servants mingled with the wails of the dying, intertwining with the crackling of the flames to create a symphony of hell.
The entire palace had become a scene of carnage.
However, at the heart of this chaos, the Xuanzheng Hall, symbolizing the highest power of the empire, was eerily quiet.
Xue Haoting and Fang Wenzhou fought a bloody battle, hacking and slashing their way through the enemy lines with a clear objective.
They aimed directly at Emperor Pei Xuanlin's life.
Just when they thought they were about to break through the last line of defense and storm into the Xuanzheng Hall, the heavy, bronze-inlaid hall door slowly opened from the inside.
There was no fierce resistance as expected. Instead, a squad of elite Xuanjia soldiers silently marched out, their leader's gaze cold and his voice calm and even.
"Lord Bao, Lord Zhongyong, His Majesty requests your presence."
This unexpected invitation caused the bloodthirsty rebel vanguard to pause in surprise.
Xue Haoting and Fang Wenzhou exchanged glances, their eyes filled with surprise and doubt.
What tricks is Pei Xuanlin playing?
Before they could think further, the menacing aura of the elite soldiers made their stance clear.
Xue Haoting snorted coldly, gripped the hilt of his knife, and stepped inside.
Fang Wenzhou took a deep breath and followed.
...
Inside the hall, the light was dim.
The massive golden pillar with coiled dragons stood silently in the shadows, illuminated only by a few ever-burning lamps near the throne.
Pei Xuanlin sat leisurely on the dragon throne that symbolized the world.
His face was still pale, even sickly, but his deep eyes, under the flickering lamplight, were calmly unsettling, as if the rebellion outside the palace, which concerned his life and death and the survival of the empire, was just an insignificant commotion.
What alarmed them even more was that there were two more people standing below the steps.
One of them was Xie Daojian. He looked travel-worn, clearly having just been urgently recalled. His brows were furrowed, and he appeared worried.
The other person was Xiao Chongheng.
He was brought out of the prison, still wearing his dirty prison clothes, his hair disheveled, bearing the marks of torture.
Pei Xuanlin deliberately made him appear in such an unbearable state; the humiliation and targeting were self-evident.
However, even in prison clothes, Xiao Chongheng's handsome face, which remained upright despite his hardships, could not be concealed, which undoubtedly stung the emperor's eyes even more.
"Everyone is here."
Pei Xuanlin spoke, his voice steady, even carrying a strange weariness. He glanced at Xue Haoting and Fang Wenzhou's blood-stained armor and sneered.
"You two gentlemen, what a grand display!"
Xue Haoting could no longer contain himself and shouted angrily, "Pei Xuanlin! Stop playing tricks! You forced my sister to her death, and today I'm here to take your dog's life!"
"Ah, so that's how it is, brother-in-law, I drove your sister to her death..."
Pei Xuanlin repeated softly, a subtle smile playing on his lips. He ignored Xue Haoting's roar and instead turned to give an order to the eunuch.
Waiting, enduring the torment of deathly silence.
The sounds of fighting outside the hall seemed to be gradually subsiding, and it was now clear who was on the winning side.
Footsteps came from the back hall.
All eyes were instantly drawn to them.
A slender figure, supported by a palace maid, slowly stepped into the light.
She was dressed up beautifully.
Her long, black hair was styled into a magnificent updo, adorned with pearl and jade hairpins, and she was covered in gold and jade. She wore a red, flowing gown with gold phoenix and peony patterns, and her makeup was exquisite, with vermilion lips, making her look even more like someone attending a major banquet.
It's Xue Yingyue!
She is still alive.
However, this extreme beauty, in contrast to her paper-white complexion and the glaringly white gauze wrapped around her slender neck, created an incredibly eerie and poignant contrast.
She walked slowly, her steps unsteady. Her once lively eyes were now like a stagnant pool, empty, reflecting the light and shadows of people in the hall.
Everyone present, except for Pei Xuanlin, was shocked.
She's still alive...
Xue Yingyue's weary gaze slowly swept over everyone in the hall.
Looking at this absurd picture, which she alone had created and which brought together the most powerful forces and emotions of the Tang Dynasty, and recalling the mental and physical torment she had suffered at the hands of Pei Xuanlin these past few days, an extreme sense of irony gripped her.
She suddenly found it all utterly ridiculous.
"Oh……"
A low chuckle escaped from her pale lips, and then the laughter grew louder and more out of control, turning into a near-manic laugh.
"Hahaha...hahahaha..."
Laughter echoed in the empty hall, shrill and mournful, filled with endless mockery and despair, sending chills down one's spine.
"Ah Li!"
Xue Haoting was the first to react. He rushed forward, pressed his hands firmly on Xue Yingyue's thin shoulders, and asked her urgently.
"What happened? Tell me, why did the palace send out messages saying you were dead, and what about your neck... what happened to your neck?"
Xue Haoting's voice was distorted by fear and confusion.
Seeing him like this, Xue Yingyue stopped laughing and stared at him with extreme disgust, as if she were looking at a fool. Her face was distorted and her voice was icy cold.
"You idiot! Don't you see it yet? You've fallen for Pei Xuanlin's trap!"
Her words, each one like an ice pick, struck Xue Haoting's heart.
"It's all over now! I'm finished, the Xue family is finished, I wanted to die but couldn't, and now you're all going to die with me, haha, a bunch of idiots, hahahahahahaha, great! Let's all die together, let's all die cleanly!"
Xue Yingyue's mental state was clearly off; her eyes were unfocused, she was both lucid and frantic, and her maniacal laughter echoed throughout the palace, carrying a sense of suicidal pleasure.
Pei Xuanlin watched this farce with a cold eye until Xue Yingyue's laughter gradually turned into a low sob. Only then did he slowly speak, his voice not loud, but instantly drowning out all the noise.
"She's right here now."
Pei Xuanlin's gaze, like a cold probe, swept over Xue Haoting, Fang Wenzhou, Xie Daojian, and finally lingered on Xiao Chongheng for a moment, filled with undisguised disgust.
"I really want to ask you this."
He paused, each word crystal clear, striking at everyone's conscience and ambition.
"If you succeed in your rebellion tonight and ascend to the throne, where do you intend to place my Empress, Xue Yingyue?"
He raised this cruel and realistic question, directly addressing their deepest desires and choices.
"Is she to be treated like the former empress, to stabilize public sentiment and prevent future troubles, and to be put to death with a cup of poison or a white silk ribbon?"
"Or perhaps out of consideration for past feelings, you should show leniency and order her to shave her head and become a nun, spending the rest of her life in solitude and devotion?"
"or……"
Pei Xuanlin's voice was laced with cold mockery.
"Following the example of the previous dynasty, will you take my stunningly beautiful empress into your harem and make her your own?"
A deeper silence fell over the hall, broken only by the occasional crackling of the lamp wicks and the heavy breathing of the people inside.
This question starkly exposes the deepest desires hidden in everyone's heart.
Xue Yingyue was amused by Pei Xuanlin, and she laughed again.
She laughed bitterly and desperately, realizing she was nothing more than a plaything, a trophy, and whoever won would own her.
Disgusting, absolutely disgusting.
What exactly is she? Is she even human?
A soulless puppet, manipulated at will, a pretext to ignite a man's ambition and desire.
That's disgusting.
Her existence was solely to prove the power and affection of these men.
This realization eroded her last shred of sanity like venom, driving her to utter despair and madness amidst utter absurdity and sorrow.
Fang Wenzhou was the first to raise his head.
He gazed at that fragile, slender figure, his eyes filled with undisguised pain.
If he had taken her away from Zuixianlou that day, wouldn't none of this have happened? He would have cherished her, loved her, and their bond would have been the deepest.
Fang Wenzhou stepped forward, his voice unusually firm.
"If that day ever comes, I will offer this vast empire to her with both hands, so that she may decide what to do with it. Her will will be my will."
Pei Xuanlin sneered.
Ha, that sounds nice. If you really became emperor, with your harem, you probably wouldn't even remember who Xue Yingyue is.
Xue Yingyue didn't even raise her head or look at Fang Wenzhou when she heard his words.
Pei Xuanlin watched Xue Yingyue's performance, then subtly turned his gaze to Xue Haoting, scrutinizing him with amusement.
His brother-in-law, his wife's older brother, was also her lover.
Interesting, very interesting. Right under his nose, he thought it was a deep sibling bond, but he never expected it.
Xue Haoting's chest heaved violently as he looked at Xue Yingyue's crazed and desperate appearance, his twisted emotions surging within him.
He looked up, his gaze fixed intently on Xue Yingyue, his voice hoarse and ardent, revealing a shocking frankness.
“I am different from all of you. She and I are siblings. Whoever sits on the throne, whether it is me or her, will be surnamed Xue.”
His words practically trampled on basic human ethics.
Pei Xuanlin rolled his eyes.
Then we absolutely cannot let you become emperor. Who knows if you'll remember that you also have the surname Xue and seize the world for yourself?
Pei Xuanlin chuckled when he saw that Xue Yingyue still had no reaction, and then looked at Xie Daojian.
"Minister Xie, is there anything you wish to say?"
This time, Xue Yingyue glanced at Xie Daojian, then quickly lowered her head again.
Xie Daojian glanced at Xue Yingyue, then looked at Pei Xuanlin expressionlessly.
"When Your Majesty was away from the capital, I repeatedly begged the Empress to remarry me. I'm sure Your Majesty can guess what I said."
Pei Xuanlin chuckled.
What a despicable person! This scumbag is so eager to take advantage of someone's misfortune and destroy their marriage. Doesn't he fear being struck by lightning?
Especially since Xue Yingyue glanced at him, they were truly childhood sweethearts, deeply in love in their youth.
Finally, Pei Xuanlin's cold gaze fell on Xiao Chongheng, who had remained silent.
The man who had a daughter with the woman he loved was the deepest resentment in his heart.
“Xiao Chongheng,” Pei Xuanlin’s voice was icy, “And you? Do you have anything to say, my dear brother?”
Xiao Chongheng, dressed in dirty prison clothes, slowly raised his head under everyone's gaze.
Xiao Chongheng ignored the barb in Pei Xuanlin's words, looked at the dazed woman with a complicated gaze, and slowly curled a bitter yet gentle smile at the corner of his mouth.
It seems she's not doing well. So, does she regret marrying Pei Xuanlin? It seems so; Pei Xuanlin appears to have betrayed her.
She hates betrayal the most, so she hates him and will never forgive him.
Xue Yingyue noticed his gaze and slowly raised her head, staring blankly at Xiao Chongheng. Her heart was filled with complex emotions, and her gaze towards him also became complicated.
Xiao Chongheng spoke softly, his voice slightly hoarse.
"I definitely want to make up for the regrets between her and me."
He paused, looked at Xue Yingyue with a firm gaze, and said, word by word.
"Become her husband."
These words, simple and direct, resounded like a thunderclap in the silent hall.
Xue Yingyue's eyes widened imperceptibly for a moment, she swallowed hard, and then quickly lowered her gaze.
Seeing Xue Yingyue's reaction to Xiao Chongheng, Pei Xuanlin's pupils suddenly contracted, and the knuckles on the armrest of the dragon throne turned bluish-white from the force.
What he loathed most was the past between Xiao Chongheng and Xue Yingyue that he could never erase, especially the child between the two of them that he could never forget.
Knowing full well that he disliked him the most, Xiao Chongheng still dared to speak so frankly and even provocatively in front of him, expressing his idea of replacing him as Xue Yingyue's husband!
What a shameless slut! Doesn't she know she's already married?! Doesn't she even have a piss without a mirror?! She's married so many wives and still has the nerve to say that to Xue Yingyue? Bah, shameless!
After Xue Yingyue lowered her eyes, her gaze became unfocused, but it seemed to focus slightly for a moment because of Xiao Chongheng's words.
She glanced at Xiao Chongheng out of the corner of her eye, noticing his glaringly disheveled clothes and the complex, unreadable guilt in his eyes. Her lips trembled slightly, but in the end, no sound came out.
Xue Haoting suddenly turned his head and glared at Xiao Chongheng, his eyes filled with offended anger, as if his own treasure had been coveted.
Fang Wenzhou clenched his fists, his face turning even paler.
Xie Daojian closed his eyes and let out a barely audible sigh. He knew that the situation was completely out of control.
For Xue Yingyue, Xiao Chongheng was indeed different from other men. He was the man who saved her from dire straits, and also the man who plunged her into dire straits. He was her benefactor, her enemy, her lover, and also an inescapable fate.
Pei Xuanlin slowly stood up from the dragon throne.
He looked down at the people in the hall as if they were a group of insects struggling in a spider web.
As he recalled the emotional entanglement between Xiao Chongheng and Xue Yingyue, the last trace of expression vanished from Pei Xuanlin's face, leaving only the absolute majesty and coldness of an emperor.
He made no verbal comments on anyone's answers, showing no anger, no sarcasm, and no agreement.
He merely glanced one last time at the woman on the verge of a mental breakdown with his unfathomable eyes, then turned his gaze to the fading firelight outside the hall.
"Guards, take them all away."
Pei Xuanlin calmly uttered the order, his voice devoid of any inflection, thus bringing a pause to this bloody night, a pause filled with uncertainty and oppression.
The war outside had long since ended, and in the end, he won the coup.
Elite troops silently poured in again, taking away the four men besides Pei Xuanlin and Xue Yingyue.
The palace doors closed again, sealing all love, hate, ambition, and obsession within the Xuanzheng Hall, a symbol of supreme power.
Xue Yingyue's striking red attire, like the final sacrifice on an altar, froze at the edge of the four men's vision and was imprinted in their memories of this sleepless night.
...
Listening to those words that could move or frighten anyone, Xue Yingyue's face remained expressionless, only as still as a stagnant pool.
Deep in his eyes, there was also a profound sorrow.
Pei Xuanlin's face was unreadable.
He waited until everyone had left before slowly standing up, looking down at Xue Yingyue as if she were an ant struggling on a chessboard.
"very good."
He uttered two words softly, carrying endless chill and mockery.
"My Empress is indeed a beauty that could topple kingdoms, attracting countless heroes to fall at her feet."
The air inside the hall seemed to have frozen into ice, and every breath carried a bone-chilling cold.
Xue Yingyue stood there motionless, dressed in an extremely seductive manner, lifeless, like a flower that had been ravaged by a storm and had lost all its vitality, leaving only withered and empty shells on the verge of decay.
Seeing Pei Xuanlin's appearance, she twitched the corners of her mouth and let out a cold laugh filled with disgust and exhaustion. There was no warmth in her laughter, only bone-chilling coldness.
"Pei Xuanlin, please stop disgusting me, okay?"
Xue Yingyue raised her eyes. She was now disgusted by all the trouble Pei Xuanlin had brought her, and her words became harsh.
"I'm begging you, just let me die, anything is fine, anything is better than staying here facing your disgusting face..."
She paused, as if searching for the most appropriate word to describe her feelings, and finally, she softly uttered it.
"It's so annoying, it makes me want to throw up, you know? It's disgusting."
Xue Yingyue's sharp and sarcastic words cut into Pei Xuanlin's heart with every single one.
Pei Xuanlin looked at her, the light in his eyes quickly dimming at her words.
But he was still unwilling to give up, still stubbornly wanting to grasp at something, even her anger, or even her hatred, would be better than this terrifying silence.
Pei Xuanlin took a step forward, his voice low and hoarse, with a slight, almost imperceptible tremor, as he repeated the question that had been lingering in his mind for so long.
"Xue Yingyue, tell me, if I let you choose, who would you rather be with: Xue Haoting, Xie Daojian, Fang Wenzhou, or... Xiao Chongheng?"
As he read these names aloud, each one felt like a slow, agonizing torture, especially Xiao Chongheng, which felt like a knife being plunged into his heart.
But Pei Xuanlin insisted on asking, as if only through her choice could he confirm just how wretched he was in her heart.
I'll let myself suffer until I die.
But Xue Yingyue didn't even bother to give him a glance.
She was too tired.
From body to soul, everything has been hollowed out and crushed.
She didn't want any of those entangled love and hate, the power struggles and conflicts, or the possession and harm inflicted by these men in the name of love.
All she wants now is one thing: a peaceful life.
So Xue Yingyue closed her eyes and said nothing, using silence to build an unbreakable wall, keeping Pei Xuanlin out.
Her silence terrified Pei Xuanlin more than the most vicious curses.
He couldn't bear the feeling of being completely ignored and abandoned by her.
Pei Xuanlin dared not delay any longer. He quickly descended the steps and almost staggered to her side. He stretched out his arms and, without saying a word, tightly embraced Xue Yingyue's cold and stiff body.
His embrace was still strong, and still carried his unique ambergris scent. This was once Xue Yingyue's most cherished haven, but now it only made her feel suffocated.
"Say something."
Pei Xuanlin tightened his grip on her, as if he wanted to crush her into his very bones, his voice carrying a hint of suppressed anxiety.
"Why aren't you saying anything, Xue Yingyue? Say something."
Xue Yingyue did not struggle at all, letting him hold her like a doll.
"..."
"What are you doing?"
Her face was buried in the crook of his shoulder, her voice muffled, devoid of any emotion, eerily calm.
What do you want me to say?
This completely unfazed question made Pei Xuanlin's heart sink.
He would rather Xue Yingyue hit him, scold him, and hurt him with the sharpest words than be like this now, like a stagnant pool that can no longer be disturbed.
"Just say whatever comes to mind."
He chuckled helplessly, tightening his grip on her arm and resting his chin against the top of her cool hair.
"Apart from wanting to die, you can say anything, Xue Yingyue, I'm begging you, I'm most afraid of you looking like this."
Upon hearing this, Xue Yingyue slowly lifted her head from his embrace.
Her eyes were empty and unfocused, as if she were looking through him into nothingness.
She looked at his anxious and panicked face and found it utterly absurd.
Xue Yingyue tugged at the corners of her mouth, revealing a slight smile. Her eyes were filled with deep weariness. Her voice was very soft, like a feather, but it carried a tremendous weight, striking Pei Xuanlin's heart.
"Just treat me like a dead man, Pei Xuanlin."
"Let me go, and let yourself go too."
"Stop torturing me, I'm tired of living already."
Seeing her utterly dejected and lifeless appearance, Pei Xuanlin finally panicked completely.
He shook her shoulders forcefully, trying to rouse her from this terrible numbness.
"What's wrong with you, Xue Yingyue? Where's your fighting spirit? Where's the ruthlessness you had when you were holding that dagger and trying to kill me? Tell me, why are you saying such things!"
He would rather face Xue Yingyue, who hated him to the bone and was determined to die with him, than bear the woman before him, who seemed to have a shattered soul and was now just an empty shell.
Xue Yingyue was dizzy from his shaking, but still didn't react to him.
She spoke in a resigned tone, in a low voice.
"No, never again."
She raised her eyes, gazing at him with an empty, sorrowful look, even deliberately adopting a humble, pleading tone.
"I will never dare to do it again. I beg Your Majesty to have mercy on me, to spare my life, and to allow me to die. This is my only and final request."
These words shattered all of Pei Xuanlin's remaining hope.
He knew he had gone too far.
His probing of Xue Yingyue, his scheming against her, his self-righteousness, and his attempts to teach her a lesson have driven her to a truly desperate situation, destroying her last shred of will to live.
A wave of immense fear washed over him, instantly drenching his entire body.
Pei Xuanlin could no longer care about anything else; all he wanted now was to win her back, at any cost.
"No! No, Ahri, listen to me."
Pei Xuanlin eagerly cupped her face, forcing her to look into his eyes, and began to confess incoherently, laying bare his true feelings, which had been twisted by emotions and hidden beneath the scheming and plotting, before her.
“What I’ve done these past few days—torturing you, neglecting you—it was all just to scare you. I love you so much, I really love you. I’m just so afraid of losing you, so afraid that you won’t love me anymore. I hate those men, I hate that you had relations with them, so I resorted to this tactic, having Xue Xianzhu come to the palace to act out a play for me. It was all an act, not real, not at all. I never had anything happen with Xue Xianzhu. She wasn’t pregnant at all. It was all fake, all fake. I’ve never betrayed you. I belong to you, I’m yours. I beg you, please don’t do this to me.”
Pei Xuanlin's voice trembled with emotion, choked with sobs, "I love you, I'm sorry, I love you, I know I made a mistake, I know I was wrong."
He repeated the word "love" over and over again, as if only in this way could he prove his sincerity.
"I'm just so afraid of losing you! I'm afraid the person you love isn't me, afraid your heart belongs to someone else. I'm jealous of Xiao Chongheng, jealous that he has a child with you. I hate it, I really hate it so much, why isn't that child mine..."
He frantically explained, like a child who had done something wrong, trying to beg for forgiveness.
"I neglected and tormented you just to see if I stopped loving you, if you were in dire straits, would you beg me, beg me to love you, beg me to change my mind, beg me not to look at other women? I'm sorry, I was so naive. I just wanted you to love me, I just wanted you to love me as much as I loved you..."
Pei Xuanlin gripped Xue Yingyue's hand tightly, pressing it against his rapidly heaving chest, where his heart pounded like a drum.
"Look, it's jumping so fast because of you. I belong to you completely, body and soul, I am yours, Ahri, look at me, I beg you, please don't do this to me... don't look at me like that... you love me, you love me the most..."
However, Pei Xuanlin's tearful and impassioned plea did not seem to move Xue Yingyue.
Xue Yingyue listened quietly, her face expressionless. She showed neither shock at learning the truth nor anger at being deceived, nor even the slightest fluctuation of emotion.
It was as if a trivial breeze had blown past her ear, leaving no trace.
Only after Pei Xuanlin finished speaking and stared intently at her with eyes filled with panic and expectation did she blink very slowly, and then speak softly in a calm, almost eerie tone.
"OK."
She paused, feeling it was a bit perfunctory, and then added:
"I see."
Xue Yingyue did not question "Why did you lie to me?", nor did she cry out "Do you know how much pain I'm in?", nor did she even utter a single "So that's how it is" expression.
Just these few simple words.
This shows that Xue Yingyue didn't care.
She doesn't care about the truth. She doesn't even care about him anymore, so why would she care about what he did?
This made Pei Xuanlin feel more desperate than any violent reaction.
He would rather she hysterically hit and curse him than be like this now, as if everything he said had nothing to do with Xue Yingyue anymore.
Pei Xuanlin was completely panicked. A fear of losing Xue Yingyue completely gripped his heart, making it almost impossible for him to breathe.
He hugged her tightly again, his voice filled with an unprecedented humility and pleading.
"Ah Li, you can hit me, yell at me, vent your anger however you want. I'm a bastard, I was stupid, I was blinded by greed! I know I was wrong, I really know I was wrong. Please don't do this, don't scare me like this... I can't take it, please don't treat me like this, I beg you..."
Xue Yingyue listened without paying attention, only blinking wearily. Her thick eyelashes, like the wings of a dying butterfly, cast a shadow under her eyes.
She even let out a small yawn uncontrollably, as if the heart-wrenching emotional turmoil before her was nothing compared to her current sleepiness.
"I'm very sleepy."
Xue Yingyue said softly, her voice heavy with nasal tone, she was truly exhausted.
She was too tired. She didn't want to deal with the problems between her and Pei Xuanlin anymore; she wanted to get rid of Pei Xuanlin.
"Okay, that's all. I'm going to sleep now."
Xue Yingyue gently broke free from Pei Xuanlin's embrace. Her movements were gentle, yet carried an obvious sense of estrangement.
Under Pei Xuanlin's astonished gaze, Xue Yingyue gently raised her eyes, her gaze still numb, and suddenly said something to him.
"You can kill me anytime, and I will accept it without complaint."
After all, to have become empress to such an extent is unprecedented and likely to remain so.
Not only did she falsify her identity, but she was also a prostitute in the past, had children with other men, showed no respect for the emperor, and even plotted to poison him. She stirred up trouble and acted recklessly. Her family was extremely powerful and their achievements overshadowed the emperor. She and her family even raised an army to rebel. In addition to these, she also practiced witchcraft and defiled the harem. She did everything that challenged imperial authority and disregarded royal dignity, causing the whole country to curse her as a wicked empress who brought disaster to the country and its people.
She will surely leave a significant mark on history, perhaps even surpassing the impression left on the world by emperors with great achievements. In that case, her death will have been worthwhile.
But her last words ignited the last vestiges of madness in Pei Xuanlin's heart.
Pei Xuanlin watched her turn and walk away, then suddenly roared.
"What do you want me to do! I beg you, tell me, Xue Yingyue, what do I have to do for you to forgive me, to forgive the stupid things I've done these past few days!"
Xue Yingyue stopped walking, but did not turn around.
She merely turned her head slightly, a faint curve appearing at the corner of her lips, her smile filled with endless mockery, yet chillingly empty.
"forgive?"
She repeated the word softly, as if she had heard an extremely ridiculous joke.
"You did nothing wrong."
"You are the emperor, how could you be wrong?"
Having said that, she didn't linger any longer. With unsteady yet firm steps, she left the suffocating hall, step by step.
That red figure, in the dim light, was as resolute as a final farewell.
Pei Xuanlin stood frozen in place, staring in the direction she had disappeared, as if all the strength had been drained from his body.
The phrase, "You are the emperor, how could you be wrong?" swirled in his mind like a curse, every word mocking his arrogance and foolishness.
She left.
Pei Xuanlin dared not leave her alone.
Because she would commit suicide.
Xue Yingyue would try every possible way to die—hanging, drowning, poisoning, stabbing herself—she would do anything to kill herself. She is currently in a negative mood, and if given the chance to be alone, she would make sure he never sees her alive again.
Pei Xuanlin was terrified. He really couldn't lose her. If he lost her, there would be no point in him living.
Driven by intense fear, Pei Xuanlin followed her almost immediately, keeping a great distance and carefully watching her drift back to her bedchamber like a wandering ghost.
...
Pei Xuanlin paced anxiously outside the hall for a moment. He thought he should give Xue Yingyue some time to calm down. Perhaps letting her be alone for a while would make her feel better.
In the end, however, he could not suppress the fear that Xue Yingyue was dead and gently pushed open the door.
Inside the door, there was no crying as he had expected, no smashing of things in a fit of rage, not even a deathly silence.
What came into his view was Xue Yingyue leaning against the soft couch by the window, holding an exquisite white jade wine pot in her hand.
She tilted her head back, facing the spout, and gulped down the amber liquid inside.
Spicy liquor slid down her lips, meandered down her fair neck, soaked the glaring gauze, and stained her red dress.
She drank it quickly and forcefully, as if it weren't wine, but the water of the River of Oblivion that could temporarily numb the pain and make her forget everything.
But she had an unusually high alcohol tolerance, so she kept drinking heavily, hoping to numb herself and forget everything.
The cold moonlight outside the window shone on Xue Yingyue, outlining her thin and desperate figure.
His drunken state was devoid of the elegant demeanor he once displayed at palace banquets; it was replaced by a self-destructive madness on the verge of collapse.
Pei Xuanlin stood at the door, watching this scene. His heart felt like it was being tightly gripped by an invisible hand, and the pain was so intense that he could barely straighten up.
He knew that he had personally driven the proud, vibrant, and passionate Xue Yingyue to the point of escaping reality by getting drunk.
He didn't even know how to pull her back from this abyss of self-exile.
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