Chapter 87: The ending is earth-shattering...
The Zichen Palace was filled with the strong smell of alcohol and the lingering aura of despair emanating from Xue Yingyue.
Pei Xuanlin watched as Xue Yingyue, like a soulless puppet, gulped down the spicy liquid.
The pain and panic were intertwined, almost suffocating him.
Pei Xuanlin could no longer hold back. He stepped forward, his voice trembling and torn by the overwhelming emotions, filled with heart-wrenching regret.
"Xue Yingyue, stop drinking!"
Pei Xuanlin reached out and tried to snatch the wine pot from Xue Yingyue's hand, his movements somewhat rough due to his haste.
"It's all my fault, I did something wrong, why are you punishing yourself!"
Xue Yingyue did not struggle, nor did she even look up at him.
When Pei Xuanlin's icy fingers touched her hand holding the wine pot, Xue Yingyue paused only slightly before loosening her grip, allowing Pei Xuanlin to easily snatch the white jade wine pot away.
Xue Yingyue slowly raised her head and glanced at Pei Xuanlin indifferently.
Those eyes were filled with nothing but boundless weariness.
Xue Yingyue's lips twitched, revealing an extremely bitter smile, before she lowered her eyes again.
She didn't really want to see Pei Xuanlin; she was conflicted.
If you asked her if she still loved Pei Xuanlin, she would definitely refuse to answer. But if she didn't love him anymore, why did she have to kill him? She went to all the trouble of poisoning him, just to take him to the underworld with her…
She didn't quite understand herself either.
Xue Yingyue is a numb and contradictory person. She can't even handle her own emotions, so asking her to handle other people's emotions is tantamount to driving her crazy.
Pei Xuanlin stood there, holding the cold, damp wine pot in his hand, momentarily at a loss for words.
Apologies and explanations now seem futile.
The important thing is that Xue Yingyue had absolutely no interest in listening to him.
A heavy silence spread between the two, broken only by the occasional crackling of the lamplight and their soft breathing.
Just as the suffocating silence was about to completely engulf Pei Xuanlin, Xue Yingyue suddenly sighed.
Xue Yingyue didn't look at Pei Xuanlin. Her gaze was fixed on a point in the void. Her voice was hoarse and calm, without any emotion in her tone, only a kind of weariness after experiencing vicissitudes. She spoke first.
"Pei Xuanlin, do you know that I have suffered a lot since I was a child?"
Her voice was soft, as if she were narrating a story unrelated to herself, but every word carried weight.
“No one loves me, but I’ve always tried my best to live. I listen to my father and my mother, and do things according to their wishes, hoping to please them. I hide all my flaws, afraid of being criticized by them. Later, I concealed my background and my past, and went to great lengths and used every means possible to hide it…”
Xue Yingyue finally turned her head to look at Pei Xuanlin, her eyes filled with an overwhelming sorrow.
"All I did was to stop suffering. I just wanted someone to love me sincerely and for me to live a stable and peaceful life."
Recalling her humble self not long ago, Xue Yingyue's voice trembled with an uncontrollable sob.
"So some time ago, I put aside all my dignity and pride, like a dog wagging its tail and begging you, hoping to reconcile with you and go back to the way things were before... I thought that as long as I was sincere enough and obedient enough, I could always get a little pity from you."
At this point, Xue Yingyue's eyes suddenly turned resentful, filled with the pain of being repeatedly trampled upon.
"But what about you... You rejected me and pushed me away time and time again without any mercy. You even flirted with other women in front of me, provoking me. You made me feel that all my efforts and expectations, even my existence, were like a huge joke. During that period, I lived a very tiring and painful life every day, and it was worse than death."
Pei Xuanlin listened, his eyes already welling up with tears.
Xue Yingyue took a deep breath, as if she had made up her mind, and her eyes became resolute again.
"So I've figured it out. Rather than living my whole life in pain, in suspicion and the fear of being abandoned, I might as well die."
Xue Yingyue looked at Pei Xuanlin's face, which turned deathly pale in an instant, and spoke with a cruel clarity and a sense of desolation at her own unfortunate fate.
"Pei Xuanlin, even if we shake hands and make peace now, and everything seems to have returned to the past, one day, the beauty will be shattered again. It may take ten or twenty years. Twenty years later, when you remember that I had other men, that I rebelled against you, that I challenged your supreme imperial power, and that I am no longer young and beautiful but old and faded, Pei Xuanlin, at that time, can you bear not to find a pretext to execute me?"
Xue Yingyue stared intently into Pei Xuanlin's eyes, as if trying to see into the depths of his soul.
She continued softly.
"Yes, no one can predict what will happen in the future. I don't want to live in fear anymore. I won't be like a dog anymore, clinging to life and begging for mercy in the so-called prison of love because of your power and authority and because of my past experiences. I'd rather die."
As she finished speaking, her tone became resolute, but tears that had been building up for a long time finally burst forth.
While shedding tears, Xue Yingyue shook her head, offering a belated apology to her past self for the harsh treatment she had given herself.
“I apologized to you again and again before, saying that I shouldn’t have lost my virginity before marriage and shouldn’t have been taken by other men. I felt that my past experiences were my sins and that I was not good enough for you. Now I apologize to myself.”
"I did nothing wrong. I just wanted to live, to live happily. At the time, I didn't know what was right and wrong. I was just fighting for everything I wanted..."
Xue Yingyue's cries were filled with endless grievances and heartache.
"But now, I've lost far more than I've gained, so much so that I no longer have the courage to start over..."
As Xue Yingyue spoke, she raised her tear-filled face and looked sadly at Pei Xuanlin, only to see that Pei Xuanlin's eyes were also filled with tears.
She knew that Pei Xuanlin loved her, and always had.
But she couldn't hold on any longer.
"Let me die, Pei Xuanlin, please, grant me my wish, let me die, stop stopping me. I'm living in too much pain, you can't understand. I can't sleep every night, if it weren't for the calming soup, I would have died of exhaustion long ago. My hair is falling out in clumps, and my health is getting worse every day. My death is inevitable, I just want it to be as soon as possible, while I still have some semblance of human appearance. Please let me die, you know, I'm most afraid of becoming ugly and old, most afraid of losing my looks, so please grant me my wish, let me stay young forever in this way."
Her words, like the sharpest blade, tore Pei Xuanlin's heart to shreds, leaving it a bloody mess.
Seeing her weeping bitterly, pouring out all the grievances, fears, and despair that had been building up in her heart for years, Pei Xuanlin could no longer suppress the intense pain and regret in his heart.
Clang
A crisp sound.
Pei Xuanlin threw the cumbersome white jade wine pot on the ground, and the pot shattered into pieces instantly, the amber-colored wine spreading a large dark stain on the carpet.
He pulled the trembling, crying body into his arms without hesitation.
It was as if only in this way could they confirm that she was still there, and stop her from leaving.
“It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault,” Pei Xuanlin’s voice choked with sobs, filled with an unprecedented sense of humility and panic. “It’s all my fault. My parents died early, and I lacked anyone to guide me, which led to my rudeness and hurtful behavior towards you recently…”
He buried his face in the hollow of her neck, which reeked of alcohol and was wet with tears. Hot tears streamed down his face uncontrollably, soaking her clothes and gauze.
“I am not a good husband. I am not worthy of being your husband. If you want to abandon me, hate me, or resent me, it is all my own fault. I dare not utter a single complaint... I only ask that you live well. Please don’t leave me alone in this world. Without you, my life has no meaning.”
Pei Xuanlin wept uncontrollably, repeating the words over and over again.
"Ah Li, it's all my fault, I'm so sorry... I didn't give you enough care and love... I've driven you to this state... Ah Li, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry..."
As Xue Yingyue listened to his confession and apology, she cried her heart out in his arms. The grievances and pain that had been building up for so long finally found an outlet.
She pounded on Pei Xuanlin's back, crying out.
“Continuing like this won’t end well, Pei Xuanlin. Don’t you understand? If we stay together, the rest of our lives will be filled with mutual torment! I will rebel whenever I get the chance. I will do everything I can to overthrow you. I hate you! I hate that you have made my life a living hell!”
Pei Xuanlin listened to her wailing and let her hit him, only holding her tighter, as if he couldn't feel the pain.
Hearing her cries, he felt a sharp pain in his heart, but at the same time, an even more insane idea arose within him.
Pei Xuanlin chuckled softly, cupped her tear-streaked face, and gently wiped away the moisture from the corners of her eyes with his fingertips.
The light danced in his deep eyes, reflecting an unprecedented solemnity, and his tone was earnest.
“Listen up, Xue Yingyue, we don’t need you to rebel.”
"If you want the throne, I can give it to you right now, as long as you live well and keep me by your side."
"If Empress Wan could ascend the throne as empress, so can you. If you are afraid of not being able to govern the country well, then I am willing to assist you, as long as you say yes."
These earth-shattering words stunned Xue Yingyue, who even forgot to cry.
She stared at Pei Xuanlin in disbelief, at this man who looked down upon the world and regarded imperial power as something in his own hands, who would actually say that he was willing to give up his empire for her.
Their eyes met, and they both saw endless pain, regret, struggle, and a twisted yet intensely burning love hidden deep beneath all the hurt and estrangement.
All words lost their power at this moment.
Unable to contain herself, Xue Yingyue threw herself into Pei Xuanlin's arms and burst into tears.
All pretense, scheming, resentment, and fear... temporarily melted away in the torrent of tears and the warmth of each other's bodies.
They stopped talking and just hugged each other tightly, as if trying to meld each other into their own lives.
The sobs that had been suppressed for so long were finally released without restraint, the cries of the two people intertwining and filling the entire bedchamber.
This outburst of weeping felt as if it were vomiting out one's very soul.
After an unknown amount of time, the crying gradually turned into low sobs, and finally fell silent.
The two remained tightly embracing.
Having survived one catastrophe after another, Xue Yingyue finally found the path to redemption through her tears.
Author's Note: Hahahaha, I finally finished writing! Hahahaha, my heart is pounding and my hands are shaking! Hahahaha!
I'll also be writing some sequels and side stories! Thank you, my little angels, for reading my story, love you all! Besides the main plot, I'll also be writing bonus side stories for you, mwah!
Quiz (No Prize): Who exactly is our Ahri?
Interested readers can also try to guess in the comments section. The mystery will be revealed later. Although there aren't many foreshadowing elements, you might just guess correctly!
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