Difficulty in achieving freedom (Part 1)
As usual, there was the pungent smell of disinfectant, accompanied by the intermittent, shrill noises of instruments. The whole world seemed eerily quiet. Zhou Zeyu sat alone in front of the operating room, staring blankly at the red sign.
She was still thinking about what Fang Xiaocan had said yesterday.
Fang Xiaocan has always been a very opinionated person. She knows what she wants and what she should give up. So Zhou Zeyu was just surprised, but did not ask her why she did it. In any case, it was her own choice.
As for the reasons, she could more or less guess them. Perhaps she had had enough of the unfair treatment and open and covert exclusion she suffered in the team, perhaps she felt that the current chaotic situation in the team was no longer suitable for her to stay, or perhaps she was just tired.
This is understandable, because Zhou Zeyu had this thought many years ago. At that time, she was only twenty-four or twenty-five years old and at the peak of her career, winning countless awards and competitions. Even so, she had the idea of retiring.
Therefore, Zhou Zeyi could understand Fang Xiaocan's meaning. The two of them had formed a tacit understanding that did not require words, but that was good, at least it saved them from those tedious explanations.
During the year or so that Zhou Zeyu was recovering from her injury, even though she wasn't with the team, she knew that Fang Xiaocan was having a hard time.
She was too straightforward and her words often offended people, so she was deliberately targeted for a long time. Fang Xiaocan, who was proud and arrogant, could not accept this, and gradually became disheartened, which was unavoidable.
Fang Xiaocan's greatest characteristic is that she is unyielding and inflexible. Unlike others, she cannot flatter and fawn, or use sweet words to pave her way. To some extent, she is even stubborn, focusing solely on playing basketball and ignoring everything else.
Zhou Zeyi knew her too well, so she never tried to persuade her, but she herself felt regretful, thinking it was such a pity.
Unfortunately, Zhou Zeyu knew that with Fang Xiaocan's strength, she shouldn't have gradually become resentful and depressed under the daily suppression. A down-to-earth and hardworking person should get what she deserves, and should openly and fairly obtain those resources and opportunities, but none of this happened.
What happened next was almost predictable. Fang Xiaocan planned to announce her retirement after the surgery, even though she was in the prime of her youth and far from being at the age where her performance would decline.
Zhou Zeyu buried her face in her hands and suddenly felt very powerless. This feeling of powerlessness seemed to have accompanied her for a long time, to the point that she was troubled by it for a long time and could hardly avoid it.
In a daze, the sign above the operating room lit up green. Zhou Zeyu was stunned for a moment. The next second, the door opened and Fang Xiaocan was wheeled out, breathing oxygen. She gave her a weak smile.
She quickly stepped forward, "How are you feeling? Are you alright?"
The next second she realized that Fang Xiaocan couldn't speak, so she quickly stopped talking, gestured with her eyes for her to rest, and then asked the doctor next to her.
"Is her problem serious? Are there any precautions we should take during her recovery?"
However, the doctor was in a hurry, only giving her a few simple instructions to not worry too much, and left quickly. Zhou Zeyu had no choice but to follow Fang Xiaocan back to the ward.
Fang Xiaocan seemed to have a lot to say to her, but he couldn't open his mouth because of the circumstances. He tried his best to wink at her with his eyes, eyebrows, nose and mouth, and his whole face wrinkled up.
"Take a break, why are you still in such a hurry to talk at a time like this?" Zhou Zeyu made a face at her mercilessly and mocked, "Look at how contorted your face is."
Fang Xiaocan was pale and looked weak, but her eyes were still darting around. She snatched her phone, opened the notes app, and started typing away.
Zhou Zeyu took it and glanced at it, then frowned sharply. "What? Coach Huang told you not to retire?"
Fang Xiaocan, lying on the bed, suddenly nodded, almost actuating the oxygen tube. Startled, she dared not move again, staring wide-eyed and desperately trying to signal to her.
"Have you mentioned this to him? How did he find out?"
Fang Xiaocan smiled sarcastically, picked up her phone, and started typing rapidly again.
Zhou Zeyu glanced at her, his brows furrowing even more. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then hesitated and reached out to pat her shoulder reassuringly. "This... she probably just mentioned it by accident."
Seeing that Fang Xiaocan's expression was becoming increasingly agitated, Zhou Zeyu quickly gestured for her to rest quietly, but her angry voice still broke through the oxygen mask, "Zhou Zeyu! Why are you still speaking up for her now!"
Zhou Zeyi really didn't dare to comment. He lowered his head and remained silent for a while, feeling guilty. Then he sighed and said, "I just think you think too badly of her. Maybe Cen Zheng heard it and then told Coach Huang. After all, she has no reason to stop you from retiring."
Fang Xiaocan still looked sullen, and even lifted the oxygen mask with her hands, propped herself up and sat up, waving her hands angrily.
"Then you be the judge. What does this guy surnamed Huang mean? Before, when I wanted to play in the competition, he treated me like I didn't exist. Now that I'm thinking of leaving and getting in his way, he's begging me to stay. What does that mean? There's no reason for someone to occupy a position without doing their business. He's deliberately trying to make things difficult for me!"
Zhou Zeyi was terrified by her. He quickly pressed her back down and, without hesitation, put the oxygen mask back on her face. "Oh dear, don't get agitated, take it slow!"
But realizing that she was still angry, Zhou Zeyi didn't dare to say anything provocative. He carefully considered his words and spoke after a long while.
"Does he know that there are no capable players on the team lately, which is why he insisted on keeping you on the team?"
But that didn't seem right either, and Zhou Zeyu quickly rejected the idea. The fact that "the team has no one who can play" had existed for at least half a year; it wasn't possible that Coach Huang was only now realizing the problem.
Zhou Zeyu scratched his head. "Could it be that his conscience has been awakened?"
Fang Xiaocan shook his head decisively, without even thinking, "He doesn't have that thing."
Zhou Zeyu couldn't help but laugh, but Fang Xiaocan quickly nudged him hard with her elbow, "What are you doing!"
However, she soon found out why Fang Xiaocan did this, because there was a light knock on the door of the ward, and the next second, Cen Zheng and Coach Huang walked in from outside.
Because of what happened last time, Zhou Zeyi felt awkward seeing Coach Huang again, so he sat down to the side and nodded slightly to Cen Zheng as a greeting.
However, she was overthinking it, because from the moment she entered until she sat down, Coach Huang didn't look at her once. After placing the fruit basket on the bedside table, he started exchanging pleasantries with Fang Xiaocan, saying nothing of substance.
Poor Fang Xiaocan's face was almost as black as coal. Zhou Zeyu, who was not far away, could hear the sound of her grinding her molars. Unfortunately, Coach Huang was so thick-skinned that he could completely ignore these sounds. So he continued to persuade her relentlessly, as if he was going to brainwash Fang Xiaocan.
Considering Fang Xiaocan's difficulty speaking, Zhou Zeyu originally wanted to help her retort a few words, but she was quickly pulled out of the ward by Cen Zheng.
Cen Zheng wasn't wearing makeup, nor did she have that familiar smile. She looked somewhat haggard, something she had never done before. At least today, she was no longer the glamorous, invincible woman she always was. Zhou Zeyu frowned habitually and even began to speculate about the reason for her transformation.
But Zhou Zeyu didn't have time to guess the truth, because Cen Zheng had already spoken first, looking at her with a worried expression.
"Fool, why would you give up that money?"
Zhou Zeyu was stunned. She hadn't expected her to talk about this, and she was momentarily at a loss for words. After a moment of silence, she finally answered her.
Did I have a choice at the time?
Cen Zheng sighed, "Then you should have told me first. I would have gone with you, and maybe things would have taken a turn for the better?"
Zhou Zeyu didn't have any particular thoughts, nor did he regret not asking her for help back then. He simply shook his head and said, "I don't want to trouble you."
After she finished speaking, Cen Zheng seemed to be nailed to the spot by those simple words. His usually composed face broke into a rare expression of confusion, and he frowned slightly as he looked at her.
"Trouble me?" Her eyes were filled with sadness as she murmured, repeating herself, "Xiaoyu, are you afraid of troubling me?"
Zhou Zeyi hadn't expected her reaction to be so strong, which was almost unprecedented. But perhaps Cen Zheng's overall condition was off today, as could be seen from her pale face, so it could be considered somewhat reasonable.
But no matter what, Zhou Zeyi felt that something was wrong with her today. A look of panic flashed across her face, but it quickly disappeared.
She explained, "I just felt that you've been too busy lately, and there's no need to add to your burden for no reason."
Cen Zheng glanced at her, clearly not believing her words, but she seemed to know that there was no need for them to dwell on this topic any longer, as it was ultimately meaningless.
"How have you been lately? Does your knee still hurt?"
The topic shift was a bit too abrupt, and Zhou Zeyu hadn't expected it. She raised her eyebrows slightly and said vaguely, "It's alright, nothing special."
She seemed hesitant to speak, clearly indicating there was something she hadn't said clearly. But Zhou Zeyu was no longer the naive young man she once was, and would no longer add "Why are you suddenly asking this?" at the end of her sentences. Since some things were destined to remain unanswered, there was no need to ask them.
However, unlike before, Cen Zheng seemed hesitant to speak today. His gaze towards her became increasingly uncertain, but in the end, he simply sighed.
"Has it been checked again?"
Zhou Zeyu nodded. "I just went there a few days ago."
"Is it still the same Dr. Wang?"
Zhou Zeyu was a little surprised, not expecting her to remember such small things. "Yes."
Did he tell you anything?
"There's nothing else to it, just be careful to reduce strenuous exercise, keep warm in cold weather, and remember to take your medicine when the weather is damp."
Cen Zheng was listening patiently to her, but he couldn't help but ask at the end, "You need to take medicine when it's damp? Does your knee hurt in humid weather?"
Zhou Zeyu was surprised that she guessed it so quickly. "That's right, but you'll feel much better after taking the medicine."
However, Cen Zheng remained perpetually troubled. Even though Zhou Zeyi could tell that she was trying her best to suppress her emotions, she knew her too well and could almost immediately see the worry that she couldn't hide.
A vague feeling spread through Zhou Zeyu's heart; there seemed to be some emotion, but more than that, it was hard to put into words. Zhou Zeyu forced herself to stop thinking and focus on the conversation at hand, but Cen Zheng stopped talking.
It was unclear how much time had passed, but the time felt so long that the atmosphere between the two became incredibly awkward. Cen Zheng clearly noticed her unease and lowered his eyes to conceal the fleeting sadness that crossed his mind.
"Have you thought about going to another hospital? Or a different doctor?" Her voice was very soft, almost a whisper.
Zhou Zeyu almost didn't hear clearly, "What?"
However, Cen Zheng quickly shook his head, "It's nothing, as long as you think it suits you."
Zhou Zeyu was still confused. "Isn't that unnecessary? Dr. Wang has always been an expert in this field. He was the one who was in charge of my condition before. I think he should know my physical condition better."
She frowned, seemingly trying to understand why Cen Zheng had suddenly brought this up. "Is there a problem?"
“I…” Cen Zheng shook his head, looking somewhat tired. “I was just a little anxious, it’s nothing. You still need to take good care of your knees, so as not to develop any chronic problems.”
It was a typical expression of concern, so Zhou Zeyi, as usual, offered some lukewarm words of thanks, subconsciously glancing into the ward, hoping this bizarre conversation would end soon.
She didn't see Fang Xiaocan's face; all she could see was Coach Huang's back, who seemed to be still rambling on about something. Zhou Zeyi knew what he was talking about without even thinking—nothing more than grand pronouncements about collective honor and team spirit. He was busy trying to keep Fang Xiaocan, so of course he'd offer any kind of promise; it was his usual practice.
When Zhou Zeyu turned around again, she suddenly met Cen Zheng's gaze, which she hadn't had time to look away from. Her eyes were so complicated that Zhou Zeyu didn't even understand what she meant and looked at her in confusion.
Cen Zheng just smiled, and Zhou Zeyu noticed that she had returned to her former smiling self, as if her earlier loss of composure was just an illusion that would pass in an instant.
How have you been lately?
What exactly happened?
It wasn't insincere small talk, nor was it a deliberate attempt to get close; she was serious and genuinely wanted to know.
Zhou Zeyi saw through this almost effortlessly, but even though she saw through it, she was even more at a loss for words.
Polite remarks are actually the easiest to answer. Just smile and say something like "Everything is fine" or "I'm doing great," and then immediately ask, "How are you?" Once you get an answer that is exactly the same as your own, the small talk is perfectly over, and no one will take it to heart.
The problem is that Zhou Zeyu can't use this tactic right now.
In those early, awkward years, she often had headaches because of interpersonal relationships and social interactions. Having focused on playing ball for so many years, she had become clumsy at reading people's expressions and shy like a quail when dealing with others. So Cen Zheng taught her step by step.
Say the right thing in the right situation, use different methods to deal with different people, be discerning, adaptable, and even opportunistic. The tricks that Zhou Zeyu is now using are exactly what Cen Zheng taught her back then.
So how could she pretend in front of her?
Zhou Zeyu pursed her lips, giving up on any attempt to embellish the situation, shook her head, and said, "So-so, or rather, quite terrible."
Cen Zheng stared at her intently, almost without blinking, but Zhou Zeyu dared not meet his gaze. She never wanted to do that, especially not in front of Cen Zheng.
However, Zhou Zeyu interrupted her.
“It’s different,” she slowly raised her head and said slowly, “The ‘before’ you’re talking about is at least eight years ago. I can’t rely on you anymore now, you know T.”
She had so much to say, words that had been bottled up inside her for so many years, and it seemed that at this moment, there was an urge to pour out like a tsunami. The swaying tower was on the verge of collapse in the gale, but no matter how difficult it was, no matter how much she wanted to speak her true feelings, Zhou Zeyu held back.
Because in the adult world, one must learn to remain silent.
This was something Cen Zheng had taught her before.
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