Blunt knife (Part 3)
When can I go home?
I want to go home.
Familiar scenes from his memory slowly surfaced before his eyes. Zhou Zeyu stood at the entrance of the training base, looking up at his parents.
The petite girl was inconspicuous, especially in front of the tall and imposing iron gate. The huge difference made her seem even smaller, as if she would be completely crushed at any moment.
A warm, large hand gently stroked the girl's cheek. The man half-squatted down and spoke with a smile.
"You can come back anytime you want."
"Really?"
The woman squatted down as well, looking directly at her with a smile, "Really?"
The girl pursed her lips tightly, her still-childish face revealing undisguised disappointment. Her nose was red from the wind. She was past the age of being able to throw tantrums and act spoiled. She had grown up and was a big girl now, so she couldn't let her tears fall easily, because someone would worry.
As they were about to part, the man and woman still wanted to say a few more words, but the girl had already wiped away the tears that hadn't fallen from her eyes, composed herself, and resolutely turned and left.
Parting is always hard to bear, Zhou Zeyu thought. Since that's the case, instead of being reluctant to leave and only adding to the sorrow, it's better to leave cleanly. At least that way they won't worry about her too much, and she herself will feel better.
She walked on without looking back, feeling the reluctant gazes behind her. Those gazes stung her, so she quickened her pace, and eventually even ran away from there.
It's like this, so the farewell will never come. As long as she doesn't look back, her parents will always be there waiting for her, and she will always have the option to change her mind.
But why, later on, when Zhou Zeyu could no longer bear the pain and looked back countless times, was there no one behind him?
There was nothing left. The two people who had once smiled and said she could always go home had personally destroyed that home, leaving her alone, stunned and waiting for someone to come and take her away.
The home I could return to anytime, anywhere was just an ordinary room back then, but after more than a decade of dramatic changes, it has become an unattainable Eden.
Zhou Zeyu stared at the suspicious stain on the ceiling with his eyes open, remaining motionless in the same position for a long time.
She thought for a while about how the stain might have been caused, but she couldn't imagine what kind of red liquid could splash so high, so she simply stopped thinking about it, turned over and went back to sleep.
These days have been so boring they've made me feel dizzy. I eat and sleep all day, occasionally Anna and Eric take me out for a walk, but otherwise I don't get any extra exercise. I'm stuck at home like I'm rooted to the spot, refusing to move an inch no matter what.
Except this morning, she vaguely received a message from Professor Elberlint, asking her to come to his office for some cookies when she had some free time this afternoon.
The craving for those fragrant cookies had long been worn down by the monotonous, lazy life she led. Zhou Zeyu increasingly realized how true the saying "the stomach is the organ of emotions" was. When people become lazy, their appetite also becomes very poor, and she didn't even want to drink a sip of water.
Coach Xu would call her every three to five days to check if she was eating and sleeping properly. Poor Zhou Zeyu had to be fully armed every time he checked on her, pretending to be enjoying her meal while frantically applying blush and concealer to her face. It was like a real-life reality show.
However, perhaps due to being too busy with work lately, Coach Xu hadn't called for a long time. Zhou Zeyu breathed a sigh of relief, but also felt a little disappointed.
But at least now she can lie in bed all day without having to rummage through the refrigerator for dried bread and salad dressing that may or may not be expired, or dig out dusty leggings from the depths of her suitcase to try and make her dreary life look more energetic.
If Coach Xu finds out, he'll probably call her a little pig.
"It's fine if it's a little pig," Zhou Zeyu thought sadly. "At least the little pig can go back to the pigpen at night, but I have nowhere to go."
She didn't want Coach Xu to notice her negative emotions. He was already overwhelmed by the theft of his suitcase and almost thought she was the one fighting with the thugs. Zhou Zeyu patiently explained for a long time before calming him down.
Moreover, she also knew that Coach Xu was not in a good situation either.
He was originally her personal coach. In the end, the two of them were in a relationship where they were bound together by fate. But now Zhou Zeyu has been forced to leave for various reasons. Given Coach Xu's temper, it's hard to imagine how unpleasant things will get between him and Coach Huang.
The old man was very clever, but he disliked the hypocritical manner of officialdom, let alone flattering others. Therefore, he was naturally disliked by Coach Huang, and it was possible that Coach Huang would give him a hard time behind his back.
She couldn't bear to see Coach Xu so overworked, especially since she was struggling to take care of herself.
Zhou Zeyu stared blankly at the situation, sighed, threw off the covers, got out of bed, and resignedly started looking for clothes to wear.
By the time she finally finished getting ready, it was already three or four o'clock. Although Elberlint had told her to come whenever she was free in the afternoon, she couldn't just wait until dark to arrive late, so she quickened her pace and hurried on her way.
When the familiar, beautiful little garden came into view, Zhou Zeyu realized that it had been a very, very long time since she had been here. The once vibrant flowers had long since been replaced by a large number of new ones, and now many morning glories were blooming on the bamboo trellis, which the professor had taken good care of and made a pleasing sight to behold.
She saw the professor squatting in the corner examining something from a distance, seemingly loosening the soil. He didn't notice her approaching until he was almost there, at which point he reacted, smiling and greeting her.
"Ah, it's been a long time," the professor said, intending to shake her hand, but then realized his hands were covered in dirt and quickly withdrew them, gesturing for her to come inside and sit down. "Please come in."
Zhou Zeyu nodded. Perhaps because it had been so long since she had been here, she seemed to have returned to the reserved manner she had when she first came here. She sat in the chair with utmost respect, nervously waiting for the professor to speak.
The professor, having just finished washing his hands and drying them with a towel, entered the room and said with a smile, "It's been so long since I've been here, it feels unfamiliar again?"
Zhou Zeyu was also a little embarrassed. She completely forgot about it later on, and if the professor hadn't reminded her, she probably wouldn't have remembered it for decades.
"Are you confused?" The professor sat down comfortably in the large, soft chair and kindly gestured for her to take some of the cookies that were placed next to him. "I bet you're wondering why I suddenly invited you to sit here."
She straightened her back reflexively and swallowed hard. "Yes, Professor, I don't quite understand."
"Relax, child. I'm not here to scold you. There's no need to treat me like a terrible monster."
Zhou Zeyu nodded stiffly, then suddenly felt a cold sweat seep out from his back. He quickly grabbed a biscuit and ate it as if it were tasteless.
The lady seemed to have made some improvements to the cookies; the original cocoa flavor was replaced with a rich, creamy aroma, and there was a thin layer of strawberry jam inside, so they weren't too sweet.
If it were before, Zhou Zeyu would probably have liked the taste, but unfortunately her appetite had been waning for a long time, so much so that after she managed to swallow the food, she had no desire to eat any more and sat quietly waiting for the professor to continue.
"How have you been lately? You seem to have lost some weight."
Have you lost weight? Zhou Zeyu was a little surprised and subconsciously turned to look at herself in the mirror. Perhaps because she saw this face every day, she didn't feel that she had lost weight anywhere, but she did look very haggard, with a pale complexion and lifeless eyes.
It felt like she had stayed up many nights, but Zhou Zeyu didn't actually have a habit of staying up late. At most, she was forced to because of insomnia. It wasn't her intention to ruin her body, but there were some things she couldn't control.
She originally wanted to say that she was fine, but considering that the person sitting in front of her was a psychologist, Zhou Zeyu decided to skip the formalities and change her tune to be more honest.
“It’s alright,” she said, lowering her head. “It’s not very good.”
"I guess you really want to go back, but why don't you?"
A difficult question to answer.
Zhou Zeyu was speechless, her expression looking dejected. She didn't know how to bring it all up, and she didn't want to show her vulnerability in front of outsiders. This had become her usual principle of dealing with things over the years.
Besides, what's there to say?
Forget it, it's better to let her just kill herself here.
Although Zhou Zeyu's experiences are so pitiful that they could fill a tragic novel, she still retains a tiny bit of dignity in her heart, and it is this insignificant dignity that has sustained her all the way to where she is today.
So she just shrugged nonchalantly and remained silent.
Sometimes she wondered why happy people were always chosen as psychologists. Professor Elberlint had a happy family and a successful career, so he couldn't imagine that there were homeless people in the world. His ignorance was like a kind of naive cruelty.
But there are always more people suffering than happy people in the world. Isn't it a kind of irony that happy people are the ones who help and comfort those who are suffering?
Zhou Zeyu pursed her lips, turned her head to look out the window in frustration. She didn't mean to deliberately refuse to cooperate, but this conversation felt more like showing off than therapy.
Professor Elberlint was a good man, and he and his wife were both very, very good people. But sometimes Zhou Zeyu felt that there was a huge barrier between them, that their concern was blocked outside, leaving Zhou Zeyu inside to witness their wonderful life.
As for Sorkov... he was certainly not happy either, or rather, not that happy.
Zhou Zeyi understood why, of course. In fact, she had already keenly sensed this when she first met him.
Unhappy people can always spot each other in a crowd, sometimes because of their words and actions, but more often simply because of a glance. Zhou Zeyu was unhappy, and Sorkov was certainly unhappy as well. It was precisely because of this unhappiness that they were able to meet and get to know each other.
It wasn't due to fate, nor was it predestined; it was at most instinct.
Because of instinct, two people who should have missed each other in the vast sea of people met by chance. But what should they do after that? Where should they go from here?
As darkness fell outside the window, Zhou Zeyu stared blankly at the windowpane, then suddenly realized that she had wasted too much time. She took a deep breath and looked in the professor's direction again.
"Professor, is there something you want to tell me?"
The professor seemed somewhat surprised by her words, but made no attempt to hide his astonishment, even showing a hint of delight: "Child, you are very perceptive. Now, try to guess what I'm about to tell you."
Zhou Zeyi said, "Are you waiting for someone? If I'm not mistaken, could it be Sorkov?"
Forgive her for not being able to think of anyone worth the professor waiting so long, and her imagination, as always, was not very rich, so it was probably just the late-arriving Sorkov.
"No, no, he should still be training right now." The professor smiled and shook his head, glanced at his watch, and then got up to pull back the curtains and look outside.
"He's someone you really want to see, and of course, he really wants to see you too."
As Zhou Zeyu listened to his words, she seemed to think of something for a moment, but her rationality quickly rejected the idea. Before she could even laugh at her own delusion, she heard hurried footsteps coming from the garden, quickly walking towards her.
The next second, the door was pushed open, and Coach Xu suddenly appeared in the room, carrying a light bag, looking travel-worn, he took off his hat and smiled at her, panting.
Zhou Zeyu reflexively stood up from his seat, covered his mouth, and could hardly believe his eyes.
But she quickly abandoned rational thinking, her eyes filled with tears, and stretched out her arms to hug the uninvited guest tightly.
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