Chapter 95 Extra: Adventures in Masturbating an Airplane 6 (with Postscript)
After the guards of the underground ice fortress were dismissed, there was no demon at all. .Interview:. . Mobei Jun must have thought that he had "rolled away" obediently, and did not expect that he would come back, so when Shang Qinghua returned to the corridor in front of the bedroom, he was not discovered. He stopped there, swam up to the roof beam along the huge corridor column that could be hugged by three people, and found a place where he would never be seen and sat down.
However, although this position won’t be seen by others, you can’t see others either!
Mo Beijun's cold voice sounded, and he seemed to be trying hard to suppress his anger.
He asked, "What are you doing here?"
A strange young man's voice said with a smile: "My nephew has succeeded me. I came to ask for a glass of wedding wine. Is there anything wrong with that?"
Mobei Jun did not answer, but snorted, and after a while he said, "What kind of wedding wine is good to drink?"
Another voice said, "After these seven days, you will be the true Lord of Mobei. Isn't this worthy of congratulations?"
Shang Qinghua knew who this was and which part of the original novel had been messed up and delayed until now.
This is fatal. Mobei Jun is in big trouble.
The uninvited guest is Mobei-jun's uncle, Lin Guang-jun!
And the person lying in the bedroom must be the corpse of Mobei-Jun's father, whom he had probably only seen a few times since he was born.
According to his plan, after the death of each monarch of the Mobei clan, 70% of the gongti will be passed on to the next generation of heirs. This moment is extremely critical. In his original work, Lin Guangjun targeted this juncture and launched a sneak attack on the last day when Mobeijun was at the critical juncture of digesting the gongti. Because the original legal first-line heir was Mobeijun, Lin Guangjun was not qualified to inherit the gongti, and it was useless to force it. Illegal is illegal, and the ancestors will not recognize it. But if Mobeijun died after officially succeeding to the throne, he would be the only Mobei bloodline, and then the 70% gongti would be too happy to take over.
According to the original novel, there should be a Brother Bing who plays the pig to eat the tiger, escorting him, and then extorting money from the Mobei clan after Mobei Jun ascends the throne. But the Brother Bing in this world shamelessly harassed his master at this time. How could he have time to care about this? What Mobei Jun brought back was actually himself, who was useless!
Shang Qinghua grabbed the "random" hair wildly: Great King, you, you, you, you, why did you bring me back? ! I can't lift anything, how can I protect you? For such a life-threatening matter, of course you have to find a confidant, the best ally! Even if you can't tear Brother Bing off his master like a piece of taffy, at least ask him to borrow a few tens of thousands of black-armored generals? You can't ask me for help at the lowest price. Apart from serving tea, delivering water, washing clothes and folding quilts, what other skills do I have that are not amateur level! ! !
Without the immortal aura and the immortal golden body that he had personally bestowed on the male protagonist, at the fatal moment seven days later, Mobei Jun...
Lin Guangjun asked: "On such an important day, why didn't you bring anyone?"
"..." Mobei Jun replied coldly: "I didn't bring it."
Lin Guangjun chuckled and said, "You did bring it originally, didn't you? I saw it. When I came here, I happened to bump into someone walking out. Was that the... the leader of Anding Peak who was said to have followed you? How did he offend you? You got beaten like that. I heard rumors and thought your temper had improved."
After a long time, no one answered.
Lin Guangjun smiled again and said, "Uncle, I'm just asking, why are you looking at me so unkindly?"
Mobei Jun said bluntly: "I hope you get out."
"Your words really hurt the demon's heart. Unfortunately, our clan has no rule that other people are not allowed to watch the succession ceremony, right? Besides, I am your father's younger brother. If it weren't for you, I would definitely be the one standing here waiting to inherit the throne today."
Mobei-Jun seemed to know that he couldn't get rid of him, so he said no more. Linguang-Jun, however, was very proud and didn't know how to restrain himself: "Alas, you have grown up and become a lord, and you are really different. You were much cuter when you were a child."
Shang Qinghua wiped his sweat as he listened to the familiar lines, feeling slightly ashamed that he had actually written such a shameless character. This uncle actually had the nerve to mention his childhood.
Mobei-Jun had been an orphan since childhood, and the person he was closest to was this uncle who was not much older than him. However, because of some troubles and emotional disputes between the brothers of the previous generation, Linguang-Jun really didn't like this nephew. One time, when other demons were not paying attention, he coaxed this obedient nephew out of the gate and threw him into the human world, letting a bunch of cultivator thugs chase this ignorant, panicked, and falling little demon for several days.
At that time, Mobei Jun was only about the age of a four-year-old human child. If his father hadn't suddenly remembered more than ten days later that his son didn't seem to follow his brother for the past few days, and asked about it casually, Mobei Jun might have been locked up in the water prison of Huanhua Palace and scared to death. To a demon of that age, a group of people who were hanging around him and drinking randomly were just a group of monsters who ate hair and drank blood. Imagine what a four-year-old human child would react to being caught and locked up in a demon cave. It's about the same.
The previous Lord of Mobei had a heart as big as a basin, the basin of the Sichuan Basin. Anyway, his son was finally rescued and survived safely, so he didn’t take it too seriously. He said a few words to his younger brother and told them to continue to "get along well" in the future.
After being brought back with dishevelled hair and dirty face, Mobei Jun never spoke to this uncle who he used to love the most again. As he grew older, the problem became more and more serious, to the point where he finally refused to talk to anyone and felt deeply resentful and annoyed by all betrayals.
Shang Qinghua reviewed the bloody and cold young master's growth history in his mind, and reflected on it. Mainly, he reflected on whether the indifferent and cold nature of the demons was too inhumane. Second, he reflected on why he didn't add a setting that "no idle people are allowed to wait at the succession ceremony, even direct relatives are not allowed." As a result, during the period of mourning and waiting for the succession, Mobei Jun was not allowed to leave, nor could he drive away Linguang Jun without reason.
Shang Qinghua spent seven days reflecting on himself and feeling terrified, and finally waited until the last day.
Seven days had passed since the ceremony, and when the time came for Mobei Jun to officially inherit the body, he wisely delayed making any move. However, he had to make some moves sooner or later.
Lin Guangjun asked: "Why? Why are you hesitating?"
Because you are standing here!!!
Lin Guangjun said: "Are you afraid that I will attack you? How could that be? I am your uncle. Mobei, you must seize the moment. If you don't start now, you will miss it. There is no chance of recovery. Do you need me to remind you?"
If he didn't start right away, his gong would naturally dissipate, which was like a huge inheritance being blown away by the wind; if he started right away, Lin Guangjun, who definitely had bad intentions, would be watching him covetously. Mo Beijun was in a dilemma.
Everything goes just like the original, except that the invincible Brother Bing is missing and the clueless Hua Di is added.
In the end, Mobei-Jun still sneered.
Shang Qinghua gritted his teeth and, despite the risk of being beheaded by the demon, stuck his head out. Almost at the moment when a ball of blue light flew out from the bedroom and covered Mobei-Jun, Linguang-Jun suddenly made a move!
Mobei Jun was prepared and stretched out one hand to receive his extremely sinister palm. But he was distracted and a trace of demonic energy slipped into his palm. This trace of demonic energy that did not belong to him was raging in Mobei Jun's body. He did not dare to be careless and had to devote part of his mind to deal with it. Linguang Jun realized that his move was successful and was ecstatic, but before he could take further action, someone suddenly jumped out from the sky!
Lin Guangjun said coldly: "I was wondering why there are still guards here. Didn't you leave seven days ago? What? Are you back to protect your master? I didn't expect you to be so loyal."
Shang Qinghua was fine when he couldn't see him at first, but his legs became even softer when he saw him. Although Lin Guangjun was handsome, he was also handsome in a feminine and sinister way. His double peach eyes were like poison needles, shining coldly. When he smiled, his teeth were slightly exposed, and they were white, especially suitable for biting raw meat!
Shang Qinghua stood in front of Mobei Jun with his head held high: “First, who said I came back to protect my master? Second, who told you that he is my master’s?”
Lin Guangjun: "Then why are you standing in front of me now?"
Shang Qinghua said in a sonorous and powerful voice: "Adding insult to injury!"
As he was talking nonsense, his hands were shaking, and he pointed at his own face, trembling: "Look at what he did to me. Your nephew has a really good temper!"
Mobei-Jun spat out a mouthful of blood behind him. He must have been pissed off by him.
Shang Qinghua cried and complained: "Over the years, my broken ribs could form a bone burial hill, and the blood I vomited could drown myself alive. Loyal? Who the hell can be loyal to this kind of person... this kind of demon. He treated me like this, and if Shang Qinghua can still swallow his anger and not retaliate, I am unworthy of being the leader of Anding Peak!"
When saying this, Shang Qinghua didn't dare to look back at Mo Beijun's expression. His back was almost frozen!
Lin Guangjun laughed and said, "Mobei, did you hear me? I really sympathize with you. You are destined to be betrayed forever. How can you lead the Mobei clan like this? If you really succeed, with your physique, won't our clan be in danger of being overthrown at any time? You should listen to your uncle and leave the important matters to me. Just go ahead."
Lin Guangjun was in a good mood as his long-cherished wish was about to come true. He said to him generously, "How do you want to take advantage of someone's misfortune?"
With a chuckle, Shang Qinghua used a fire magic technique and threw it behind him.
凜光君感覺一陣炎熱撲面而來，眼前紅光‘亂’舞。漠北冰族最為厭惡火光，尤其這火似乎還并非凡火，乃是尚清華死皮賴臉找沈清秋給他做的幾粒玄陽火種所發，凜光君厭惡之中還摻雜了幾分懼怕，當即後退掩面，心下略感詫異。
他暗想：“看不出，傳言中窩窩囊囊的安定峰峰主竟然是個狠角‘色’，我可聽說漠北對他很是不錯的，誰想這厮潛伏隐忍多年，一出手就這麽毒辣，要用仙家之焰活活把漠北燒死。死都沒這麽便宜，這火只怕能把他活活燒成炭灰！要是他剛才沖我使了這個法訣，只怕我也得狼狽一陣。不知他還有沒有留幾粒這厲害火種。不管有沒有，此人都絕不能留。”
可等他盤算完了，站穩一瞧，當即大怒。
漠北君并未被烈火吞噬，而是被罩在了叢叢火焰之中。方才尚清華那一把火種，竟沒有打在他身上，而是在他周身方圓丈許之地畫了一個大圈，躍動狂舞的玄陽真火，将他們兩個包圍在其中。
雖然漠北君出圈不得，可凜光君也進圈不得。若是隔空發力，他的冰法便會被玄陽真火融掉。如此看來，它不像是攻擊術法，倒像是一個——保護圈！
覺察上當受騙，凜光君的臉登時‘陰’了。
漠北君被凜光君拍進了一道歹毒的魔氣，正在四肢百骸中‘亂’竄作惡，他單膝跪地，臉‘色’青白‘交’替，連多看旁人一眼的功夫都沒有。尚清華手忙腳‘亂’圍着他轉，又幫不上忙。凜光君遠遠繞着玄陽火圈走着，邊走邊冷笑。
他道：“我方才說錯了，你豈止是忠心，你簡直忠肝義膽肝腦塗地。為我這個不成器的侄子，白白回來送死！只是不知道，你這個圈子，能‘挺’到幾時？”
此話戳中了尚清華的痛處。
沈清秋給的火種，他是一次‘性’都扔出來了，完全沒留個底。他蹲在漠北君旁邊打了‘雞’血樣地祈禱：“媽呀大王你聽到了嗎，他要殺我，你叔叔要殺我！你千萬快點消化完，我可真不知道這個圈能‘挺’到什麽時候！”
突然，一聲裂石巨響，頭頂有冰塵霜灰簌簌落下。
尚清華蹲得不穩，和躍動的火焰一齊晃了兩晃。
只見凜光君單手從一只廊柱上收回，道：“你們以為不出來，我就拿你們沒辦法？”
他想把冰堡打塌，砸死或者活埋了漠北君！
眼看着冰柱上爬出了森森裂縫，凜光君第二掌就要打出，尚清華忙道：“出來出來，這就出來！”
便如一只苦大仇深的青蛙跳進油鍋裏一般，他慢吞吞跳出了圈子。
這一出來，就別想再進去了，凜光君身如鬼魅，一把揪住他：“光你出來有什麽用？把火撤了！”
其實他也有點心慌了。不知那一道魔氣漠北君多久就能壓制下來，若是在玄陽之火衰滅之前他就調息完畢，消化了那七成功體，今日之變豈非就成了一場鬧劇？
尚清華道：“我只懂放火，不懂滅火啊。”
凜光君：“那就讓他出來！”
尚清華：“這個……君上您看他現在這個樣子，想出來也動不了啊。”
凜光君冷笑一聲，把手放到尚清華心口處。
他親切地道：“那你說，如果你的心髒正在結冰，他會不會一時沖動，就出來了呢？”
尚清華：“如果這種事靠‘一時沖動’就可以破，我建議君上您自己‘一時沖動’試試看能不能沖進去……”
後面的話他說不出來了。
凜光君輕聲哼唱着冰法訣，把它唱成了愉快又惡毒的小曲兒，道：“漠北啊，小叔叔真是意外，你居然也有一條至此境地還不肯背叛你的走狗了。這麽一條好狗，沒了多可惜，是不是？”
心腔附近，一片冰天雪地。
尚清華嘴‘唇’發紫，舉手道：“君君君上。”
凜光君：“說。”
尚清華：“你這樣……凍凍凍我的心髒，我我我叫不出聲音，聽聽聽起來不夠凄慘，達達達不到你想要他‘一時沖動’的目的。我建……建議你還是打我吧。我保證叫得賣力，叫得凄慘。”
凜光君：“哦。可是我手很重的，萬一沒控制住，打死了你怎麽辦？”
尚清華：“沒沒沒事，我扛得住。習慣了，經常挨挨挨你侄子的……”
話音未落，尚清華便切身體會到了，凜光君的手，到底有多“重”。
他沒用魔氣，全然物理攻擊。尚清華可以清楚聽到自己每根肋骨斷掉的聲音，吐血太多後‘胸’腔漏風般嘶嗬的聲音。
牙幫子隐隐有點松動的時候，尚清華心想，跟他叔叔和其他魔族比起來，漠北君真他媽太溫柔了，太親切了，簡直是一個小天使。
他拖延的時間越是久，凜光君越是焦躁得‘逼’近狂怒，踩牢他的背，拽起他一只手臂，獰笑道：“不是保證叫得賣力、叫得凄慘？為何嘴巴這麽嚴，到現在還沒漏出一聲？”
這個動作帶給尚清華一些極其不好的聯想，他忙吐出口裏含着的一泡熱血，很有誠意地大叫起來。
凜光君道：“嗯，不錯。可惜，還不夠凄慘。我幫你好了。”
肩膀傳來筋‘肉’皮骨撕裂的恐怖疼痛。尚清華張了張嘴，任由恐懼滅頂，反而叫不出來了。
可這份疼痛沒有發展到不可收拾的地步。忽然之間，他被向後拽起的手筆軟軟垂下。
深藍‘色’的袍子一角在他身前翻滾，風雪滿襟。
漠北君出其不意，掠出了火圈，一掌拍中凜光君心口！
凜光君猝不及防挨了這當‘胸’一掌，半邊‘胸’膛都塌了下去，周身魔氣更是像被打穿了一個大‘洞’，往外一瀉千裏。他心頭發涼：這小子一擊之威與以往不可同日而語，終究是給他拖了過來，将漠北氏歷代傳承的功體盡數消納了！
而且竟然連玄陽真火也不畏懼了，直接穿了出來！
雖是憤恨又不甘，可眼下恐怕他已完全不是漠北君的對手，只得匆匆用冰封住了傷口，化為一道黑風，向冰堡外襲去。
尚清華臉貼地趴着，半天不見動靜，也沒人來扶他，心中凄涼：還生氣哪？怎麽說也是為他被打成這樣，扶都不給扶一把，這也太說不過去了！
卻聽咚的一聲沉響。
尚清華艱難無比、龇牙咧嘴地翻了個身。
漠北君居然又倒下了。兩條人影，姿勢各異地倒在一個熊熊燃燒的火圈之旁，靜靜地，靜靜地，撲街。
他這才恍然大悟，恐怕漠北君根本沒消納完那七成功體，也沒把凜光君那道魔氣壓下去。方才，他真是的“一時沖動”，奮力一搏，才臨時吓退了凜光君。現下漠北君耗盡了最後的氣力，還被要命的玄陽真火烤了一遭，于是又……撲街了。
雖然漠北君直‘挺’‘挺’躺在地上，連手指都曲不了，卻仍在拿眼睛使勁兒瞪他。
尚清華被瞪得無法繼續安心趴下去，只得開口道：“那個，大王啊你，別掙紮了，躺好，慢慢消化吧。歷代領主層層遞進的功力累加起來，不是一口能囫囵吞的。”
那目光仍毫不收斂，尚清華如沐針雨，心驚‘肉’跳，好容易緩過了一口氣，坐起個上半身，已抖成帕金森。
現在漠北君總算能好好聽他說話了。他舒了口氣，道：“呃，大王啊。其實本來我沒想在這種時候走的。我不知道剛好是你繼位的緊要關頭嘛，真的。這麽重要的事，你為啥不早點告訴我。”
漠北君在用表情告訴他“跪下來哭着說我錯了就原諒你”。
尚清華嘴角‘抽’了‘抽’，繼續道：“說實在的，你不應該帶我來，我根本不頂什麽事，也就平時給你揍一揍，還能湊合着用。你看我剛才，被打成這樣，也只給你拖了一點時間。你小叔被你打成重傷，應該不敢再來了。你差不多也快消化完了吧。那我就先……走了。”
漠北君原本臉‘色’緩和了點，一聽最後一句，立刻眼‘射’寒光：“還走？！你敢！”
又被吼一臉，尚清華渾身上下還疼着呢，忽然一陣怒火中燒，當即拍地喝道：“怎麽不敢！”
這一掌，當然吓不到漠北君，只拍得他肩膀胳膊一陣好疼，眼冒金星。橫豎漠北君現在動彈不得，尚清華惡向膽邊生，指他道：“實話告訴你吧！我忍你很久了，你這個嬌生慣養的大少爺，脾氣惡劣的魔二代！”
此舉可謂是狗膽包天。漠北君完全是一臉的不可置信。而尚清華多年的積怨此刻勢如長虹，噴薄而出：
“你看我脾氣不錯好說話修為又差，拿捏得好爽是不是？你以為你老子我真這麽……這麽……啊？！”
“看什麽看，你有意見？！老子就是你爹！給我叫爹！也就是我讓着你罷了！換個人你試試？！冰哥不得揍死你，沈清秋原裝貨不得‘陰’死你！”
“沒有人喜歡自己天天被揍，也沒有人每天被揍還會真的整天樂呵呵！又不是真的是狗！是條狗你每天踢它兩腳，時間久了它也知道不敢再纏你！”
漠北君道：“你想死嗎？”
在此等境況下，這句話的威懾力大折，尚清華道：“不想。我不光敢走，我還敢做別的你信不信？本峰主今天就要在這裏，把你以前揍我的份都揍回來！”
漠北君怒道：“你——！！！”
尚清華道：“你什麽你？又是‘你敢’？告訴你，我現在還就真敢了。來！”
說完撸起袖子，當着漠北君鐵青的臉躍躍‘欲’試活動拳頭。漠北君眼神裏嗖嗖放出冷刀子，尚清華毫不畏懼，一拳揮出，沖着他的臉就是一下。
漠北君本能地別過了臉，只覺得臉皮一緊。
很陌生的感覺。有點癢，有點小疼，卻完全不是預料的重擊。
尚清華兩根手指捏住他一邊的臉頰，使勁兒往外拉，道：“怎樣，痛不痛？！”
邊拉邊想，這他媽跟老子心裏想做的不一樣啊！揍他啊，趁他不能動揍他啊。拉拉臉就算，怎麽看也是自己虧了！
但是沒辦法，果然……還是下不了手揍這張臉！
漠北君被拉得口齒不清，堅持道：“你完了！”
尚清華嘎嘎笑道：“有骨氣，這種狀況下還能威脅我，爹欣賞你。”
他另一只手也加入進來，捏住漠北君另一邊臉，一會兒往相反方向拉，一會擠成一團。漠北君往日裏高貴冷‘豔’的形象被他一雙賤手毀得‘雞’犬不留。尚清華嘴裏還重複：“還不痛？痛不痛？”
漠北君傲骨不屈，奈何生理淚水這東西，不是有傲骨就能擋住的，終究是被他拉得眼角泛起淚光來。
“……痛了？痛就對了！”尚清華放開爪子，道：“平時你打我，比這痛起碼十倍！讓我拉一拉怎麽了？嬌氣！”
漠北君被他一句鄙夷的“嬌氣！”氣得面‘色’蒼白，臉頰上又是一大堆青青紅紅的指印，着實觸目驚心。
要說尚清華也确實慫，剛才‘激’情犯罪一時爽，事後才害怕會被送進火葬場，尤其是漠北君的臉恢複正常形狀後，那表情實在是……實在是……他看得心裏直犯怵，忙拍拍衣擺，準備拔‘腿’走人。大步流星溜了幾步，身後漠北君喝道：“要‘腿’就站好別動！”
條件反‘射’的，尚清華又聽命了。
他不敢回頭，道：“大王，我真走了。”
漠北君：“閉嘴！回來！”
尚清華自顧自道：“你就算生氣也千萬別來找我。我這一回去，你就絕對再也找不到我了，所以不要做無用功了。那就這樣，大王，再見啦。”
漠北君幾乎是在咆哮了：“夠膽走就別讓我再看見你！”
尚清華充耳不聞。
走了兩步，他又加了一句：“見到你，我很高興。真的——你比我想象的還要帥！”
這一刻，他興高采烈、眉飛‘色’舞的樣子，和當初動筆寫下這個角‘色’出場時那一瞬間的神情，如出一轍。
對着自己筆下的人物真情實感。事後想想，這可真讓人難為情。
不過離別在即，難為情也就那麽一會兒的事了。
只是尚清華沒搞懂，說好的“離別在即”呢？
為什麽系統發布回城附件過後已經一個月了，他還在狂傲仙魔途的世界裏無所事事！
每次他戳開系統，對着紅綠顏‘色’不一的是和下次再說，都會先發一陣呆，然後選右邊那個鍵，關掉界面。
下次複下次，下次何其多啊。
尚清華将此歸罪為拖延症。萬惡的拖延症！
蒼穹山他暫時不敢回，不知道漠北君會不會氣到上安定峰堵人。但他的積蓄一半放在安定峰某個‘洞’‘穴’裏，另一半放在漠北君位于北疆的府邸那裏，由是這一個月來，尚清華過得看似潇灑，實則不可謂不節衣縮食風餐‘露’宿。若非還有那麽點靈力傍身，和尋常流‘浪’漢也沒什麽差別。
流‘浪’了近一個月後，居然教他撞上了某對滿世界逍遙游山玩水的師徒。
尚清華認出這是誰跟誰的時候，忍不住‘揉’了‘揉’眼睛。‘花’了半分鐘，才确定那個扛着個釣竿子、提着個魚簍子仍舊器宇軒昂的布衣青年是洛冰河；又‘花’了半分鐘，才确定那個提着食盒給他送飯仍在堅持不懈裝b秀仙氣兒的是沈仙師沈峰主沈清秋。
你們在這兒風流快活玩歸隐山林的情趣play，把漠北君扔在魔界，害我去跟他強行出頭，苦也！
尚清華腹诽歸腹诽，但怎麽說，看見這兩個人，還是很高興的。尤其是他已經這麽多天沒吃頓飽的了。
別吐槽為啥他一修仙的還在意吃沒吃飽這件事了，書評區吐槽的夠多了。他又不是苦行峰的，不玩辟谷那套！
平白被人打攪了田園生活，洛冰河自然不會給他什麽好眼‘色’，雖然看沈清秋的面子，他不會表現到臉上，但當沈清秋寒暄幾句後讓他“到房子裏坐坐”時，冰哥的臉還是黑了黑。
他倆很有情調地在一處碧水青山之間搭了小竹屋。尚清華越坐越覺得，這兩人過得真是滋潤，坐在藤椅上道：“房子不錯。”
沈清秋搖扇道：“你不想想誰搭的，錯得了？”
尚清華腆着臉道：“你們的日子可真比我過得舒坦多了。不知道能不能沾沾瓜兄的光，讓我也享一會兒的清福？”
沈清秋：“很不巧，你來的不是時候，我們正要吃飯。”
尚清華：“哪裏哪裏。來得早不如來得巧，我看我來的剛剛好。我看看你們夥食怎麽樣。”說完起身走到疑似廚房的‘門’前，簾子一掀。
洛冰河穿着輕便的黑衫，袖子高高挽起，神情肅殺，正在無聲無息地……‘揉’面。
他神情嚴肅而專注，臉上兩塊白乎乎的，睫‘毛’沾着一點面粉，仿佛手裏捏來攥去的不是面團，而是一統天下的雄圖卷軸！
不不不不不——
尚清華肝膽俱裂，幾‘欲’心碎。
他塑造的那個霸氣側漏折服萬千種馬男的主角冰哥。
他在‘揉’面！
做拉面！
面面面（無限循環）……
真是難以言喻的驚悚！
尚清華默默敗退。他坐到桌前，伸手，想‘摸’個杯子喝口茶壓壓驚，被沈清秋撈回去：“我的。”
尚清華心有餘悸：“你這個地方還有第二只杯子嗎？給我用用又咋樣。”
沈清秋指了指廚房：“你也知道沒有第二只杯子了，所以，也是他的。”
“……”
“你敢用？敢用我就給你。”
尚清華的爪子轉拉為推：“您老自用，無福消受。”
冰哥繼續做飯。二人便雜雜拉拉聊了會兒。聽完漠北氏冰堡突發事件的轉播，沈清秋表示懷疑：“真的？只是這樣？”
尚清華道：“這種事我騙你有好處？什麽叫‘只是這樣’？事關我的尊嚴，我當然呆不下去了。”
“話是這麽說沒錯。”沈清秋想了想，道：“但你不太像這種人。”
“哪種人？”
沈清秋和顏悅‘色’道：“會這麽在意尊嚴的人呀。”
以向天打飛機心志之堅、臉皮之厚、生命力之頑強，實在不像會被漠北君揍一頓就跑。畢竟這麽多年都挨過來了，何至于突然變得脆弱了敏感了黯然*了。
尚清華讪讪道：“瓜兄，我只是經常為了求票求壕不惜出賣節‘操’、順便當了安定峰峰主而已，你卻因此而歧視我，這就是你的不對了。”
沈清秋道：“你給出的那兩個理由，難道還不足以使歧視你這一行為合理化？”
尚清華：“哎呀，對我好點，溫柔點，可以嗎？瓜兄，你說我到底什麽時候回現世好？”
沈清秋：“你真的想回現世？飛機打多了視力真的會下降的。醒醒吧，你只是在等人給你道歉然後把你綁回去繼續每天輕輕揍三頓而已。”
未聊畢，開飯了。洛冰河端了兩碗面上來。
白面紅湯，青油油的小碎蔥‘花’，齊整堆放的鮮嫩‘肉’片，賣相極佳。
但是尚清華不會伸爪子的。無需冰哥開口明言，只需一個看似不經意的眼神，尚清華就知道，沒有自己的份。
沈清秋嘆道：“所以我說你來的不巧。”
畢竟冰哥親手做的菜飯，不是人人都有資格吃的。尚清華沒得話說，縮在桌子的角落，眼巴巴看着對面兩個分了筷子。
後來沈清秋終于看不下去了，忍笑夾一片‘肉’到洛冰河碗裏，發了慈悲：“算了，別逗他了。你師叔這些日子夠可憐了，不要再欺負他。”
洛冰河把那片‘肉’送進嘴裏，頭也不擡地道：“鍋裏還有。”
尚清華樂颠颠抄鏟子去也。
他端着面哧溜哧溜吃得熱淚盈眶。第一次深切感受到，這個世界上，最可靠的果然還是與絕世黃瓜同鄉之誼。
蹭了一頓鮮美無比的拉面，尚清華已喜出望外，壓根沒想過要留宿。
開玩笑，他可不想聽冰哥的牆根。睡眠質量能不能得到保證是一點，第二天冰哥會不會把他兩只耳朵切下來下面又是另外一點。
看沈清秋過的是什麽神仙似也的日子，再看看他過的是什麽日子。人比人，氣死人。真是豈有此理，分明他才是作者，是這個世界的□□之神卡密薩馬，都對他好一點行不行！關愛作者！保護作者！
尚清華一邊回味兒子給他做的唯一一碗面的滋味，一邊用草根剔着牙，走在山間的小路上。
走着走着，忽然腳底打了個滑。
小路旁邊就是山谷，尚清華沒帶劍，摔下去可飛不起來，破口大罵罵自己：“怎麽好好的走路上也會打滑？老子又不是自帶平地摔絕技的漫畫‘女’主！”
坐地上一看，并沒有突兀的多出來的香蕉皮或小樹根，只有一小灘水窪。
只是那攤水窪，是凍住了的。四周低矮的野草，也正在隐隐爬上一層薄霜。
尚清華連滾帶爬撲到離他最近的石壁上，背靠着它尋求一點安全感。
他本以為，自己磨磨蹭蹭作死還不回去，拖到漠北君終于找上‘門’來，這已經是最糟糕的設想了。可從嶙石垂藤後轉出某個人時，他才發現，事實還能更糟糕。
凜光君道：“喲喲，看看，這是誰呢？”
尚清華幹笑道：“是啊！究竟是誰呢？”
凜光君拍了拍他的頭頂，道：“漠北他找你找得快把北疆翻過來了，你倒是會躲，啊？”
“君上說笑了，我哪有躲……”
“是吧？我也奇怪，有什麽好躲的？上次在冰堡裏，你立下那麽大一樁功勞，漠北獎賞你都來不及，何苦想不開，要跑到這窮鄉僻野來？”
“哪裏哪裏！”尚清華連連擺手：“不管我的事。上次全是漠北君憑他老人家自己的本事……”
這推辭本是怕上次冰堡敗退事件凜光君也給他記上一筆，誰料聞言，凜光君陡然變臉，聲‘色’厲戾道：“你的意思，是沒有你這條卑鄙‘陰’險無恥下流的蒼穹山走狗半路殺出來壞我好事，單憑那臭小子一個人就能打敗我？！”
應也是錯，不應也是錯，尚清華叫苦連天：“怎麽可能！漠北君他打敗君上您，靠的只是偷襲而已！”
凜光君：“你在諷刺我嗎？”
尚清華：“……”
一想，對哦，最先開始偷襲的明明就是凜光君自己。馬屁又拍到了馬‘腿’上，無論怎麽說都是錯，尚清華賠笑臉抱大‘腿’數十年來，頭一次遇到這麽難搞的角‘色’！
他哭喪着臉閉嘴了。
凜光君冷笑道：“漠北那小子，肯定萬萬想不到，他傾盡全力也找不到的人，竟然被我随随便便撞上了。既然如此，那我可得好好用你……”
尚清華忙道：“君上！您要是想抓我去威脅漠北君，那是根本沒用啊！我就實話告訴您我為什麽要逃跑吧。其實上次，我趁他不能動，忍不住打了他一頓……您知道他那個死臉鬼的脾氣的！有那種機會，叫人不想打他也困難是不是？打完沒辦法，怕他報複我就……跑了。他到處找我，多半只是想打我打回來。我在他眼裏沒有半點價值，充其量只是用得順手的一個沙包和跟班而已。”
凜光君頓了頓，不耐煩道：“你跟我說這麽多幹什麽？我看起來像是會做這種不入流事情的魔？”
難說啊，你偷襲漠北君也不見得很入流……尚清華真誠地道：“不像。”
凜光君：“那我看起來像是這麽有耐心的魔？”
尚清華：“這個就不知道了。那君上您到底是想怎麽‘用’我？”
“怎麽用？”凜光君呵呵道：“殺你洩憤，這個用法，很難想到嗎？”
“……”尚清華呆了一下，道：“不要吧，暴殄天物這是！君上您大可以抓我去威脅漠北君什麽的，直接殺了多可惜！”
凜光君：“‘我在他眼裏沒有半點價值，充其量只是用得順手的一個沙包和跟班而已’。這句話是誰說的？”
尚清華：“人有句老話，謙虛是種美德……”
“德”字尚未說完，忽然抛手一灑，喝道：“看玄陽真火！”
空中數團紅焰滾滾襲來，凜光君大驚，忙側身閃避。然而，火焰墜落地面立即熄滅，分明不是不為風動、不為水淹的玄陽真火，尚清華這厮詐他而已！
凜光君一時惱怒，新仇舊恨‘交’加，信手拂了垂葉上一點将落未落的‘露’水，瞄準尚清華下盤打去。尚清華只覺小‘腿’一涼，已有一枚魔氣凝成的冰彈穿‘腿’而過，跑也跑不了，啪嗒栽倒。
凜光君欺身而上，一腳虛踩在他另一只‘腿’的膝蓋骨上，道：“你就跟個蟑螂似的，太會跑了！我先廢了你兩條‘腿’，瞧你還怎麽跑？”
尚清華半點沒有寧殘不屈的氣節，魂飛魄散：“大王啊——！！！”
說大王，大王到！
墨藍‘色’的身影如鬼魅般倏然而至。咔的一聲，兩團黑氣相撞，凜光君抱着自己膝蓋骨碎掉的一條‘腿’，氣瘋了：“你這小子，一定要來的這麽及時嗎？！就不等再遲一會兒？！就不能等我踩下去再到？！”
漠北君踹碎了他另一只膝蓋，冷冷地道：“不能！”
凜光君倒也硬氣，兩條只膝蓋都碎為齑粉，也不慘叫，反而罵得更歇斯底裏：“真是你那個死臉爹的種！像誰不好偏偏像他。烏龜王八一窩生，他搶你也搶！他早死你怎麽不早死！我艹……”
漠北君道：“你再罵，我送你進去陪他。”
尚清華瞠目結舌。他雖然知道凜光君對他哥哥怨念一直很深，可沒想到在這邊已經深到了寧可風度全無也要罵街的程度……
在凜光君狂怒的咒聲中，漠北君随手一掀，将他掀進了山谷裏。這麽摔下谷去，人可能要完，魔卻是一定死不了。尚清華沒提醒他要斬草除根。畢竟是自己叔叔，而且漠北君他爹也一定‘交’待過，無論凜光君怎麽做也要讓着他點。事實上，尚清華完全不想提醒他任何事，如果能讓他忘記自己的存在，那就更好了……
漠北君把目光從山谷之底收回，喝道：“站住！”
尚清華拖着一條穿了‘洞’的小‘腿’，鬼鬼祟祟正要溜，不想被他一聲喝破，原地定住。
鹹豬手當場被抓，也不見得有他這麽心虛。聽到漠北君走過來時踏霜裂冰的足音，他又忙遮住自己的臉。
漠北君今天火氣似乎特別大，半點也不高冷：“你在幹什麽？！”
尚清華讪讪地道：“你不是說過‘別讓我再看見你’嗎。這不看見了沒辦法，我先遮遮臉。”
漠北君揚起了手，尚清華習慣‘性’抱頭。
“……”
漠北君把他兩只手分開了，抻直了，忍無可忍道：“再讓我看到你做這種動作……你的手就不必留了！”
這句有那麽點咬牙切齒的恨意。尚清華條件反‘射’又想抱頭，可是為了自己這雙敲鍵盤立下過汗馬功勞的手，生生憋住了。
憋得慌，于是開始抖啊抖，抖得漠北君道：“我有這麽可怕嗎？”
尚清華：“呃其實也沒有！就是我總覺得大王你要給我那麽兩下。以前嘛打打踹踹無所謂，可是現在您已經正式繼位了，修為今非昔比，一下就能驚濤拍岸‘亂’石穿雲，我怕我承受不起您的兩下……”
漠北君道：“閉嘴！跟着我，走！”
尚清華豁出去了，壁虎狀牢牢扒在石壁上：“我不走！不對，我要走！我要回老家。”
漠北君道：“是不是我給你打回來，你就不走。”
尚清華：“與其留下來每天被你揍三頓，不如……啥？！”
打回來？
給他打回來？
漠北君肯給他打回來？
為了讓他不走漠北君肯給他打回來？
過于震驚，尚清華腦內正無限循環以上階梯狀文字陣。
漠北君擡着下巴，僵立不動，一派“随便打，我不還手”的昂然氣場，眼角卻一直偷偷在觀察他。
見他半晌還不動手，漠北君好像忽然高興起來。雖說他高興時，看起來也不過是眉梢揚得稍稍高了些。
漠北君道：“不動手？時限到。那就不給你打了。走。”
等會兒我沒說不動手啊？這還有時限的？
漠北君眉角揚着那點藏得極隐蔽的愉悅，拽着尚清華就跑。尚清華當即一陣鬼哭狼嚎：“媽呀疼疼疼大王你你看看我！看到我看到我！”
漠北君果然看了看他，也看到了他血淋淋的一條‘腿’。
“……”沉默片刻，他試着想把尚清華扛起來。
Shang Qinghua was desperate and said, “Great King, please spare my life, Great King, please spare my life! If you carry me all the way like this, my ‘leg’ will really become useless!”
Mobei Jun asked: "What should we do then?"
Shang Qinghua's eyes were filled with tears, and he asked tentatively, "How about... finding a doctor for me first?"
Mobei-Jun made a "tsk" sound and turned away.
A gust of cold wind blew by, and Shang Qinghua, who was abandoned on the spot, was stunned.
This is... that you think he's troublesome?
After a while, Mobei-Jun came back, dragging a cart that he had stolen from somewhere. The wooden chicken then became a live chicken.
The second in command of the demon clan, the noble and cold leader of the Mobei Ice Clan, condescended to drag a broken cart that was extremely inconsistent with his style. This picture is awesome!
Shang Qinghua “poof!” His move failed again.
Seeing that the veins on Mobei Jun's forehead were throbbing again, he quickly frowned and called out "Aiya, aiya". After calling out twice, Mobei Jun picked him up and put him in the car.
Although he was riding on a crooked cart that was stolen from an old horse in some farmer's yard and used to be used to haul fodder, firewood, swill buckets, and the like, Shang Qinghua was sitting on it with his brows held high and his head held high. An uninformed person would have thought that he was a top scholar who had studied hard for ten years and had received a marriage from the emperor, and was going to welcome his bride with gongs and drums.
It was really a cycle of fate. When he first met Mo Beijun, he used a cart to take the unconscious Mo Beijun to a hotel in the same way!
There is a poem to prove it: Thirty years on the east side of the river, thirty years on the west side of the river. The cart will be my home next year. Haha!
Shang Qinghua announced in a celestial manner: "I want to eat noodles."
Brother Bing’s bowl of noodles was really delicious, but there was too little of it. There wasn’t much left for him, so he couldn’t enjoy it enough.
Mobei Jun: “Yeah.”
Shang Qinghua emphasized: "Ramen."
Mobei Jun: “Okay.”
Shang Qinghua pressed the issue further: “You do it.”
The cart suddenly stopped and Mobei-Jun stood still.
A chill from an unknown source drifted over. Shang Qinghua immediately frightened, frowned and said, "I did it, I did it, of course I did it. I was just saying it casually, hehe."
Alas, ideals are full of hope, but reality is very bleak.
After a while, the cart wheels slowly started to turn again. Mo Beijun was in front, and without turning back, he said, "I'll do it."
…
What did he say? He said he did? What did he do? Ramen?
Willing to fight him, willing to give him the Mobei Jun below - what day is today? Today is a big day!
Shang Qinghua has made up his mind!
He wants to go back to his old job.
The pen name "Sky Shooting Airplane" is about to make a comeback!
What should I write? Shang Qinghua slapped his thigh. I heard that Liu Sumian's set of "Spring Mountain Hate" with an 81% discount was very popular. Well, I'll just follow the trend and write about it! Although he is extremely upright, as long as there are people reading it, there will be a market, and he dares to write about it. Xiang Tian Da Fei Ji is best at following the trend. He writes about whatever is popular, and it's for sure!
The first step is to think of a good title that is popular with the public. "The Secret History of Qingjing Peak", "My Disciple Can't Be That Cute", "Master is So Flirtatious", etc., I haven't decided yet, I'll think about it first. It doesn't matter if the writing is not as good as Liu Sumen's. What Shooting Sky Airplane sells is never the writing. Moreover, Liu Sumen's, the Three Holy Mothers and the group of writers form a small circle, which Feiji doesn't like. They only write about Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe, which is too narrow-minded. In fact, in his opinion, it can be bolder and more unrestrained. For example, since it is called "Spring Mountain is Very", why must it be limited to one couple? Liu Qingge is so beautiful, wouldn't it be a pity not to write about him? Yue Qingyuan is also a handsome man with a dignified appearance, and he is successful in his career and very suitable for family. Junior Brother Mu and Senior Brother Wei are both male gods in the eyes of the world. Are you afraid that no one will read your np'random' writing?
In a word, as long as he is explicit enough, vulgar enough, and shameless enough, he will sooner or later become a leader in the local literary world. He can be very popular even without selling homemade soap. What a joke!
The cart creaked and swayed on the bumpy mountain road. The sun was setting, and Mobei Jun was dragging him, not knowing where to go.
Although there are many complaints, "messy" and "chaotic" writing, and the writing style of an elementary school student, some serious readers may not be able to help but throw the book and curse "what a bullshit". However, Chiju can find a thousand "just" to smooth things over. For example: It's just reading a story, just like being a person, just for fun, why take it so seriously; it's just a joke I wrote casually, everyone should be more tolerant of me; it's just...
only.
...It's just that he really, really likes the story he wrote.