Mo Yousen's Autobiography
I lied.
I lied to Yan Yuheng.
He once asked me why I wouldn't tell him all this, and I lied about it all.
But I don't think I did anything wrong. I just followed my mother's last wishes. I didn't tell Yan Yuheng that it was my mother who wanted all of this to be buried with her. I only told him that it was because of my inferiority complex that things turned out like this.
The moment I saw him again, I found it hard to accept. I saw him dressed so neatly, even his hair was done in a meticulous manner, and deep down I hated him.
He looked so handsome in his suit and tie, but I could only wear the clothes of a bartender and do the lowly job of smiling and singing along.
I wanted to shove him away and ask him why he hadn't taken me with him. I wanted to ask him why he hadn't even left me a message before boarding the plane, even a simple "wait for me." But there was nothing. He just left without a second thought.
I hate him.
But I hate myself even more. I hate that I was born into such a family. I hate that my father is a complete scumbag. I also hate that my mother gave up her life and left me in such a hellhole. If only my mother had never loved that scumbag, even if I didn't exist in this world, I hope my mother will always be happy.
I was eventually picked up by Yan Yuheng. I looked at the hope and pain in his eyes and I couldn't bear to push him away. I was willing to accept everything that had happened. I also wanted to give myself another chance, a chance to love him again. The worst that could happen was that I would be torn to pieces again. I had already experienced that in prison.
I wanted to use him to eliminate the person I hated, but I didn't expect him to die before I could even stand up to Mo Guozheng and humiliate him. Perhaps it was the law of nature that brought punishment upon the wicked. The two of them fighting each other only robbed me of the thrill of personal revenge. However, until his death, I still didn't know what Qiu Lingzhi had said to my mother in the room that day. After that conversation, my mother chose to give up her own life.
I am far from being as wonderful as Yan Yuheng imagined. I have been tortured by life over the years, so I naturally know what I can do to make people happy and how to make people relax their vigilance towards me.
I tried to play my younger self and shape myself into a perfect Mo Yousen.
You see, my father even named me Yousen. He really hoped that my existence would protect his Yusen and keep it standing. But he forgot that my last name is Mo, just like his! I will never take over Yusen in my lifetime. When this crappy company fails, I will sell all my shares and invest them all in Yan Yuheng's business. I love him.
The psychiatrist Yan Yuheng found for me said I had personality dissociation, but I didn't care. I promised him to go to a professional hospital for treatment and asked him to keep it confidential. Everyone thinks I'm a perfect normal person, isn't that great?
Yan Yuheng also took me back to his home. I knew Yan Yuan and Pei Man had liked me since I was little. They always thought I was well-behaved and cuter than Yan Yuheng. I was also willing to be a good kid in front of them.
That day, as I kissed Yan Yuheng under the fireworks, Pei Man's intrusion took me back to that year. I was terrified. The scenes from years ago suddenly overlapped with reality, and my fingertips trembled as I tried to push Yan Yuheng away.
The moment I opened my eyes, I saw Yan Yuheng's devoted expression. He kissed me with his eyes closed, completely immersed in this moment. I admired his selfless state, and I was gradually drawn into that sweet kiss, a sweet moment that belonged only to the two of us.
In March, Yan Yuheng took me to Torshavn. I loved everything there.
I picked up my long-dusted camera and took a picture of the sun. That feeling was reassuring, yet also a bit strange and disorienting. I awkwardly tested him, slowly peeling off my mask and revealing my most genuine smile.
I showed him all my softness, and I knew that this time I would never lose him again.
Before leaving, Yan Yuheng pointed to a small island in the distance and said to me, "That was bought for me, it's a gift for me."
The weather was very comfortable on the day I returned home. I don’t know if it was because I was happy or because the weather was really good, but the temperature was suitable, the people around me were friendly, and I even liked the street scenes so much. The streets that had never changed in all these years became so familiar.
Yan Yuheng held my hand and lay quietly on my legs to sleep. His eyelashes trembled slightly, stirring my heart.
I love him so much.
I think this time I finally have my own home, my real island.
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