Chapter 439 Maybe I am not a human being, but a pirated website
"Brother Cheng, I've already sensed your generosity and understand your intentions, but there's nothing I can do. My mom has already prepared dinner for me at home and is waiting for me to go back and add to the bill. It's not that I don't want to honor you, it's just that it's an unfortunate coincidence."
Despite Xiao Cheng's polite and enthusiastic response, Lin Li still declined politely, and his words were a little more serious than before.
"Okay then." Seeing Lin Li so determined, Xiao Cheng nodded with some regret and watched Lin Li leave.
I'll ask the coach for the guy's contact information later, and I'll invite him when I have the chance.
…
noon.
"It's a pity that Lin Li doesn't want to come. I really want to thank him." Xiao Cheng sighed with regret when he followed Yu Jianan and Lu Gouguan to a restaurant.
There was no accident due to FLAG in the morning. Xiao Cheng successfully passed the fourth subject and now he is just waiting to get his driver's license.
Upon hearing this, Yu Jianan and Lu Gouguan also smiled and echoed a few words.
The three of them sat down at their seats in the restaurant.
Without mentioning Lin Li anymore, Xiao Cheng waved his hand and said to the two of them with great enthusiasm: "Coach Yu, and Coach Lu, you guys can order. I'm a casual eater anyway, I can eat anything."
"Old Lu, then you come over. I don't have any food restrictions." Yu Jianan handed the menu to Lu Gouguan.
Lu Gouguan was not polite either. He had been feeling depressed for the whole morning and now he had to release the tiger in his heart.
"Okay, leave it to me!"
"A bottle of Moutai first, at least! The biggest one here is abalone. Let me see, oh, three. I think we need at least three! And some five-year-old fish maw..."
Xiao Cheng: “(゜▽゜)?”
Hearing this way of ordering, Xiao Cheng remembered Lin Li's instructions not long ago.
No, no, no, no, no.
Taking out his mobile phone, Xiao Cheng glanced at the numbers in his WeChat wallet, then smiled calmly.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Xiao Cheng simply opened NetEase Cloud Music, picked a song, and then played it from the climax.
"~Come back soon~ I can't handle it alone~ Come back soon~ Life is wonderful because of you~"
"Coach Yu, Coach Lu, you guys order first. I'm going out to answer a phone call." Xiao Cheng immediately stood up and whispered to the two of them when he heard the singing.
Then he pressed the phone screen and put it to his ear, walking out the door while saying, "Hello? It's me. I'm eating. I passed the exam..."
Seeing that Xiao Cheng had already started making a call, Yu Jianan didn't say anything, just nodded, made an OK gesture with his hand, and then looked down at his phone.
Two minutes later.
The phone in his hand vibrated. Yu Jianan glanced at the pop-up message bar and saw that Xiao Cheng had sent him a WeChat message.
"Xiao Cheng: "Transfer 88 yuan""
Huh? Why did you suddenly transfer money to yourself?
Oh, I see.
"Yu Jianan: Xiao Cheng, why did you suddenly transfer money to me? An extra red envelope? Haha~"
"'Xiao Cheng' has enabled friend verification. You are not yet his/her friend. Please send a friend verification request first. You can only chat after the other party passes the verification."
Yu Jianan: “(；☉_☉)?”
Eh.
It seems like I was deleted?
Silence, silence, silence is Cambridge tonight.
When Yu Jianan reacted and turned his head mechanically, Lu Gouguan beside him was still muttering excitedly:
"I went there. Out-of-season hairy crabs, full of roe. Oh, I've never tried them. I'd order two! And wild yellow croaker, the biggest one. Others would think we couldn't afford one. Come on..."
Yu Jianan: “(゜▽゜)?”
Buhao! Lao Lu knows his home address and his family and friends. It seems that he can't run away like Xiao Cheng!
Yu Jianan took a deep breath——
“Ah mea ...
"Old Lu, stop ordering for now. I have something urgent to do and we have to stop now—"
"Old—! Lu—!"
"Xiao Cheng! The dog official and I were just kidding you! I'll treat him to a meal! Come back! Come back!"
~ Please come back soon~ I can't bear it alone~ Please come back soon~ Life is wonderful because of you~
…
After going downstairs and throwing the takeaway food into the community trash can, Lin Li looked at his phone in confusion.
Xiao Cheng, who added me on WeChat this morning, just sent me a very strange message:
"Xiao Cheng: I'm sorry, brother, I didn't understand your deep meaning again. I'm still too stupid."
What is this kid mumbling about?
Is Xiao Chengzhongju crazy?
Lin Li was too lazy to delve into the matter, so he gave a perfunctory reply and rode his bike to school.
The school gate was wide open, and the fountain was working today, which was a rare occurrence.
The next time I see the fountain working will probably be the first day of the next semester. No, it may not even be working that day, after all, there are no new students.
There were quite a few students coming and going at the school gate, but they were all wearing Nansang school uniforms.
It’s not that many students from the first and second year of high school participated in this competition. Most of them were from the third year of high school - it’s time for them to go to school.
The exam officially starts at 2:30 p.m., so there is no need for students from inside and outside the school to participate in the competition to come so early.
Lin Li did not stop at the teaching building or the gate, but went straight to the boys' dormitory.
Adopted son Chen Tianming needs me.
As for Chen Yuying, perhaps because Zhongdeng knew that his daughter was the only girl on the competition list of Class 4, and that the dangerous creature Lin Li was also on the list of boys, he decided to send his daughter to school today since he was free.
He even planned to pick up Chen Yuying after the exam to have dinner at home and then send her to school.
Tsk tsk, you don’t mind the trouble.
It was as if she was afraid that if she didn't come to pick her up, Chen Yuying would have dinner alone with some boy that night. Lin Li thought it was impossible and she was just worrying for no reason.
If Zhongdeng didn't mind, Lin Li was willing to waste a dinner time to help him keep an eye on Chen Yuying the whole time, to ensure that Chen Yuying was under surveillance throughout the whole process and there was no scene of her having dinner alone with any boy.
But considering that Zhongdeng would probably mind, Lin Li did not recommend himself.
Alas, pitiful are the hearts of fathers in the world.
"Knock knock knock." Lin Li knocked on the door after arriving at the dormitory of Class 4.
"Who is it?" Bai Bufan's voice came.
"I'm selling eggs." Lin Li replied.
"What eggs?" Footsteps and Chen Tianming's laughter and scolding were heard in the dormitory.
"Haven't you heard of Jia Qianqian's poem 'Entering the City'?"
"A city the size of a palm, a door two fingers wide. The soy milk delivery man has already gone in, and the egg seller is knocking on the door."
After Chen Tianming opened the door, Lin Li walked in with his hands behind his back, reciting poetry leisurely with ups and downs in his voice.
There were not only Chen Tianming and Bai Bufan in the dormitory. Wang Ze, who should not have stayed on campus this week, was also there, lying on the lower bunk of Zhou Baowei.
Chen Tianming: "What are you sending me? Poems."
Wang Ze: "Lin Li, is there a city that only has a backdoor exit? A friend of mine asked me to ask for him."
"What a good poem! What a good poem! Lin Li, what a good poem you wrote!"
Bai Bufan, who had been lying on the upper bunk playing with his phone, now sat up straight and looked at Lin Li with admiration. The emotion he expressed was completely different from those of the two vulgar people:
"A city the size of a palm" sounds small, but it captures the initial pressure and oppression that big cities bring to newcomers – the buildings are tall and the roads are wide, but one's own space and psychological sense of belonging are exceptionally narrow; the "two-finger-wide door" is even more vivid. It's not just an actual door, but more like a threshold, symbolizing how difficult it is to integrate into a new environment and gain recognition.
The next two lines, using an ordinary scene, allude to the disparity in reality: some have barely squeezed into the cracks of urban life and found their place, while others are still struggling, waiting for an opportunity to be accepted. These are not two kinds of vendors, but rather a microcosm of people at different stages of urban life!
This poem replaces grand narrative with a montage of fragments of life. In this seemingly ordinary and straightforward writing, it achieves the sharpest penetration into the essence of reality. Brilliant, truly brilliant!
Lin Li's eyes lit up. "Bufan, no one understands poetry better than you! Only you see through the profound meaning behind this poem!"
Then Lin Li glanced at Chen Tianming and Wang Ze, and instantly said with disdain: "Unlike some people, who are vulgar and speak in vulgar language."
Chen Tianming and Wang Ze: "..."
Wang Ze raised his middle finger towards Lin Li, while Chen Tianming, who was sitting in his seat, looked at Bai Bufan who was lying on the upper bunk and cursed with a smile:
"Bufan, aren't you quite good at making up stories? With your analytical ability, reading comprehension and ancient poetry comprehension should be a piece of cake, right? Why don't you get high scores in Chinese?"
"You don't understand this," Bai Bufan explained, shaking his head. "After my research, I found that my brain is actually a pirated website."
"It's incredibly laggy. It takes ages to load a single sentence, and memorizing two words is even harder. The server crashes and 404s quickly. If I get a little distracted, I'm prone to accidentally clicking on the yellow pop-up ads."
"But, only when I click on those pornographic ads and trigger the underlying code can my brain truly start working! After all, pirated websites exist just for this moment!"
Chen Tianming: “…reasonable.”
For a moment, Chen Tianming felt that he really had no way to refute it.
If you replace the pornographic advertisement with the Qiaoqiao advertisement, you won’t believe it, this theory even applies to your own brain.
"Wang Ze, why are you here?" Lin Li looked at Wang Ze.
"Wait for Qian Ying to come in the afternoon and go out to see a movie together." Wang Ze laughed.
"There are surveillance cameras in the cinema, so you'd better be careful and don't wear school uniform. I have earned a lot of reputation for Nansang Middle School outside of school, and I don't want it to be ruined by people like you." Lin Li reminded.
"What are you talking about?" Wang Ze scolded with a smile. "They're just watching a movie. What do you mean by surveillance? There wouldn't be anyone shameless enough to kiss or even do something in the cinema. I despise people like that the most."
Lin Li: “(〝▼ dishes▼)! "
For some reason, Lin Li suddenly felt a little disgusted with Wang Ze.
Lin Li thinks that it is too arbitrary to judge others in this way.
"Good ambition, Wang Ze, can you swear an oath?" At this time, Bai Bufan poked his head out from the upper bunk and asked Wang Ze in the lower bunk:
"I've thought of the oath. If you ever do this in the future, you will marry the female graduate student from Wuhan University. All your property after marriage will be considered joint property, and the final divorce will be decided by a female judge."
Wang Ze: “(；☉_☉)?”
Lin Li: “()!”
Extraordinary, my mouth is replaced!
Wang Ze scratched his head and opened his mouth but couldn't speak in the end.
Damn, I can’t say it. This oath is too poisonous.
Wang Ze felt that his crime was not so serious.
"Having said that..." Wang Ze could only chuckle.
Seeing Wang Ze's reaction, Bai Bufan sneered, then ignored him and looked at Lin Li, asking curiously:
"Lin Li, have you got your driver's license? Let me see it. I've never seen what a driver's license looks like."
"Brother, is there any time I can't get it? I already have my electronic driver's license. I'll have my errand boy get it for me tomorrow," Lin Li shrugged confidently and arrogantly. "You guys should respect me from now on. I'm already a licensed driver, so it's not illegal for me to drive."
"Then can you replace Bangjie and become the more powerful Setu brother in the group?"
“I’m too lazy to move every day.”
"Then get out of here, you useless piece of shit."
"Ahem, but I've prepared a particularly explosive adult topic for today," the despised Lin Li tried to save face by squinting his eyes, rubbing his hands, and even lowering his voice deliberately.
"Everyone, do you want to chat with me?"
"Oh, tell me in detail." Bai Bufan and Wang Ze immediately sat up straight, their eyes even more pious than Father Qiu's in front of the holy water yesterday.
"I'm not interested." Chen Tianming, who wanted to abide by his husband's duty for Yao Qiaoqiao, naturally waved his hand.
Of course, after all, everyone was in the same room, and if the conversation between the three people got into my ears, I couldn't stop it and I couldn't blame myself.
Qiaoqiao will understand.
Lin Li didn't care. He lowered his voice further and brought up the first adult topic he had discussed with everyone since getting his driver's license:
"Guess what the minimum wage is in Nansang now?"
Bai Bufan: "Wow, this is too exciting!"
Wang Ze: "Wow, this is too adult!"
Chen Tianming: "Wow, this is too much of a hot topic!"
"So how much is it?" Wang Ze asked curiously.
Boys' curiosity is often inexplicably drawn to other places, and even lustful things will be defeated at this time.
"Hmph," Lin Li said, keeping the conversation a secret. "Let me put it this way: young people's salaries are already lower than some parking spaces."
"Shit!" Bai Bufan couldn't hold it in any longer. Lin Li's words were really too heartbreaking.
"I bought a car and went to work for the company. I worked like a slave all day and even worked four hours of overtime. When I came downstairs, I found that the money I earned today was not enough to pay for parking. I felt like the sky was falling—"
The more Bai Bufan described it, the more he wanted to laugh.
This picture is too tense.
Car owners don’t need to go to parking lots anymore. Instead, just park your car illegally on the roadside and hire someone to sit in the car. When the traffic police come, just say you just parked for a minute and then immediately drive to another place to continue illegally parking. This way, the car owner saves a certain amount of parking fees and the young people make some easy money. It’s just like Ying Zheng being a M - Shuan Ying!
Wang Ze raised his hand: "I am Jian Zheng playing the role of Xiao Gui. At this time, I will comment "Believe in our mother!"
Lin Li raised his hand: "Then I am a pure-blooded keyboard politics kid. At this time, I will comment "I only have one mother" under your comment."
Bai Bufan raised his hand: "I'm Bai Bufan. I'll comment under your comment: 'One? That's not enough for me to kill in a day. Let's get a few more virtual mothers to sell wholesale.'"
Chen Tianming raised his hand: "Lin Li, I don't know how to do this question. Please help me after you kill Bai Bufan."
"Wang Ze, help me deal with him. Don't forget that you owe me a favor. I'm going to help Tianming solve the problem." Lin Li walked towards Chen Tianming's position, kicked Wang Ze in the calf when passing by, and ordered.
"Got it!" Wang Ze immediately climbed onto Bai Bufan's bed with great interest, singing as he did so: "At first I thought Bufan was quite ordinary, but as we got to know each other better I found she was actually quite charming, and gradually a different feeling began to develop in my heart."
Judging from Wang Ze's expression, he was more than just excited.
"Fuck! Stop! Get out! (ノ｀Д)ノ!!" Bai Bufan laughed loudly while protecting his chastity.
However, because they knew that Chen Tianming wanted to study, although he looked down on the act of studying, the two of them quickly calmed down.
It wasn't until Lin Li's "After-school Student Orientation" ended and Chen Tianming let out a sound of sudden realization that the two of them spoke again:
Wang Ze: "Bufan, do you want to see B?"
Bai Bufan: "I want to."
Wang Ze: "Can you shoot a pistol?"
Bai Bufan: "Yes."
Wang Ze: "I'll leave my Desert Eagle to you. I'll go guard A."
Bai Bufan: "OK."
Lin Li and Chen Tianming: “?”
…
"OK, my senior is coming, Bufan, I guess you are tired of my body, I'm leaving now."
When it was approaching two o'clock, Wang Ze, who was lying on Bai Bufan's bed, took a look at the message on his mobile phone, jumped down, quickly put on his shoes and ignored him.
"Shall we go there now, or what?" Chen Tianming checked the time on his phone and turned to ask Lin Li.
"Then let's go." Lin Li nodded. It was indeed almost time now, so it didn't matter if he went there early.
The two of them stood up and started packing their things.
"Bufan, Daddy and your brother Tianming have something to do. You have to stay in the dormitory by yourself and don't cry."
Noticing Bai Bufan on the upper bunk looking down at the people below with a look that said, "Busy, busy, everyone should be busy," Lin Li looked up and said to Bai Bufan:
"Don't open the door when strangers come. If you're hungry, there's food in the restroom. If you're thirsty, there's drink in the restroom. If you're bored, there's fun stuff in the restroom. If you need to go to the restroom, you can go to Baowei's bed. In short, you have to make Dad and Brother Tianming worry less, okay?"
"Go away," Bai Bufan scolded with a smile, "It's just right that you all left. If I'm left alone, I can have fun playing with my children."
Bai Bufan understands the art of language.
I'm afraid his children are a bit clingy.
"I think you're the only one who's happy. The cultural relic 'Lu State Paper' will be back in the world today." Lin Li shook his head and said with a smile while tinkering with the wall with his hands.
"Filial piety is greater than heaven. They will understand me." Bai Bufan replied with a smile.
"Okay, let's go, bye!" Lin Li waved and walked towards the door. Chen Tianming looked at the wall in surprise, but followed Lin Li out.
"Bye-Bye."
With a click, the dormitory door was closed, and the room fell into silence after the hustle and bustle, with only the sound of Bai Bufan's breathing.
Bai Bufan decided to wash up and come back to continue playing with his phone. He jumped out of bed and walked towards the balcony, humming a song as he walked:
"I'm a cashier. I'm good at cashing. From morning till night, cashing is my daily routine."
"Congratulations to me—, I found a good job—, and my future life—, I will spend working as a cashier—"
"I am--"
“…”
Bai Bufan's cashier song came to an abrupt end, and he frowned.
Because he suddenly discovered that there seemed to be something extra in the dormitory.
And he is quite familiar with this thing.
After all, I had seen, touched, and used it before when I caught the takeaway thief.
Bai Bufan took two steps forward, staring at the camera of this thing with a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth, and asked with a sneer:
"Fuck you, Lin Li, what did you mean by leaving a surveillance camera in the dormitory before you left?"
“…”
“…”
The camera naturally couldn't speak, but outside the door, a burst of singing suddenly came -
Lin Li: "I'm a cashier~"
Chen Tianming: "My cashier skills are strong~"
Wang Ze: "From morning till night~"
Three people chorus: "Cash register is my daily routine——"
(End of this chapter)
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