Chapter 37
The package of old books and money from "Uncle Zhang" was like a boulder thrown into the still waters of Xu Nianlei's heart, stirring up a raging storm. Clutching the package as if it were burning evidence of a crime, she ran all the way home and locked herself in her room.
Seeing Xu Nianlei's distraught state and the old newspaper package she was clutching tightly, Wang Xiuqin demanded an explanation. Xu Nianlei simply shook her head, clinging to the package without letting go. Wang Xiuqin snatched it away and roughly tore it open. When she saw the old books with Xu Jianguo's name on them and the small stack of banknotes inside, she was stunned.
"Where...where did this come from?" Wang Xiuqin's voice was filled with surprise and doubt.
Xu Nianlei curled up in the corner of the bed, burying her head in her knees, her voice muffled and trembling with sobs: "It was...someone who said it was a gift from Dad's coworker..."
Holding the note that read "Don't be like your father," Wang Xiuqin's fingers trembled slightly, her expression shifting unpredictably. For a moment, she seemed to see, through these old objects, a fleeting and vague shadow of Xu Jianguo's youthful desire to learn a trade and make a living. But then, a deeper resentment and the harsh realities of life surged up.
"He actually has such a 'kind' coworker?" Wang Xiuqin sneered, her tone sharp. "Who knows if this money is clean! Throw it away!"
She made a move to throw it, but Xu Nianlei suddenly raised her head and shouted, "No!"
That's money! Money that can alleviate their current predicament! Next semester's tuition is still uncertain, and her mother's meager salary barely covers their living expenses; this money is like rain in the desert. Even though it carries the mark of humiliation, even though it's linked to the father she hates most, she can't easily give it up.
Wang Xiuqin paused, looking at her daughter's red eyes and stubborn gaze, then at the stack of solid banknotes in her hand. In the end, she could only curse bitterly, "It's all that damned bastard's fault!" Then she slammed the money heavily on the table, turned around and left.
Xu Nianlei looked at the scattered stack of banknotes on the table, her heart filled with mixed emotions. She needed the money, but accepting it felt like accepting both her father's unbearable past and the incomprehensible "kindness" of this stranger, Uncle Zhang, which made her feel suffocated.
The next day at school, she was even more silent, her eyes often vacant, carrying a heavy sense of confusion. Li Yue and Zhang Xiao asked her with concern what was wrong, but she just shook her head. Lu Baiyan took in her state and understood.
He didn't immediately inquire or offer comfort. He knew that any external intervention at this moment could backfire. He needed to find out more about Uncle Zhang first.
A few days later, a response came from the anonymous source. The information was vague, but it pointed in one direction: about twenty years ago, Xu Jianguo had worked as an apprentice in a small machinery parts factory in a neighboring city for a period of time. At that time, he did have a good working colleague surnamed Zhang, named Zhang Dashan. Later, the factory went bankrupt due to poor performance, and the workers went their separate ways, losing contact with each other. More information about this Zhang Dashan could not be found at the moment.
Zhang Dashan… It seems Uncle Zhang wasn’t lying. He really was Xu Jianguo’s former coworker. An old acquaintance who might have maintained some friendship with Xu Jianguo before he fell into depravity. His sending the old books and money might truly have stemmed from a complex mix of regret and sympathy for his old friend’s daughter.
The risk level has been lowered. This money is most likely from a clean, benevolent cause.
Lu Baiyan breathed a slight sigh of relief. But the problem remained—how could he get Xu Nianlei to accept this heavy "gift" with a clear conscience?
Friday's literary society activity was themed "Dialogue and Redemption." The instructor led the discussion on forgiveness and self-reconciliation in literary works. The members discussed enthusiastically, but Xu Nianlei kept her head down, seemingly lost in thought.
After the event ended, everyone left one after another. Xu Nianlei dawdled while packing her things, and Lu Boyan deliberately stayed until the very end. Only the two of them remained in the reading room.
“That money,” Lu Baiyan’s voice rang out in the empty room, calm and even, as if discussing a math problem, “If you feel it’s too hot to handle, you can think of it as… a memorial to Xu Jianguo at a certain moment in the past when he was still a decent human being. Or, you can simply think of it as Uncle Zhang’s investment in you, 'Xu Nianlei,' personally.”
Xu Nianlei suddenly looked up, staring at him in astonishment. He knew! He really did know everything!
Lu Baiyan didn't look at her, his gaze falling on the rows of heavy books on the bookshelf. He continued calmly, "Accepting it doesn't mean forgiving anything, nor does it mean carrying any burden. It simply means using it to help yourself go further. When you are able in the future, you can choose to return it to him, or use the same method to help other people in need."
His words were like a precise scalpel, dissecting the most tangled part of her heart. He cleverly transformed "a gift from her father" into "a commemoration of a past moment" or "an investment by Uncle Zhang," stripping away the emotional shackles that made her feel humiliated and bound, and giving it a purely instrumental function—a ladder to help her move forward.
Xu Nianlei stared blankly at his calm profile, the chaos and heaviness in her heart seemingly pried open by these few casual words.
Yes... why does she have to tie this money to that scumbag father? Why can't she just see it as a resource that can help her get out of her predicament?
“But…that note…” she murmured, her heart still aching at the thought of those words, “Don’t be like your dad.”
Lu Baiyan finally turned his head and looked at her calmly: "That was more like a reminder, reminding you not to repeat the mistakes he made. Every problem you do now, every article you write, is heading in a completely different direction from his. You are already proving that you and he are different."
You and him are different.
These six words, like a ray of light, instantly pierced through the thick fog in her heart. All along, what she feared most was becoming the kind of person her mother described as "just like your father." Yet Lu Baiyan told her with such certainty that she was different.
Tears welled up unexpectedly, blurring her vision. She hurriedly lowered her head and wiped them away fiercely with the back of her hand.
“…I understand.” Her voice was thick with nasal tone, but clearer than before. “Thank you…class monitor.”
This time, the "thank you" has a deeper meaning.
Lu Baiyan looked at her slightly trembling shoulders and knew she had taken his words to heart. He didn't say anything more, picked up his book, and said, "Let's go, it's late."
The two walked out of the library one after the other once again. The night sky was clear, dotted with stars.
As Xu Nianlei watched the tall figure walking ahead, the turmoil in her heart caused by the unexpected windfall gradually subsided, transforming into a complex, bittersweet calm. She still couldn't completely let go, but at least she had found a way to coexist with it.
Leilei, the complexity of human nature far exceeds your imagination. There are demons like Xu Jianguo, and there are also fleeting acts of kindness like Zhang Dashan. Learn to discern, learn to utilize, but don't be bound by the past. Your path belongs only to you.
Lu Baiyan knew that the knot in his heart regarding this money had been temporarily untied. But it also reminded him that he needed to speed things up and establish a more stable and independent financial foundation for her. Submitting articles and joining the literary society were just the beginning; he needed to plan for a longer-term future for her.
And Zhang Dashan, who disappeared for many years, his reappearance, is it a coincidence, or does it foreshadow something else? Lu Baiyan vaguely felt that there might be some unknown secrets hidden in Xu Jianguo's past, and these secrets might be closely related to Xu Nianlei's future.
He needs to dig deeper. This is not only to eliminate potential risks, but perhaps also to find another key that can unlock the shackles on her heart.
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