Chapter 468 You have the right to refuse anything at any time.
He continued to rub against her aggrievedly, like a large animal seeking comfort, his voice muffled and full of deep disappointment: "Why are you and Qin Jiaojiao only in a group with Chu Qi?"
This question was like a precise hook, finally thrown out.
"Why don't I have a share? And why doesn't Huo Beiyan have a share? What's so good about Chu Qi that you're willing to build a little nest just for him..."
Ji Linshen pronounced the word "nest" very clearly, implying their intimacy in that small space, and he was excluded.
"Well..." Lu Shiman's mind raced, trying to find a reasonable explanation: "The main reason is... I don't want to disturb you and your fiancé."
Ji Linshen whipped the unfortunate name Huo Beiyan a hundred times in his heart.
He suppressed his speechless feeling and continued to play the role of a vulnerable person with a wounded heart.
Ji Linshen raised his head from the crook of her neck, his eyes dim and filled with self-doubt and loneliness: "You haven't even created a group like this for me."
"You guys are in there... chatting, sharing secrets, gossiping." He turned his face away slightly, his profile looking a little fragile under the light. "And what about me? I can only... watch you guys having fun from afar... like an outsider."
He paused, his Adam's apple rolling as his voice became even more husky: "Perhaps, you guys were secretly cursing at me in the group chat."
Ji Lin secretly glanced at Lu Shiman's expression and said self-deprecatingly, "I know, it's normal for people like me to be annoying..."
This series of green tea remarks that progressed layer by layer and hit the soft spot accurately made Man's heart twist into a ball, and she felt distressed and guilty.
Especially his broken expression and self-loathing words, which were like a knife, hurt her.
"How could we possibly scold you!" She retorted anxiously: "We have never scolded you in the group, not even once." At most, we said two sentences.
Lu Shiman took out his phone from his pocket, unlocked it, clicked on the small group of three people, and put the screen directly in front of him: "Look for yourself, look, where is there a single word scolding you?"
"I won't look." He pursed his lips tightly and looked away: "I'm not qualified to see it. That's your secret base."
These words once again accurately pierced Lu Shiman's heart, making her feel even more uncomfortable than the self-loathing she felt just now.
She stepped forward, took his fingers, and put the phone in his hand, her tone anxious and coaxing: "Why not? If you feel bad, how about we swap? You look at mine, I look at yours, it's fair that way."
"Except for the chat history between Jiaojiao and me, you can look at everything else on my phone."
Ji Lin held the phone, which still carried her body temperature, in his hand, feeling the softness of her palm and the urgent care conveyed by it.
The disguised fragility deep in his eyes quickly faded away, replaced by a deep and complex heartache.
His plan succeeded.
But seeing how she sacrificed the secret without hesitation in order to comfort him, a strong sense of self-blame and heartache instantly overwhelmed him.
It shouldn't be like this. His Manman should focus on herself and make choices that make her happy, instead of sacrificing herself for others like she is now.
He stopped thinking about the group chat and let go of his phone, hugging Lu Shiman tightly in his arms.
His arms were like the strongest shackles, embedding her deeply into his chest with such force that he almost melted her into his body.
"Manman." Ji Lin opened his mouth, his voice low and hoarse, no longer the fragile and aggrieved voice just now, but heartache and fear: "You can refuse me."
He took a deep breath, his chest rising and falling violently, and told her word by word, clearly and forcefully: "You have the right to refuse, at any time, for anything."
Ji Linshen loosened his hug a little, held her face in his hands, and forced her to look into his eyes, where her figure was reflected.
"I hope you can follow your inner voice, not to take care of my emotions, not to make me happy, and especially not like now..." He caressed her cheek with tenderness, "considering other people's feelings everywhere, including mine."
Lu Shiman was shocked by his sudden words and stared blankly at his eyes that were so close to her.
The corner of her heart that she had never carefully observed was nakedly illuminated by his words.
An inexplicable sourness surged to the tip of my nose.
She lowered her eyes, her voice as thin as a mosquito: "I...I didn't go against my heart, I am willing to show you..."
Ji Linshen let out an extremely heavy sigh.
He held her in his arms again, resting his chin on the top of her soft hair: "You obviously don't want to."
He stated the facts: "When I asked to see the group, your hesitation and your emphasis on not seeing Qin Jiaojiao told me that you were unwilling."
Ji Linshen paused, his voice gentle but powerful: "You can say 'no', you can reject me directly."
"You can say, Ji Linshen, I don't want to show you my group, that's my little secret."
"You know what? I won't be disappointed if you reject me."
"Then you..." Lu Shiman's muffled voice came from his chest.
"I just feel heartbroken." Ji Linshen interrupted her and tightened his arms around her, wishing he could protect her completely without leaving any room for error.
"Baby, I just feel distressed. I feel distressed that you have to sacrifice yourself to satisfy me, and I feel distressed that you suppress your true thoughts." His voice was filled with deep pity.
"Just be straightforward with me, just like you refused the reward just now, okay?"
"I hope you will always put yourself first." Ji Linshen lowered his head and gently kissed her forehead.
Ji Linshen's words of confession left Lu Shiman speechless for a long time.
She raised her head suddenly, her eyes filled with panic of being exposed, bitterness of being understood, but more of a deep-rooted, almost instinctive confusion and rebuttal.
"No, Ji Linshen." Her voice was a little more urgent, as if she wanted to correct a huge misunderstanding: "It's not like that."
She looked into his eyes, the tenderness in them was like warm sunshine, but it made the damp corner in her heart even more exposed.
It even made her feel a little burning pain.
Lu Shiman stepped back slightly, his hands unconsciously twisting the corners of his clothes, his voice trembling slightly: "You said you should follow your inner voice and put yourself first..."
"But, Ji Linshen, making others happy, making others comfortable, and making others satisfied, this is the voice in my heart."
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