Chapter 104: Don't cry, I will always be yours.
Throwing aside one's guard and being honest with others has never been something Yu Qing is good at.
But now I don’t feel any trouble, I just feel relieved.
She had wanted to tell him all this for a long time; this was actually her true wish. There were so many words, so many things, she hoped he would understand.
Xie Jing's eyes trembled as he said, "Really?... I didn't know... I thought..."
He looked like he was about to cry, but Yu Qing just wanted to speak from the heart and didn't want to make him cry, so she said, "It's nothing, don't get excited."
"...Actually, I miss you so much, too," Xie Jing said with difficulty. "I dream of seeing you sooner rather than later. But I'm afraid you won't like me again."
Xie Jing didn't want to recall his two years in Jiangnan. Jiangnan was a beautiful place, full of life-giving charm, but his life was truly miserable. His health had been poor to begin with, and when alone, he was prone to sadness. Every time a gentle drizzle fell, he felt the urge to search for Yu Qing. However, he didn't dare face the unknown, so he could only dwell on the past.
If Yu Qing was told that the sickly, haggard man thousands of miles away was actually her ex-wife, what would she think? Besides, he didn't want her to see him in such an embarrassing state.
Even later on, he always felt that he didn't have many redeeming qualities, and Yu Qing might not think highly of him.
But he never expected that Yu Qing had been thinking about him all the time, and so deeply.
"I haven't changed my mind. I've always liked you," Yu Qing sighed. "Am I someone who gets bored easily and is unfaithful? Why do you always think of me like this?"
Xie Jing said, "You're not. But we've only been together for about half a year, so short..."
Yu Qing said, "A day of marriage brings a hundred days of grace. You said it yourself, Princess. You haven't forgotten it."
Xie Jing choked up and said, "I was wrong... If I had known earlier, I would have written to you. No, I would have told you everything before you left."
Yu Qing thought for a moment and whispered, "Actually, nothing else matters. I don't blame you. I just heard from the witch doctor that you're not having a good time in Jiangnan. If you write to me, I can go and stay with you."
The past before Princess Qingjia's death was a short but unforgettable dream. Although there was concealment, it did not prevent them from loving each other.
Xie Jing didn't tell the truth, and she didn't tell the truth about herself either. These things were complicated and couldn't be easily revealed.
However, two people in this situation can best understand each other, and there are no other people as similar as them.
She didn't mind hiding it, but what she couldn't let go of was that Xie Jing had endured a lot of pain alone, and she had never understood it.
Xie Jing took several deep breaths and finally burst into tears.
"I've been looking forward to meeting you. I wanted to tell you when you came to pick me up, but I thought I was just a stranger and you wouldn't be interested in me at all."
Yu Qing whispered, "In Jianghua Palace, I looked at you without blinking, but I've never looked at anyone else like that."
Xie Jing said aggrievedly: "Because you like the princess."
"I've figured it out now," Yu Qing said, "You are the princess. I didn't understand it before."
She wouldn't fall in love with someone for no reason; she fell in love with Qingjia because she was so beautiful. She always felt that Xie Jing was unfathomable, able to create such a realistic illusion, but in fact, that brilliance was something that could not be faked, it was all real.
Xie Jing cried, "I thought you didn't love me at all."
Xie Jing looked sad. Yu Qing's mood had originally been following his. Now his emotions were so contagious that she was also moved by a wave of sadness and her vision began to blur.
The past few days were filled with so much entanglement, loneliness, anxiety, and pain... My heart was torn into pieces. When facing Xie Jing, even though I longed for him so much, my throat always felt bitter and astringent.
"...I'm always mad at you because I'm always upset and it drives me crazy."
Her voice began to tremble: "I want to be with you, but I suspect you don't care about me that much."
Xie Jing said: "No. Without you, I won't be able to live!"
Yu Qing said, "Then you told me to let go of the past. You also said that you were forced to marry me. You also told me not to believe the princess's one-sided words."
Xie Jing couldn't remember any of this at all, and said, "I didn't... I was clearly begging you all the time. But you always drove me away."
Yu Qing said: "You only meet me at night, and it feels like it's just for fun."
Xie Jing burst into tears: "You are only kind to the princess, and I have no other choice. I think you hate me."
Yu Qing said: "If I hate you, why would I kiss you so many times?"
Xie Jing said: "...You always reject me...and never come to see me...I thought you..."
The more he talked, the more grievances he had, and all the old scores came to light. If it weren't for this, he probably wouldn't have thought that the other party had kept all these things in mind.
There was no way they could talk calmly; by the end, they were incoherent and crying uncontrollably. Yu Qing tried several times to calm down, but with Xie Jing around, it was impossible… He was just a tearful person. In the end, they practically embraced each other and burst into tears.
Yu Qing was a little bewildered. She had never shed so many tears in front of others, nor had she ever expressed so much emotion. But in front of Xie Jing, she seemed to have no scruples.
The heavy burden was lifted with tears, and in front of the lover, one can express sorrow. There was no such person before, but there will be one in the future.
His wife was a considerate and gentle woman. All she wanted was his concern and comfort. She would not endure anything anymore.
Xie Jing had always thought he was the only one suffering, but now he wished he were alone. He sobbed for a while, then hugged Yu Qing tightly and whispered, "...Don't cry, I will always be yours."
"Even if you hate me or abandon me one day, I will always love you." Xie Jing said.
Yu Qing said: "That day will never come."
The strength of Xie Jing's embrace did not seem heavy to her, but rather made her feel soft-hearted. She went to wipe Xie Jing's eyes again.
Before, Qingjia was like a precious and beautiful flower, one she wanted to cherish with care. Then, as she wished, Xie Jing transformed into a captivating fairy and ghost. Now, he has become a pitiful and adorable little deer, one she wants to caress and be close to.
Obviously, he was the one she loved and wanted to cherish, but she pushed him further and further away.
I was so cruel to him that I didn't even hug him and ask him patiently like I do now.
In fact, the princess used to be reserved, weak, and cautious. She was reluctant to say many things, keeping them in her heart. Yu Qing knew it very well, but he didn't think about it, which made him silently bear many misunderstandings.
After so much grievance, in the end, the biggest complaint is that the other person doesn't love you enough.
I also hate myself for doing so many stupid things. I clearly didn't mean to hurt the other person, but I ended up causing so much emotional pain for no reason. It was a lose-lose situation for both parties.
Now, the biggest misunderstanding no longer existed. Now that I knew that heart belonged to me, right and wrong were no longer important... lovers didn't care about those things.
·
The two of them stayed in the inner room for a long time, calming down. It was already past noon by then.
The masters didn't even have breakfast, and now no one came out of the bedroom, so the palace servants had to knock on the door cautiously and ask if they wanted food.
Shortly after lunch, the imperial physician brought Xie Jing's medicine. Xie Jing was actually much better than yesterday. The insect that was pressing on his heart meridian was removed, and he no longer had the dull pain or palpitations he had before.
But he was still a little dazed. He took the medicine and drank it down obediently. Yu Qing asked him how it tasted, and he said, "It's quite sweet."
Yu Qing: “…”
She thought it would be better for Xie Jing to go out and get some fresh air. He must have been dizzy and dizzy from crying all night and today. But Xie Jing was worried. He asked, "Are my eyes swollen?"
Yu Qing looked at him and said, "A little bit."
Xie Jing didn't really want to see anyone, mainly because he was in the palace. If someone saw him, it would directly reach his mother's ears. Yu Qing asked, "Are the flowers in the Imperial Garden still blooming at this time of year?"
Xie Jing hesitated for a moment, but his desire to go on a date with her in the Imperial Garden overcame his concerns.
It is early autumn now, and the garden is not as lush as in midsummer, but it is still full of seasonal, carefully cultivated flowers, and the fragrance is floating in the air.
Xie Jing gently hooked Yu Qing's hand.
Yu Qing was startled. She wondered if the two of them were being too brazen in the palace, with so many people watching. Xie Jing seemed to know what she meant and whispered, "The palace is now under the control of my mother."
Yu Qing agreed. In a few days, Xie Jing's brother would become the emperor, and his mother would be the empress dowager. The entire palace would consist of his own people, so who would he need to avoid?
So…her fingertips moved slightly, but without pulling away, she also hooked his hand and let him hold it.
In fact, the Prince Consort and Princess Qingjia had walked hand in hand in the Marquis's residence more than once, but now she felt an inexplicable throbbing. It seemed that she didn't care about the flowers anymore, and her mind was only filled with the touch of Xie Jing's hand.
At first, Yu Qing occasionally glanced at the paths around him, thinking that there might be palace servants appearing.
However, the late emperor had just passed away last night, and now the entire palace from top to bottom was busy preparing for the late emperor's funeral and the new emperor's coronation. The huge imperial garden was really deserted - in the end, it even felt a little boring.
She thought to herself, no one knows this is my princess.
Yu Qing tilted her head, looking at the strands of Xie Jing's hair that were blown by the wind. She felt a little itchy, then suddenly stopped and asked, "Can I pick this?"
She looked at the clump of orchids surrounded by the jade railing, leaned over and picked the smallest orchid, and said, "Lower your head."
She pinned the flowers in Xie Jing's hair and noticed that his ears were also a little red. She thought, "She is more beautiful than the flowers."
After leaving the Imperial Garden, Xie Jing took the flowers down, then took out a handkerchief from his arms and folded it in.
Yu Qing: "Hmm?"
Xie Jing said, "I'm going to put it away and put it together with the previous ones."
Yu Qing was a little confused and asked, "What does 'before' mean?"
"..." Xie Jing said faintly, "You've forgotten everything."
Yu Qing couldn't resist this look of resentment and whispered, "...what on earth is it?"
Xie Jing said: "I'll show you later."
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