Chapter 90: I was speechless in my embrace, tears welled up in my eyes...
After hearing Yu Qing's answer, the anxiety and fear of the whole day seemed to subside a little.
Xie Jing asked again: "How much do you miss me?"
Yu Qing paused for a moment, and she suddenly realized that in fact, during these days, Xie Jing's appearance was always in her mind, and she missed Qing Jia less.
Yu Qing said: "...I think about it every day."
Xie Jing thought to himself, the princess is really useful.
Only then could he boldly ask for her preference.
It was only in this deep and secluded room that Yu Qing would be like he used to be. Close at hand, he would look at him quietly, responding to every request and answering every question, each word spoken with conviction.
Xie Jing gently placed his hand on her shoulder. Yu Qing did not push him away. The warmth from her body quickly penetrated her clothes. This reassuring feeling made Xie Jing's heart ache.
After all, it is rare to experience this kind of tenderness. Yu Qing now is like a real lover.
In the past, when he was in the Marquis' Mansion, Yu Qing was always careful when he was healthy. Sometimes, if he just frowned slightly, Yu Qing would ask about his health. If he was sick or crying, Yu Qing would be more concerned than him. When he was in pain, Yu Qing would always accompany him and comfort him, even turning down court appearances and refusing to leave even if asked to.
Maybe it was because he was thinking too much today and was unable to do what he wanted, so Xie Jing was not as relaxed as usual. While he spoke sweetly to Yu Qing, he couldn't help but think about random things.
If his illness really was getting worse, how would he be treated? Would he still use those antidotes whose origins were also unknown?
He began to feel pain just thinking about it. The previous scene was still vivid in his mind. He was so thin that he looked like a skeleton, not even human. Although it was caused by his rapid growth at that time, it would probably not be as serious now, but the shadow was still there and he could not forget it.
He didn't even want to see his own face, so how could Yu Qing be willing to see him? Even if Yu Qing was willing, Xie Jing couldn't see her. He couldn't bear to be anything less than the best in Yu Qing's eyes.
If he had to recuperate for another year or two, would Yu Qing still remember him? Would she have completely forgotten him?
Or what if the worst-case scenario is that he is simply beyond help and dies early?
The thought of this possibility sent a chill down his spine. He'd thought the future was long, always harboring so many expectations. What if all his fantasies were ultimately in vain?
Then he has too many regrets in his life.
Xie Jing was almost immersed in sorrow when he suddenly heard a voice beside his ear: "Xie Jing?"
He was startled and turned his head to look. Yu Qing was staring at him straight.
He immediately asked in a low voice: "...What's wrong?"
Yu Qing said, "I want to ask you, will you still go with me on this year's autumn hunt?"
Xie Jing said: "Okay, of course I'll go."
Yu Qing said, "I called you His Highness twice just now, but you didn't respond."
She thought of the autumn hunt that had been discussed at court today. Unconsciously, it was that time of year again. She and the princess had spent a few days enjoying themselves at the hunting grounds the last time, so she brought up the subject.
But her princess seemed distracted.
When she first met Xie Jing today, she didn't notice anything unusual and was initially attracted by his gentle presence.
However, gradually, she noticed something different. The princess became more and more silent and slow. She used to be smiling, but later she even responded to her words a few seconds slower, and now she was completely silent.
In the past, Xie Jing never acted like this. He would always approach her gently from the beginning and continue to do so until the end, making her feel like she was in a dream.
How many times has this happened? Has he gotten tired of it?
Or was it that last night on the boat, and he still harbored resentment and didn't have the patience to play these tricks anymore?
Yu Qing pursed his lips, his face a little stiff.
Xie Jing panicked, realizing he'd been so distracted that he'd actually forgotten Yu Qing. He'd just spoken so much unconsciously that he didn't know if he'd accidentally said anything wrong.
"I was... a little busy today, and just now I accidentally thought of something else," Xie Jing explained, "I won't do it anymore."
He carefully pulled Yu Qing's hand and called out, "Prince Consort..."
Yu Qing lowered her eyes and looked at Xie Jing's hand. She still felt that the atmosphere today was stagnant and strange.
She suddenly realized that everything she had been obsessed with before was actually an illusion carefully woven by Xie Jing. Once he stopped, everything would collapse.
After all, he was the only indispensable princess. If he didn't cooperate, Yu Qing would not be able to create a perfect illusion out of thin air, even if facing the exact same face.
She thought it would be easier and more enjoyable to be with the princess, but Xie Jing was still the one in control. She had no control over anything and had to rely on him. This feeling of being controlled by others made her very depressed.
Xie Jing stayed in the palace for a long time today. He probably had some matters to do with Prince Rui. Yu Qing knew this because she had been very busy recently.
For her, the meeting was a comfort, but for Xie Jing, wasting several hours in vain might make him feel tired.
In that case, there's no need to force yourself to meet her. Wouldn't it be uncomfortable to do two things at once? If there's something important, just change the date. She had changed it with Xie Jing last time.
Yu Qing said: "Actually, you can just tell me directly. If it's not convenient today, I won't come."
Although the princess kept leaning on her, she always felt distressed. For some reason, she felt like there was something stuck in her throat when she looked at Xie Jing.
It was obvious that both of them were willing to do this. If Xie Jing was not willing, then she would not be interested at all.
Xie Jing said hurriedly: "It's not inconvenient for me. I am willing to let you come. I want to see you. It's just that I was careless for a moment..."
He keenly sensed Yu Qing's intentions and wanted to do his best to salvage the situation, but before he could come up with a plan, Yu Qing said softly, "I'd rather not disturb Your Highness today. Let's go back first."
Xie Jing paused, at a loss, and hated himself for losing his composure in front of Yu Qing again. He couldn't let Yu Qing go. If she left, how would he get through this long night?
As Yu Qing stood up, Xie Jing felt empty around him. He hurriedly grabbed Yu Qing and said, "...Don't leave yet. I really didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry. I just... I..."
I just haven't been feeling well for a few days now, and I coughed up blood this morning, so I'm really scared, and there's no one to help me.
His eyes felt hot for a while, but he barely managed to hold it back and swallowed back what he wanted to say.
He didn't know the reason, or maybe he was just worrying too much. Besides, it had nothing to do with Yu Qing. Yu Qing had finally come to him, so why couldn't he be happy? Shouldn't he be forced to listen to his nonsense?
Yu Qing turned around and said, "It's okay, you don't have to apologize."
Xie Jing watched her leave with his own eyes, a huge panic rising in his heart, and all the worries of the past few days were exposed.
He was in such a mess right now that even if he forced her to stay, he might not be able to continue. But he really needed Yu Qing. She didn't have to do anything, just be by his side.
He didn't know what to do, so he subconsciously chased after him and said, "Prince Consort!"
He had intended to use a softer voice, but it was still very dry. He wanted to hold Yu Qing's wrist, to hug her, to tell her that as long as she stayed, he would do anything.
Yu Qing's body stiffened. She could not stand Xie Jing's touch and entanglement. She thought of that passionate night when Xie Jing covered her with his whole body and she could not move. She subconsciously shook off Xie Jing's hand, and Xie Jing's face turned pale.
"It's so late," he said, "please don't leave, okay? Stay with me one more time. I can't sleep without you."
This is how the princess kept her in Wenhua Garden. Yu Qing was about to cry, but she could never refuse. Xie Jing's tricks always worked on her.
She managed to stop herself from wavering and said with difficulty, "Next time."
"I……"
Xie Jing suddenly felt a tightness in his chest again, and he wanted to cough like he did this morning. He immediately pursed his lips tightly, afraid of coughing up something else. He looked up in a daze, and Yu Qing had already pushed the door open and left.
All the tenderness and affection disappeared, and there was dead silence all around.
Xie Jing stood there for a while, felt dizzy, and finally sat down slowly at the table.
If I tell Yu Qing that I won’t live much longer, will she pity him?
Or, if he really died, would Yu Qing feel sad for him?
Xie Jing thought sadly, probably not. He had nothing now. In fact, he had never had anything in the first place. He was always deceiving himself.
After all, he is a person who tends to worry too much, and his unspeakable thoughts will always brew more harshly in his heart.
In fact, he was not as confident and well-prepared in court affairs as he appeared. He felt worried every time he thought of going to court. It was not easy for him to keep up with other princes who had participated in politics for many years. He always had to spend extra time preparing behind the scenes. In the end, countless eyes were staring at him, and he felt frightened and in danger. He had guards and imperial physicians by his side all the time, and was on guard against any assassination. Now his health had problems again, and he was worried and didn't know when he could calm down.
Yu Qing was always so distant and close, and he always felt that she would pull away at any time, leaving him alone.
Would it be better if he hadn't left so quickly and was still staying in the Marquis' Mansion?
Although... he might not be able to hide it forever and can only maintain lies and illusions, but at least he can still get more of her care and protection. It won't be more difficult than it is now, right?
Xie Jing didn't expect Yu Qing to pity him. If it were usual, he would be sad for a day or two and then cheer up.
But the current situation was special after all. I had been in a state of panic all day, and now I felt that this hurdle was almost impossible to overcome, and I felt even more wronged and bitter. I had finally waited for Yu Qing to come, but she had left early. What on earth was he doing?
Xie Jing randomly pulled off the hairpins on his head, which were scattered on the table. The person in the mirror had messy hair.
Under heavy pressure, Xie Jing took a few deep breaths and covered his face with his hands.
·
Yu Qing felt mixed emotions when she left. In fact, she didn't want to blame Xie Jing for anything, but there was really no way she could compromise. She sensed Xie Jing's embarrassment and felt it was awkward for her to stay.
The room she stayed in tonight made her feel very uncomfortable. She thought she might be feeling depressed or angry, and needed to calm down after returning home.
However, halfway through her walk, in the dark streets, she felt the oppression increasing instead of decreasing. Finally, she could hardly bear it anymore and stopped to look back. The mansion was magnificent enough that she could vaguely see its outline even from a distance.
She stared at the roof, and thought of the princess tonight, and the strange atmosphere around him that was vague and impossible to ignore... like sadness.
She was a little uncertain, and no matter how hard she tried to think about it, she still couldn't calm down.
When she and the princess were husband and wife, because the princess was quiet and introverted, she sometimes worried that the other party was not adapting or unhappy, but she would not tell her. Whenever she vaguely noticed something, she would ask a few more questions.
Because I always think about it, over time, my perception becomes more and more acute, and it seems that some kind of intuition has been formed.
The eagerness in Xie Jing's eyes and his hesitant look were really strange.
Her steps seemed to be frozen, and she wanted to move but couldn't.
If I go home, I may not be able to sleep well, and I will definitely be entangled in my worries again and again.
If I go back now, what will I say to Xie Jing? Wouldn't it be even more embarrassing to go back? Xie Jing might have already fallen asleep.
Yu Qing hesitated for a long time, but finally couldn't control herself. She thought that she could come and go freely in Prince Jing's Mansion anyway, so she might as well take a look and leave.
She came to the outside of the yard silently again and found that Xie Jing did not call anyone to serve him. It was still very quiet here.
She gently pushed the door open and saw that the room was still dark. She thought to herself, could it be that he has gone to bed?
But Yu Qing soon discovered that there was a figure in front of the table, and only the candlelight over there was brighter.
Xie Jing heard a noise and looked up.
Yu Qing's mind went blank for a moment, and he only saw that his eyes were red and the traces of tears had not yet disappeared.
Xie Jing was also stunned, and asked in disbelief: "...Why...are you back?"
He was silently worried for a long time. He didn't want to cry, but he was afraid that his eyes would be swollen again tomorrow, and then the matter would be spread from the palace to the harem and known to the world.
Just now he thought he was hallucinating, but the person he was thinking about actually appeared at the door.
Yu Qing didn't reply. After a few breaths, she just asked blankly, "...What's wrong with you?"
The little bit of strength that Xie Jing had managed to muster suddenly shattered, and he could no longer control his emotions. He was speechless, tears welled up in his eyes, and he could only raise his hands.
Yu Qing didn't care about anything else. Seeing him like this, she couldn't help but fly over and hugged him in her arms first.
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