Chapter 39: Life is long and regretful
The ninth day of the seventh month is very auspicious and suitable for marriage.
After all, I am still young. Although I stayed up all night for two consecutive nights, once I let go of my worries, I immediately regained my spirits. I even recited a long list of selected poems from the Book of Songs in the yard before the makeup artist came.
"The peach tree is young and tender, its flowers are bright and beautiful. The son is getting married, and he is a good match for the family!"
I pumped my fist and recited to give myself courage.
It was my first time getting married and I had no experience. Even though I was thick-skinned, I was still a little nervous.
Shangguan Lan looked down on me: "...What are you afraid of? Just go up and get married. What's wrong with you? You've become timid after two years in the palace."
As she spoke, she stuffed gold leaves into my dressing box. Ms. Shangguan Lan was never stingy with money when it came to supporting me.
When she came, the makeup artist had already cleaned my face. According to the current trend, the bride has to pinch her face, apply ointment, and finally put on thick powder. After a set of steps, she molded me into a festive white dough ball. My aunt and a group of older women were very satisfied with my new look. Shangguan Lan pointed at my pretty face and laughed.
I twisted the round fan embroidered with orchids back and forth and said coquettishly, "What if Meng Xu thinks my makeup is ugly like you do?"
Shangguan Lan laughed and said viciously, "He dares."
The wedding process was complicated, but many matters on the bride's side were taken care of by my family. I just sat on my little bed and chatted with my friends. Ms. Shangguan Lan summed it up in one sentence: The emperor is not in a hurry, but the eunuchs are.
My aunt dressed up today and stood at the gate of my yard to entertain the guests, while Xiaochuan and a group of uncles from relatives' families were entertaining the male guests outside. There were too few people in my family, so even the half-grown children were sent out to greet the guests.
After the death of my father and brother, many families cut off contact with my family. Although this marriage was granted by the imperial decree, not many people came to congratulate us. Even those who did come were mostly polite and just gave us a few words.
Shangguan Lan was furious when she saw that there were too few people adding makeup to my wardrobe, and she wanted to put money in my pocket.
I stopped her with a smile: "Oh, it's just a face-saving thing, it's okay as long as it's passable. Meng Xu has a lot of salary, so I won't be poor."
Shangguan Lan snorted, "I can't stand these people putting down the weak and praising the strong. Even the emperor is here to add to your beauty, but they don't dare to do anything."
When I heard the word "emperor", my laughter stopped, my heart felt a little blocked, and my eyes slowly fell on a box at hand.
The box was about the size of a palm and was made of a very cheap wood. The surface was dull and peeling, without any carvings, and it looked extremely plain.
This morning an angel came to the palace and said he was here to deliver a dowry gift from His Majesty the Emperor. My aunt immediately dragged me out to express her gratitude. Everyone held their breath and stretched their necks to see what good things the Emperor had given me... In the end, the angel took down a broken wooden box from the brocade plate and told me that this was the dowry gift from His Majesty.
I stared at the wooden box for a long time, and the more I looked at it, the more familiar it looked. It seemed to be the box I usually used to store my daily notes. I remembered that I left it to Wei Xizi before I left, but somehow it ended up in Li Siyan's hands.
Perhaps he wanted to disgust me on purpose, so he gave me a gray object in front of everyone, suggesting that I remember my identity - a servant at his service.
The eunuch handed the box to me and added calmly, "Madam Shen, please don't open it now. His Majesty has instructed you to wait until the bride is picked up before opening it."
Won't let me open it?
I frowned and removed my fingers from the small wooden lock, wondering what kind of medicine was in the dog emperor's box.
Shangguan Lan was still whispering something to me, but my mind was elsewhere and I didn't hear anything.
I carefully recalled the scene, trying to find the source of that inexplicable strange feeling. After pondering it for a while, I realized that it was the eunuch's look on my face that was wrong. Ordinary people who went to add makeup would be affected by the atmosphere and have a somewhat joyful look on their faces, but this angel's face was not happy at all, only a subtle pity and sigh. Was he here to add makeup? It looked like he was here to attend a funeral.
I keenly sensed that something was amiss, and hesitantly reached out to the box, my index finger gripping the lever...
"Yingzi, did you hear that? It seems the wedding procession is coming." Shangguan Lan suddenly poked me excitedly: "The sound of this suona is so loud."
Sure enough, there were joyful sounds of music outside, which drew my attention away, and I withdrew my hand that was about to open the box.
This festive music sounded like my aunt's battle song, and her eyes suddenly became sharp. She stood up suddenly, examined me from head to toe, and finally whispered, "The time has come, Yingying, get ready."
Then she turned around and reminded him, "Don't forget what your aunt taught you before. Meng Xu is a talented writer, so you must not let him pass easily. You must write at least five poems to urge him to get ready before you go out with him."
I listened to the loud and clear suona music outside and couldn't help but smile. I promised my aunt, "I know. I won't bring shame to our Shen family."
According to the intelligence from Xiaochuan ahead, Meng Xu came well prepared this time, bringing with him several of his former classmates who studied in private schools. All of them were Jinshi degree holders and were full of knowledge. Among this group of young talents, Shen Xiaochuan's level was really not good enough. Fortunately, I still had a few powerful friends, and I managed to tie with the people brought by Meng Xu.
"When it comes to tormenting people, Censor Jiang is the one to watch." Xiaochuan concluded, "He truly lives up to his reputation as a powerful figure in the Censorate. He's a man who can hold his own against ten thousand. A single difficult question brought down all of my brother-in-law's classmates, but it's a shame my brother-in-law still managed to solve it..."
I listened to his rapt description, rubbing my hands in excitement. I immediately pulled out a fresh piece of paper and called Shangguan Lan to grind some ink for me. I shook my head and said, "You men are useless. I'll set the questions! You take them out and test them!"
Shangguan Lan was always present at such a scene. She immediately rolled up her sleeves and began to grind ink. "Excellent! Come up with a difficult question quickly and let him know what you're capable of!"
Xiaochuan shrank his neck in fear when facing the two of us, two female demons with green faces.
I concentrated on thinking about the question, and a drop of ink fell on the snow-white rice paper.
At the other end of the table, the box that Li Siyan gave me lay alone.
But what surprised me was that as the drop of ink slowly spread, the noise around it seemed to gradually fade away. First it was the suona, then the gongs and drums, and finally the flute. After the last high note was played, the music stopped abruptly, and a strange silence spread around, like an absurd dream.
The joy of welcoming the bride stopped.
The bamboo pen suddenly fell to the ground. I raised my head in confusion and looked around. I found the same surprise on Xiaochuan and Shangguan Lan's faces.
"Why haven't they played the instruments?" I whispered. "Do you hear them? The sound of horses' hooves, someone shouting..."
When Xiaochuan saw me getting up to leave, he immediately grabbed my sleeve and said, "Sister, you're a new bride, you can't go out now!"
"The sudden cessation of joy is a very unlucky thing. What if something goes wrong with Brother Meng?"
Shangguan Lan stood up suddenly: "Yingzi, don't move here. I'll go out and take a look for you."
But just as she stood up, there was a sudden dull sound outside, followed by a buzzing of chaotic voices. I sat there in a daze, until a man's cry of pain entered my ears. My pupils shrank, and my heart seemed to be struck by a bright lightning.
"sister!"
Before Xiaochuan could even finish his exclamation, I suddenly broke free from him, picked up the complicated wedding dress, and staggered out like a madman.
Meng Xu, it’s Meng Xu’s voice!
Someone attacked Meng Xu!
“Brother Meng!”
I roared and ran wildly on the corridor leading to the front hall. The flower crown on my head was blown all over the place by the wind, and Shushu's carefully embroidered wedding dress was stepped on several times. But I didn't care about anything now. My mind was blank, and there was only one thought left: I want to see him.
After passing through several hanging flower doors, I stumbled into the front hall. The moment I opened the door curtain, the door behind the screen wall slammed shut. The hall was in a mess, with broken porcelain scattered all over the floor. A red silk sat crookedly beside the red pillar. My aunt sat dully on the only intact chair, and a group of women were trembling like sieves and chanting Buddha's name.
A green plum rolled to my feet. I picked it up with trembling hands. When I squatted down, my knees were weak and I could hardly stand up. Shushu came to support me, crying. I looked at her tear-stained face and asked her calmly, "Where is Meng Xu? Where is he?"
"My wife..." Shushu cried breathlessly: "My wife, please go back first..."
I asked again, "Where's Meng Xu?"
The hall was completely silent. My head was spinning, and everything before my eyes flashed by like a revolving lantern. I supported Shushu, and in a hoarse voice, I asked over and over again, "Shushu, please tell me, where's Meng Xu? Where did he go? Did Li Siyan beat him up again?"
By the end, every word was sung with tears in the eyes and tinged with sobs.
"He was arrested by officials from the Censorate."
Auntie said woodenly.
She looked as if she had lost ten years of her age in the space of a cup of tea. She slumped down on the high-legged chair, all her strength gone.
"Just now, while you were still in the room... your cousin was competing with the Second Young Master of the Meng family in literary talent... Suddenly, the Censorate's officers rode in, accompanied by the Imperial Guards... They arrested Meng Xu." My aunt said, "Censor Jiang said he didn't know anything about it, but the Censorate never uses the Imperial Guards to arrest people. I'm afraid this matter..."
It was him. My lips moved and I silently uttered those three words: Li Siyan.
"Yingzi!" "Sister!" "Madam Chen!" Countless exclamations rang out around me, and I turned around and ran back to my yard.
My embroidered shoes stepped on the cold blue brick floor, and I felt cold from my toes to the top of my head. For no reason, the compassionate expression of the eunuch appeared in front of my eyes. So that's it, so that's it.
"Yingzi! Calm down!" Shangguan Lan caught up with me and said anxiously, "Don't do anything stupid!"
I slammed the door open and reached for the simple box Li Siyan gave me. "Don't you understand yet? He gave me this box, but told me to open it when I pick up my bride. That's after Meng Xu was captured, right now, Xiaolan. He's already arranged it!"
I accidentally stepped on the pen that had just fallen on the ground, my foot slipped and I almost fell. Shangguan Lan was quick to catch me.
As he pulled, the box fell from his fingertips, spun in the air, and landed on the ground with a bang. The old rotten wood immediately shattered into pieces, revealing the contents inside.
Shangguan Lan's eyes suddenly widened, and she exclaimed in surprise: "This is..."
I slowly squatted down, brushed aside the debris on the ground, and picked up a book.
The book was torn in two and stained with blood, but the title on the cover was extremely clear, with three words written in elegant Yu-style regular script: Green Plum Story.
The last glimmer of hope was shattered, and I lowered my head in despair.
"Is it your handwriting?" Shangguan Lan hesitated, "Or...Meng Xu's?"
"be mine."
It's not just my handwriting, it's my heart.
I still remember how excited I was when I first started writing this book about childhood sweethearts. But I never expected that, by some strange twist of fate, this thin manuscript would become our death warrant.
"This is the wedding gift Li Siyan gave me." I squatted on the ground, my voice as light as a feather: "Xiao Lan, he put Meng Xu in jail."
Shangguan Lan was surprised and said, "But Meng Xu has always been cautious. There's no reason to arrest him for no reason... At least there should be a reason."
"The reason? This is the reason."
I placed the blood-stained manuscript in front of her and said, "Meng Xu and I were both taught calligraphy by your grandfather himself, and the strokes and fonts are almost the same. He wanted to give this manuscript to Meng Xu.
"Making private contributions and implicating the emperor is a crime worthy of imprisonment in the Censorate."
This matter was beyond Shangguan Lan's comprehension. She was unable to react for a long time, and finally could only utter, "What should I do? Go and beat the drum of grievance?"
I held onto the table and stood up, saying, "If the grievance drum was effective, why would there be so many forced confessions in the world?"
A feeling of sadness welled up in my heart. In fact, from the moment I saw this manuscript, I understood what Li Siyan meant. He silently told me that if I wanted to save Meng Xu's life, there was only one way.
Did he care about the implicit allusions in the book? Perhaps not. What angered him was probably just the tenderness between the words. Because he couldn't get what he wanted, he wanted to destroy it even more.
I ripped off the pearl crown on my head and walked out, saying, "I'm going to find Li Siyan..."
As expected, my aunt and several aunts came to stop me. Their shadows swayed in front of me, and their voices were filled with begging cries... I pulled out the glazed twin-flower hairpin hidden on my body and pressed it against the throbbing blood vessels on the side of my neck.
"Let me go." I said calmly, "Aunt, don't stop me. You know my temper."
The hairpin was still stained with Li Siyan's blood yesterday, which made my neck look even thinner and more fragile. When the noisy people saw the blood, they immediately stopped making noise and made way.
I walked straight forward, like a god breaking through the sea.
Outside the door stood a crowd of bewildered people waiting to welcome the bride.
After we left the house, I reached out to one of Meng Xu's cousins and pointed at his large chestnut horse and said, "Give me the horse."
“Sister-in-law… No, Madam Shen, this…”
I snatched the reins from his hand, jumped onto the horse swiftly, and hit the horse's buttocks with a hairpin.
On this day, half of the people in Shengyefang saw a woman wearing a large green dress, with disheveled hair and makeup, riding a chestnut horse with a flower cluster on her chest, galloping through the market with an expressionless face.
What was she doing there? There were too many rumors about this, but there was one thing everyone knew: the young lady of the Shen family could not marry the eldest son of the Meng family.
I guess it was the emperor's order, because the city gates were wide open all the way and no guards stopped me. After I rode my horse into the Censorate, I threw the horse aside and ran alone into the depths of the prison, dragging my cumbersome and gorgeous wedding dress.
The prison was cold and damp, and moss had stained the hem of her wedding dress and turned the embroidery thread an ugly dark blue.
The torches on the stone wall flickered, swaying cold spots of light. This road was so long that it was frightening, and the dark chill seeped into my blood and bones bit by bit.
Until this moment, my head is still empty. I have no idea how to save Meng Xu or how to coax Li Siyan. I only know that I have to meet Meng Xu, and then the two of us will face the Dog Emperor together.
Yes...I want to see him.
I walked straight ahead until I reached the end of the prison. Outside the cell where Mr. Guo had been held, I saw Li Siyan standing with his hands behind his back, a smile on his face.
He was wearing a bright red brocade robe, the most gorgeous piece of clothing he had, with black satin trim, a gold-studded jade belt, and a furious dragon embroidered on the chest. Every strand of the embroidery was made of pure gold thread, and it was strangely matched with my wedding dress.
Although I stabbed him with such a deep wound, he didn't look very weak. His face was just a little pale. When he smiled, the muscles on his face were pulled to both sides, giving him a kind of innocent and cruel childish look.
He looked at me, his eyes focused and greedy.
My fingertips trembled suddenly. Li Siyan with such a pleasant expression was three times more terrifying than when he was angry, because all his emotions were hidden under a layer of smiling appearance, and no one could see what he was thinking.
"Chen Ying, do you like the gift I sent you?"
He laughed.
I asked hoarsely, "What did you do to Meng Xu?"
He said nonchalantly: "I killed him."
Seeing my body sway, and the air of sadness and despair emanating from my body, he raised his lips and smiled and said, "I'm kidding. He is a pillar of the country who was personally appointed to the Secretariat by me. How could he be killed just because of you?"
"However, when I look at him, I still find him extremely annoying." Li Siyan said coldly: "Just exile him."
"No!" I shouted.
"What are you doing? You clearly promised me to marry him!" I nearly collapsed, my hair completely disheveled, tangled up in a desolate ball, and I cried, "Why? Why do you keep your promise? If you don't intend to set me free, then don't give me hope in the first place. You have to make us together, and then watch us go our separate ways. Are you satisfied?"
"Satisfied?" Li Siyan's mouth twitched, finally unable to keep up the mask of impassiveness. He clenched his fists in hatred, veins crisscrossing his arms. He sneered and said, "You know what, Chen Ying? I almost let you go. Why don't you guess what made me change my mind?"
No need to guess, he had already given me the answer. I said blankly: "Qingmei Ji..."
"You didn't go to the parade that day... You followed Meng Xu and me to the bookstore... So you were there when we set fire to the bamboo... You were watching us the whole time..." I buried my face deeply in my hands, tears streaming through my fingers. The regret in my heart was like a tsunami, almost tearing my soul apart.
How could I have imagined that when I wrote this story on a whim, it would be like a butterfly flapping its wings, stirring up the stormy waves of the future.
Li Siyan's voice seemed to come from a distant, ethereal distance: "You see, this is fate. If I hadn't seen the two legends you wrote on Concubine Shu's desk, I wouldn't have asked Qingfu for other legends to read. If I hadn't accidentally flipped through this "Childhood Sweethearts", I wouldn't have known that in your heart, I am truly a demon who deserves to go to the eighteen levels of hell, with a miserable end, only worthy of lying in a rotten coffin, watching my childhood sweetheart pass away..."
"I felt incredibly ridiculous at the time. Knowing you had a fiery temper, I still desperately hoped you'd be kind to me if I could fulfill your wish. But this manuscript was like a cold shower poured down on me, completely sobering me up."
He reached out and lifted my buried face, nuzzling my nose affectionately. With the most tender gesture, he spoke the most venomous words: "Since no matter how hard I try to imitate a gentleman, you won't even consider my kindness, why don't I just stay evil to the end, leaving you hating me but unable to leave?"
I murmured: "Madman, you are crazy..."
He approached me, held my tear-stained lips in his mouth, and mumbled, "I am not only a madman, but also a beast who repays kindness with enmity and does not keep his promises."
Like a traveler who had been thirsty for a long time and finally took the first sip of rain water, he closed his eyes contentedly and bit my lips randomly, venting his anger with such force that it caused me to feel pain again and again.
Li Siyan always kissed me very hard every time. It was more of a condescending mark or possession than a kiss expressing love. My whole body was trembling slightly, and I couldn't explain the feeling surging in my chest. It was a feeling of helplessness and humiliation, mixed with a strong sense of shame.
As our lips and tongues intertwined, my hands and feet became weak and my back leaned limply against the stone wall.
It seemed like an eternity passed before he slowly let me go.
Compared to his confusion, my reaction was indifferent. I hated this cold, dark prison full of moss, snakes and insects. The fear in my heart overwhelmed the sharpness of my senses. In this suffocating darkness, I opened my mouth softly, my voice hoarse.
I said, "If I go with you, can you let Meng Xu go?"
The breathing sound beside his ear stopped, and Li Siyan slowly turned his head. His fox eyes were as sharp as knives, and murderous intent was revealed between his eyebrows.
"Why can't you learn your lesson?" A sinister and vicious aura seeped out of him. The light shone on half of his profile, making him look like the most beautiful evil ghost.
He said with a half-smile, "Chen Ying, what else can you offer me now? Follow me? What do you mean by follow me? Where are we going?"
I was stunned and shed tears, unable to answer a single word. Yes, what could I use to protect Meng Xu? He was the ruler of the world. It was as easy for him to crush us small officials as it was for him to crush a group of ants. He caught me because he didn't want to endure it anymore. What could an emperor who no longer tolerated not get?
Li Siyan looked at my lips which were slightly open due to my daze, his eyes became darker and darker, and were filled with dirty and despicable desires.
He ran his fingers over my soft lips, kneading them gently, and whispered, "Poor thing, it's swollen here."
I was forced to tilt my head back, my cervical spine was bent into a fragile arc, and the bright red lip balm was smeared on the side of my face, making me look miserable.
He leaned down again and whispered in my ear, "The Purple Palace is too cold. We need someone to warm the bed. How about this: if you can make me feel comfortable, I will release Meng Xu."
I suppressed the urge to scream, and suddenly widened my eyes, a chill running down my spine from the top of my head to my Yongquan acupoints.
He laughed and said, "You are right. I am a madman and a beast. If you want to serve me well, you have to use the most novel postures in the fire avoidance map. Chen Ying, don't you love Meng Xu very much? To save him, this little sacrifice is nothing..."
Before he could finish, I used all my strength to push him away. He staggered two steps and looked up at me gloomily.
I was so angry that I was shaking all over, my face even greener than my wedding gown. I pointed my finger at him and yelled hysterically, "Go away, you disgusting thing! Don't even think about forcing me to give myself to you! Even if I die today, I will never let you get what you want!"
Li Siyan raised his eyebrows slightly, slowly stood up straight, revealing an expression similar to that of a large cat before hunting, determined to win, and mixed with a little desire.
He stared at me with this look for a long while, then suddenly smiled and said, "I once said that I hated your awe-inspiring, cold, arrogant and resolute demeanor, but now it seems that you have a different kind of charm."
As I stared at him with such rage that I could spit fire, he licked his lips and whispered, "Nothing is more pleasurable than destroying something clean and innocent."
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