Chapter 74: Running Away
After seeing Meng Xu off, Shangguan Lan dragged me onto a carriage to Luoyang.
While I was tidying up at the gate of the Shen Mansion, I felt something was amiss. I subconsciously looked around, but only saw the silent heads of the shadow guards. I didn't see any suspicious people. I glanced at the driver again and reached out to feel if he had any guns or anything. Shangguan Lan slapped me on the back and said, "Don't look at Yingzi. He's not here."
I was a little puzzled: "Why didn't he come? Doesn't he always like to follow me quietly?"
Shangguan Lan didn't expect me to ask this. She was stunned for a long moment before she replied, "It's morning now. He has a court meeting to attend. Why would he come to see you off?"
It suddenly dawned on me: So that's why! He has a court meeting today!
Pregnancy makes one stupid for three years, I have forgotten about this.
Ogawa carried the luggage and walked over with his aunt. The latter looked a little tired and kept rubbing her waist.
When I asked her what was wrong, my aunt shook her head irritably and said, "It's all your daughter's fault. The little girl is so fussy. She insisted on being held by me. I rocked her for half an hour before I finally coaxed her to sleep. My old waist is almost falling apart."
Xiaochuan was delighted: "Yiaoyao is so beautiful! I have never seen such a lovely baby."
Although my aunt had a backache, she couldn't help but laugh: "It's good to be a little noisy. It's healthy."
Yesterday I was resting at home, and my aunt and Xiaochuan went to the palace to see Hexi. They were both fascinated by the little girl. Xiaochuan didn't say anything, and although my aunt complained, she was actually very happy. She even praised the emperor for raising his niece very well for the first time.
If Li Siyan knew about this, he would definitely be flattered.
At this time, I had one foot on the carriage, and suddenly heard them talking about He Xi. My heart was a little bit moved. My daughter is still in this city. Should I just leave?
After hesitating for only a moment, I retracted my leg and said to Shangguan Lan, "...Let's not leave today. I'm going to the palace to see He Xi."
As it happened, the car was already prepared, so he turned around and headed towards the palace.
The Shen family's carriages didn't need to report entering or leaving the inner courtyard, so we drove smoothly into the palace. The search guards wanted to check everything, but suddenly, a black-clad shadow guard appeared from nowhere. He casually displayed a black iron token and said coldly, "Why don't you all kneel down and welcome the Queen back to the palace!"
I was embarrassed: "I didn't think I said I was going back to the palace..."
But it was too late. The guards knelt on the ground in a neat and respectful manner, and there was complete silence.
I felt very uncomfortable in the carriage and whispered, "Can you ask them to move aside?"
It’s not that you can’t kneel...but don’t block the way.
After a moment of stalemate, a horse came running from the distance.
The horse was black, fat and strong, and was Li Siyan's favorite mount.
Looking up, I saw Li Siyan riding his horse towards me. He was still wearing the royal robes he wore for court, but he had taken off the heavy crown. It looked like he was just halfway through changing his clothes when he suddenly heard someone come to report that I had entered the palace. So he didn't even bother to change his clothes and rushed towards me without stopping.
Amidst our collective bewilderment, Li Siyan dismounted, his voice trembling as if in a dream: "Yingying, are you...are you coming back?"
Seeing his surprised and expectant eyes, my damn embarrassment came back again.
Although Li Siyan no longer had any claim to be emperor in the hearts of the rest of us, no one wanted to shatter his delusion. In the end, I forcibly suppressed the surging embarrassment, cleared my throat, and said, "Your Majesty has misunderstood. I only came to the palace to see He Xi."
"Come to see Yao Yao?" He was quite surprised.
I corrected him harshly: "He Xi."
What a crappy name!
The light in his eyes dimmed slightly, hiding the disappointment of dashed hopes, but he didn't dare show it at all. He still forced a smile and said, "Okay, I'll take you to see Yao Yao."
I emphasized again: "He Xi."
*
He Xi is currently being kept in a small room separated from the Zichen Palace. She has a bed all to herself, sleeping comfortably and soundly like a little pig.
Although the hut was small, it was warm and reliable. Her picky father had laid out countless soft beddings in it, and a set of four treasures of the study was secretly stuffed in the corner. I didn't understand what this meant. Xiao Jinlian told me that the emperor hoped that Hexi could be more like me, so he wanted to cultivate her interest in literature from an early age.
Little Jin Liu added, "But His Majesty also said that the princess has a lively personality and seems to be quite martial. So, placing the four treasures of the study is just a wishful thinking. I hope to make myself familiar to the princess so that she can come to my house during the one-year-old ceremony..."
I was shocked: "What? Why are you already thinking about the "Zhuazhou" ceremony?"
My daughter is only six months old!
Little Jinlian blurted out, "It's more than just the Grasping Week. Your Majesty has already thought about her entire life."
I was speechless for a moment, not knowing whether to be happy or sad.
The good news is that she has an emperor father who cares about her wholeheartedly, so she doesn't have to worry about her life anymore. But she is also worried that Li Siyan will not be able to suppress his desire for control, which will cause her to quarrel with him, and the tragedy that happened to me will be repeated.
I couldn't help but sigh: How insecure is Li Siyan, always wanting to arrange other people's lives?
While I was in a daze, the palace maids opened the bead curtain. I collected my thoughts and tiptoed to Hexi's small bed. Her bed was made of fine wood and had a light wood fragrance. On the bed lay a little girl with her legs spread out. The little girl's sleeping position was the same as mine, which was quite strange.
I touched her little face, it felt soft and smooth, like a peeled egg.
I couldn't help but look at her eyebrows and eyes again. Although the little girl was young, I could see that her eye sockets were slightly sunken, she had thin double eyelids, and long eyelashes. She looked like she was carved from the same mold as her father.
She is so lovable, no wonder her father loves her so much.
Seeing how cute my daughter is, I feel a little upset.
I am her biological mother...but I was unable to accompany her as she grew up, and even left her when she was just born.
I haven't seen He Xi for a month. If someone had told me more than a year ago that I would be such a cold-hearted mother, I would have asked Xiaozhi to kick him out. Who would have thought that after a serious illness, I would really become the kind of parent who doesn't care about my child. Although I know in my heart that the sins committed by my daughter's father should not be blamed on my daughter, I still don't know how to face her.
After all, the shadow left by her father almost drove me crazy.
The tattoo on my ankle started to ache again. I closed my eyes, forced myself to retract my hand, and turned away.
Li Siyan thought that I hated He Xi, so I never took the initiative to ask to see my daughter. In fact, he was wrong. I carried my daughter for ten months and almost died before I brought her into this world. How could I hate her?
I didn't dare to go into the palace to see her because I was afraid that I would be shaken, because this little girl who is related to me by blood is willing to go back to this cage.
Shangguan Lan said it well: before loving her children, a woman must first love herself.
I said to Huiyue, "I've finished. Go report to Li Siyan."
Hui Yue was stunned and asked tentatively, "Your Majesty, won't you hug the princess?"
I glanced at He Xi who was sleeping soundly and said, "The little girl is sleeping."
Hui Yue immediately said, "It's okay, just wake him up."
I:?
Li Siyan must have told Huiyue to create various loving parent-child scenes to arouse my motherly love...
Under Huiyue's pleading gaze, I waved my hands unmoved and said, "You've taken good care of her. I'm relieved. Just continue to raise her like this."
Hui Yue tried to persuade her to stay: "Your Majesty..."
I interrupted her in time: "It's getting late. I'm going to Luoyang to visit my relatives first. Tell the emperor that I'm tired of playing chase with him. If he dares to threaten me to return to the palace with my daughter, let him collect my ashes."
The eyelids of the senior palace maid in front of her twitched suddenly, and she dared not say anything more. She just lowered her head and said, "Yes, Your Majesty."
I glanced at the figure behind the screen and said calmly, "There's one more thing I want you to tell him. I don't want my daughter to become like him when she grows up. I won't be involved in other matters, but when she reaches the age to choose a teacher, I must choose her teacher."
The figure behind the screen swayed slightly, as if in a state of shock and unable to stand steadily.
I can imagine him hiding behind the screen, his face pale and at a loss. Will he regret what he has done? I don't know.
I may have regretted it, but if it happened again, our relationship might still end up in the same bad situation.
The sunlight in the inner courtyard is so dazzling, and so much blood has been spilled in the dark places where no one pays attention. Sometimes I vaguely think that maybe it was not Li Siyan who forcibly snatched the throne from his father and brother, but the imperial power chose him.
The royal family is like a giant dragon that owns all the world's treasures. When they drive all of this, they will also be eroded by these expensive things. Once the greed in human nature covers up the flesh and blood affection, the magnified power will only make the plunder and fighting endless. So looking through the history books, the winners are kings and the losers are bandits, and the fratricide is never new. This is the fate of those who hold the country, and it is lonely at the top.
And I happened to give birth to a royal daughter.
Although her arrival was not what I wanted, Hexi has been born as the eldest daughter of the royal family. I have no choice but to do my best to choose a kind-hearted teacher for her when she is just starting to learn, and take her to see the wider world when she grows up.
*
When the carriage drove out of the imperial city, Li Siyan, for some reason, ran up to the city wall and watched me leave. The wind blew up his clothes, and he looked like a clay sculpture or wooden carving, nailed crookedly behind me.
He hoped that I would suddenly turn around and look at him, but I didn't. Instead, Shangguan Lan, who was sitting next to me, couldn't help but secretly glanced at the emperor.
Perhaps because she had never seen such an indifferent emperor express such an expression, even the heartless Shangguan Lan was moved. She said to me, "...Yingzi, I just can't understand why he likes you. You were just visiting relatives in Luoyang, and he looks so pitiful, like a dog abandoned on the side of the road."
I said, "Because I am so charming."
Shangguan Lan bared her teeth: "Bah, you're still talking nonsense to me."
I laughed and said, "I'm not kidding, I've asked him this question many times, but he hasn't said a word. Maybe I really have cast a spell on him."
Shangguan Lan didn't get an answer from me, so she pondered all the way "Why did the emperor like Shen Ying so much as if he was possessed by an evil spirit?" When I woke up from the bumpy ride of the carriage, she was still studying this question, and she pulled me, who was still sleepy, to share her latest experience.
"I think he was attracted by her beauty." Shangguan Lan said seriously.
"Ah?" I didn't react for a moment.
Shangguan Lan said, "...If he wasn't lusting after you, then why didn't he kill you? Why didn't he just take you by his side and make you his personal attendant?"
"To keep me alive and torture me slowly, breaking my spine." I said, "And he succeeded."
Shangguan Lan looked at me with more sympathy: "How pitiful, Yingzi, you've run into a psychopath."
I showed her the fortune I had read earlier: "Yeah... Look, I've been unlucky for several years. I've been caught every time I try to escape. Who can endure such torture? If it weren't for you and Meng Xu a few days ago, I would have exhausted myself to death."
Shangguan Lan sighed, "What a sin! You two are completely different people and can't possibly get along, but he insists on forcing it. In the end, it only hurts you and others. Why bother?"
"Li Siyan's biggest problem is that he doesn't believe in evil." I sighed with her, "It took me several years to make him understand that not everything in this world can be taken by force, especially people."
*
After entering Luoyang City, Shangguan Lan asked the driver not to go to my aunt's house for the time being, but to find a temple or Taoist temple first and go in to jump over the fire basin.
I asked her, "What do you want to do?"
Shangguan Lan said sternly, "I just entered his Purple Palace. It's so unlucky. I'm afraid I've been infected with the aura of a psychopath."
I looked up and saw that the secret guards lurking on the wall had all become stiff and were gesturing to each other, probably discussing whether or not to inform the emperor of such rebellious remarks.
I felt very happy and thought to myself, just tell him. Even if he knew now, he wouldn't have the courage to touch Shangguan Lan.
After accompanying Shangguan Lan across the fire basin, we set off again. The small carriage was tightly surrounded by guards, both overt and covert, and moved slowly on Zhuque Avenue. All the onlookers and receiving officials thought that the carriage would drive all the way into the government office to receive the officials' worship... As a result, the small carriage suddenly turned a corner at the entrance of a small alley and disappeared from everyone's sight in a blink of an eye.
Shangguan Lan told me that her aunt had not moved and still lived in a remote neighborhood in the city, and had to walk a long way to the government office every day.
When she mentioned this, I remembered that Li Siyan loved my aunt's family so much that he was not satisfied with just me. He was also thinking about promoting the entire Shen family and even asked someone about the recent situation of my aunt's family.
The idea is beautiful, but the reality is rather bleak. He killed his father-in-law and brother-in-law with his own hands, and all potential in-laws hated him to the core. My aunt is a vivid example: after Li Siyan conducted a comprehensive investigation of my aunt's family background, life, hobbies and personality, he proposed to give my aunt a new house and transfer her to Chang'an to be a historian. Unexpectedly, my noble aunt flew into a rage, swung the inkstone and entered combat mode, almost giving Li Siyan's angel a concussion.
My aunt's personality and temper are very similar to mine, even more aggressive and headstrong than mine. The angel who delivered the decree still has a shadow over her, and she can't even look directly at me, who is 70% similar to her...
According to rumors, my aunt, like me back then, threw the imperial edict to the ground, pointed at Angel's nose and cursed, "Bah! Tell that bastard to get out of here! He's ruined so many people in my Shen family, and he thinks he can buy us off with this little favor? He thinks my daughter Yingzi, a prostitute in a brothel, is worth this little bit of money!"
Seeing that the situation was not good, the angel weakly added that His Majesty was promoting the Shen family and preparing to help the imperial concubine become the queen. He thought that the aunt would be proud of it, but he did not expect that after hearing the latter part, she turned cold and frosty, her face turned ashen, and she slowly raised the inkstone and tore out a word from between her teeth: Get out.
After getting into trouble and being scolded from afar, Li Siyan finally understood what kind of person my aunt was and gave up with a guilty look.
He still felt aggrieved and complained to me several times: "...Why are all the women in your Shen family like this? I clearly..."
"How are you?" I said coldly, "Ungrateful and aggressive?"
Li Siyan used his limited vocabulary to organize his words and said awkwardly, "I want to say that the women in your Shen family are all strong-willed and upright, worthy of being a family of historians..."
Okay, that's what people say.
That’s right, my aunt is also a historian, working in the local chronicles compilation team in Luoyang, a serious civil servant.
My aunt chose her husband herself. He was just a clerk in the government office. His family had a little property, but his parents died early and he had no relatives. My aunt was kind-hearted and, despite her family's dissuasion, she resolutely got on the bridal sedan and married him in Luoyang. Now, more than ten years have passed, and her life is still as simple as we expected, but looking at her rosy face and the bright eyes and eyebrows, we can tell that she is very satisfied with her life.
In her words, marrying into a wealthy family is like swallowing a needle, while marrying a poor family boy whom you can control will make life much easier.
"Besides, no one from a high-class family would want me as their daughter-in-law," my aunt lamented to me before she got married. "We in the Shen family all have bad tempers and don't have the time to deal with social interactions. In my opinion, you're just right for a family like Meng Xu. Don't challenge someone with a higher status. If you run back to your parents' house crying, I won't be able to help you."
My aunt probably didn't expect that her niece, I, would be so successful and yet so unlucky, and be dragged back into my bed by the most noble person in the world.
He was driven half crazy.
She was far away in Luoyang and knew very little about what was happening in Chang'an. She only knew that I went home to recuperate after giving birth to the child. No one told her any other details. It was not until Shangguan Lan wrote to her two days ago to explain the whole story that she realized how much I had suffered.
Although my aunt often scolded me, her love for me was no less than that of other family members. After knowing so many sad stories, she slowly raised her bluestone inkstone.
Her uncle rushed over and interrupted her violent chanting: "...Calm down! Yiyi! Calm down! He is the emperor. If you kill him, your entire clan will be executed!"
We in the Shen family are really alike. We are all fearless, but once we hear that something is going to happen to our family... I am just like I was back then. I clenched my fists again and again, but finally put down the inkstone.
After not seeing each other for many years, my aunt came to the alley entrance to greet me in person. The niece who was lively and energetic with a rosy face and baby fat in my memory has now turned into a pale and thin little woman. Her gait is restrained and her eyes are no longer as lively as before. My aunt's blood rushed to her head and her face changed unpredictably, half heartbroken and half angry.
She ignored the emperor's eyes that were everywhere, hugged me tightly and said, "Yingying, don't go back to Chang'an. Just live peacefully with your aunt from now on. Just pretend that this man is dead and you never had a daughter. Your own happiness is more important than anything else."
I hugged her back, rested my chin on my aunt's round shoulders, and hummed softly.
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