Chapter 73 The Flashing Dog Emperor
In my trance, I didn't realize that the distance between Meng Xu and me exceeded the boundary between a monarch and his subjects. I just felt a chill behind me, as if a resentful gaze was staring at me.
I felt uncomfortable, so I stood up and ran to the bow of the boat.
As I walked to the bow of the boat, I happened to see a stupid water bird moving along the side of the boat. The bird was very beautiful, with white feathers and a black spot on the forehead. It was swimming slowly on the lake.
Meng Xu took a look and said, "This is a bird raised on the farm. It usually feeds on small fish and is not afraid of people."
I looked at its silly little appearance and inexplicably remembered He Xi's dazed look, and couldn't help but smile.
The naughty desire came out of nowhere, and my hands suddenly felt itchy, and I wanted to catch it and play with it.
I made a gesture to Meng Xu, saying, "I'm about to get on with it, so you better cover yourself."
Meng Xu understood what I meant and waved his hand to signal me to go ahead boldly.
The good thing about being sick is that you can be willful and have a clear conscience, and the people around you only want to make you happy and won't try to stop you rudely.
The railing of the Mulan Boat was not high, so I easily stepped one foot over the fence and then quickly moved my whole body out.
Because I often did this kind of naughty thing when I was a child, my movements seemed very skillful. In a blink of an eye, I was squatting at the bow of the boat, concentrating my mind and energy, ready to catch the stupid bird.
But just before I reached out my hand, I heard hurried footsteps behind me.
... Someone pushed Meng Xu away, and then a pair of strong and thin arms grabbed my waist... My body felt lighter, and the person pulled me back into the wooden fence like pulling out a radish that had grown out of the right hole. The force was so brutal that it almost squeezed all the air out of my lungs.
I was dazed and confused as the man behind me held me tightly. He was holding me so hard that I couldn't stop the car. We both fell backwards. I heard that familiar muffled groan and asked in surprise, "Li Siyan?"
I tried to struggle, but couldn't get free. His arms were like iron hoops, like an autistic child desperately protecting his only toy, or like a drowning man grabbing a life-saving piece of driftwood.
"What are you doing?" I blinked and asked him, "Why are you here?"
He gasped and said sadly, "I was just wondering why you jumped into the lake! Do you really hate me so much that you'd do anything to die where I can't see you?"
I was stunned.
He seemed to suddenly realize that his tone was too harsh and rough. After a moment of silence, he softened his voice and said, "Tell me, what do I have to do so that you can live well? As long as I can do it, I will do whatever you say."
I was stunned again.
He would only forget to call himself "Zhen" when he was extremely emotional, like now.
His breathing was disordered and his voice was trembling, almost terrified, filled with fear of loss.
I turned my head with difficulty and met his bloodshot eyes.
Meng Xu was still beside me, and it was too ugly to fight in broad daylight. I closed my eyes and said to him, "Let me go."
Of course he wouldn't listen to me. That's what men are like. They say they'll do what you say, but it doesn't mean anything at all.
I was almost vomiting from being strangled, so I took a deep breath, used my fingers as a knife, and hit him hard in the stomach.
"I said let me go!" I yelled at him for the first time in a long time.
For the first time in a long time, he shrank his head when I yelled at him.
I dragged my thin body and got up in two or three steps. I subconsciously ran to Meng Xu and looked at Li Siyan as if he was a mentally ill patient.
He also stood up slowly, and when he saw me running away resolutely, he instinctively reached out to me.
The hand paused in the air for a moment, but eventually it withdrew in restraint and dejection.
The emperor who was once revered and respected now looked like a defeated rooster. He pursed his lips tightly, his hair fell down to cover his eyes, and his sinister gaze was fixed on the hand that I was holding Meng Xu's arm, as if it could burn a hole in my hand.
This look made my heart tighten, and I involuntarily moved behind Meng Xu and pulled him in front of me like a human shield.
He looked at me for a while, his eyes turning from anger and indignation to sadness, as if he remembered my current poor mental state. He clenched his fists, and I could almost see two villains fighting in his heart. One was shouting to punch Meng Xu and snatch her away, and the other was persuading me not to do that. She had become like this, and you still wanted to hurt her again?
After a long struggle between his conscience and his desires, he finally calmed down, a look of slight disappointment appearing on his face.
Yes, it was he who asked Meng Xu to make me happy. Now that he has made the decision, he can only swallow this heart-wrenching scene.
He didn't believe that a forced melon would not be sweet, so he had to have a taste of it. He forcibly snatched the person who did not belong to him. But since he had snatched her away, the other party would be unwilling after all, and would leave him sooner or later no matter what the method.
He understood this truth, but he overestimated his own self-control. Whenever Meng Xu and I were together, he would still become jealous to the point of bloodshot eyes.
Perhaps to divert attention, he took a step forward and said to me as gently as possible: "It's too dangerous on the lake. How about we go back to land?"
I interrupted him fiercely and asked, "Tell me first, what are you doing here?"
Does he have some kind of masochistic habit? Why did he have to eavesdrop on Meng Xu and I? The thought of him overhearing my conversation just now made me tense. Even if it was all fair and square, with no evidence of any transgression, I still felt uncomfortable!
He was speechless for a moment and turned his head away dejectedly, which was a gesture a child would make when he did something wrong.
It took only a moment for him to react. He immediately put the emperor's bag back on his back, straightened his back, and coughed softly, saying, "...Rumor has it that there are giant boat-swallowing beasts in this lake, and only the True Dragon Emperor can tame them. I'm afraid you might encounter an accident, but I don't want to disturb your enjoyment, so I've come secretly to protect you."
What a bullshit excuse! I'm stunned. What's wrong with Li Siyan? Has he become stupid from taking care of the baby?
Meng Xu couldn't help laughing and smiled secretly with his head down.
The tacit understanding between us childhood sweethearts suddenly flared up, and I suddenly realized something. I angrily punched Meng Xu twice: "I was wondering why you packed my clothes today and even came to read my palm! So you knew he was in there, and you deliberately approached me to piss him off, didn't you?"
Meng Xu acquiesced and smiled rather cunningly, as if he had avenged himself.
After being exiled, he released a lot of his nature, and became more lively and lovely, no longer like a fake person in a book of sages.
However, in Li Siyan's eyes, the friendly interaction between childhood sweethearts was nothing more than flirting.
He said dryly: "...you..."
I thought about it and explained, "I didn't mean to jump into the lake. I just wanted to catch the bird."
I pointed outside the boat and saw that stupid bird was still leisurely strolling on the water, completely undisturbed by the three stupid humans on the boat.
Li Siyan's expression was fascinating. A mixture of bewilderment and envy, a mixture of envy and relief, and a subtle embarrassment within that relief... Otherwise, how could one say Li Siyan was thick-skinned? After such a huge blunder, his expression was only slightly disturbed. He quickly nodded as if nothing had happened and said, "If that's the case, then you guys continue your fun. I'll be returning to the cabin first."
After saying that, he turned around and left steadily, just as he had appeared out of nowhere.
I turned to Meng Xu in astonishment: "What on earth is going on with him?"
A lot of weird things have happened to me lately, but nothing this weird. What on earth is he doing here? Is he here to lead the suicide counseling team?
Meng Xu touched his nose and said, "Maybe... I'm just homesick."
After an awkward silence, Meng Xu asked, "Do you still want to catch that bird?"
I shook my head slowly.
Meng Xu said quickly: "Then let's go back."
Mulan Boat quietly turned around and headed towards the ferry.
Li Siyan came to see me secretly this time without letting outsiders know. And according to the attendant Hu Yue'er, the emperor has done this more than once, but this time he didn't hide well and was caught by me.
It was then that I suddenly realized what was happening. Fragmented memories flooded back, and I didn't know whether to be angry or laugh. "...I was wondering why that old man with the umbrella I met seven days ago, and that uncle driving the cart three days ago, both looked so familiar. I didn't realize he was just in disguise, trying to trick me!"
It's obvious that he's bullying me. He's in a bad mental state recently and can't remember people and things clearly. He doesn't dare to stand in front of me openly. He can only pretend to be someone else and hang around me, look at me a few more times, trying to quench his thirst with poison.
I was greatly shocked. I have read the authentic history of various dynasties, but I have never seen this kind of emperor.
How could a king become like this? No wonder he couldn't let the ministers find out. This embarrassing and awkward behavior was enough to make Censor Jiang a full year's worth of work.
On the return ship, I sat on the deck and Li Siyan closed the cabin door. We maintained this strange tacit understanding and prayed together that this terrible journey would end soon.
I asked Meng Xu, "...How did he know I wouldn't go through the hatch? If I did, wouldn't he be able to hide?"
Meng Xu calmly replied, "This boat was originally built on his orders. There are interlayers in the cabin. If you go in, he will find a place to hide."
I gave an awkward but polite smile.
"It's better not to go in," I said. "It's too embarrassing."
Actually, I haven’t figured out how to face Li Siyan.
If it were in the past, I would have told him to get lost, and then he would have shamelessly and forcefully come to me... But it's different now. He has given up his pathological way of taking advantage of me and instead sincerely hopes that I will be free and happy.
What makes me even more confused is that he has become my legal husband and the father of my daughter.
Technically, we are family.
Family is a very special concept to me. I’m not sure if Li Siyan, He Xi and I can be called a family, or in other words, whether we are qualified?
These questions are too complicated for me to understand.
While strolling around the outskirts of Chang'an to relax, I asked many people this question. My former colleagues in the Purple Palace of course told me to just live peacefully as the queen. Shangguan Lan and several other girls advised me to take this opportunity to travel around the world, the farther the better.
They all gave clear answers, but Meng Xu was the only one who told me that if I couldn’t figure it out, I should put the question aside for now. Instead of dwelling on the subtle emotional entanglements, I should think about what I should be doing now if all this had not happened.
"I will marry you." This was my first reaction.
Meng Xu said: "Marry me, then what?"
I thought about it and said, "...Should I continue working at the History Museum as before?"
Meng Xu laughed. "You see, the answer is actually in your heart. Life is long, and there are many more important things than love. You are gifted and talented, and you shouldn't be confined to this small space."
I was stunned by what he said and couldn't help but move a small chair over, hoping to hear him praise me more.
Meng Xu said seriously, "Spending the whole day doing nothing but facing one person is okay occasionally, but if you continue to live like this for a long time, it's like being in prison, and it's normal to feel depressed. You couldn't choose before, but now you can follow your heart. Yingying, you should return to the History Museum. That's the place that suits you best and where you can inherit the Shen family's legacy."
I missed the point: "Why don't you call me Queen suddenly?"
Meng Xu's serious expression instantly broke, and he looked at me and chuckled: "Because these words are said to you as Brother Meng, if you like, I will turn back into Lord Meng."
I immediately said, "No, let's go with Brother Meng. Now people kneel down to me wherever I go. It's so annoying."
The Meng family has been a scholarly family for generations. Their ancestors have produced a series of leading figures in the education field, such as the Grand Tutor and the Imperial College Priest. They have an outstanding ancestral talent in educating people. Since childhood, they have loved playing the role-playing game of private school teachers with me. He plays the teacher and I play his class representative. Shangguan Lan plays the role of a poor student who dozes off in class.
Good education is about guidance, about persuasion, and about helping you find or recognize your true self. Meng Xu happens to be an expert in this.
He cleverly enlightened me and pulled me out of the quagmire in time. Yes, I don’t need to think about how to deal with Li Siyan, I just need to live my own life well.
My dream has always been to be a good historian and a good recorder.
If I have free time, I will also write legendary stories, go for an outing in the suburbs, and go to Yunniang's shop to eat Yu Lu Su Shan.
I opened my arms to Meng Xu: "Thank you, Brother Meng, for the tip. Let's hug!"
Meng Xu was now cautious: "...It's against etiquette, and His Majesty would misunderstand if he saw it."
I smiled widely and said, "Who the hell does he think he is? Get out of my way!"
When Shangguan Lan heard that I wanted to return to the History Museum to work, she was so frightened that she threw the dried noodles three feet away and asked me, "Did you get kicked in the head by a donkey?"
She thought she had misheard me, so she shook my shoulder and asked again, "You're going back to the History Museum to be a compiler? Wake up! Do you really love working for the royal family? Don't you find it annoying?"
She wasn't even this shocked when she learned that I had fainted in the rain for no apparent reason.
I laughed and said, "I'm a historian from the beginning. I love writing articles and organizing and transcribing. When I was a recorder, I could still touch these things, but later I couldn't do it anymore. Now that I think about it carefully, my mental illness is not only caused by the emotional instability after giving birth, but also because of resentment towards my own uselessness."
Shangguan Lan, who was lazy and loved to enjoy herself, naturally couldn't understand what I meant. As I spoke in a serious and earnest manner, the hand that was shaking my shoulder slowly stopped.
In life, besides food, clothing, shelter and transportation, people also need a sense of value and belonging. If they do not have many beliefs to support them, their spirit will collapse sooner or later.
I look tough, but in fact I am very fragile inside. Unfortunately, I am one of those people who lose their faith and their mentality collapses.
The overwhelming depression hit during pregnancy, making things even worse.
The symptoms of postpartum depression and long-term fear cannot be completely eliminated by just traveling around with Meng Xu and Shangguan Lan. After all, I need to return to the career I love, pick up the pen, hold the inkstone, and follow the established path to achieve peace of mind.
Li Siyan has broken many of my pillars: my career, my family, my childhood friendship... and now he is trying to patch them up one by one.
If I had known this would happen, I wouldn’t have done it in the first place.
──He had to torture me like this before I realized that I couldn't bear his possessiveness at all. I sighed in my heart. Li Siyan's character of not turning back until he hits the wall is really infuriating.
But luckily he stopped himself before he really drove me crazy... Alas, it's the only blessing among my many misfortunes.
Shangguan Lan blinked. "But Yingzi, your father and brother both died because of this. Do you still want to go back to that sad place?"
I thought about it and said, "You may not be aware of the circumstances at the time. In fact, the three of them did not die in the History Museum, but in the Xuanzheng Hall. Four days after their death, I accompanied the emperor to court. I had already gotten over my grief, so it's not a big deal."
Shangguan Lan was still somewhat unwilling to accept the fact. This girl's greatest strength was that she acted on impulse, and her greatest weakness was that she was too impulsive.
"But doesn't this give the emperor an advantage? He's wronged you so badly, and you're still writing national history for him?" Shangguan Lan's eyes flashed with indignation. "You should have spent his money, used his guards for free, traveled south and north of the Yangtze River, and waited for him to beg you on his knees for three to five years before moving back to Chang'an."
I said seriously, "You are not right. History is not written for the emperor, but for the common people of this era and for future generations. It is a kind of inheritance."
Shangguan Lan mercilessly exposed me: "To put it bluntly, aren't you just looking for something to do?"
I was shocked: "Xiao Lan, why are you so smart lately? This is not like you!"
Shangguan Lan snorted complacently, then suddenly leaned forward, hooked her arms around my neck, and said, "I still don't think this grandson can get away with it so easily. So, Yingzi, don't you have an aunt who married and moved to Luoyang to work as a clerk in the government office? Why don't you go and write the city chronicles for her? The emperor is far away, so he can't control you anymore, right?"
I shrank my head: "Aunt's house..."
Recalling my pretty, lively, and decisive aunt, I felt a little scared: "I haven't seen her for a long time."
Shangguan Lan said, "It's been a while since we last met, so I should go and see you."
Seeing that I didn't say anything, she said, "Oh, do you still remember when she spanked you with a fan when you were little?"
I nodded heavily.
My aunt Chen Yi was famous for her literary talent when she was young. She was arrogant and unruly. She was the only one in the family who dared to use inhumane weapons to beat me.
The last time I saw her was at the end of the third year after she followed her husband to Luoyang to take up his post. She came back to visit her family and saw that my writing was still not good enough. She got angry and gave me a beating again.
Later, my family suffered a disaster and I entered the palace to serve as a secretary for Li Siyan. She sent me some letters, but they were all intercepted by Li Siyan because the dog emperor didn't want me to have too much contact with anyone other than him, even relatives.
Immersed in the past, I sighed for a moment.
Indeed...it's time to go see her.
Time waits for no one. Shangguan Lan has already started to prepare in a hurry: "Very good, let's do it! Yingzi, I will write to her right away, and we will prepare for a long-term attack on Luoyang──"
I was completely overwhelmed. "What do you mean by long-term attack? You should have watched less of Princess Pingyang's Biography!"
After Shangguan Lan sent the letter, Meng Xu told me that it would not be appropriate to stay in Chang'an for too long. Now that his duties had been reported and the transfer order had been received, he had to pack up and return to Yangzhou to take up his post.
I immediately put down my chopsticks and asked, "Are you leaving? Did the Ministry of Personnel let you go?"
Meng Xu said slowly, "Thanks to you, the emperor doesn't dare to provoke me at all. I just mentioned it vaguely, and he sent someone to the Ministry of Personnel to urge it."
Shangguan Lan asked, "Then he must have given you a promotion."
Meng Xu casually handed us the transfer letter. When we opened it, we found that Li Siyan had transferred him to a good position, where he was promoted and made rich.
This position was higher than Shangguan Lan's husband's, so she couldn't help but feel a little jealous, and inadvertently said some meaningful and harsh words: "The emperor is really unkind. With such a promotion, people outside will think you are selling your wife for fame and fortune."
Meng Xu raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Are people in Chang'an so quick to believe anything they hear these days?"
Shangguan Lan said, "You're fine, but Yingzi is almost becoming a scourge to the nation."
I held my chin in my hand and asked sincerely, "Am I not a Rakshasa witch, a Tai Sui evil star, and a thousand-year-old fox demon? How did I become a demon queen who brings disaster to the country?"
Shangguan Lan looked at me with a very sympathetic look: "They don't conflict, Yingzi."
In addition to caring about Meng Xu's career, we talked about some anecdotes during the meal, most of which were related to the palace. Recently, my heart disease has slowly been cured, and I no longer regard the palace and the emperor as a scourge. Seeing my transformation, Shangguan Lan and Meng Xu gradually brought up palace matters in front of me again.
Shangguan Lan said that the retired late Queen Wen Baibi submitted a memorial requesting that she choose a place with beautiful mountains and rivers to build a Taoist temple, and the emperor agreed.
It was so magical that my eyes almost popped out of my head. "He even agreed to this? Why didn't I get this treatment back then?"
Meng Xu added: "... because she was praying for the little princess, she not only wrote a long blessing speech, but also took the initiative to write letters asking uncles and aunts from the border areas to return to Chang'an to celebrate the little princess's first birthday."
I:………
As expected of her, she can always accurately grasp customer needs.
The Wen family has been a noble family for generations and is very prominent. Her powerful uncles do not like Li Siyan, but they do not have the leisure to rebel. They are like a couple who are trying to get along with each other.
Being willing to come and celebrate the princess' birthday is quite an honor, and Wen Baibi deserves credit for this.
Li Siyan was extremely bad at choosing concubines, but he was pretty good at choosing queens.
If it weren't for me, they might have continued to live in a state of mutual respect.
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