Chapter 72 Psychological Counseling Group
Since the day I woke up, I have been living in the Meng Mansion in a daze. My aunt asked Doctor Fan when he could move me back home. Doctor Fan replied: I have just recovered from a serious illness, so it is best not to move.
The imperial physician expressed his opinion, and the emperor acquiesced. Although my aunt thought it was a bit strange that I was living in my ex-fiancé's house, she didn't say anything.
What’s even more amazing is that my ex-fiancé, Meng Xu, somehow became my companion, staying by my bedside every day to chat with me and keep me entertained.
Occasionally, when he was off work, Shangguan Lan and Jiang Yushi would take his place. The three of them were like a psychological counseling team, working together and serving me wholeheartedly.
But the business abilities of the three vary greatly.
Needless to say, Meng Xu is a natural born to be a good chat companion. Chatting with him is like a gentle breeze blowing on your face, making you feel peaceful and warm inside.
Censor Jiang is slightly inferior, but his sharp tongue and sense of humor make up for his lack of empathy for women.
The least professional of the three is Ms. Shangguan Lan.
When Li Siyan announced that she was going to the Meng Mansion, Shangguan Lan didn't know what had happened. As a result, as soon as she entered the door, she saw me lying on the couch in tears, suffering from depression. She was immediately defeated and prepared to settle the score with the emperor with a knife.
In the end, it was her husband, Erlangjun, Marquis of Wu'an, who risked his life to stop her, and Shangguan Lan was able to calm down.
Throwing the knife away, Xiaolan cursed angrily: What a dog emperor, he is clearly a bandit who rapes women!
Wu'an Hou Erlangjun was so frightened that he quickly covered the girl's mouth and said, "Madam, please keep your voice down! Don't let His Majesty hear."
Shangguan Lan gnashed her teeth and said, "I heard it, so I heard it. He bullied Yingzi like this, and he didn't let me say a few words."
Having heard so many bad things about Li Siyan from her grandfather, she never considered him an emperor from the bottom of her heart.
After being angry for a while, Shangguan Lan pushed open my door and said, "Don't cry, Yingzi. Come on, call some sisters and let's go play polo!"
When Hui Yue heard that Miss Shangguan wanted to take Madam Shen to play polo, she quickly picked out a few candidates from the accompanying palace maids and sent them to the polo field.
The welfare benefits of the palace maids in this dynasty are very good. Everyone has a holiday, and palace maids often make appointments to play ball and pitching pots together. Some of them are even better at competing than the girls outside the palace.
For example, Suxi.
This woman is really talented. She is proficient in playing cards, pitching pots, polo and grass fighting. It is such a waste to send such a talent to serve me, because I am not good at any of the above and I really cannot make full use of her level of playing with me.
After being spanked on the buttocks for the third time by Shangguan Lan with the polo stick, my hand slipped and the polo ball flew out of my hand. I saw Su Xi's eyes lit up a few feet away, and he grabbed the stick and rushed towards me bravely. Shangguan Lan tried to intercept him in a panic but failed, and we lost another goal.
Shangguan Lan gave me a sad look.
I knew she wanted to call me a bastard who betrayed my teammates again.
Su Xi won, and she trotted over with her dream team of sisters. She saluted me respectfully, then glanced at Shangguan Lan and asked expectantly, "Your Majesty and the Marquis' wife, would you like to play another round?"
She must have noticed that I looked in a good mood while playing polo.
We also discovered that the emperor was hiding in the pavilion next to the court, watching us quietly.
I hadn't exercised in so long that every time I moved I broke out in a sweat. I quickly handed the polo stick back to her and said, "No more playing, no more playing. I'm so tired."
Shangguan Lan looked down on her: "Yingzi, isn't it just giving birth to a child? Why are you so weak?"
I said, "What do you mean by only giving birth to one child?"
I had a difficult birth, okay?
But when I heard her huffing and still speaking to me as rudely as before, I couldn't help laughing. I was really tired of people around me talking to me cautiously. Only she didn't treat me as a distinguished patient and still treated me as Shen Ying.
This feels so good.
Su Xi glanced at Ya Ge anxiously, then confirmed, "Your Majesty, please stretch your muscles a little more. Today's weather is rare, why not..."
"Hit, keep hitting," Shangguan Lan tossed me the club. "Look at you, all that flabby fat. It'd be strange if you weren't depressed every day. People should exercise more. Let's go, this time we have to put her down!"
I was stunned: "Wake up Xiaolan, the three of you are no match for her!"
Su Xi's face flushed red and he seemed to want to say something but stopped himself.
I guess what she meant was: as long as it makes the Queen happy, it's okay to let her go...
Goal after goal, Shangguan Lan grew more and more courageous, completely immersed in the sport of polo, completely forgetting my physical condition. I played for an hour before I finally tumbled off the horse, mumbling, "I really can't do it this time. My legs will break if I hit them again."
Shangguan Lan was also tired. Her life after getting married was no longer as good as when she was a girl. She rarely went out to play ball, so her physical strength was not as good as before.
"Okay, take a rest." She finally let me go.
The two of us collapsed together in the rest shed, like two salted fish on the beach.
Ms. Shangguan Lan commented: "It's a great pleasure!"
I commented: “I’m so tired.”
She added wistfully, "When our daughters grow up, I'll teach them to play polo."
I exclaimed, "You have a daughter too? How come I didn't know?"
Shangguan Lan said, "I wanted you to be my daughter's godmother, but the dog emperor kept a close eye on you, so I didn't find the chance to tell you."
I hurriedly asked for details and found out that she had given birth to a daughter more than a year ago. Her nickname was Xiaohuan. She was a very elegant girl. According to Shangguan Lan, although she looked quiet and pretty, she was actually full of bad intentions, just like her biological father.
My daughter and my father, our experiences perfectly prove the truth of this old saying.
As we were talking, she suddenly asked me, "Why don't you go back and see your daughter? My husband went to the palace to see the emperor yesterday and had the pleasure of catching a glimpse of her. He said the little princess is very beautiful, always smiling at everyone she sees, and is very adorable."
I shook my head. "I've been in a bad mood lately and crying all the time. Maybe the emperor is afraid that I'll scare He Xi."
Shangguan Lan said, "My husband didn't hear this version. He said that one day, after you held the little princess, your face suddenly changed color, and then you secretly fled the palace in the heavy rain. The emperor thought you didn't like the princess, so he didn't dare to see you."
I was puzzled: "What's Guan Hexi's problem? Why doesn't he believe that I'm just homesick and in a bad mood?"
Shangguan Lan asked doubtfully, "Aren't you just going to see Meng Xu? What's your relationship with him? Don't try to fool me with the same tricks you used to fool the emperor."
I was so angry: "How come even you don't believe it!"
Shangguan Lan said, "I can't help but believe this. You and Meng Xu grew up together and your friendship is extraordinary. How could it be severed so easily?"
I shook my head. "I don't know. I used to think I liked him, but then I realized he was more like a brother than a lover. Now our fate has ended. As long as he's doing well, there's no need to bother him."
Such a complex relationship was beyond Shangguan Lan's comprehension. She stared at me for a long time before finally giving in: "I don't understand the way you intellectuals think."
I said calmly, "Why bother trying to make it so clear? If life isn't going as planned, I'll just let my hair down and go boating tomorrow. I've suffered too much from my stubbornness, which is why I've ended up in this situation."
Shangguan Lan gazed at the drifting white clouds in the distance and sighed, "... Of the sisters who studied with me in the past, some married out of Chang'an, some followed their husbands and were sent away, and some had unkind mothers-in-law who wouldn't let them leave the house. And you've been tossed around like this... Now that I think about it, I'm the only one who's still living a relatively comfortable life."
This pissed me off again: "Didn't you come here to comfort me? Why are you bragging about yourself?"
Shangguan Lan, for once sincere and serious, straightened up and said, "This is what I want to advise you, Yingzi. I don't think you're sick or pretentious like they say. You've just had a baby and your body and mind haven't adjusted yet. It's perfectly normal."
I was stunned.
She continued, "Just don't hurt yourself again in the future. Don't you think about it? You died for nothing and left him a beautiful little girl. Isn't this a big loss for you?"
I said, "You could say I lost everything."
Shangguan Lan slammed her fist into her palm and said angrily, "That's it! Yingzi, don't pay attention to the scholar-officials' chastity and righteousness. You've already suffered a loss. You should just live well and show him your face. After all, after this incident, he won't force himself on you again."
I finally couldn't help but laugh. Shangguan Lan is worthy of being my best friend. Even though I ran into the heavy rain and even my aunt thought that what I did was inappropriate, she was still willing to stand by me.
Looking at the dazzling sunset outside the window, I squinted my eyes slightly. The sunlight was like a sharp arrow that pierced the fog in my heart and revealed the sun.
Li Siyan asked Shangguan Lan and Meng Xu to come see me. He had his own attitude. I'm not stupid, I can see the clues.
The message he was trying to convey was that he was willing to let me do what I wanted as long as I was alive.
…At least don’t show that world-weary, empty look anymore, and don’t walk into the rain alone.
He once expected that he would be the only one in my world, so he forcefully cut off all my connections with the outside world. But he didn't know that I was different from him. I couldn't stand living in isolation from the world, nor could I convince myself to spend the rest of my life with him without any pressure.
Like plants, humans will slowly wither once they lose the nutrients that support them.
It's a pity that he realized it too late.
What was he doing now? Cautiously watching me from the shadows, he was reconnecting with the outside world, a seemingly ordinary task, yet incredibly difficult for him. While setting me free, he was also battling the possessive nature of his inferiority complex.
I gently retracted my legs, and the tattoo on my ankle seemed to be fading.
I sat up and said to Shangguan Lan, "Are you free tomorrow? I'll take you to see my daughter."
Of course Shangguan Lan was free. She had no special abilities except luck. When she was a girl, she was loved by her parents. After she got married, her husband loved her. After she gave birth to a child, he just left the baby with the wet nurse. Her life was so leisurely and happy.
When she heard I was going to take her to meet my daughter, she jumped up and said, "Go ahead! I'll go home tonight and pick out a great gift for my niece!"
I laughed at her: "Why are you so excited? Don't you have a daughter yourself?"
She said seriously, "That's different. Daughters are still cuter than other families."
This was the first time I took the initiative to ask to see Hexi.
When the request was put to Huiyue, she was stunned for a long time before saying, "...Okay, I'll go tell His Majesty."
Li Siyan did not make any extra comments on this, but secretly sent valuable gifts to Shangguan Mansion and Wu'an Hou Mansion. He did not dare to tell Shangguan Lan herself, for fear that she would show her power again and throw away all the things he gave her.
So, the next day, an exquisite little carriage came from the palace and took my little girl to the Meng Mansion.
Shangguan Lan was stunned. "He just sent the little princess here like that? Isn't he afraid of what might happen?"
I said as a matter of course: "Of course I'm not afraid. There are so many guards outside protecting us. Look at those squatting on the roof and coiling under the bridge. Aren't they all his secret guards?"
The secret guards stuck their heads out and saluted Shangguan Lan.
Shangguan Lan held it in for a long time, and finally managed to utter through gritted teeth: Damn it.
Ever since I was assassinated two years ago, Li Siyan has reflected on his mistakes and fired a bunch of insignificant palace guards. He started to develop a system of royal secret guards and has been busy for two years. He has made some initial progress. The one who came to send He Xi off today is an outstanding graduate of the first batch of the royal secret guard class.
I have to say that although Li Siyan is a bad person, he has very strong planning and execution abilities, and can basically accomplish anything he wants to do. This may be a necessary but not sufficient condition for becoming an emperor.
The wet nurse carried He Xi down from the carriage. It was cold outside, so after only a brief exchange of greetings at the door, she immediately entered the guest house where I was staying.
Upon hearing the princess' arrival, Old Lady Meng, who rarely appeared in public, also arrived. Meng Xu helped her inside. She paused for a moment, stroking her agarwood cane, and, taking a closer look at He Xi, unthinkingly offered a string of auspicious words. But from what I heard, only the last one seemed genuine: "You don't look much like you did when you were a child."
Meng Xu tried to make up for it: "They say girls change a lot when they grow up. Maybe she'll look like a woman as she grows up."
Censor Jiang accidentally said something rude: "The current look is better."
Everyone was chattering, and I, the princess's mother, leaned aside with a calm look.
My aunt and the imperial doctors nervously and secretly observed me. Seeing that I looked normal and not sad, and that there was finally a bit of motherly tenderness in my eyes when I looked at the little princess, they all breathed a sigh of relief.
This shows how much psychological trauma my sudden madness last time left on them.
Huiyue stepped out of the door quietly. I guess she was going to report to Li Siyan.
Shangguan Lan couldn't let go of He Xi and insisted that she call her aunt. He Xi gave her face and smiled at her with eight millet teeth and gave her a kiss with a milky flavor.
I added, "Since you like her so much, why don't you ask her to recognize you as her godparent?"
He Xi babbled and waved her little fists.
Shangguan Lan was completely captivated. She lavishly gave her a large, solid gold chain and said earnestly, "Forget about the godparents; she's a princess after all. But when she grows up, I'll definitely teach her how to play polo and pot-shooting myself."
Hexi was young, but she was tired after being busy for about half a day. The wet nurses were afraid that she would cry and disturb me, so they used the excuse that the emperor missed the princess and ran away at lightning speed just before Hexi started to make a fuss.
I nodded calmly, without any pain of separation from my loved ones: "Go ahead, and be careful on the road."
Several wet nurses surrounded He Xi and retreated noddingly.
It was a chilly spring day and a light rain began to fall. Meng Xu subconsciously took off his coat and wanted to put it on me, but was dissuaded by Shangguan Lan.
Shangguan Lan had become more discerning after her marriage. When she saw Meng Xu like this, she immediately whispered, "Be careful. You're in a tangle of things. If the emperor finds out, he won't have the guts to mess with Yingzi anymore, but he'll be more than enough to deal with you."
Meng Xu smiled, said nothing, and hung his coat on his elbow.
He smiled and asked me, "Your Majesty, would you like to go out and relax? The Wei River is flooding right now. Why don't you let me take you fishing?"
Before I could say anything, Shangguan Lan got anxious and said in a low voice, "Are you crazy? Aren't you afraid that the emperor will kill you?"
Meng Xu smiled and said, "Why do you want to kill me? This was approved by His Majesty himself."
Shangguan Lan's jaw dropped slowly to the ground.
A melody slowly emerged in my mind.
This world is so crazy that even mice have to be bridesmaids for cats.
In fact, this is not difficult to understand. All the efforts Li Siyan has made recently have only one purpose, that is: to keep me in a good mood.
Once I am in a bad mood, my nature and upbringing will not allow me to hurt others at will, so I will only turn the knife towards myself.
In the past, he threatened me with my family. This method seemed simple and effective, but it would bring me into deeper despair. Now he has come to his senses. As the saying goes, there is no construction without destruction. Li Siyan is a decisive person. Once he makes up his mind to restrain his possessiveness, he can really let go completely.
However, when I think about it carefully, he also has selfish motives for this action. Although he doesn't say it, with his petty nature, he probably doesn't want me to always live in my ex-fiancé's house. It's just that due to my mental condition, he didn't dare to say it directly, so he simply let me go out and play, killing two birds with one stone.
Meng Xu kept her mouth shut and never mentioned anything about the emperor. Later, my aunt accidentally let it slip. During the time when I was recuperating, Li Siyan summoned Meng Xu to the palace once. His attitude during the conversation was surprisingly good. He asked me in detail about my living habits and daily hobbies when I was a girl. Meng Xu mentioned that I used to like eating Sushan, attending literary gatherings, and going out of the city for fun. Li Siyan listened quietly, and at the end, after a long silence, he said: Then you can take her out to relax.
So this outing took place.
When Grandpa Shangguan Lan was the Grand Tutor, the old emperor gave him a villa. This villa was located in the hills outside the city of Chang'an, and it had everything you need including mountains, rivers, and farmland. Grandpa Shangguan originally wanted to live there in July to escape the summer heat, but it was suddenly snatched away by his granddaughter and used to entertain me.
Shangguan Lan was very proud: "Finally, I have a reason to leave Chang'an. Yingzi, you can stay here as long as you want. It would be best if you can outlive the emperor."
Surrounded by mountains and rivers, I felt my heart open and carefree. As I felt the gentle breeze through the woods, I couldn't help but smile and said, "Okay, when we get tired of living here, we'll move on."
Meng Xu said, "It just so happens that the Meng family has just acquired a new villa by the Wei River. The furnishings are quite good. If your Majesty doesn't mind, you can come and visit it."
Shangguan Lanqi asked, "Really? When did your family buy a new house?"
Meng Xu smiled slyly: "Your Majesty gave it to me."
Looking at the simple diagram drawn by Meng Xu, I thought to myself that Li Siyan was really a man of flexibility. Back then, he hated Meng Xu so much that he wanted to break his legs and throw him to be a hawk to clean shit. Now when I need his help, he doubled the compensation for mental damage and lost work time. I don't know which unlucky family this villa was copied from. The houses are connected and nestled against the mountains and surrounded by water, which is very inconsistent with the Meng family's usual consumption level.
Since we were at the water's edge, boating was a must. Shangguan Lan dragged a long and narrow magnolia boat from somewhere and insisted on taking me for a walk around the lake.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw several palace servants quietly enter the Lanzhou, check it out, and then leave with their heads down.
I said to Shangguan Lan, "Did you bring people from the palace into your villa?"
Shangguan Lan nodded as a matter of course. "Of course. You are now the Empress, the mother of the little princess. Your life is precious. How could they allow you to travel alone? However, they are only accompanying you for protection. Without orders, they will not disturb you."
I think so too. Now that my status is high, it is indeed inconvenient.
After being stared at by Li Siyan for a long time, I have become somewhat numb to the attendants who are everywhere around me. As long as they don't disturb me, I will just pretend they don't exist.
I thought about this, but my face remained calm. I lifted my skirt, took the lead and stepped onto the Lanzhou, calling out to them, "Come on."
Meng Xu nodded in agreement, and suddenly glanced into the cabin calmly, as if he had discovered something.
But he quickly withdrew his gaze, lifted his clothes and sat next to me, and naturally adjusted my hairpin.
I blinked and looked at him in confusion.
In the past, he often helped me organize my clothes, but since I became the queen, he hasn't done these intimate things to me for a long time.
"What's wrong?" I asked quietly, "But the emperor threatened you secretly, and you want to tell me quietly?"
Meng Xu smiled mischievously, raised an eyebrow playfully, and said, "How could that be? Thanks to you, the emperor may never dare to provoke me again."
I understand what he means. It's nothing more than being afraid of the consequences.
I sighed inwardly. If I had known this would happen, when Li Siyan went crazy on me, I should have gone crazy with him to see who could be more crazy.
He likes me more than I like him, and based on this alone, he is bound to lose.
Don't be fooled by Li Siyan's ruthless words, such as saying "kill your whole family" and so on. In fact, during the year when I really ran away, he didn't dare to do anything extra except restricting Aunt Xiaochuan's personal freedom.
well……
Knowing something in advance is priceless, and the ancients were right.
I am not the kind of person who can predict everything and have everything under control. For many things, I need to look back suddenly before I can understand them, which invisibly adds a lot of hardships to myself.
Meng Xu and I sat side by side on the wooden chairs outside the cabin, feeling the gentle breeze from the lake passing over our shoulders, our postures intimate, like two childhood sweethearts.
Meng Xu was really a little abnormal today. After helping me tidy up my clothes and hairpins, he insisted on reading my palm.
I became more and more confused: "When did you learn to read faces? You're a latecomer, how can you really be so accurate?"
Even though I didn't believe it, I still handed him my hand.
Meng Xu leaned a little closer to me and nodded, "Well... you will live a long life."
I also leaned over and asked, "How do you look at this? Look at yours?"
Meng Xu showed me his hand and sighed, "Just looking at this lifeline, I will live longer than you."
I teased him, "Well, I was wondering why you were so active today. Turns out you're here to show off your longevity!"
Meng Xu laughed, "That time I went to a Taoist temple in Yangzhou to observe the people's sentiments, and I met an old Taoist priest. He told me that I had a long life, but my true love came late. My youthful success was just a dream, and I would meet the right person only when I reached the age of forty."
"The emperor once said, 'I don't necessarily love you,' and your closeness to me is not entirely out of love between a man and a woman." Meng Xu squinted his eyes as he recalled the incident, supporting himself with his hands, leaning back and raising his head slightly.
He had never adopted such a relaxed and enjoyable posture before. The Meng family had many rules, and the old lady always urged him to maintain the demeanor of a gentleman.
He maintained this comfortable posture and said to me, "What he said is indeed true. Love between men and women is possessive and exclusive, destroying cities and strongholds, and setting the prairie on fire. But we are not like that."
"That's what he told me too."
I pouted in frustration... Yes, we were childhood sweethearts, and we were in tune with each other. Familiarity brought us stability, but it also made us lose our curiosity and passion.
Meng Xu smiled calmly: "Although he is a bit of a jerk, he is still good at judging people."
As I looked at him, I suddenly felt that it might not be a bad thing for Li Siyan to exile him to Jiangnan. Meng Xu's life was too depressing, so depressing that he could only rebel in unimportant places. Only by letting him leave this environment could he understand what he really wanted.
Maybe it's a blessing in disguise.
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