Chapter 71: Crying Eyebrows in Furong City
I drove the emperor away.
Because I have a bad temper and often ask him to get lost in various positions, Li Siyan has long been accustomed to my scolding. When he heard that I didn't want to see him, he just sighed and left.
Before leaving, he was hit three times by my copper lamp. The candlestick part of the copper lamp was very sharp, leaving deep blood marks on his arms and back. However, he didn't seem to care at all about my violation. He just frowned and looked at the copper lamp, then called Xiaozhi and Shushu, asking them to find strips of cloth to wrap up the sharp part.
Blood was still dripping from his back and arms, but he waved his hands nonchalantly. Before leaving, he remembered to tuck my quilt in and took away the bowl of corn porridge I had left over.
I covered myself with the quilt and sobbed.
I have been feeling sad for no reason, crying for no reason, and feeling bad about myself for no reason for more than two months.
The emotions came as violently as the tide, and I suddenly let out a desperate scream, which attracted Xiaozhi, Shushu, and Yu Guangzhong. They both ran to my bed in panic, held my shoulders, and asked me if I had a nightmare.
Yes, at this moment I feel like I am in the most absurd nightmare, and the world is collapsing before my eyes.
I bit my lip tightly, pushed Shushu and Xiaozhi away, and said calmly, "I'm fine. I just saw a mouse and got scared. You guys go out. I just want to be alone tonight."
Xiaozhi hesitated, but Shushu's eyes were solemn. She observed my expression and said, "My dear, you are sick and your emotions are difficult to control. Would it be okay for Xiaozhi and I to accompany you?"
I shook my head and wiped the tears from my face: "No, all of you go out, I just want to be alone."
Xiaozhi gently pulled Shushu's sleeve.
Shushu struggled for a long time before she said, "...Okay, we'll wait in the side room. If you need anything, just call us."
I hummed and nodded gently.
A dull spring thunder was heard in the distance, and the rain fell a little heavier, dripping along the tiles and onto the courtyard.
I heard someone calling me softly in the heavy rain, calling me Yingying, Yingying.
My mother passed away more than ten years ago, on the same rainy day.
She came to pick me up, right?
At that moment, all my rationality disappeared. I got up from the couch quietly, opened the window, and walked into the heavy rain outside.
Thanks to the experience I had accumulated since I sneaked out as a thief, I easily avoided the patrolling servants and guards. It was raining heavily outside and the vision was blurred. No one noticed that at the west wall of the Shen Mansion, a figure stepped on the boxes in the corner and jumped down from the top of the wall lightly.
Everything seemed to go back to when I was six years old. My mother had just passed away, and I saw her for the last time through the curtain. She was pale, with a smile on the corner of her lips, as if she was just asleep.
My brother told me that my mother had gone to a very far place and would never come back.
Not long after my mother passed away, my father was called into the palace and did not return for three days.
I dragged over a few tall stools, climbed up the tree on them, and then jumped out of the courtyard wall.
In that vast palace, I met the young Li Siyan, but at that time I didn’t know that he was the source of all my misfortunes. I just thought he was a poor little guy who was bullied.
I helped him, but he repaid my kindness with hatred.
The scenes of the past and what I saw in front of me gradually overlapped. I walked in the heavy rain, letting the rain soak my hair and clothes. Soon my body felt unusually cold. The clothes stuck tightly to my skin, but my forehead was burning hot.
I didn’t know where to go. I just felt like someone was calling me in the rain in the distance. It seemed like my father or my mother, or maybe just my younger self.
I walked in a daze on the street. The nobles passing by thought I was a crazy woman begging on the street. The carriage splashed mud and splashed it mercilessly on my clothes.
When I saw the flag of East Market, I realized that I was heading south.
My hands and feet were cold and my limbs were weak, but I seemed to be unaware of it and stumbled forward towards a destination in my heart.
The gentle call was still ringing in my ears, and I whispered, "Dad, Mom."
Raindrops fell on my lips, and a faint smell of earth drifted across my nose.
I don’t know how long I walked before a low wall blocked my way.
Thin spring grass grew under the wall, and in the corners were carved small marks that Meng Xu, Shangguan Lan, and I made when we were little.
My body could no longer support itself and I fell down in the rain, but I smiled, and my body bent like a shrimp, curling up into a ball safely.
I finally returned home, to my small but warm home in a corner of Anyifang.
During this period, my mental state was extremely bad and I often forgot what had happened. Some of the details were told to me by my aunt after I came out of the haze.
Most women will experience some mental pain and depression after giving birth, which is often difficult to relieve. In severe cases, the symptoms will be like mine: crying day and night, afraid to see people, and wanting to commit suicide at any time.
I said to my aunt, "I really didn't want to end my life. I was just lost in thought at the time and thought my mother was calling me home."
The aunt asked, "Isn't that what you call suicide? When the emperor found you, you were only breathing your last breath. If he had come a moment later, you would have really gone to see your mother!"
Not long after I left, Xiaozhi and Shushu came in to serve tea, but suddenly found that I was not there and the window was wide open. They looked at each other and the teacups fell to the ground with a bang.
First, all the people from the Shen Mansion came out in full force, searching for me in the heavy rain. Then came the imperial guards, and finally Li Siyan himself. Everyone thought that I would go towards the palace or out of the city, but they found nothing.
Chang'an is so big, where will I go?
It was still raining heavily outside and the streets were flooded. Li Siyan said nothing, his eyes dark red, and suddenly he rode his horse towards Anyifang.
──Because he remembered that Meng Xu had just returned to the Meng Mansion the day before, and the Meng Mansion was in Anyifang.
No one knows what he was thinking when he rode out on his horse. There are only two possibilities. One is that when he catches me, he will break my legs so that I can never go out to meet my childhood sweetheart again. The other is that as long as I am still alive, he can tolerate anything.
I think it's the latter.
Perhaps it was God's will that he saw my curled up figure in the dirty mud beside the road.
At that time, my cheeks were flushed, my eyes were closed, and the original color of my clothes was no longer recognizable.
He dismounted and came running towards me. His first two steps were steady, but when he reached me, his legs began to tremble uncontrollably. He staggered and knelt in the thick mud, as if he had lost his support, and held me in his arms with trembling hands.
The corner of his black sleeve wiped away the mud on my head and face, and his tears mixed with the heavy rain and slid warmly into my clothes.
I soaked in the muddy water for a long time, and my limbs were cold. He grabbed my hand, thinking that I had really passed away cruelly.
The king of a country cried silently in front of me, with blood gushing from his mouth and nose. It turns out that when a person's remorse and grief reach the extreme, he can't even make a sound.
He was drenched in the rain just like me, his body swaying as he held me, his head buried in my neck, a hoarse voice uttered from his throat: "Don't die, I beg you, don't die."
The guards of the imperial city rushed over in panic and were all extremely shocked at what they saw. No one stepped forward for a while.
After a moment of silence, a soldier from the Imperial Guard whispered, "Your Majesty, the Queen is weak and needs to find a place to warm herself up first. Staying wet like this is not a good idea..."
The commander of the imperial guards stabbed him hard, signaling him to shut up.
At this moment, Li Siyan seemed to have just remembered something, raised his head as if waking up from a dream, and suddenly grabbed my wrist hastily, as if to test my pulse.
Beneath the cold wrist, a blood vessel was beating weakly, and the battered body stubbornly retained the last bit of life force.
A sudden sense of loss and recovery appeared in his eyes.
As long as there is breath...
Without thinking too much, he carried me in his arms, jumped on the horse, and rushed into the nearest Anyifang in the heavy rain.
After being unconscious for about two days, I woke up in a room.
When I woke up, I found myself lying on a simple wooden bed with a set of old-fashioned curtains hanging beside the bed. Su Xi and Hui Yue were guarding me. Their eyes were red, probably because they had been crying.
Su Xi uttered the classic line: "My Lady, you are finally awake."
I opened my mouth and found that I couldn't form any words, only short syllables.
Seeing this, Huiyue picked up the cup of water that had been prepared at the side and carefully helped me drink it, saying, "Your Majesty, don't worry. Doctor Fan came and said that your Majesty just soaked in the water for too long and caught a cold. Your throat is dry due to the fever. Just drink some water and you'll be fine."
I gulped down some water and was about to try making another sound when I suddenly found that the carvings on the big bed looked familiar. I took a closer look and was confused: Isn't this the guest room of the Meng Mansion?
When I was a child, I often came to the Meng Mansion to play. When I was tired, I would rest in the guest room for a while. I am very familiar with these carvings.
He quickly grabbed Su Xi, who was lying beside the bed, and struggled to utter a few words, "But... the Meng Mansion?"
Su Xi listened twice before finally understanding, and nodded, saying, "To answer your Majesty, this is indeed the Meng Mansion. Your Majesty fell down at the wall of Anyifang that day, and there was no time to send her back to the palace, so she was sent to the Meng Mansion nearby."
I...fell down at the wall of Anyifang?
I vaguely remember climbing over the courtyard wall and walking in the heavy rain, but I couldn't remember the purpose or details of my visit to Anyifang at all.
Yes, why should I get wet in the rain for no reason?
Seeing my puzzled expression, Huiyue sighed and said softly, "Doctor Fan said that the Empress has been restless lately and forgetful. Don't think about it for now. Let's take a break first."
When she said this, her expression was cautious and her tone was deliberately cheerful, as if she was afraid that the heavy words would hurt me.
I blinked, having a lot of questions to ask but not knowing where to start.
At this moment, the wooden door creaked and a thin figure entered the room.
Seeing the man's face clearly, I called out in surprise: "Brother Meng!"
As soon as I spoke, I was shocked. When did my voice become so hoarse and unpleasant?
The man at the door quietly closed the wooden door and saluted me from a distance. His gesture was still as gentle and elegant as before, but he said, "Greetings, Queen."
I stared at him in a daze. He smiled at me respectfully, his eyes soft as the spring breeze along the willow banks of Yangzhou.
Once you enter the palace, it's like entering a deep sea. From then on, Xiao Lang is just a passerby.
Huiyue and Suxi also politely saluted him, but still stood where they were, with no intention of avoiding him at all.
I swallowed two more sips of water, and when my throat felt better, I struggled to sit up and asked anxiously, "Brother Meng, why did you come back from Yangzhou? Did Li Siyan bother you again?"
Meng Xu paused after hearing the emperor's name before saying, "That's not the case. Your Majesty hasn't given me any instructions for a long time since the Empress entered the palace. It was just that I returned to Chang'an recently to report on my work and happened to meet the Empress."
I didn't understand: "Then...then how did I end up...suddenly in the Meng Mansion? Did you bring me back?"
Hui Yue answered this question quickly: "Your Majesty, it was His Majesty who found you. At that time, Your Majesty's life was hanging by a thread, and His Majesty had no choice but to send You to the Meng Mansion for resettlement and ordered us to come and serve you."
Li Siyan sent me to the Meng residence? I was even more confused. This was not something he would do at all.
Hearing Huiyue firmly clarify that the person who saved me was the emperor, Meng Xu's eyes dimmed slightly.
He said gently, "Your Majesty has allowed me to visit the Empress after she wakes up."
As he spoke, he sat down on a low table in front of the bed, not too far away from me, and chatted with me about family matters: "How is Mrs. Shen recently? I haven't seen her go out for a banquet for a long time. I miss her very much."
I unconsciously said, "My aunt is very good. She just received an imperial decree a few days ago and has been learning etiquette at home recently."
Meng Xu is an amazing person. He speaks in a gentle and soft voice and has a natural affinity. When chatting with him, you don’t have to choose your words carefully or look for topics deliberately. It is very relaxing and comfortable.
He then asked, "What about Xiaochuan? I remember he was interested in marrying the youngest daughter of the Imperial College's chief academic officer. I wonder if he got what he wanted?"
"I guess so... His Majesty has granted them marriage."
After saying the word "arranged marriage", we both fell silent.
In fact, I have never known how to face Meng Xu. Although he doesn't blame me, in the final analysis, it was me who hurt him so much.
This is like a scar across our faces. We all know in our hearts that after so many things have happened, we can no longer be as close as we used to be because of the huge gap in our identities and experiences.
He adjusted himself faster than I did, and his tone remained calm as usual, but upon closer listening, one could still hear a hint of loneliness in his voice.
"Then congratulations to him."
I hummed in a daze, and my fingers unconsciously stirred the quilt. Meng Xu smiled slightly and told me some of the scenery in Yangzhou. He said that the canal transportation there was prosperous, and the people made a living by trading and drying salt. Every time the salt was harvested, the salt fields were full of sparkling salt crystals, and the gray sunlight from the south of the Yangtze River sprinkled down like a pool of broken silver falling into a pond.
"I remember that Yangzhou presented a mirror as tribute last year. It was very beautiful. Unfortunately, I accidentally broke it. I'm sorry, Brother Meng." I grabbed the quilt and whispered.
Meng Xu stretched out his hand, as if wanting to touch my head, but it was only for a moment. He quickly remembered my identity and calmly withdrew his hand. He smiled and said, "Your Majesty, there is no need to apologize. This is not your fault. It is just fate. Since time has passed, let it shatter. I can find a new good mirror."
I raised my head, my eyes sparkling with tears: "...You don't blame me?"
He seemed startled and immediately said, "How could I blame the queen?"
He laughed at himself and said, "I just feel bad that I'm useless and can't protect you. I made you suffer so much for no reason."
Huiyue's eyebrows twitched slightly, Suxi picked up the cup, quickened his pace and walked away.
There are too many hidden meanings in these words. Maybe Suxi subconsciously feels that she shouldn't listen to these.
The dog emperor was the sovereign, Meng Xu the minister. The vast difference in status meant Meng Xu had to obey Li Siyan's orders. But on this matter alone, he could confidently call the emperor to task: "You went to such great lengths to snatch her from me, only to care for her until she was practically dying. Where the hell do you have the nerve to do that? You're just a piece of trash opening the door for trash—and now it's trash!"
Even though we are no longer husband and wife, we are still important friends and childhood friends with the best understanding of each other. It is hard for him not to be angry when his childhood friend is treated like this.
But Meng Xu was humble and considerate after all. Even though he had some resentment in his heart, he deliberately avoided topics that would make me feel bad in front of me.
He handed me a glass of water and changed the subject, saying, "It was still early spring when we left Yangzhou, and the willow branches beside the Twenty-Four Bridges were just beginning to turn green. I'm sure by the time I return from this report, the redbuds and lotus flowers along the banks will be in bloom, and the people will be able to celebrate the Ghost Festival with great joy."
I leaned against the pillow and listened to him obediently. My heart gradually calmed down. From what Meng Xu implied, I could tell that his career as an official in Yangzhou was going quite smoothly.
The customs and habits of Jiangnan are very nourishing, the sky is high and the sea is vast, and life there is much happier than in Chang'an.
He was the most promising eldest grandson of the Meng family's generation. He grew up carrying everyone's expectations on his shoulders. He lived up to everyone's expectations and passed the examinations to become a scholar, a juren, and finally a jinshi. On the surface, he seemed to be in great shape and success, but in fact, he was often suffocated by the heavy expectations.
After being away from his dull family, he could finally enjoy the solitude and freedom of a foreign land.
Suddenly remembering something, I asked him, "You've been gone for two years now. I wonder if Brother Meng has found any young ladies in Jiangnan that he likes?"
Meng Xu was stunned: "What?"
I said, "Are you not getting married?"
"Right now... ahem... there's no suitable candidate yet." Meng Xu didn't know whether to laugh or cry when he spoke of this. "Grandmother insisted on sending me back to Chang'an this time, and she also wanted me to meet someone. However... my mind has been preoccupied with government affairs for the past two years, and I haven't really thought about marriage. I'll probably have to wait another two or three years."
I said seriously, "If you have someone you like, you must tell me and I will personally accompany you to pick up the bride."
Seeing Meng Xu smirking, I said angrily, "Forget it, forget it. I guess your future wife doesn't want to see me either. I'd better not join in the fun and just give the money."
Meng Xu smiled: "Well, you have to give more."
We talked about our future marriage calmly without a trace of bitterness. Perhaps the feelings between Meng Xu and I have long surpassed ordinary love between men and women and turned into a more lasting friendship. We will always support each other's choices and sincerely hope that the other party can live a better life.
No matter who is standing next to him.
We chatted until dusk. Maybe we were too happy to talk and completely forgot about Li Siyan. It was not until he left that I remembered that I forgot to ask what happened that day.
Suxi withdrew, and I could only ask Huiyue: "What happened before I passed out? How did the emperor find me?"
Huiyue has been waiting for me to ask this question for a long time.
Perhaps she had organized her words in her mind thousands of times, as she narrated very fluently, from the moment Xiaozhi and Shushu discovered that I was not in the room, to the moment Li Siyan fished me out of the mud and water. She spoke in one breath without a single stutter.
In this story, I eloped to Liangfang to see my lover, accidentally fell at the door of my lover's house, and was finally picked up by my guardian and placed nearby.
...What the hell is this!
"He thought I was here to see Meng Xu?" I said, bewildered. "No... I didn't even know he'd returned to Chang'an. What the hell is going on?"
Hui Yue was puzzled: "But the Queen came to Anyifang in the rain for no reason that day..."
My face turned black. "My old home is right here. I was thinking about my mother that day, so I stumbled over the window. What does Meng Xu have to do with it?"
Hui Yue was even more confused: "But didn't the Empress's mother..."
I said, "...I don't remember what I was thinking at the time, but I just wanted to go home so badly, as if my mother was calling me from the front."
Hui Yue finally understood and blinked, "Your Majesty, what you mean is that you have a strong urge to do something for no apparent reason, and you can't feel any interference from outside factors?"
I nodded: "Yes, that's it."
Huiyue suspected that I was playing dumb and shirking responsibility, but she had no evidence.
But this kind of thing does not require evidence. The emperor brought me back crying like a half-grown child, and sent me directly to the guest room of the Meng Mansion for care. The meaning was obvious.
As long as I am still alive, he is very satisfied. What else does he want?
The boss was indulgent without any bottom line, and the employees under him naturally didn't say much. Huiyue silently swallowed a belly full of resentment, wrote down my symptoms, went to the ear room to tell the doctor on duty, and asked how to mediate this symptom.
The imperial physician was talking to her in whispers, and I fell into a deep sleep on the couch.
In my dream, someone tiptoed to my bedside, stared at my face for a long time, and asked in a low voice, "How was she after she woke up today?"
Su Xi's voice was equally low: "Your Majesty, the Queen is doing fine today. When Young Master Meng came, they had a very pleasant conversation... and the Queen seemed quite relaxed."
The man was silent for a long time.
I turned over in a daze in my sleep.
The man said bitterly, "In the end, only Meng Xu can make her happy. I have only ever hurt her.
"Well," he said, "since she likes Meng Xu, let Meng Xu come and talk to her every day."
Su Xi said softly, "Your Majesty will surely get better soon and return to the palace to reunite with the little princess."
Li Siyan said gloomily, "She won't. She doesn't like Yaoyao, and she doesn't like me even more."
Maybe because he had been hurt so badly by me recently, he added reflexively: "But I don't blame her, this is all my fault."
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