Chapter 12 - The Adventures of the Purple Palace Card King
"You dare to close the door?" Li Siyan, who was standing outside, laughed sinisterly and ordered Qingfu, "Break it open."
Qingfu wiped his face and advised: "Your Majesty, you have drunk too much. Why don't you..."
Li Siyan pushed him forward and said coldly, "Shut up and tear down this broken door for me!"
Qingfu was pushed forward by Li Siyan's ruthless iron hand and almost fell flat on his face. Seeing that the situation was not good, he gritted his teeth and shouted, "Shen Qijulang! Did you hear that? His Majesty wants you to open the door!"
"I won't!"
With a slight sound of "clang", I locked the door neatly.
Qingfu's words got stuck in his throat, and there was dead silence outside the door.
I chuckled and shouted arrogantly, "Who the hell does Li Siyan think he is? Let him go back to his Purple Palace and call his mother his mother. He killed my whole family and still puts on airs in front of me. Do you have any shame?"
Don't be a dog! Don't be a dog!
The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I angrily added, "It's fine if you're just being pretentious, but you're also deliberately trying to destroy my innocence. Li Siyan, I'm telling you, the young men in Chang'an are all well-educated and well-mannered. They can throw a ball and hit someone stronger than you. You want me to obey you? Dream on!"
Chan'er took a breath of cold air behind him.
After a while, the voice of the Dog Emperor without a trace of warmth floated in from outside the door: "Chen Ying, how much yellow soup have you drunk? Do you still know what you are talking about?"
I was about to curse again when Chan'er finally reacted. She scrambled over and grabbed the door bolt, her face filled with fear as she said, "Madam Shen, you can't do this! Open the door and kneel down!"
I frowned and asked, "Are you afraid of him?"
Chan'er shook her head desperately, clutching the door bolt tightly and crying, "If Madam Shen doesn't open the door, we'll all die. Jinlian, Jinliu, Suxi, come here quickly, I can't hold her back by myself!"
The other girls woke up as if from a dream, and quickly surrounded me and forcibly pulled me away. A group of weak girls burst out with amazing strength in fear, and actually dragged me, a crazy drunkard, away.
The girls who were applauding me one second turned against me the next. I was so frustrated that I muttered, "Okay, I'll do as you say."
Chan'er opened the door tremblingly, and Li Siyan's cold face appeared outside the door. The temperature was a few degrees lower than that of the coldest days of winter.
"Get lost."
He kicked Chan'er away and strode inside.
Chan'er was kicked down in the snow. He didn't even dare to cry out in pain. He struggled to kneel down and buried his head in the ground.
I looked at the aggressive Li Siyan, tilted my head and smiled.
He approached me, like a mountain, his face expressionless. I could faintly smell the scent of alcohol on him. Was it Jiannan's Shaochun or Yicheng's Jiuyun? Either way, it was good wine, much better than the turbid wine I was drinking.
So I chuckled and said, "Give me some of your wine, too."
He also chuckled and said, "Who the hell am I to think I'm a nobody? Do you think Mr. Shen would like my wine?"
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Su Xing roughly picking up the frightened Xiao Jinliu and saying with his head down, "Don't punish Chan'er and the others. I treated them to a drink."
Li Siyan nodded: "What about you? How do you think you should be punished?"
I was drunk again, my eyes curved, and I smiled, "How should I know? Anyway, you want to punish me, so you can punish me after I finish my sword dance."
His eyes darkened, and he curled his fingers together before slowly stretching them out.
"I think I should sober you up," he said softly.
"Hmm?" I said dazedly, "What do you want to do?"
I saw Li Siyan squat down, scoop up a piece of soft white snow, weigh it, and ruthlessly stuff it into my collar.
"ah!"
The biting cold came from my neck, and I shivered violently. My body arched like a shrimp, and I frantically grabbed the snow out. I said angrily, "Li Siyan, what are you crazy about?"
"Are you awake now?" He pulled me up, pinched my face, and sneered, "I didn't expect you to be so good at swordplay. I've been drinking with a bunch of old hands all night, and you're happily playing cards with my maids. Look how smug you are, and you even knew to lock me out. You've really become quite capable."
He twisted the paper hanging on my face again and said sarcastically, "How much did you lose?"
This bastard is really talking about something that has nothing to do with me! I slapped his hand away in embarrassment and said, "I'm just not in the right mood tonight! I'm usually very good!"
"You're so awesome?" He crossed his arms. "You're so awesome, why are you waving around with a branch? And having a bunch of palace maids cheering for you?"
I blinked, tasting the sourness in his words.
A light bulb went off in my head, oh, I got it!
"Yeah, tonight you're drinking with a bunch of stinky men, while I'm having fun with the girls."
I felt like I saw through him, and raised my chin smugly, saying, "Are you jealous of us playing cards? Okay, call Qingfu and the others, and we'll set up another table so you can play to your heart's content!"
The drunkard's train of thought is always so strange. He picked a fight with me, so I asked him to play cards.
Li Siyan was stunned.
After a pause, he frowned and said, "Chen Ying, has your brain been damaged by drinking?"
"No, I'm fine." I burped, held up two fingers, and gritted my teeth, "I'm going to call Su Xi along. She's an expert. I'll go with her, hmph, and kill you without a single piece of armor left."
Li Siyan was stunned. He patted my face and said, "What are you talking about?"
I grabbed his collar, threw myself on his chest, stood on tiptoe and said arrogantly: "Stop pretending, I know you are jealous of us having fun, you also want to play cards with us, right? No problem, I will play with you, you see how good I am to you, I still want to serve you on New Year's Eve, Li Siyan, you should give me three times the salary and give me a plaque of a gold medal slave."
He frowned and said, "What a mess! Who wants to play cards with you?"
I got excited and moved closer to his face, provoking him: "Ah? Are you scared?"
His gaze wandered strangely, slowly shifting to my hand grasping his collar, then landing on my upturned face. He blinked, paused for a long time, and then replied in a hoarse voice, "Okay, let's play cards."
Decades later, Su Xi still remembered that on New Year's Eve, because of his excellent card skills, he was forced onto the soft couch in the imperial study by the crazy Ms. Chen Ying, and played a game of mahjong with His Majesty the Emperor Li Siyan, the chief eunuch Yang Qingfu, and the attendant Chen Ying, who was more arrogant than the two of them combined.
When Chen Ying showed up at his house, Su Xi was horrified. He never dreamed that he would bring such a disaster upon himself. His knees weakened and he cried, "Madam Chen, please forgive me. I...how could I..."
How can I sit at the emperor’s card table?
The drunken Chen Ying's almond-shaped eyes widened, and she stroked her chin and said, "Suxi, you want to run away? No, I've already told His Majesty to let you go. Now we're short one of three, and you're the only one missing. Come on?"
Su Xi's refusal got stuck in his throat and his vision went dark.
Chen Ying was drunk, and her delicate little face, the size of a palm, was flushed red, which was completely different from her usual smart and clever appearance. Instead, she had a charm that was disproportionate to her age.
Looking at Chen Ying's smug look like a little devil, Su Xi wanted to faint, but he was afraid that if he fainted he would be charged with disobeying the emperor's order... In short, he was in a dilemma.
But there was no way to stay in this stalemate, Su Xi gritted his teeth and said: I have to go for it!
Before leaving, Huiyue whispered to her, "You have to lose, but you have to find a way to lose naturally and don't let His Majesty see it."
Chen Ying came over and said, "Hui Yue, what did you say? I can't hear you."
"Nothing," Huiyue quickly changed into a sincere smile: "Suxi, you have to show your ability!"
Chen Ying was happy, with two dimples on her face as she smiled happily, "Of course, Su Xi is so powerful, it's no problem for him to kill the dog emperor alone."
Su Xi's face was numb. Kill the emperor? It would be better to tie a stone to his neck and jump into the Taiye Lake to kill himself.
This is also a strange person. After being locked up in the palace for more than half a year, he seemed to have become a little docile, but as soon as he drank some wine, his stubborn temper came out. Not only did he start a quarrel with the emperor, but he also brought disaster to himself.
What should I do now? I just hope she doesn't ruin me like a roasted fish...
Su Xi had been working at the Purple Palace for over half a year, but this was his first time entering the Imperial Study. He was so nervous that he couldn't even straighten his legs. However, Chen Ying, this idiot, was so calm that it was frightening. He sat down on the Imperial couch with a big horse and a golden sword, and greeted Qingfu and Su Xi as if they were at home, saying, "Come and sit down. How can we play cards standing up?"
Because she had been drinking, her eyes were shining. The emperor seemed to be looking at the table, but in fact he was always looking at her with his peripheral vision, and his expression was very strange.
Su Xi had never seen the emperor with such an expression. It seemed as if he understood something, but also felt it was ridiculous.
Qingfu seemed to be used to it. He asked the emperor with a questioning look. The emperor finally came to his senses and said, "Please sit down."
The imperial couch was very soft, but Su Xi still felt very uncomfortable. His legs kept shaking and he couldn't stop.
His Majesty was sitting less than two feet to her left. She could almost smell the alcohol on him. And Chen Ying, the drunkard, was dealing cards with great excitement, and no one knew what he was so excited about.
After receiving the cards, Qingfu on the opposite side glared at Suxi warningly.
Grandpa Qingfu's eye muscles are very flexible, and he can convey different messages with just his eyes. The glare he gave her now probably meant: hold your breath.
Su Xi thought numbly, isn't this stretched enough? It's stretched so tight it's about to burst.
This was the most brain-burning card game in her career as a card king. She had to lose, but she had to lose without leaving any trace. Not only did she have to lose, but she also had to prevent Shen Ying from winning.
What a painful task.
To this end, Su Xi used her fifteen years of experience as the King of Leaf Cards, keeping her eyes and ears open, and blinking rapidly to calculate the cards in everyone's hands.
…Chen Ying’s card skills are average, the Emperor’s are terrible, and I don’t know how good Grandpa Qingfu is, but he’s a shrewd person among the shrewd, so he should know the ins and outs of playing cards with the Emperor…
So, we have to cooperate with Grandpa Qingfu to encircle Chen Ying... Ah, the emperor has played an unconventional card, we have to find a way to break his siege without leaving any trace...
Su Xi looked at the cards in his hand worriedly...which one should he play?
Because she blinked too quickly, she accidentally rolled her eyes slightly, and was warned again by Grandpa Qingfu opposite with a death stare.
Su Xi was almost aggrieved to death: I'm just a duck that was forced to climb a shelf, go ahead and stare at me if you have the guts!
Everyone at the table played for several rounds in silence. Qingfu and Suxi's heads were about to smoke. Counting cards, playing cards, every step was thrilling.
Only Chen Ying was relaxed and at ease, his little mouth chattering non-stop, sometimes encouraging Su Xi, sometimes mocking the emperor, sometimes teasing Qing Fu, he was very busy.
Su Xi’s head was as big as a bucket: Destroy it, quickly.
After playing the last card, Su Xi finally breathed a sigh of relief and said with his head down, "My skills are inferior to others. I lost this game."
Chen Ying had already played all his cards and was out. Seeing that Su Xi had also lost, he immediately shouted, "Su Xi, how did you lose? Didn't you say you were the card king of Zichen Palace?"
Qingfu's deathly gaze suddenly fell back on Suxi.
Su Xi was shocked, cold sweat broke out on his forehead, and hurriedly explained: "Madam Shen remembered it wrongly, I did not say such a thing, I did lose, but Your Majesty was more skilled."
The emperor did not pursue the matter... No, it should be said that he did not take Su Xi Qingfu seriously at all.
He seemed to be in a very good mood. He threw away the remaining cards, and his usually sinister brows relaxed. He smiled at Shen Ying across the table and said, "So, you admit defeat?"
Chen Ying snorted, but because he lost the game, the snort seemed a little lacking in confidence, and was as soft as a cat slave's coquettishness.
"Are you trying to cheat?" The emperor smiled even more broadly and tried to scratch Chen Ying's nose across the table, but the latter dodged it nimbly.
Su Xi lowered her eyes and thought, His Majesty's question showed that he didn't understand her at all. Chen Ying had always been a person who clearly distinguished between right and wrong. If he lost, he lost, and if he won, he won. He would definitely not cheat.
She was so bad at playing cards and had such little brains that of course she didn't realize how much effort Qingfu and I had put into quietly defeating her and letting the emperor win.
This is a person who truly grew up in the sunshine. He is honest, innocent, idealistic, and talented. There is no such person in the palace.
After feeling awkward for a while, Chen Ying said seriously, "I lost."
Because she was eliminated first, she was the biggest loser of this round.
"Well, you lost, what should you do?" His Majesty the Emperor smiled so hard that his teeth were showing, and he was in high spirits, as if he was luring a small animal.
Shen Ying burped, thought for a moment and said, "According to the rules, we have to perform a show."
Su Xi wanted to leave, so he quietly looked up at Qingfu, but Qingfu didn't say anything.
If Qingfu didn't run away, Suxi couldn't run away either. The three of them stayed where they were, waiting for Chen Ying to figure out what to perform.
After a while, Chen Ying said, "Okay, I just danced with a sword, so this time I'll try something new, the Hu Xuan Dance. You haven't seen that before, have you?"
His Majesty the Emperor raised an eyebrow in surprise and asked, "You can do this?"
Chen Ying stamped her feet in anger. "Of course I can't! But you guys don't like to watch me perform writing and essays. Hu Xuan Wu is so simple. Haven't you seen pigs run before? Just wait and see."
After saying that, she ran to the center of the hall and stood there, posing herself in a... well... posture that could barely be considered alluring.
His Majesty the Emperor also changed to a more comfortable posture, with one hand on his mouth and the other on the armrest of the couch, squinting his eyes and looking at her.
His eyes were full of "I want to see how you, a pig, run."
Under the gazes of three people, Shen Ying moved and began to dance.
Su Xi felt that his eyes had lost value.
When people appreciate dance at that time, most of them like to criticize it by saying: "You only see the technique, but not the emotion." But Shen Ying's dance... the emotion is there, but the technique is completely lacking.
Su Xi wondered bewilderedly: Is this really the Hu Xuan dance? Why is it different from the ones performed by the girls in the music academy? Besides the spinning and waving of hands, how can it be identified as a dance?
And maybe Shen Ying has been working at a desk for a long time, so her back is a little too stiff... She looks like a piece of straight yam that has just been unearthed, trying hard to twist herself.
Qingfu pursed his lips and tried to hold back his laughter.
She turned to look at the emperor, who also looked helpless.
"Okay, stop dancing. You might as well perform an article writing."
Chen Ying continued to spin, and said fiercely as she spun, "Shut up! If I say I'm going to dance, I have to finish it. My father said you can't give up halfway!"
The emperor shut up obediently and just watched her turn around, circle after circle, his expression becoming more and more gentle, perhaps even feeling a little doting.
She spun and spun, becoming more and more crooked. Suddenly, her footing slipped and she fell heavily to the ground.
She fell very hard, face down, limbs twisted, long hair spread out in the shape of a chrysanthemum, nothing like the slutty bitch who pretended to be unconscious and tried to scam people.
Su Xi was so frightened that her soul flew out of her body. She stood up at a loss. At this time, the emperor had already rushed over and pulled her up. Qingfu was also frightened and pushed Su Xi hard, saying, "You bastard, what are you standing there for? Go call the imperial physician!"
Su Xi crawled out of the study, and couldn't help but take a look before leaving. The emperor was holding the person in his arms at a loss. At Qingfu's suggestion, he pinched her philtrum, but Chen Ying still didn't respond. He was very angry and loudly asked Qingfu why it didn't work.
Qingfu's face drooped as he shouted outside, "Mr. Shen has fainted! Quick, go to the kitchen and bring him a bowl of sobering soup!"
Su Xi trembled all over and ran towards the imperial kitchen trembling.
This chaotic New Year's Eve ended with Doctor Fan declaring that Shen Ying was not seriously ill. Doctor Fan braved the wind and snow to see her and said that she just drank too much and was spinning around, then fainted, and that she would be fine after a good sleep.
The emperor was still furious and slapped the hands of every little palace maid who played with Shen Ying.
However, no one dared to ask him whether he wanted to send Shen Ying off as well.
Su Xi and the others were slapped on the hands for no reason, and the pain was felt on their palms. They took it as a warning: Chen Ying has a bad drinking habit, and she must not be brought to any festive drinking activities in the future.
Is it necessary to bring her along? Su Xi is the most tragic example of a man innocent of all crimes, guilty of possessing a treasure. If it weren't for her amazing card skills and natural acting, the emperor wouldn't have to do it himself, Qingfu would have dealt with her first.
That night, Su Xi wiped the sweat off his back, went back to his room, collapsed on the bed, and let out a long sigh.
Huiyue was still awake, so she turned over and asked quietly, "How is it?"
Su Xi opened his mouth and said after a while: "No big deal."
Hui Yue smiled and said, "It's good that nothing happened."
Su Xi got up and washed up. While wiping off the remaining makeup on her face, she said casually, "What do you think... Madam Shen will become Madam Shen in the future?"
Huiyue fell silent.
The room was completely silent, with only the sound of Su Xi splashing water.
Hui Yue said: "Anyone could do it, except her."
Su Xi closed his eyes, nodded slightly and said, "Yeah."
At noon the next day, I woke up slowly with a splitting headache.
It was bright outside the window and I touched my head, feeling confused.
Hey, is today the first day of the new year? I don't have to go to work?
Hearing the noise, Xiao Jinlian came in with a bowl of soup and said, "Madam Shen was sleeping so soundly that even the noise from the New Year's Day court meeting didn't wake her up. Madam Shen is drunk, so drink some sobering soup."
I took the soup and drank it in a daze, then turned to ask her, "Where's His Majesty Li...?"
Little Jinlian said honestly, "The New Year's Day court meeting hasn't ended yet. His Majesty won't be back until noon."
"oh……"
I held my head and recalled what happened last night. My memory only went as far as dragging Su Xi to play cards. I didn't remember anything about what happened after that.
Alas, it’s all my fault for having this bad habit of losing my memory after drinking.
I asked Xiao Jinlian, "Did Suxi win in the end?"
Xiao Jinlian swallowed her saliva, widened her eyes and asked, “Has Madam Shen forgotten everything?”
I admitted sheepishly, "Well... I've been like this since I was a kid. After I get drunk, I can't remember anything the next day."
In order to help me regain my memory, Xiao Jinlian helped me call the person involved, Sister Suxi.
Suxi came over and sat down quietly beside the bed. I was shocked when I saw her for the first time.
In just one night, Su Xi looked extremely haggard, with dark circles under his eyes, a listless look, and a very strange look in his eyes when he looked at me.
I was terrified, thinking I was screwed. I must have done something really awful to her last night, but that was the awkward part. I couldn't remember a single thing, so I could only cautiously say, "Suxi, what are you doing..."
"I'm fine." Su Xi said quickly, "I just didn't sleep well last night."
I think something happened to her. She looks so haggard. She wasn't like that last night.
Su Xi pursed her lips and said, "Xiao Jinlian said you've forgotten everything that happened last night. Is that true?"
I nodded rapidly, "Yeah, I forgot everything. It all started when I dragged you to the card table. I don't remember anything after that."
Su Xi repeatedly confirmed: "Do you really want to hear it?"
After receiving a positive answer, Su Xi sighed and recounted what happened last night.
After listening to this long story, the little guy in me was so embarrassed that he was twitching all over.
I myself was not far from dying on the spot.
"...Actually, it's okay. His Majesty wasn't angry and didn't say he was going to punish you. He just punished us for gambling and drinking together." Su Xi turned over her slightly swollen hand and said, "Look, it's gone down now."
I wanted to kneel down and apologize to her: "I'm sorry, sisters, I won't dare to do it again."
"It's okay. This is a blessing in disguise. Grandpa Qingfu even rewarded me with ten feet of red silk this morning and praised me for my cleverness. You don't have to feel guilty about me. Playing with the master is what we palace maids are supposed to do."
Su Xi patted my back and comforted me.
I wasn't comforted and burrowed into the quilt, wailing loudly: "Sister Suxi, I was wrong! I'll treat you to a meal to make amends... It's so embarrassing, did I really do all this? Oh my God, I even danced the Hu Xuan dance, but I can't even dance! Is everyone laughing at me? Damn it, I have no face to live..."
Don't blame me for overreacting. Humans are social animals. For historians like us who value our reputation more than anything else, social death is more terrifying than real death.
Su Xi paused to soothe my hand, then said thoughtfully, "No, His Majesty did not laugh at you. His Majesty admires your dancing. But Madam Shen... Although His Majesty did not make a fuss, it is still unbecoming to faint in front of the emperor. And there is also the wine... Alas."
I screamed in despair under the covers, venting the overwhelming embarrassment.
Because of that three liang of yellow soup, I not only missed the New Year's Day court meeting, but also became an unlucky stomach patient.
Doctor Fan was summoned to the Zichen Palace in the middle of the night. He had not had a good year and was very resentful towards me. He took this opportunity to examine my body carefully and then told me seriously that my stomach and liver fire were too strong and it was not suitable for me to maintain my health.
"The kitchen said that you asked for midnight snacks many times. Look at you, you stay up late and have indigestion. No wonder your stomach and liver are not in good condition." Doctor Fan wrote me a prescription in a long-winded manner, while lamenting that young people nowadays really don't take care of their bodies.
I complained, "What's this about midnight snacks? Doctor Fan, let me tell you, my liver problems are mainly due to the pent-up emotions in my heart."
Doctor Fan said, "I don't care what the specific reason is. The emperor specifically asked me to check your pulse. I will definitely take care of your health."
"Do I really need you, Doctor Fan? If he hadn't been so angry with me, I could have lived at least a dozen more years. Why did he have to go so far away and waste Doctor Fan's precious medical skills? What's wrong with that?"
"Auntie, please shut up." Doctor Fan said speechlessly.
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