The night rain soaks my clothes, it's an old friend.
The cold rain seemed to never stop.
Consciousness floated in the darkness, as if returning to the moment when Yunxi's soul shattered, the sky full of golden light, and the warmth that suddenly disappeared from her arms.
"Yunxi—!"
I woke up with a start, sitting up abruptly. The violent movement aggravated the unknown wound, causing me to gasp in pain.
"Girl, you're awake?"
A gentle voice, tinged with concern, sounded beside me.
That sound...
My whole body stiffened abruptly, as if my blood had frozen instantly. I turned my head in disbelief, extremely slowly.
In the candlelight, a handsome face came into view. His features were exquisite, and his demeanor was aloof—exactly the image etched into my soul. He wore a slightly worn blue scholar's robe, with an outer robe draped over his shoulders, and his hair was still damp, clearly indicating that he had just returned from the rain.
It is Yunxi.
No, it's not Yunxi.
It was Xie Yunzhi, an ordinary scholar from Qingshui Town.
His eyes held concern, doubt, and the gentleness of a mortal, but lacked the deep affection and familiarity that had settled within me over a thousand years.
Immense elation and utter despair clashed wildly within me like fire and ice, almost tearing me apart. I found him; he was indeed still "alive," but he looked at me with the eyes of a stranger.
"Miss?" Seeing that I remained silent for a long time, only staring at him, he frowned slightly and called out again.
That one word, "girl," was like a cold needle, piercing all my unrealistic fantasies.
I forced myself to lower my eyes, suppress the sob in my throat, and replied in a hoarse voice, "Thank you... thank you for saving me, young master."
"It was nothing." He said calmly, handing over a bowl of steaming ginger soup. "I found you collapsed by the roadside outside town, so I brought you back. It's a chilly rainy night, have some ginger soup to warm you up."
I reached out to take it, but my fingertips trembled uncontrollably as they touched the warm bowl.
That's the action.
For thousands of years, whenever I frolicked in the Jade Pool and accidentally caught a chill, he would always silently bring me a bowl of celestial dew, warmed by divine power, and place it before me. His movements were always so natural, and his eyes were always so calm and undisturbed.
Exactly the same.
"Girl?" He seemed to notice my unusual behavior.
The bowl slipped from my trembling hands and crashed to the ground with a sharp "smash," splashing brown ginger soup onto his clothes and cloth shoes.
"I'm sorry!" I hurriedly got up, trying to find something to wipe myself, but due to physical weakness and agitation, my vision went black and I fell forward again.
A pair of hands firmly supported my shoulders.
Those hands, with distinct knuckles, were warm and dry. Through the thin clothing, their warmth was clearly felt on my skin.
My body froze completely, too afraid to move. My mind went blank, only the spot he touched felt like it was on fire, burning hot.
Throughout our thousand years of companionship, he had never touched me so proactively or for such a long time. The closest moment we ever met was when he tied my clothes after I took human form, a fleeting touch of his fingertips.
And now, those hands that once held the destiny of all things and reviewed countless books of fate are now, with the strength of a mortal, supporting a strange, disheveled woman.
"Be careful." He released his grip at the opportune moment, took a half-step back, and restored a perfectly appropriate distance. His tone remained gentle, yet carried an undeniable air of aloofness. "The young lady is weak; there's no need to worry about such trivial matters. I'll just get her another bowl."
He turned and walked towards the small kitchen outside.
I stood there, stunned, watching his departing figure. His blue robe was simple and elegant, his back slender, slowly overlapping with the image of the aloof and cold deity in my memory, dressed in white, before slowly separating again.
Tears welled up uncontrollably again. I bit my lower lip hard to keep them from falling.
Don't cry. Little Moyu, you can't cry.
He is now Xie Yunzhi, an ordinary scholar. To him, you are just a stranger of unknown origin. Your tears, your regret, your boundless love are nothing but burdens and troubles to him.
I took a deep breath and forced back my tears.
By the time he returned with a new bowl of ginger soup, I had managed to compose myself and was sitting quietly on the edge of the bed.
"May I ask your name, young lady?" He handed me the ginger soup, which I accepted steadily this time.
My name... it was given to me by him.
"Mo Xiaoyu," I answered softly, lowering my head to sip the spicy liquid in my bowl, trying to mask the turmoil in my heart. The taste was nowhere near as sweet as the elixir he had once prepared for me, yet it carried a genuine warmth of human kindness.
“Mo Xiaoyu…” he repeated softly, seemingly savoring the name. “It is… a very unique name.”
Was I special? Back then, in the Jade Pool, I was just an inconspicuous black carp among thousands of celestial carp. He said, "Your ink color is deep and dark, so why not call me Little Fish?" And so, I got my name.
"My surname is Xie, my given name is Yunzhi, and my courtesy name is Anzhi," he introduced himself in a steady voice. "I am a schoolteacher in this town."
Xie Yunzhi. Yunzhi.
Yunxi...stopped.
This name is like a cruel joke, or a fatal curse. Where the clouds cease to gather, will his destiny as a divine ruler come to an end?
"Thank you so much for saving my life, young master." I put down the empty bowl, stood up, and wanted to bow to him.
“Miss Mo, there’s no need for such formalities.” He offered a gesture of support. “May I ask where you are from? Why did you collapse alone by the roadside in the rain? Have you encountered any difficulties?”
The series of questions were reasonable and showed the concern that a kind-hearted ordinary person should have when facing a stranger in distress.
But how should I answer?
Should I tell him I come from the Temple of Fate above the Nine Heavens? Should I tell him I am a carp spirit who has cultivated for a thousand years? Should I tell him I personally killed him in my past life and have come to atone for my sins?
I can't.
"I... suffered a misfortune at home and had nowhere to go, so I wandered all the way here." I fabricated the most clichéd and unfalsifiable reason, my voice low, carrying just the right amount of desolation and helplessness.
He remained silent for a moment, the candlelight flickering on his handsome profile.
“In that case…” he pondered, “If you have nowhere to go for the time being, and if you don’t mind the simplicity of my humble abode, you may stay here for now. There is an empty room next door, but it needs to be cleaned.”
I looked up abruptly, staring at him in disbelief.
He... is willing to take me in?
Was it because of his inherent kindness, which remained unchanged even after reincarnation? Or was it because of... that subtle pull towards me hidden deep within his soul, which even he himself was unaware of?
"I..." My voice choked again, and I quickly lowered my head. "Thank you for taking me in, young master. I am willing to serve you as a maid or servant to repay your kindness."
“There’s no need for that.” He shook his head gently, his tone gentle yet firm. “Although I am poor, I do not need anyone to serve me. Miss, please stay here and recover your health first.”
He gently pushed back the idea of "repaying kindness," fixing the nature of his shelter on pure goodwill towards those in distress.
That's good. That's exactly the behavior a gentleman should exhibit.
But my heart felt like it was being soaked in bitter water, unbearably bitter.
He got up, led the way for me, and took me to the next room. The room was indeed a little dusty, but it was still quite clean.
“It’s getting late, young lady, please rest. I’ll help you clean tomorrow.” He stood at the door, not coming in, maintaining a just-right distance.
"Young Master." I couldn't help but call out to him as he turned to leave.
He turned around and gave me an inquiring look.
"What...what should I do?" I asked, somewhat at a loss. For a thousand years I was a fish, for ten years I took human form; I had never truly lived as a "person." In the Temple of Fate, I was a special being, pampered and cherished by him. Now, I need an identity, a reason to stay by his side.
He looked at me, his gaze falling on my hands which were clasped together in nervousness. He paused for a moment and said, "If you feel bad about it, you can help me clean the courtyard and tidy up the study from time to time."
Tidying up the study...
This means that I can legitimately enter the places he frequents, touch his things, and feel his lingering presence.
"Okay." I agreed almost eagerly.
He nodded, said nothing more, and turned to leave. His footsteps faded into the distance, eventually disappearing in the direction of the main house.
I stood alone in the empty, cold room, looking around. There was no ethereal mist of the Jade Pool, no solemn grandeur of a temple, only the simplest furniture of the mortal world, and the sound of rain pattering outside the window, seemingly endless.
I slowly walked to the window and looked at the warm candlelight reflected in the main room's window.
He was right there.
Separated by a wall.
So close, yet so far.
I reached out and gently pressed my hand against my cold heart, where the jade pendant I held was radiating a faint but constant warmth.
Yunxi, I've found you.
But how can I get you to... look at me again?
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