My name is Xu Dao, and I am a thief.
When I was a child, my family was poor and my father was an alcoholic and a gambler. Whenever he got drunk, he would beat my mother and us to death.
My mother was weak and incompetent and did not dare to resist my father. She could only pinch our arms fiercely while crying after my father left drunkenly with the money.
She said it was because of us two that she had to stay in this family and suffer like this.
I do not understand.
Actually, I didn't feel any particular pain.
Maybe it's God's blessing that I'm like a monster who can't feel pain.
My indifference scared my mother, who was gradually calming down after venting her emotions. I heard her whisper that I was a monster.
I looked at my hands. Am I a monster?
Maybe because I have had few friends since I was a child, I became very cold and withdrawn. I don’t like to stay with those people. Interpersonal relationships are a very troublesome thing for me to deal with.
When I was 16, my father owed a lot of money from gambling.
It’s so much that even if our family works for two lifetimes, we still can’t pay it back.
The mother stood trembling by the window, yelling at the father at the top of her lungs. The father was not to be outdone and cursed her viciously.
I held my sister's hand, stood behind, and looked at them expressionlessly. My thoughts drifted far away, but it seemed as if I was not thinking about anything.
I watched their mouths open and close, the despair in my mother's eyes, and my father's flushed face.
Their voices seemed to be right next to my ears, but I couldn't hear them clearly.
The world was very quiet until I saw my mother looking at us with a dead heart. She looked at my sister and me with complicated eyes, as if she wanted to say something, but she said nothing. She just relaxed her body and fell down.
The world seemed to slow down suddenly, and I saw her mouth move before she fell, as if she said something.
All I heard was a "bang".
Do you know the sound of someone jumping off a building and hitting the ground? Have you ever seen what it looks like when someone falls from a building?
I saw it with my own eyes when I was 16 and still a minor.
The cicadas were chirping incessantly in the midsummer, and the old men and women who were taking shelter under the shade of the trees were shivering with fear. My father muttered in horror: "I didn't mean to force her to death. She committed suicide. Don't blame me." Then he rushed out of the door and never came back amid the pointing and talking of the neighbors around him.
I took my sister downstairs and calmly looked at my mother on the ground. She was staring at the direction where my father had fled in panic, and she died with her eyes open.
I let go of my sobbing sister and walked forward. Everyone made way for me and tried to avoid me, looking at me as if I were a monster.
Yes, monster.
The monster walked forward, closed his mother's eyes, and then calmly took care of the funeral.
The creditors came to our house, smashed things, and looted, forcing us to pay back the money. They poured red paint on our door and pushed us around. Finally, when they wanted to put the paint bucket on my sister's head, I moved.
I locked my sister in the bedroom and beat up six people by myself. I had no scruples and beat them to death. The debt collectors were also scared by my reckless beating. After all, compared to money, they valued their lives more.
They finally calmed down and listened to me properly. If they had done that earlier, I wouldn't have had to beat them like this.
I promised them that I would sell the house and give them all the money, and we would pay them back the rest slowly. They were skeptical, but there was really no other way, so they left cursing.
I let my sister out. The little girl looked at the wounds on my body and tears fell down. I pulled the corners of my mouth, trying to smile to reassure her, but it pulled the wound and I hissed in pain.
It’s strange, why didn’t I feel any pain just now?
I sold the house and everything that could be sold at home. I gave most of the money to the debt collectors and kept a little for myself. Then one night, I ran away with my sister.
It's funny. They actually believed that I wanted to pay off my father's debt. Why should we pay back the money he owed himself?
I took my sister and left there decisively. Do you think I wanted to take her away and live a good life?
No, I will take her to find her father and send him back personally to pay back the money.
Debts must be paid, murder must be punished.
None of him can escape.
But I was too young and underestimated the difficulty of life. We were wandering in the big city, with no place to stay, like two beggars.
I was not yet an adult, let alone my sister. No store was willing to hire us. Our money gradually ran out, and we were unable to move forward.
Looking at my sister who looked pale and skinny, I went to find the beggar king of this area.
Yes, beggars also have small groups that depend on each other for survival.
I wanted to bring my sister to join, but they refused.
I know that the Beggar King made his fortune by stealing. Later, something seemed to have happened to him and he was sent to prison. Now he is out again. He is smart and has some savings. Occasionally, he gives a few bites of food to those homeless people who are almost starving to death, and they swear to serve him until death.
This time, I just barged in.
The Beggar King's men stopped me, so I took action directly and the scene gradually became chaotic.
The fight with the debt collector suddenly came to my mind. It seemed that people like me were like mice walking in the shadows, never seeing the light of day in their entire lives. Flowers and sunshine belonged to those who lived a happy life, while I could only avoid them and pick up the crumbs and fruit scraps they dropped.
Maybe it was because I was quite talented in fighting, and in the end I still stood in front of the Beggar King. The Beggar King looked at me, sighed, and asked me a question: If one day I was sent to jail for stealing, would I still want to learn this skill?
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