33. What would it be like if she could love me?
Xiao Yu brought over two stemmed wine glasses and handed her one: "Want some?"
Mu Jia took the glass, the bright red liquid swirling within. She realized the other person was still staring intently at her, as if waiting for her answer.
But she was suddenly interrupted by the other person, "Jiajia, do you think I'm a jerk? You flirt with so many girls, but you never commit to anything?"
Mu Jia looked at him; he was like a flower in full bloom, yet not a single petal clung to him—that was the truth.
But since the two were friends in the past, this is not a flaw that she should criticize.
"You introduced me to your uncle and aunt, but haven't I told you about my family in detail yet?"
Have I not told you about my family yet?
This sentence sounds so familiar, as if I've heard it somewhere before. Mu Jia couldn't help but be momentarily lost in thought.
He continued, "You know, when I was little, my parents separated, and I also knew that my mother was no longer alive."
Mu Jia looked at him and suddenly heard him say, "But you probably don't know that my mother actually committed suicide."
"What?"
His parents separated when he was very young due to a breakdown in their relationship.
The two later went to court to fight for custody of their son. Xiao's father, being wealthy, hired the best lawyers and ultimately won the custody battle.
From then on, Xiao's mother became depressed and increasingly despondent. One night, more than half a year later, she committed suicide at home by taking medicine.
Mu Jia stared blankly at Xiao Yu, watching the man drink the red wine in his glass in one gulp.
“After my mother passed away, I often wondered if I was the one who killed her. If I had stayed with her back then, would she still be alive? Later, I even came to hate my father because of this. Since he was able to remarry and have a new son, why did he so resolutely fight for custody of me back then? He had everything, but my mother only had me…”
"So I always hoped that others would love me, but I didn't dare to really love them."
Because he was afraid that his love would harm others, just like back then, if his mother hadn't loved him so much, he might not have died in the end.
“Your mother… what happened to your mother back then wasn’t your fault.” Mu Jia gently took the wine glass from his hand. “Don’t overthink it. Sometimes, when people make a decision, it’s ultimately because of their own heart, and it has little to do with anyone else.”
Unexpectedly, the man beside her grabbed her hand. Xiao Yu turned his head, his eyes wet. Looking at her equally wet eyes, he smiled after a few seconds. "Jiajia, do you remember the first time we drank together alone? It was also in a hotel room, similar to now."
That was when their company had just started discussing cooperation with the Xiao family, and the two of them flew back to China from Latin America on a business trip.
At the dinner party the following evening, a young model brought by another partner, whether intentionally or on someone else's advice, slipped something into Xiao Yu's drink.
Back in her room that evening, Mu Jia bumped into Xiao Yu, who was being helped by a woman, in the hotel corridor.
In that one glance, she sensed something was wrong, and a few minutes later, she went to knock on his door.
Xiao Yu looked at her and asked, "Do you remember what you said to that woman that time?"
That time she said to that girl, "There's nothing shameful about pursuing love, but trying to enter a wealthy family using such despicable means is just too low-class."
Then, glancing at the phone the other person was about to take a picture, he said, "What? Want to keep evidence? Or do you want to become famous? Either you get out of here now and don't try anything funny again, and we can pretend today's incident never happened; otherwise, I'm in marketing, and I can make you famous all over the Chinese internet tomorrow, albeit in a bad way."
“I scared her.” Mu Jia laughed. “It was probably the first time she had done something like that. When she saw me coming to interfere, she was trembling with fear. She’s not a repeat offender; it’s more like she was momentarily confused and got stuck in a rut.”
Xiao Yu looked at her with a smile. She was always like this, never starting with any specific purpose, yet she could effortlessly help everyone she met get back on track.
It's both contradictory and interesting.
He still didn't let go of her hand: "We weren't this close back then, were we just ordinary friends, right?"
She looked at him, unsure of his meaning.
"But Jiajia, at that time I was actually thinking, if this girl can be like this to her friends, what would it be like if she could love me?"
“And another thing,” Xiao Yu said, not being swayed by her words, looking at her and continuing earnestly, “I also think that if my mother were still alive, she would probably protect me in the same way.”
For some reason, Mu Jia suddenly couldn't look the other person in the eye. "Xiao Yu, I..."
Xiao Yu's words stirred up some memories for her, and Mu Jia was suddenly overwhelmed by emotions and found it hard to breathe.
The familiar feeling washed over me again; I wanted to escape, but I couldn't move. My head was spinning, and everything in front of me seemed to be turning. I also felt nauseous...
She struggled to control herself, took a few deep breaths, and felt she had finally calmed down before daring to open her mouth. After hesitating for a few seconds, she finally spoke: "Xiao Yu, I am not the sun. Really."
The man looked at her with some surprise.
Mu Jia finally made up her mind.
"You said last time that you really liked my family atmosphere, right? What if I told you that it was all a lie?"
"What?"
Xiao Yu looked on incredulously.
Mu Jia suddenly smiled and said, "Let's talk about my dad first. He has always pretended that he still loves my mom and our family."
One day during her summer vacation after her junior year of high school, she made plans to go out with her classmates, but something came up at her friend's house, so they had to end the trip early.
When I got home, I heard Yuan Mei and Mu Xiangming arguing at the door.
In her memory, Yuan Mei was innocent and optimistic, and Mu Xiangming was a gentleman and tolerant. She had almost never seen the two of them argue.
So that time, she felt a little unfamiliar and a little scared, so she didn't go in and listened to the whole thing silently from the doorway.
After listening, I understood the reality beneath my parents' seemingly loving marriage and the true state of their seemingly perfect family...
Including Yuan Mei's last sentence, "If it weren't for Jiajia, I wouldn't have put up with you until now."
Later, she went abroad to study and work, leaving her domestic documents at home. Mu Xiangming, being a public official, was afraid of causing trouble, so he would use her identification information and contact details to book hotel rooms.
But what he didn't know was that Mu Jia's phone abroad had always been a dual-SIM phone.
So every time, she would receive a text message notification, specifying the time, the hotel, and the total number of times. She had no choice but to know all of this.
I absolutely have to know everything...
She took a sip of her drink and smiled. "Just a few days ago, a woman left her lipstick in her hotel room. The hotel found me through the phone number she left and mailed the lipstick to my home."
She had thought before that she should just tell her parents that she knew everything and let them make their own choices without worrying about her.
But at that time, she was still a minor and didn't dare to do it. She was afraid that if she exposed it, she would immediately lose the thing she cherished most and was most proud of since childhood.
So for a period of time, she actually hated herself, hated her own cowardice and selfishness, that she only made others sacrifice for her.
“And my mom, she pretends too.”
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