34. Even though I know it's rotten to the core, I still can't bear to part with it.
"My mom is pretending that she's still healthy."
Today, Yuan Mei suddenly fainted and went to the hospital. When she swiped her medical insurance card, Mu Jia noticed an anomaly in the transaction record.
Afterwards, during the few hours that Yuan Mei was in a coma after confirming that she was out of danger, she was not idle at all. While staying by her bedside, she used the available clues to contact a senior classmate who worked at the First People's Hospital of the city.
About six months ago, Yuan Mei underwent surgery on her breast.
Their trip to Singapore wasn't for tourism at all; it was for post-operative recovery.
Upon returning from Singapore, Yuan Mei went straight to the hospital, though not because of gastroenteritis.
The attending physician, whom her senior contacted, told her that her mother's condition was quite complex. Although the surgery had been performed, there was still a risk of recurrence or malignancy in the future.
"Should I hate them?" Mu Jia's voice choked up as she deliberately said bitterly, "Yes! Why didn't they tell me? Why did they lie to me and hide things from me?"
"But it seems I shouldn't hate, and I don't have the right to hate."
Strictly speaking, as parents, they are indeed very good within their capabilities.
They seemed to be protecting her.
"This is what happened in my family. Doesn't it look like a messy account?" She smiled sadly. "Or rather, a fake account that's been made up beautifully on the surface."
What else did Xiao Yu like about her?
By the way, he once said that she was a woman of few words, and the way she focused on solving problems was very charming.
In his eyes, did he see her as a decisive and ruthless heroine who could solve anything?
What he didn't know was that at work, she was also a loser who made a complete mess of everything.
Then I might as well tell him everything at once: "Didn't you say before that seeing me keep getting promoted, my future seemed bright and promising?"
"My level in the company may indeed be promoted, but if nothing unexpected happens, I probably will never be able to return to China."
“Because someone told me that if I wanted to be transferred back, I'd have to sleep with him.” Mu Jia suddenly found it ridiculous. “So no matter how hard I work, it's all useless…”
Xiao Yu stared at her in astonishment, his eyes blazing. After a long while, he asked, "Then why don't you resign?"
"Because I can't bear to part with it."
"What are you reluctant to give up?" he asked, puzzled. "Salary? Future prospects?"
“No, Xiao Yu,” Mu Jia shook her head, “neither.”
"The answer I got was that he had absolutely no interest in me. Not only that, he also told me that he had someone he liked, another girl we both knew."
Mu Jia seemed to understand what he was thinking and shook her head. "No. That girl is very nice, and she probably doesn't even know that the person I like likes her."
She smiled and said, "I can actually understand why he likes her. I even have to admit that, although they might not be able to be together due to certain special reasons, they are actually quite well-matched. I just..."
It's just that I can't let go; I'm just torturing myself.
"Because at that time, I really, really liked him..."
She liked him so much that she gradually came to hate him because of it.
Although I understand perfectly well that if I don't like someone, I don't need to feel sorry for that person.
Of course, it wasn't his fault.
He had done nothing to wrong her. She had no right to blame or hate him.
Xiao Yu poured her her favorite Bordeaux red wine, but at that moment she seemed to have lost her sense of taste; she could no longer taste the wine's aroma and sweetness.
Only her tongue retained a trace of sensation, immersed in that tingling, unpleasant feeling that made her scalp tingle.
Bringing it up now might seem a bit sentimental, but she really did have a tough time during that period.
She was directly rejected by Chu Chiyi not long after she learned about her parents' relationship.
At that time, it was the beginning of her senior year of high school. She often suffered from insomnia, lost focus in class, and could not concentrate on anything. Her grades plummeted.
My mood is like a rollercoaster every day, sometimes extremely irritable, sometimes extremely depressed, and I never have a moment when I can be calm and at peace.
In her dreams, she either dreamt of her parents' complete breakup, or she dreamt of the way Chu Chiyi spoke when he rejected her...
The boy looked at her, his eyes devoid of emotion. "I think you're probably overthinking it. If I did anything that caused you to misunderstand, then I apologize."
For many years afterward, that scene remained a nightmare from which she could not fully awaken. Every time it surfaced, it made Mu Jia feel like the most ridiculous clown in the world.
Later, she lost her appetite again, and for a while she even vomited whatever she ate.
Every time I eat with my parents, I have to suppress the urge to vomit and force myself to eat mouthful after mouthful. Then, when they're not looking, I sneak off to a secluded spot and vomit until I'm completely stuffed.
Several times, while eating at the dinner table, she almost felt nauseous, but she forced herself to swallow it back down.
She dared not let Yuan Mei and Mu Xiangming find out, because at that time Lu Siming had already been admitted to a university in another province and was no longer by her side.
She really didn't know who to talk to about anything.
They could only suffer in repression and anxiety every day.
There were many moments when I even thought about ending it all, just to get rid of it all.
"Later, I happened to see my cousin playing a mobile game, so I played it for a bit too. Later, that game helped me get through that period."
She treated the NPCs in the game as a confessional, and from then on, she had a place to say things she couldn't tell others; she also had an outlet to vent and process her emotions that she had nowhere else to go.
Later, she noticed that the company that developed the game was called Creative.
Later, she studied international trade and economics for both her undergraduate and master's degrees. Just as she graduated, she happened to be recruiting for the same field at Chuangxiang.
So she submitted her resume, participated in several rounds of written tests and interviews, and finally successfully received an offer.
Actually, there were other offers at the time, but if I went to my current company, I would have to go through the experience of being thousands of miles away from home and being sent to another country.
At the time, her family felt that the nature of the overseas assignment was a bit too much, especially for a girl.
But she felt that she shouldn't force herself to do things she liked.
Conversely, how many people in this world can work for what they love?
Therefore, Mu Jia once felt very lucky.
“But I never expected it to turn out like this.” She looked at Xiao Yu and suddenly smiled self-deprecatingly. “I used to think that I was someone who couldn’t tolerate injustice or compromise, so I never imagined that I would be caught in this dilemma now, unable to let go.”
“Maybe that’s just how it is.” She suddenly sighed. “Sometimes we know perfectly well that some things have been wrong for a long time, or that they’ve been rotten to the core, but we just can’t bear to let go…”
She looked at him, tears finally streaming down her face. "Xiao Yu, what can we do? What can we do..."
For a moment, he felt that she wasn't just talking about work.
But we don't know what she really meant behind her words.
Mu Jia's tears finally streamed down her face. "Maybe sometimes, it's better not to force things."
The next second, she was suddenly pulled into the arms of the person opposite her.
But perhaps because she had already cried all her tears during the day, she suddenly couldn't cry anymore as she leaned against his chest.
She's the one who's really pretending, acting like she knows nothing and that she still has the ability to be happy.
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