Chapter 25: The Art of Getting Along with Others (Part 1)
The next day, I prepared to continue teaching Chunlai how to tell fortunes.
Chunlai prepared tea and poured me a cup. When she placed it in front of me, a woman came in from outside.
She smiled and said, "Hello, Teacher Wan."
I looked at her with a smile.
Chun said, "Please sit down."
The woman sat down and said, "The person who came to consult you yesterday was a friend of mine, the one who said he was dumb."
"Oh——" I responded.
"He said you explained the [Transfer Framework] to him very well. I'd like you to analyze my personality and what aspects of my personality I should pay attention to when interacting with others."
I chuckled and said, "Push your bangs up and let me see your forehead."
She pushed her bangs back as far as she could.
I said, "Okay. Not married?"
She nodded, looked at me with a smile, and waited for my next words.
I said, "You're very considerate and find it hard to directly refuse other people's requests. You like to put yourself in other people's shoes and consider their needs. To put it bluntly, you're too soft-hearted."
She smiled slightly, and her two dimples made her look beautiful.
I took a sip of tea and continued:
"You pay too much attention to other people's feelings and needs, and may even sacrifice some of your own interests to satisfy others.
You care about others and expect them to care about you, so you don't have many real friends.
You lack independent thinking. In marriage, it is recommended that you find a stronger man.
You live for the expectations of others, and subconsciously, you hope to become an indispensable figure for your friends."
After hearing this, she almost slid off her chair. After a long while, she said, "Teacher Wan, every word you said hits the nail on the head."
I shook my head and said, "I'm not just talking about you, but people like you. It's called a 'helpful personality'."
The external characteristics of people like you are:
Most of them have a rounder body, a gentle smile, soft eyes, and speak in a calm manner.
The inherent shortcoming of people like you is that you always try to attract other people's attention and always want others to agree with your views.
Your favorite way to ask others is: What do you think? Is it okay? Is it possible? Do you feel comfortable?
The girl covered her mouth with her hands and laughed.
After laughing, he said, "You are a penetrator who can see through other people's inner world."
I said, "People like you are called angels. When you come into this world, you always want to dedicate your love to others. The best careers are nurses, doctors, and preachers. However, you are not suitable for leadership."
She nodded.
Chunlai pointed at the tea and said to the woman, "It's almost cold."
The woman shook her head and said, "I'm not thirsty. Please give Teacher Wan some tea."
Chunlai added more tea for me.
The girl asked, "So what do I need to improve?"
"Some things can be changed, but some can't. This is what we call changing a country is easy, but changing one's nature is difficult. If everyone were to conform to the same pattern, the world would be meaningless. This is called individual differences."
What you can't change is your soft heart, but don't be fooled by others. What you can't change is your lack of independent thinking, so you must find a husband with independent thinking. What you can't change is living for the expectations of others, but you must recognize that not all your efforts will be appreciated by others.
"What does the latter sentence mean?"
"You need to understand correctly that you are not indispensable to others, except for your parents, of course. Everyone has selfish desires, and you need to control your own selfishness."
"Excluding parents means..."
I laughed and said, "Because parents' selfishness is a special case. Their selfish desire is that you live better than them. Other people's selfish desire is that you must not live better than them."
She laughed and said, "No wonder my friends say that listening to you talk is a real pleasure and very philosophical."
I said, "Next, I will talk about the art of getting along with people, targeting people like you."
She nodded.
"First, if you can't change your soft heart, stay away from those who use sweet words. You can be fooled once, but not a second time. Once you've been fooled, you must harden your heart towards such people.
Second, you must recognize that conflict is inevitable in interpersonal relationships. Holding back will only make the conflict come faster and bigger, and you'll suffer more.
3. Don't always associate with people who are the same as you. Change your type and associate with people who have leadership qualities. They are often not particular about small matters, and over time, your temperament will change.
I’d like to discuss these three points with you.”
The girl said, "I really don't know how to thank you. Also, I'm not very good at talking, and sometimes I don't know how to fight back. Can you teach me? I'll pay you more."
I laughed out loud. "Your true nature is showing again. You're considering my feelings first. You're afraid I won't tell you because I won't pay you more. Actually, you can ask me to tell you. You should let me decide whether to pay or not."
Her face turned red.
I said, "As a woman, your method of fighting back is different from your friend from yesterday. Let me teach you two things."
She looked at me eagerly.
"First, curse with a smile. As long as you curse with a smile, you can curse in any way you want, curse hard, and curse out your true feelings.
To others, you appear generous and tolerant. Even when you hit back hard, your attitude is still kind. Even when you scold someone, they don't take it seriously because you do it with a smile.
Second, the scolding should be powerful and elegant. Enumerate his shortcomings and use many parallel sentences, but with your personality, I don't think you can scold him that way.
She smiled and said, "Teacher Wan, you have the momentum and literary talent. Come on, scold me and let me hear you."
I said, "Let me imitate the scene from the TV series Romance of the Three Kingdoms where Zhuge Liang scolds Wang Lang."
After saying that, I stood up and pointed outside the door. It seemed as if Wang Lang was standing there, cursing:
"You are a traitorous traitor. You have lived to the age of seventy-six in vain, achieving no merit in your life. All you can do is talk nonsense, aiding Cao Cao in his atrocities. You are a dog with a broken spine, yet you dare to bark wildly in front of our army. I have never seen such a shameless person."
Both she and Chunlai were amused by me.
I said, "To curse someone like that, you need to speak quickly, fluently, and with great force. You can't do it."
She asked, "Is there any other solution?"
I said, "Third, curse without using any curse words. You can learn this. Guo Degang is good at this. Look it up online."
The woman asked me a few questions, and I patiently guided her. She said, "Teacher Wan, I want to introduce some friends. I also want to come and listen with you, is that okay?"
I deliberately put on a fierce face and said, "There's a fee for accompanying you."
She smiled and said, "Okay. Can I have your phone number?"
I pointed at Chunlai and said, "Let's keep his."
The woman said: "My name is Wang Qian. My phone number is..."
After the girl left, Chunlai asked, "How can I deal with someone like her?"
I said, "This kind of person is easy to deal with. Don't preach when talking to her. Remember her preferences and give her a small gift from time to time. Appreciate her kindness. If she does something for you, bring it up often the next time you meet her, and the next time you meet her. Don't lie to her."
This kind of girl is a good wife. Your family and even your relatives will speak well of her. However, you must make the decision for her because she lacks independent thinking.
I continued to teach Chunlai how to solve the riddle. About an hour later, Chunlai's phone rang.
After he finished the call, he said to me, "It's Wang Qian from earlier. She said she'll bring someone over this afternoon."
I said, "Okay. I'll teach you the ten personality types slowly."
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