Chapter 29: The Art of Getting Along with Others Part Five and Six
It had always been women who came, but today a man in his 30s came to ask a question.
I nodded and said, "Go ahead. The person next to me is my apprentice. Can he sit in on the class?"
"Okay, my name is Zhao Qianshe, and I even hate myself."
As soon as I heard it, I understood what was going on and said, "Don't bother, I'll explain it for you."
Zhao Qianshe looked at me.
"For example, you don't want to fly and would rather take the high-speed rail because you're worried about the plane crashing."
He nodded.
I said, "That's not all. Your wife went out and should have arrived at her destination in two hours. She hadn't called you in two hours, and yet you started to worry and get terrified. The first thing you thought of was a traffic accident."
He pounded his legs a few times and said, "That's right."
I said, "This isn't life-threatening. What's life-threatening is that you know your worry is unnecessary, that such a thing won't happen, it's so rare, yet you can't help but think about a traffic accident. What if... it won't happen... but what if... your heart is pounding. You start making calls on your cell phone."
If your wife happens to be unable to answer the phone at this time, or the call is on silent mode and she doesn't hear it, you will almost go crazy, dialing non-stop, feeling irritable and anxious. "
Zhao Qianshe listened, sighed, and said, "Teacher Wan, I surrender to you. I am just that kind of person. I think I have a mental illness. That's why I hate myself so much."
I said, "Don't worry, I'll analyze it for you slowly. You do have some mental problems, but you're not the only one in the world. There are many people in your situation."
This is called an anxious personality.
Manifestations and change strategies:
1. Always assume the worst. Overthinking negative factors. Be more open-minded in the future. If the sky falls, the eldest son will hold it up. If something does happen, you can't control it.
2. Poor ability to adapt to the environment. Learn to interact with others and open your heart to close friends.
3. You may be kind-hearted but afraid to expose your flaws, and sometimes you'll preemptively attack. Just like when you came to me today, don't be afraid of me pointing out your flaws. What are you afraid of? If others don't point them out, will they disappear? Perhaps you'll change if others point them out.
Fourth, they don’t trust others easily and are less likely to be deceived. This is an advantage.
5. You don’t like others paying attention to you. This doesn’t matter whether you are good or bad.
6. If you lack the courage and pioneering spirit to work alone, it's best to join a team and work with them.
Finally, I advise you to have some faith in fate. If something unfortunate happens, just think that it was destined. Only in this way can you face reality.
The man listened to my advice and said:
"Teacher Wan, after listening to your words, I really feel relaxed. Thank you, thank you."
Zhao Qianshe scanned the code and left.
Chunlai asked, "How do you get along with such a person?"
I said, "If it's your relative, you should tell him frankly that everything has its good side and its bad side.
Normally, tell him more certain information.
Don't make promises to him.
Don't encourage him by worrying about him unnecessarily, for example, by praising him for being so concerned and doing it for the good of his family.
If it's not your family, you can comfort him with one sentence - don't worry about it, everything is destined.
If you say this often, he will gradually believe and acknowledge your statement, thus reducing his anxiety.
Let me give you an example. When I was an apprentice, a man's daughter drowned on the street. Everyone who tried to comfort her only made her more heartbroken. She even considered suicide. Eventually, her family came to see my master, Master Hongyi.
My master went over and said to the woman, "Why are you crying? This is fate. She is not your daughter. If she doesn't die today, she will die tomorrow. What's the point of crying?"
After my master yelled at her, she calmed down and stopped crying so sadly."
Haru said, "That's a good idea."
I said, "It's the same thing. Imagine a man who made a lot of money. Then his factory caught fire and burned down. He wanted to die. In such a situation, you would just slap him in the face and say it was his fate. He only had so much wealth, and the extra money had to be returned. Not burning the workers to death would be the greatest mercy you could offer.
After a few days of thinking about it, I figured it out."
As the master and the disciple were talking, another man came in. He also came for psychological consultation.
I said, "What's your problem?"
The man said, "I always quarrel with my wife. She says I don't have ambition. Teacher Wan, when you live in this world, do you have to make a career? Isn't it enough to just live happily?"
I smiled and said, "I see. You came into this world to enjoy life. People like you are called 'enjoyment-oriented' people."
The manifestation is:
1. Be versatile, have a wide range of interests, and like to try everything.
2. You don’t like making promises. For example, if a relative asks you for help or a friend asks you to do something, you will try to refuse it if you can.
3. You have no sense of hierarchy and you dare to pat your leader’s shoulder.
4. Like to try new ways of playing and are curious about new things.
5. Live for the moment and rarely consider other people's feelings.
6. Not willing to do housework, not willing to stay at home, likes to play with friends, singing, dancing and playing cards.
7. You speak fast and can chat with people you get along with until midnight. If you are not interested in a topic, you will find an excuse to leave.
The man smiled and said, "Yes, Mr. Wan. Is this a mistake?"
I smiled and said, "It depends on the situation. If your family is struggling, you're being irresponsible. If your family is well off, it's just a lack of ambition. If your family is wealthy, you're a playboy and a spendthrift."
He smiled and said, "My family is OK, neither poor nor extremely wealthy."
I said, "You can't change it. It's not a big deal. It's easy to change a country, but it's hard to change one's character."
After the man left, Chunlai asked, "How can I get along with this kind of person?"
"It depends on your worldview. If you have the same worldview, play together. If you have different worldviews, stay away.
However, this type of person won't cause you any harm, and they tend to be relatively open-minded and indifferent to worldly matters.
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