Chapter 587: Turbulent Adolescence
I didn't rush to answer his question. After taking a sip of tea, I pulled out a pack of cigarettes and said to Zhan Cai, "One."
I didn't particularly want to smoke, I just wanted to make some inferences based on the way Zhan Cai smoked.
Zhan Cai took the cigarette. He usually lights it for me, but not this time. He held the cigarette but didn't want to smoke. I lit it for him, and he nodded in acknowledgment, a little embarrassed.
I took a puff of the cigarette, and he took one too. Most people smoke through their nostrils, but he took a puff and blew it straight out of his mouth.
This action shows that he wants to blow away the worries in his heart as much as possible, letting all the sorrows dissipate as quickly as possible like the smoke.
I said slowly, "I'm not an expert, but I can give you some suggestions."
Zhan Cai clasped his hands together and thanked him repeatedly.
"Tell me about her situation."
Zhan Cai searched on his phone and found a photo of his niece to show me.
Not beautiful, but definitely not ugly. Just like the girl next door, this is a full-body photo of her standing at the gate.
You can tell at first glance that she is fifteen or sixteen years old, with the immature look of a flower that is just blooming but not fully opened.
I nodded, indicating that I didn't want to look at more photos.
Zhanchai said: "I live with my parents and my niece, and she goes to the training class with me on weekends to learn Chinese.
We are a middle-class family, fairly well-off. But Linnie has been acting strangely lately, not wanting to talk much. Sometimes a single word seems to irritate her, and she gets very upset.
I nodded and said, "Mr. Zhanchai, I don't know the specific situation, but I'd like to talk to you about the education of adolescent children."
Zhan Cai nodded and said, "That's great."
I pointed to the cigarette between his fingers, and he finally understood and flicked the ash into the ashtray.
I slowly stated my point of view:
"Everyone has a rebellious mentality during adolescence. This is because adolescents begin to develop a strong sense of self.
The specific situations can be roughly divided into the following five categories:
One is the formation of a worldview. They have their own understanding of the world, and the worldview of their elders has long been fixed. Therefore, adolescents hate the preaching of their elders the most.
This is called 'linguistic impatience'.
This manifests as resistance, such as "Can you please stop talking?" or "I understand, please stop saying that." This is the process of developing a sense of autonomy.
The second is the inevitable process of sexual development. Specifically, it's the beginning of love for the opposite sex. This kind of love is very simple—it's simply falling in love with someone. However, she's afraid to let her parents know. Yet, she must let the person she loves know.
This creates a contradiction: she is constantly distancing herself from her parents and elders, resisting your inquiries, understanding, and closeness.
She spends most of her time interacting with the opposite sex, chatting through social media and creating every opportunity to interact with them. If she is at home, she also wants to be alone and recall every word and every detail of her time with the opposite sex.
Every action of the person she loves will affect her emotions.
This is called 'family alienation'.
The third type is the pressure from studying. Everyone's intelligence is different, and academic performance does not determine whether a person will have a bright future.
However, the deeply ingrained secular concept holds that good grades mean intelligence, and if she feels her grades are declining or she loses interest in learning, she will be extremely upset.
Because no one likes to be labeled as "stupid, not smart, idiot" or something like that.
This is called 'the distress of self-expectations'.
The fourth is the widespread and intense vanity. This is unavoidable for anyone during adolescence. They want to possess what others have, and become troubled when they don't.
For example, if her classmates' parents were good-looking, she wouldn't want her own parents to be at school. If her classmates' parents drove luxury cars, she would ask them to drive their low-end cars nearby while she walked a distance before getting in.
Of course, since she couldn't express her vanity, she would lie and say that she could walk and didn't want her parents to pick her up. She was very annoyed that her parents suddenly showed up at the school.
This is called 'excessive expansion of vanity'.
The fifth type is menstrual panic. A boy's first nocturnal emission, or a girl's first menstruation, can cause them to behave abnormally.
Due to external influences, some boys and girls even become addicted to masturbation and develop a desire to voyeurize the opposite sex.
These physiological phenomena are not a big deal, but because they are inconsistent with traditional concepts, they make them feel guilty.
This is called 'confusion during sexual growth period'.
Therefore, adolescent abnormalities fall into these five categories. Having worked in psychological counseling for a period of time, I have a good understanding of these situations.
Upon hearing this, Zhan Cai gave a thumbs-up: "I didn't expect that Mr. Wan is not only good at treating illnesses, but is also so proficient in psychological counseling."
I said, "So-called adolescent confusion is like pimples that appear during adolescence. If you squeeze them, they will only get more and more, leaving you with a face full of pits and rashes."
"Then what method should be used?"
"Wash inside and outside."
"Specifically..."
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