I feel like I'm breaking
(Small Theater) Proof ~ Lei
When I was a sophomore and she was also a sophomore, I accidentally found out her phone number. Without saying much, and since people who understand don't need to ask, I naturally decided to call her. This is my goddess's phone number. I was drunk and timid, so I made a call that others thought was harassment. I just wanted to ask "why". I can do it very well.
Maybe I have been competing with myself in my heart. If you can do it, so can I. During my three years in college, even when I was in a relationship, I did not neglect my studies. I studied mechanical engineering and was still able to shine.
I am also the class monitor, the president of the student union, and I have scholarships. What do you think? I am awesome too. It’s a pity that you can’t see or hear me because you don’t want to see me or listen to me.
The resentment was too deep and I wanted to vent it, but I didn't expect that I would be confronted with a phone call. Whenever you wanted to say something, I couldn't beat you with my eloquence. It has always been like this. And I have not made any progress in language skills with you. My heart is cold again.
~~~
During these agonizing eight hours, my mother called and told Qiyue: "It's nothing serious. Don't worry. Be careful and eat something. It's cold in the north in winter. If you don't eat, you won't be able to bear it."
My sister sent me a message: "Don't worry, everything is fine at home, be careful on the road."
My younger brother sent me a message: "Sister, I'm at home, please be careful on the road."
My uncle sent me a message: "Niece, get off the car. I'm here to pick you up. Be careful on the road."
My sister sent me a message: "Sister, be safe on your way home."
"Everyone remembered to say be careful, but the person who always helped me with my suitcase, picked me up and dropped me off at the car, held me in his hands and cherished me like my life, said nothing. His phone number and WeChat window never popped up once."
"It will be fine, everything will be fine. Just go home and rest for a few days. It's no big deal. I kept telling myself these words in my heart. But if it was nothing serious, why did my uncle come? Why did everyone tell me to be careful? Why didn't anyone stop me from going home? If it was really like what I thought, no, absolutely not. My father is not even sixty yet. He is in good health and it's time to enjoy life. My father is such a good man. He said that he would see me off to marriage, raise children for me, and stay with me for a long time."
"Dad, you can't leave me because I don't agree. I won't let you. If you dare to leave me, I will never talk to you again. I will be very angry with you, and your little lover will never forgive you for leaving."
"It's so cold this night, so cold that I feel like I'm going to break."
After get off work in the evening, Meimei returned to the dormitory and saw the gift left by Qiyue.
"The past is gone, the future is promising. Cherish time and cherish things. You are the most precious."
Meimei smiled and said, "It's still that Qiyue, the Qiyue who always keeps me in her heart. I hope everything is well."
"It's so dark at one in the morning at home, and the weather in November is so cold." Qi Yue, standing at Chenxi Station, looked up at the dark night, stretched out his hands to grab, and it was cold.
"Niece, come and give the box to your uncle."
"Uncle, is my dad okay? Is it serious?"
"Your father is fine. We'll go to the hospital when it's daybreak. Come on, let's go home."
Go home, home, how long can it take?
"Yueyue is back. Are you hungry? Mom will cook noodles for you."
"Mom, I'm not hungry. I want to go to the hospital."
"Be good, get some sleep first, we'll go again around five."
My mother looks particularly haggard today.
It's more like lying down than sleeping. Dad is in the hospital and my uncle is taking care of him. Now at home, Qiyue and Mom sleep in Mom and Dad's bedroom. My aunt and uncle sleep in Qiyue's bedroom, and my uncle sleeps in the living room.
"So, everyone is here. I think I understand now."
"I stayed up until four in the morning, washed up, and my mother was making breakfast. Then we went to the hospital together. Since we didn't need so many people to accompany us, my mother and I went first."
"As soon as I walked into the hospital, the smell of disinfectant filled my nose. I've disliked hospitals since I was a child. My grandfather passed away due to a work-related injury and a medical accident, and my grandmother also died of illness three years ago. Now that my father is in the hospital, I dislike hospitals even more. I don't like this place that saves lives and heals the wounded."
When I opened the door, my uncle had already gotten up. Seeing Qi Yue, he whispered, "My niece is back."
Qi Yue greeted him and walked to her father's bedside. "My father, although not very tall, is still a tall and mighty image in my heart. But now my father is as haggard as a tree. There is no flesh on him, only bones. How could my father lose weight so quickly in just half a year? I held back my tears. I can't cry. If I cry, my mother will worry, and if my father sees, he will be sad. I pretended to be calm and waited for my father to wake up. If I felt like crying, I would secretly pinch myself hard where they couldn't see. Even if it hurt, I had to hold back the tears. I can't cry. I am my father's daughter. I have to be as strong as him."
Dad woke up, and Qiyue came to him. To this day, Qiyue still remembers the first words her father said to her: "Why are you back? Go back, go back to work."
"Why does it feel like my dad is a little angry? This is the first time he's been so anxious for me to do something."
Qi Yue pretended to be relaxed and said with a playful expression, "I'm on vacation now, right? I'll go home and take a look. I'll be back in two days."
God knows, when Qi Yue said these two sentences, she almost scratched her hands until they bled. If she hadn't done that, she would have thrown herself into her father's arms and told him, "Dad, I'm scared. I'm really scared."
"My father has a hard time even eating these days. No wonder the noodles Mom cooks in the morning are all broken up and very simple. He can't eat most of the ingredients anymore. His body can't handle them. He relies on intravenous drips to maintain the nutrition he needs. Just like the doctor said, medicine is useless."
"I hate this doctor and I hate everything he says."
"My children have been sick since they were young, and sometimes science can't solve their problems. The older generation relies on so-called metaphysics to solve them."
When Qi Yue was young, she had a weak constitution and was always prone to external illnesses. Therefore, she tried many treatment methods, such as drinking incense ash water, having a big black dog jump on her body, and holding a big rooster and spinning around in circles in the middle of the night.
I remember one time when Qiyue went to my grandmother's house in the village, she was also sick and hadn't been well for a long time. She hadn't opened her eyes for three days and was relying on glucose to stay alive. Later, someone who understood her gave her a "folk remedy."
Father Lan went to the bridge between the two villages at twelve o'clock in the night and burned some paper, and that's when Qi Yue got better. Strangely enough, Qi Yue gradually became more energetic the next day.
Qiyue still remembers that the first meal she had the strength to eat was a thick white porridge and fried golden eggs newly laid by the village chickens. At that time, Qiyue was only about seven or eight years old.
Qi Yue's father was fearless and never believed in the so-called metaphysics of the older generation. But for the sake of his daughter, he believed it and did it.
Because of this, Qiyue always asked her aunt how her day was going, and she always told Qiyue that everything would be fine after a certain time. Although Qiyue also knew that we should believe in science, she really had no other choice. When the doctor had already given her a death sentence, relying on non-material forces was her only hope.
Qi Yue asked again and again, waited again and again, hoped again and again, and likewise, despaired again and again.
Now, Father Lan, Qi Yue's strong father, the father who never uttered a word even in pain since he fell ill, was sleeping most of the time. He ate less food than he vomited blood. Qi Yue hated the color of the blood even more, dark brown blood, not bright red at all.
Qi Yue didn’t know how much pain her father was in, but she could truly feel that her father’s life was slipping away bit by bit, and Qi Yue was the witness of this life that was about to end.
Father Lan was a stickler for cleanliness. Even while lying in bed, he'd always wipe things with tissues. I remember when Qiyue was just born, we lived in a bungalow with a yard in front and back of my grandmother's house. One time, Qiyue's aunt came to visit her newborn niece. Unexpectedly, she saw Qiyue's diapers drying on a pot lid. At that moment, her aunt mocked her brother, saying, "My brother is such a clean person! He even put his cooking utensils on his daughter's diapers."
It is true that even the strongest parents can be defeated by their children.
"I thought my father was strict, but everything has proven that my father is the man who loves me the most in this world, and the man I will love until my death."
"My father, who was unconscious, would talk to me when he was conscious, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. His already thin hands were covered with needle pricks and bruises. How much sin must my father have suffered? If possible, could I exchange the rest of my life for my father's longevity? Why my father? My grandfather died when my father was ten years old, and my grandmother raised the children. So my father has been sensible since he was young. Although he has a bad temper, he is family-oriented, responsible, and always willing to take responsibility. He would rather suffer losses himself than others. He is a very good person. He is about to leave us like this."
"My dad loves mutton soup. When I was little, in the mornings before school, when there was no time to cook at home, he would take me to a snack bar. At that time, a bowl of mutton soup cost two yuan, and a steamed bun cost fifty cents. It was a very satisfying meal. But this morning when I visited my dad again, he couldn't drink the mutton soup I brought him. His stomach couldn't handle it."
"Aunt, do you think my dad will be okay?"
"Yueyue, don't worry. The master said that after four o'clock this afternoon, there will be no more problems."
"Four o'clock, huh? Okay, I'll check the time."
"It's been six days. During these six days, people have come and gone, including relatives, my father's friends, and classmates. I seem to have seen them all."
"This year, I was 23 years old, and in just a few days, I reviewed the various scenes of meeting these people in the past years."
"I don't know why. There are so many people in the ward today. People from my dad's and mom's families are all here. It's not even this lively during the Chinese New Year." Qi Yue was confused and puzzled.
"At this moment, I am holding my father's hand, a hand so thin that only bones are left, a hand covered with tape, a hand full of bruises. It has been a long time since I have properly held these hands. These are the hands I often held when I was a child, and they are the hands that I feel warm in as I grow up."
Holding hands, we walk together.
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