We'll talk about going home after Chapter 25.
The two of them sat in separate corners, panting heavily, neither of them getting close to the other.
"Alright." Yu Xue broke the silence first. She rubbed her shoulders and stood up. "Actually, it doesn't matter whether you believe it or not. Facts are facts, and they can't be changed by whether you believe them or not."
She said, "I used to think that since Yu Xue from the other world loved you so much, you must be someone I could entrust my life to. That's why I told you. But now it seems that you're just like those other people; you don't believe me."
Since coming into this world, she has been experiencing loneliness every moment. She had never experienced it before, but after coming here, she tasted it to her heart's content.
She had too many things buried in her heart, but she couldn't tell anyone. If she revealed even the slightest bit, she would be considered mentally ill.
She looked up and, by accident, met his eyes.
For some reason, she was afraid to even look into other people's eyes, but every time she met Wen Feng's eyes, she couldn't bear to look away.
She said, "I may not have many days left to live. Tonight, I'll play the guitar for you one more time."
Wen Feng wanted to persuade her again not to give up, to get proper treatment, and that she would definitely get better. Her illness wasn't serious, not as severe as she imagined. As long as she cooperated with the doctor, she would probably recover soon.
But he stopped himself; he couldn't persuade her now, and he would try to persuade her tomorrow.
Yu Xue was about to go out to get her guitar when Wen Feng couldn't help but ask, "What if she dies and can't go back?"
Yu Xue tilted her head, pondered for a long time, took a deep breath, and forced back her sobs, "I don't know, I just want to go back, I don't want to die."
She opened the door, took two steps forward, and then stopped again. "But... if I really die, I'll just pretend I never traveled through time. I've lived a happy life for the past twenty years, so it was worth it."
In that sun-drenched world, Yu Xue had never suffered much hardship growing up. The biggest hardship she encountered was that it rained on her coming-of-age ceremony, preventing her from going on the camping trip she had been preparing for for a long time.
She held her first concert before graduating from university, standing on a high stage, witnessing beautiful human-shaped waves of light, and blue glow sticks shimmering like the ocean. She stood there, singing her own compositions, basking in cheers and applause.
All the love flowed towards her; that world seemed to have been created just for her, bringing her so much happiness.
Like any child, she wondered what if the world she lived in was a lie? What if everyone was just putting on an act for her, a scheme by aliens, and in reality, she was the only truly thinking person in the world?
What if that's really the case?
She had thought about it, considered it carefully, and her answer was that it didn't matter.
If this is Truman's world, then she would be willing to stay inside the door forever and never want to leave.
But her dream shattered; she had traveled through time.
Did God grant her such a smooth first half of her life only to create such a terrifying trap for her when she turned twenty?
It doesn't matter anymore. Even if she can't go back, she doesn't want to stay here.
She couldn't say whether staying here or dying was more terrifying.
She moved her feet again, went to the next room, and retrieved her guitar.
She leaned against the bed, her fingertips playing a melody she had never heard before.
It is sorrowful and slow.
Its slowness makes one wonder if the performer has forgotten what their next move should be.
But the performer played very smoothly, without the slightest pause; she moved her fingers slowly and leisurely from beginning to end.
It looks like they're tired.
Wen Feng had only listened to the beginning when he turned on the recorder, wanting to record the melody, afraid that Yu Xue would forget it later.
After waiting for a minute without hearing the next note, Wen Feng asked, "Is this a song from the second album?"
Yu Xue shook her head, "No, it should be... a three-year college diploma?"
Wen Feng asked, "You still can't remember your second major?"
As she slowly moved her fingers, she said, "I can't remember. Not only can I not remember my second major, but I can't even remember my first major."
Wen Feng opened his mouth, about to say something, but was interrupted by Yu Xue, "I know what you want to say. You want to say that I played it a few days ago, but it wasn't me... I played another Yu Xue's album, not mine."
She played a few more notes, her tone tinged with frustration, "When I first transmigrated, I felt the melody that was inherent in my body, so melancholic, yet so familiar. I know it's the rhythm that another Yu Xue has etched into my body, but it's not mine. I remember my first song was about... my family, about my mother, I remember writing about her... about her, about her eloquence..."
She couldn't quite remember, and could only utter a few words in fragments. "I wrote that she was eloquent and always left Dad speechless. I wrote that she was tall and strong? She always protected me. When I looked at her, it was like looking at a resilient tree. I was a little flower growing on her head. It seemed like she would never fall down, and that she would always hide me in her hair."
She smiled slightly. "I was so happy back then, how could I have written such a sad song? This isn't my song, it's another Yu Xue's song. I remember it because another Yu Xue remembers it. This is something another Yu Xue is proud of, she keeps it hidden in her flesh and blood, it's the only thing she can rely on, it's hers, not mine."
She was so tired that she couldn't even move her fingers.
Even at the slowest tempo, she couldn't move the strings anymore.
Wen Feng quickly caught the guitar that was about to fall and hung it on the wall.
Yu Xue: "Let's go to sleep."
Wen Feng: "Okay."
As Yu Xue turned to her side and reached for the pillow, she touched a key—the key to the safe.
She handed the key to Wen Feng, "Why don't you read your letter to me? I want to hear it again. I won't be able to hear it after I go back to that world."
Wen Feng's palms were sweaty. He wiped them on his clothes and took the item. "Okay."
He walked over, opened the safe, and found layers upon layers of letters crammed together, almost bursting out.
The yellow envelopes were squeezed straight up without a single crease; they stubbornly filled every corner of the safe, almost impossible to pull out.
Wen Feng carefully pulled out a few envelopes from the top.
He remembers that year, he would write a letter every day when he got home, and he even set an alarm clock to remind himself.
Some were written when I was happy, and some were written when I was unhappy.
Back then, he watched TV dramas with his mother and even imitated the protagonists in the dramas by writing a poem in a letter and tucking a flower into it, thinking it was romantic. He didn't know if those flowers were as beautiful as these envelopes.
There was a very conspicuous white envelope. It had a brown bear sticker on it and a blue wax seal. The seal wasn't very sticky and opened easily, indicating that it had probably been opened many times.
Wen Feng handed the letter to Yu Xue, "Are your fans writing to you?"
Yu Xue suddenly remembered, sat up, and said "Oh". "This is the first fan letter I received. At that time, many people sent me gifts, but I didn't dare to accept them for fear of being scolded. So I accepted this letter instead."
Wen Feng: "You've seen it?"
Yu Xue: "I've seen it, and I still remember the content."
She looked at Wen Feng and said, "Read it to me again, I want to hear it again."
“Okay.” Wen Feng sat down next to her, took the envelope, and carefully opened the paper with pink petals printed on it. He glanced at it briefly and did not see a single crossed-out typo. The stickers on the entire paper were all handmade by the fans.
He began to read slowly:
Sister Yu Xue:
Hello!
Do you remember me? My online name is Blue Snowflake. We met on the street before. I accidentally tore my skirt, and you pointed it out and even lent me your clothes. I...I ...
Actually, I haven't been to many of your concerts, I'm sorry, but I really, really like you! Last time you had a concert, I asked several friends to help me buy tickets, but we couldn't get any. I could only watch the live stream online and experience the atmosphere from afar. Later, I heard that you were going to Huhu Street this month to shoot a promotional video, so I used the money I had saved for concerts to buy a train ticket and came all the way here. I wanted to send this letter (ahhhh, I hope you've received this letter by now). Even if you don't receive it, it's okay, I don't want to disturb your life.
But I really can't help it. Whenever I feel particularly painful, the thought of going to your concert reignites my motivation for life. I love you so much! I've always loved you! Actually, after I went to university in another city, I was unfamiliar with the place and the people, and my relationship with my roommates wasn't great, so I always wanted to find something to rely on.
At first, I just liked you a little, limited to buying your albums and wanting to go to your concert. But ever since you gave me your clothes, I've realized you're a really, really good person (and after getting to know you better, I found that's true). I feel like I've truly fallen in love with you even through the screen.
I love you so much.
Ugh, I've actually rewritten and erased this letter so many times. I always feel like I'm rambling on and on. The main problem is that the thought of my sister possibly getting my letter makes my hands shake so badly I can't write anymore. My writing is terrible, and I'm afraid it will upset her...
Although I didn't have the chance to see my sister's concert before, I'm sure I'll find the opportunity in the future. I hope my sister can hold more concerts! Ahhh, I'm so scared that after I become completely financially independent, my sister will have stopped holding concerts altogether (but I don't think that's possible, I'm three years older than my sister, so I can't possibly retire later than her).
...
There were three or four more pages in the letter, bulging in the envelope. Wen Feng finished reading one page and went to get the second page from the envelope. When he turned around, he found Yu Xue burying her head in the pillow, trembling incessantly.
Wen Feng suddenly thought of something, opened his phone, searched, and then handed the phone to Yu Xue.
Yu Xue turned her head to the side, her dazed eyes unable to focus. She took the phone, bringing it closer and closer, and finally managed to see the text on the screen: "Blue Snowflakes" homepage.
Yu Xue released her album at 17, the summer after graduating from high school; she held her concert at 19; and she did street photography and promotional activities on Huhu at 21. Now she's 24. I've been a fan since her debut, for seven years now.
It's been so long.
Over the past seven years, no matter how many people have come and gone, at least "Blue Snowflake" has never left. Her profile picture is still a photo from Yu Xue's album, and Yu Xue's name is still in her bio.
Just yesterday, she released a video to clarify the rumors surrounding Yu Xue.
She kept posting, every week, sometimes short edited videos, but most of the time, they were clarification videos.
There were still quite a few people supporting her in her comments.
So many people, even through a screen, still love her.
Even if some say that such love is illusory and invisible, the value they created for Yu Xue is real.
Whether it's the money spent on albums or the daily clarifications, they are all supporting her in their own way.
Her fingers trembled as she swiped the screen, as if the nodules in her lungs had begun to flare up. She murmured to herself in a barely audible voice, "How could I let them down..."
How could she let down so many people who love her?
Before the album was released, she once told Lin Yinyin, "Even if only one person listens, I will continue to sing forever. Even if the only person who listens is you, I will still sing for you."
And now, with so many people waiting for her, she says, "I'm not singing anymore."
She couldn't stop singing, she couldn't leave, and she couldn't say something as irresponsible as "If I can't go back, I'll die."
She should save herself.
He saved himself from fire countless times.
The only person in this world who can save her is herself.
She looked at Wen Feng and said, "Let's get treatment first. We can talk about going home later."
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