Chapter 24 You're lying, I'm not her at all.
Yu Xue smiled at the doctor, lifted her foot, and walked out of the department like a robot that had just learned to stand.
Wen Feng grabbed his things and quickly chased after them.
"Xuexue, we..."
He had barely opened his mouth when Yu Xue interrupted him.
"I'm fine." Yu Xue tucked her hands into her sleeves. "I'm not afraid of dying."
She took several deep breaths, almost unable to stand, and leaned against the wall, gripping the corner so tightly that her fingers turned white.
She didn't want to collapse, and she couldn't collapse. "I...I...why am I shaking? Haven't I always wanted to die?"
Wen Feng jogged forward and hugged her tightly. "You won't die, Xuexue, it's okay. Didn't you hear what the doctor said? It's early stage, very small, and a surgery will be fine."
"I have cancer... I have cancer." Yu Xue's whole body was numb and stiff, her head felt like it was stuffed with a wad of white cotton, and she was so weak that she couldn't even receive images. It was as if she couldn't see anymore.
"Yu Xue, you might be mistaken, ah... mistaken." Wen Feng was so frightened by her that his voice trembled. He felt that Yu Xue was like a bag of cement that wasn't fully filled, and he couldn't support her no matter what. He wanted to carry her, but she wasn't real cement. She was a person whose head and heart were stuffed with cement.
Wen Feng: "What can one scan reveal? It might be a misreading, a misdiagnosis, or just a nodule that can be removed. You won't die, Yu Xue. Let's go home first, okay? I'll schedule a full checkup for you."
Yu Xue's vision gradually cleared. She saw tears on Wen Feng's face. She reached out and gently touched his face, as if stroking a shard of porcelain. Her cold hand pressed against his equally cold face. "Why are you crying? I have to go home... Although I'm a little reluctant to leave you, I have to see my family. Don't cry... okay? Seeing you like this makes me even more reluctant to leave. How am I supposed to go..."
Wen Feng lowered his head, buried it briefly in the crook of her neck, wiped away his tears, then raised his head again and asked, "Xuexue, do you want to leave?"
Yu Xue's body began to tremble again. "I'm alright, just a little scared."
She suddenly became uncertain, unsure whether she could return to her own world after she died.
But whether she could go back or not, she was destined to die anyway.
Wen Feng wanted to go back in and ask the doctor, but he didn't dare leave the distraught Yu Xue alone in this place.
"Let's go." He pulled Yu Xue back. "Let's go home first."
He knows quite a few doctors.
He took the video and his phone and asked each person the same question, one after another.
The answers I received were all the same: like early-stage lung cancer, go to the hospital immediately.
Wen Feng: Are you sure?
Doctor: Yes, 90% of the time. Go to the hospital. In the early stages, it's not a big problem.
Wen Feng: What are the chances of a cure?
Doctor: If we start treatment now, there is no chance of death.
Doctor: Don't panic at the mere mention of cancer. If it's detected early, you can have surgery to remove it, and there are no adverse reactions afterward, so it's not a big deal.
Doctor: That's true, but don't be too careless. Pay attention to your daily life to prevent a recurrence. Post-operative recovery is also very important.
Doctor: You won't die, don't scare yourself.
Even so, Wen Feng still dared not relax. He was unsure if this was just the doctor's way of comforting him, and he was afraid that the patient's overthinking would worsen his condition.
He wasn't sure if the doctor's assessment was accurate.
What if it's discovered that the infection has spread after the surgery?
He suddenly remembered that Yu Xue was sitting next to him, so he quickly composed himself, let out a breath, and pretended that everything had finally settled down. He turned around, handed the phone to Yu Xue, and said, "The doctor said it's nothing serious, just a nodule. A surgery will fix it."
The driver was sitting unusually upright today; he knew without asking that something had happened to the boss's family again.
When the wife came out of the hospital, she was distraught and could barely walk. She looked like a semi-paralyzed patient, with all her weight resting on her husband.
Yu Xue didn't look at his phone; she remained staring blankly at her hands.
Wen Feng grabbed her hands.
Yu Xue seemed to wake from a dream, turning her body slightly to look at Wen Feng's face.
“Xue… baby.” Wen Feng knew that this word would reassure her, because that’s what her mother called her, and Liu Xin called her that when she was little.
As expected, when Yu Xue heard this word, her eyes flickered and her expression softened considerably.
Wen Feng repeated what he had just said, "Baby, all you need is an operation, just an operation, don't be afraid. The doctor said everything will be fine."
Yu Xue sniffed, her voice hoarse, "I'm not afraid of dying... but I don't know why I'm so nervous."
She buried her face in her hands. "Actually, they shouldn't have saved me last time. Do you know how many times I thought about it before deciding to die? I tried my best to make the decision, but someone interrupted me..."
"Do you know how much torment I'll suffer if I have to go through this again? My heart bleeds every day..." Yu Xue's voice was so sticky that it was almost inaudible; she seemed to have run out of things to say.
I'm so tired. Living is so tiring. Being rescued is so tiring too.
Yu Xue: "The book says that although suicide is a way out, it is also a shameful and illegal escape. Although I did not commit suicide for the sake of death, but to go home, I feel that this is also a kind of escape... I don't want to escape."
She wiped her face, but couldn't get it clean. "God took pity on me, letting me not have to end my own life... But, but I... I hesitated again. I want treatment, what should I do, Wen Feng... what should I do..."
She burst into tears, her sobs intermittent, sometimes slow, sometimes fast, and unbearable to hear.
She thought that the reason she couldn't cry before was because she still had a last line of defense in her heart, her last bit of self-respect, her last bit of pride, which wouldn't allow her to cry in front of others.
In truth, her defenses had long since crumbled, so much so that not even a single fine silver thread could be found. Although her mother dreamt every night of piecing together pure silk threads for her, hoping these threads could once again envelop Yu Xue, hoping she could break free of her cocoon and live happily in this world, these threads were too fragile; with the slightest touch, they would turn to ashes.
It's not that she doesn't cry, it's just that she has a bad memory and forgets everything after crying.
Last night, the tiny silk threads her mother had drawn for her turned to ashes before even lasting a day, serving as nourishment for the nodule on her lung.
Her tears flowed continuously, and her uncontrollable cries sounded like those of a one-year-old child, which was unsettling.
The driver raised the screen in the middle of the car.
Wen Feng really wished he could become the silkworm that wrapped around Yu Xue.
He held Yu Xue tightly, so tightly that she couldn't move, almost as if he were melting her into his bones.
He said, "God lets you know you're sick so you can get treatment quickly, not so you can go to heaven and become His servant. Honey, don't overthink it, okay?"
As luck would have it, the chef made beef again tonight.
Whether Yu Xue genuinely loved the food or was afraid she wouldn't be able to eat it again, she stuffed a bite of meat, a big mouthful of rice, scooped up lots of soup, mixed it with the rice, and ate it bite after bite.
"It's delicious." She smiled at her aunt. If it weren't for the fact that her hands were trembling as she held the chopsticks, Wen Feng would have thought she didn't care at all.
She was about to get another bowl of rice when Wen Feng stopped her.
Wen Feng: "You've already eaten two bowls. Your stomach has always been weak."
Yu Xue's hand, which had reached for the wooden shovel, hovered in the air for a moment. Finally, she withdrew her hand, looked at Wen Feng, and smiled, saying, "Okay, I won't eat."
She put down her chopsticks and went upstairs.
She's come to terms with it; it's fine to just die like this.
She couldn't go home last time, but God gave her another chance, so why should she be sad?
Wen Feng didn't dare leave her alone in the house, so he used his foot to stop the door from closing. "Let me in, let me talk to you, okay?"
“Okay.” Yu Xue agreed readily. She let go of Wen Feng’s hand and let him barge in. “Let’s go sit on the swing. I also have something to tell you.”
She took out a key and a wallet from the drawer, glanced up at Wen Feng who kept looking back, and laughed, "The swing is just a few steps away. Are you afraid I'll die on the way?"
Wen Feng didn't say anything, walked to the swing and sat down.
Yu Xue brought over the items, preparing to hand them to Wen Feng one by one, "This is the marriage certificate."
Wen Feng immediately stood up, "You want to..."
"Don't be nervous." Yu Xue pressed his hand down and sat down beside him. "I didn't say I wanted a divorce. I just..."
She lowered her head, composed herself, and swallowed back her sobs. "I've always said I've held you back, that I'm occupying your position as your wife but unable to fulfill your duties. But when I told you to get a divorce, you wouldn't go... Now, I really have to go home. You'll meet someone better in the future."
She pressed the marriage certificate into Wen Feng's hand. "You should keep this. Whether you burn it or keep it as a memento is up to you. I'm just worried that your new wife might find this in the closet and start arguing with you."
Wen Feng: "No, Yu Xue, I..."
Yu Xue interrupted him again, "And this, a bank card, this is some of my savings. During my hospitalization, your mother was afraid I would commit suicide because I was short of money, so she transferred 20 million to me, and there's also 30 million that I saved from my previous job, it's all in there... I don't know how much I've spent, it shouldn't be much."
Seeing that Wen Feng wouldn't accept it, she casually placed it on the table next to her, saying, "Whatever, I won't need it anymore anyway. The password is my mother's birthday."
She turned her head to wipe her tears, then turned back to find Wen Feng wiping his own tears. "If it's convenient for you, could you send some money to my dad too? Although... although he found me a stepmother and gave birth to my sister, at least he paid for my college tuition. Over the years, he hasn't let me go hungry, and he even takes me out for hot pot occasionally... I can't let him suffer in his old age."
She was sobbing uncontrollably, but she still had to speak.
She picked up a safe from the floor and handed the key to Wen Feng. "Inside here...inside here are the letters you wrote to me when I was little. I never threw them away. I was afraid my family would find them when I was little, so I kept them under the mattress. Over the years, I've taken them with me wherever I go..."
Wen Feng dared not make a sound, afraid that if he did, Yu Xue would find out that he was crying.
He shook his head and pushed the key back.
"You don't want it?" Yu Xue asked in surprise. "You don't care about these things..."
“I do care…” Wen Feng said quickly, his voice hoarse, “But this is yours, and you should continue to cherish it from now on.”
Yu Xue: "I want to keep these things, but I can't... I have to go home, and I can't take these things with me."
Wen Feng held her hand and placed the key in her palm. "Then you can keep it for now. I'll come to your room to get it when you're really home, okay? You can lock your bank card in there too, okay?"
Yu Xue stared at him blankly. Her throat was so sore that she could barely make a sound. "Okay. I'll put the key under my pillow. Please remember to get it."
Yu Xue tried to open the box in front of him, but her hands trembled so much that she could barely hold the key. The key fell to the ground again and again, and was finally picked up by Wen Feng and held in his palm.
"Wen Feng, Wen Feng, I'm going to die." Yu Xue cried out, unable to hold back her tears, her stomach churning with suppressed sobs. "I'm going to die, and there's one last thing I want to tell you. I have to tell you, I can't keep it from you any longer..."
When Wen Feng saw her about to slide off the swing, he quickly grabbed her.
Yu Xue: "I never know what to say. Every time I want to say something, I don't know how to start. I'm afraid it will be too abrupt..."
She covered her face, not wanting to cry. Confessing her love under the moonlight—what a romantic thing that would be!
But she couldn't help but cry. Not long after she confessed her feelings, she had to go home and separate from Wen Feng.
She didn't know how to suppress her pain.
Yu Xue: "But right now, I can't help it. I don't care if it's abrupt or not, I have to tell you, I like you. I don't know when it started, maybe when I was little, but I was too young then, I was only in middle school. You'd definitely think I'm childish, how could I like you..."
Yu Xue: "I just love you, that's why I wanted to marry you. I don't know what was wrong with me back then, why I was so selfish... How could I tolerate being so irresponsible... I'm sorry, I... I don't know why... I'm sorry..."
As she cried, she suddenly realized something. She lifted her face from her palms and looked at Wen Feng, who was still in a daze, staring at him blankly.
She said, "No... When I was a child, when I was a child... I wasn't here when I was a child, how could I have liked you?"
She looked at the crescent moon in the sky, at the tears in her palm, and truly felt everything that was happening around her.
This isn't fake, it's all real?
What is fake, the world she lives in?
She shook her head, looked up at the illusory starry sky, and at the seemingly real yet unreal night. "No, I don't think I started liking you when I was little... It was another Yu Xue who liked you since she was a child."
She is another Yu Xue who has liked Wen Feng since childhood, but she only fell in love with Wen Feng after marrying him.
Perhaps her fondness for this body was also influenced by it.
It was because another Yu Xue's emotions were too strong that she was influenced and made her think that she also liked Wen Feng.
“Yes, that’s right.” She tried to string these illogical parts together seamlessly, like a bracelet without a single crack. “I should, I should have said something wrong. I might not like you. It’s another Yu Xue who likes you.”
Wen Feng's hand, which was about to hug her, froze in mid-air as he stared at her blankly.
She looked at Wen Feng and murmured softly, "I don't like you... Another Yu Xue likes you. Yes, it's not that I like you. I didn't know you at all when I was a child. I come from another world... I'm a time traveler."
She said, "I have loving parents, I have my own friends over there, yes, I have my own life. I am not another Yu Xue, this is not my relationship."
She stopped crying; her tears miraculously disappeared on their own. She spoke like a rambling old woman, “Yes, I misspoke. I don’t like you… It’s another Yu Xue who likes you.”
She calmed down, looked at Wen Feng, and looked into his eyes. "The other Yu Xue has always loved you deeply. She has kept many of your letters and has always carried them with her."
She looked away and continued, "Although it has nothing to do with me, I... but I feel you'd better know."
“Yes.” She stood up and walked around in the dark room, from one place where she couldn’t see the way ahead to another. She kept circling between the balcony and the room. “You’d better know that when she comes, you can love her properly, and you two should live well together.”
She said, "You all need to live well, live well..."
Wen Feng looked at her ghost-like body, his heart breaking.
He stood up, hugged her tightly, and held her legs, preventing her from getting stuck in this inescapable cycle. "I love you, Yu Xue, I love you. Whether you love me or not, I love you. I don't know when it started, I only know that the moment I saw you in the hospital, my heart began to ache, and it has been aching ever since."
Yu Xue turned her face to the side, her empty eyes staring at the wall. "Do you love me, or another Yu Xue?"
"What?" Wen Feng was taken aback by the question.
Yu Xue straightened up and broke free from his embrace. "Actually, you love another Yu Xue, don't you?"
She clutched her head, nearly going mad, "You love another Yu Xue! You're so good to me! It's because I'm using her body! Not because you love me! Wen Feng! Is that it! Is that it!"
Wen Feng was caught off guard by her sudden, forceful push, and stumbled back two steps before falling against the balcony railing.
Yu Xue realized what she had done, helplessly hugged her arms, made some whimpering noises, circled the room twice, turned her back, and trembled uncontrollably.
"No, no." Wen Feng stepped forward again and hugged her. "I don't know which Yu Xue you are, but your habits from childhood have always been the same. You said that no one cared about you when you were little, and you weren't very good at using chopsticks. Your family never noticed that you held chopsticks wrong, and no one ever corrected you. You've been using them like this ever since."
Wen Feng: "I once told you in a letter that there was a maid in the family surnamed Chen who was closest to me. She had been working in our family since she was a child. Later, when you married into our family, you immediately called the maid who helped you pack your clothes 'Aunt Chen.' I don't know if you were from another time, but you had read those letters."
Wen Feng: "When you were in junior high school, you always walked with your head down. No matter how we tried to correct you, it was no use. You still walk with your head down now. You've never changed."
Wen Feng: "I've never treated you like anyone else. You two are two Yu Xues from parallel worlds. You are her, and she is you..."
"What nonsense are you talking about!" Yu Xue pushed him away again, and this time, she bumped into the door frame and hit her shoulder hard.
She cried out in pain and slid down the door frame to the ground.
But she didn't have time to cry over the pain.
She looked at Wen Feng, almost breathless, "What nonsense are you talking about? My parents care about me a lot. From childhood to adulthood, let alone the way I hold chopsticks, even if I just touch the table or chair, they will be heartbroken. How could they not have noticed that I'm holding chopsticks wrong?"
“They don’t correct me because… because…” she pulled at her hair and tapped her head, “because they’re holding the chopsticks wrong themselves… because they’re holding the chopsticks wrong! They don’t even know I’m holding them wrong!”
Wen Feng grabbed her hand, and she tried to shake him off, but she couldn't.
Her nails dug into her palms, as if she wanted to tear a gash in them. "How could I be her... I'm not that Yu Xue, I could never be her! I don't have a mother like that, I don't have a stepmother, I don't have a half-sister or half-brother... How could I be an orphan who has never had a home since I was a child..."
Yu Xue: "You're talking nonsense..."
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Author's Note: I'm so sad too! Despite occupying such a good ranking, my number of favorites is barely increasing. *sobs* [crying emoji]
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